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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

23/f, 29/m

My boyfriend spoke highly of his ex-girlfriend, also complained a lot about her, mentioned her many times before, she became quite a bit of a problem in our 2-year relationship.

He has broken my trust a few times, lied to me about talking to her a few times, etc. Right now he's being secretive and he's hiding me. Every time he had spoken to her, she had shut down the conversation or had refused to see or talk to him in person.

Because of that, I sensed that there was more to the breakup story than he had told me. He had told me that she wanted to "experience the college life" when they broke up. But I caught his message to her when he wanted to meet with her in person to "make things right" she said that she wasn't comfortable with the conversation or comfortable talking with him in person and that whatever he needed to say can be said online. Otherwise, the conversation between them was very brief. She seemed to have boundaries set up, which I appreciate.

For the longest time, even though I'm envious of her... Part of me really wanted to speak with her. Not to attack her in any way, but just to ask her a few questions like what really happened and to ask if he was also kind of rude and treated her badly (he treats me badly sometimes/debating whether or not if it's emotional abuse). If the answer was yes, that would make a lot of sense.

Especially since he spoke to her inappropriately while him and I were dating, it's almost as if she has the right to know. It's weird to say that I trust her more than I trust him, even though I don't know her. But she handled each situation really well.

The reason why I haven't reached out to her is:

1) It's weird
2) I feel like it's rude to reach out to her and ask her something personal when I don't know her
3) It'd be creepy
4) I'm afraid my boyfriend will find out.

I have her number so nothing would get screenshot if I called her... Even though that seems stalker-ish, but I feel like it's going to keep bothering me until I call her. Especially since i don't think I will get a straight answer from my boyfriend.

What should I do?

2 Years into a relationship with him and you still don't Trust him. Doesn't that say anything to you?
That alone is reason enough to figure that something is wrong in the relationship. Some times, the problem lies with the female having been burnt one too many times and so now she is naturally suspicious of her guy all the time even when he's innocent, or the guy is just not the right personality type to really meet all her needs so she will feel secure and trust him, or he is out-rightly doing the kind of things that show his loyalties are split, at least in his mind and heart, even if he's not in physical relationship with two or more at the same time.

Now then, females tend to have good intuitions if they will listen to them. WHen you say you sensed there is more to the previous breakup than he told you, your intuition was probably spot on there. Yes there is likely more to the story. You also confess that he treats you badly sometimes.

If you were on a show and had to choose from between 3 bachelors, one who treats you badly all the time for the length of the game, one who treats you bad only half the time, or one who treats you only wonderfully all the time, which would you choose? I guarantee you wouldnt go with the first two, one of which includes treated badly half the time or sometimes.

What you are having trouble with is two things

One, not trusting your intuition so you don't want to make a mistake and dump a perfectly wonderful guy.
Two, perhaps not fully realising that you are looking for consistancy in a person, that they are who they say they are and are able to prove it by always sticking to it in their actions with you.

Back to number 1, this is why you feel compelled to hear what an ex has to say about him and why they broke up. You dont trust your intuition and believe that hearing confirmation from her will give you the incentive to dump him as well? Have you thought it thru? Even if she has nothing but terrible things to say about him, how would that help you? Would it magically change your heart and make you want to leave him because of what he did to her, not because of what he's doing to you? You know he is trying to find a way to make things up to get and get back with her even tho she wont have him. But where does that put you? Sounds to me like you are the filler, the standby until he can get the girl his heart is still stuck on. You're just someone to pass the time til something better happens.

