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Teacher Possibly Bullying ?
Hello.
22/F here with a 8 year old nephew who is in 3rd grade. Currently he came home crying saying his teacher denies him going to the bathroom all the time and called him a "knucklehead" in front of the whole class. Also said what he has been wearing lately to school is "weird" mind you they have to wear uniforms. She constantly messages my sister about stuff like "he was eating a lollipop while walking in the hallway when he should know better" I understand rules are rules but this is a 8 year old child and don't believe he should be picked on. I have actually watched her talking to her students and it sounds like she's always yelling and her kids look terrified of her. She's a young teacher and this is her 1st year teaching. One of his Lighthouse teachers (afterschool program) said he needs 2 bottles of shampoo and 1 Bottle of conditioner and 3 bottles of Gel simply because my nephew like to have his hair slicked to the side when he goes to school. He came home crying the other day and I'm not sure of what to think of this. Please give me some insight on this and what we can do in regards to this. Truly appreciate it.
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I don't know about all the rest of what you mentioned but picking out one child and name calling in front of others is a very demeaning thing to do. It is demeaning at any age. I had an ex like that who instead of waiting until home beyond closed doors would decide to chew me out (as adults in our 20s and on thru marriage) in front of other people, often enough, others who knew me, like friends and family. And anyone who stood up for me got yelled at by him too.
So I know how it feels and it is not right.
With uniforms, I would guess this is a private school and private schools can be stricter than a public school and involve parents more in the process of their childs progress and behavior at school. I had one daughter in private school for a couple years as she was floundering in learning at public schools and this helped her catch up. So it may not be unusual if this is a private school for a teacher to report to parents often on their child. There should be positive things in the reports however rather than the focus all negatively based. Even if a public school, its unusual for teachers to call and pester parents a bout their childs behavior. The proper thing to do if they were really concerned about there being a learning disability or behavioral problem or something like ADD, is to hold a meeting with the parents at school along with any other teachers that know the child, maybe a gym teacher, etc and the principal and then have a good discussion about whats going on. You didn't say what the childs mom has to say about this all. If you are concerned as Aunt, I wonder what the parents are thinking or if they are just ignoring this hoping the issue will go away.
Being young and a first year teacher may or may not be an issue. There can be many who are naturally good with children and with all people in general. Then again, teachers are human like the rest of us and perhaps if something is going on in her personal life that is making her upset or unhappy, if this is really happening,she is not thinking that in the need to release her frustration and stress, she isn't doing it the right way but bringing it to work and dumping on people there. Unfortunately where she works is with kids who don't have other adults around to watch and see that a teacher doesn't go out of line. Being the age they are, they are more vulnerable to abuse in the world, no matter where it comes from, at home or at school.
Only someone who has really observed the teacher running the class and how she is acting & seems to be treating them is any "real" proof, the kind that when it comes to proving something isn't heresay that is passed on. So if your sister/brother has seen this behavior then they can mention it to the teachers superiors. If not, they do have the emails or phone calls of what the teacher tries to report and complain about and if they like, you could go along as an extra witness as to what you've seen in the teacher and both how the boy cries when he comes home.
Sorry but I didnt understand the part of an after school teacher reporting that a child needs shampoo, conditioner and gel. Are they trying to say his hair is dirty, or lice infected. Lice is the biggest hair concern in schools and I went thru lots of that. My opinion to comments on how he dresses weird when they all wear uniforms would have been to immediately comment back, exactly what do you mean by weird because that word 'weird' really means nothing unless you are mind readers and can know what is going on in the teachers head and why she used that word to describe his looks. I understand that uniforms must be worn with certain criteria (I wear one to work) to be clean, non wrinkled, buttoned up, hems not undone and sagging, no holes or rips or seams unraveling in uniform, and it can go further to the color of socks and shoes allowed, and perhaps for older grades, no jewelry, makeup, tattoos, certain haircuts and styles not acceptable especially if a very strict private school. Employers have dress codes for workers so this is not a foreign concept. Basically, at this point, you only know what you have seen and have no idea what the teachers mean by their choice of words or suggestions with shampoo etc.
So its their right as parents to call a meeting with the teacher and other school officials and to air out all their questions, get some answers and also to bring up their concerns as to things the child is upset and crying about, how it seems he is being singled out and picked on by the teacher. Get her point of view on whats going on.
When my kids were in school and came home to complain about kids who were mean to them or other problems in class, I walked in right after school that day or day after and asked the teacher if he/she had a little time to talk. I told them what my childs complaint was, what other kids were supposedly doing. I was going to first of all, believe and back my child until he or she was proven guilty as having caused their own problem or perhaps it was more imagined than reallity. I as a child was extremely shy, great social anxiety so most of what I imagined wasn't reality at all, or I had some part in causing others reactions and treatment of me by how I acted and they didnt understand.
This nephew needs the adults who know him best to get involved and have a talk with the teacher at least and if things don't improve, her boss or the principal. It would be good to take a pen and notepad and write down your questions to remember to ask them and also write down her answers exactly as she words them. I dont know if it's okay or appropriate but if you ask for her permission, you might just tape record the meeting so you can go over it again and it becomes real proof as to what the teacher said vs what you tell her superiors that she said which they won't be able to know for sure if they werent there. She may need some redirecting by her superiors. In her zeal to prove herself in her first year, she could be going out of bounds or have a warped idea in her mind of what carrying out her duties as a teacher are compared to what the schools actual rules for how to run a class and treat a child are. Wondering about this will get you no where.
I don't care how little a problem seems or even if you're not sure its a problem...but a child who feels it is a problem and is crying about it...means that there is something there that the parents need to look into and they are not being out of line for checking on this.
I even talked to one teacher about my daughter complaining about a boy she says was being mean to her. I asked her what she has observed. This was 2nd grade. I didn't accuse the boy of being mean and stated that I had no way to know if my daughter was totally innocent, I was just gathering info. The teacher only saw the two seeming to tease each other and not act upset by it. However my daughters story was different. Either the boy was being mean when the teacher didn't see it, or my daughters interpretation of the 'teasing' was that the other child was mean.
So one day, after school, I asked the older boy waiting outside class if he was this kids brother and he said yes. I gave him my phone number and asked him to give it to his parents to call me tonight. I didnt get the call so the next day I asked if his parents were home after school and If I and my daughter could walk along home with him so I could meet his mom. Well both parents were there. Wonderful nice people. I told them what was going on and that I was sure it wasn't anything like a real problem and that I suspected it was how my daughter was interpreting things. Sure enough, once the kids saw the adults laughing and getting along fine, they began to play and became friends that evening.
My daughters next complaint in the following days at school were that the other kids were teasing her and this boy that they were bf and gf. I told her to ignore them and enjoy her friendship with him, they're all just jealous. End of problem.
Sometimes the problem(s) aren't as big or unsolvable as you might think. And my kids appreciated that I cared enough about their little worries that even if blown out of proportion, I followed through on fact gathering and then speaking to the people who could help turn things around. That is Exactly what needs to happen hear. A kid knowing he's backed this way by his parents may have a greater chance of growing self confidence...something I saw in all my kids throughout their school years, a time when many kids have low self confidence. Anytime they had an issue come up as teens, they'd come talk to me instead of being afraid I wouldn't understand because of how I supported them when they were younger. I am glad I accidently did the right thing at the time without realizing how much it would help during their teen years. If you want, go ahead and show the parents my response here, at the very least, it gives them another way to look at this, at whats going on with their son. If it was my son, I wouldn't ignore. Don't accuse but ask questions and gather info before taking any further steps. GOod Luck
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