And number 2, since the best way a person can prove themselves to another is to be consistant in their character, not flop back and forth in personality traits, you know even if not ready to acknowledge it aloud, that he is inconsistant and that is why you can't trust him.
I'll explain what youre seeing when a person flips back and forth on their character. People start off relationship putting their best foot forward, wanting to make a good impression and many will wear a mask or false identity until they become secure feeling they have the other hooked and then they let the mask fall. Thats when you begin to see the good a person wants you to see, followed by bad then good , then back again, over and over. However, if it wasnt a mask and what you saw in the beginning presented to you was the true real person, then there never is a false identity to have fall away and over time you see that the person is Always the same person. Yes, we all have days that went bad for us and we're cranky or snippy but its not directed at our loved ones and we do let them know ahead of time that we had a bad day and need some time to unwind and please forgive me ahead of time if I do unintentionally bark at you. This is what my husband and I have. We are consistant with each other. We don't like to see the other hurting and we certainly don't want to be one to add to the hurts that the world dumps on them, we are there to love on, build up and support only, not to hurt, tear down, cheat, disappoint, go back on our word or many other such unlovely traits found in relationships. You probably deep down have a sneaking suspicion that 2 years is enough time to have built up trust and ironed out any little bumps in the relationship. And you'd be right. If you couldn't find trust in him in maximum 6 months, time, then 2 years or longer is not going to make it magically happen. Trust isn't going to all of a sudden just appear at the 5 year mark just because of the amount of time together. Time isn't what creates trust, its his behavior, whether consistant or inconsistant that determines that and therefore girl, you already have your answer. He's inconsistant somehow. I'm not the fly on the wall observing your relationship so I can't say what it is in its entirety, but the true purpose of dating is to stay with a person long enough to discover if this is someone you want to spend life long with and if not, you stop dating and move on.
As Razhie said, its in bad taste to go around trying to get information out of her. Now if the person he'd dated before you was your best friend, then likely your best friend would have warned you off if it wasn't just mismatched personalities but some really big character flaws in him that would affect you. MOst of us don't have a list of names of all the previous people our current partner has dated to go and do background checks on him. It doesnt matter what someone did in the past either cus people can change. Don't judge him based on what he did with her. Just judge him by how he treats you.

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I think I am either attracted to unavailable men or just something wrong with me.

I never had a great relationship until the summer after senior year of high school, I met the love of my life. It ended after four years when I found out on valentine's day that the reason why he was always so distant was he was cheating. Meanwhile I was home crying and missing him since he was away deployed and etc. He told me he realized he didn't love me and I was shattered.

Forward to now I'm dating a guy for a year now who I dated before, he cheated when we dated in high school and I've caught him cheating three times in the year we have now been back together. I don't love him and I can guarantee he is still cheating but I'm still with him. Even though I started flirting with my married ex boss (for revenge, no longer flirting boss) and now I'm beyond attracted to another coworker ...who has a gf. He isn't interested that i know of nor do i want to and like I said I'm still with cheater guy #2.

I can't stop thinking about him though bUT it's weird I've had crushes before but not imagine kissing him and being in his arms and just making love with someone besides the love of my life.

So what is wrong with me? Is this just another crush on an unavailable guy because I'm a freak or idk...

help.

I am a firm believer that most of our behavioral issues always filter down to one major thing as root cause....our thought life. Negative or distorted thinking is something all humans do to some extent. Its the ones who look for these negative thoughts and catch them at the beginning before dwelling on them for too long or ongoing, that escape the problems whiles those who keep feeding those thoughts by the actions they started, will not be able to move on in life, being able to say that they are a better person today than yesterday.

I don't know if you know this, but when we are unable to forgive, or seek revenge, the only person we're really hurting is ourselves, it really doesnt affect the person you seek revenge on. They move on happily after whatever evil they did while your life stagnates. So ask yourself this question, am I more interested in the process of revenge, and feeling bad, angry, dwelling on all the ugly terrible things in my life and in other people and in the world.

If you start looking, yes there is a lot of bad stuff going on in the world but everyone was given a free will to choose to do as they wish. If you focus more on all the bad around you and done to you, you will only be an unhappy person. If you tweak how you think about it and choose also to look hard for the positive in life, any positive out of any bad situation, its there, but its not as easy to see....but trust me, its there.

First, answering your beginning question of whether you are attracted to unavailable men. You'd have to find cheating an attractive trait in a person so I don't think thats the issue. What I c an say from my own experience of 1st marriage to a man who was verbally abusive, when I got the balls to finally leave him, I was tested twice by fate, to see if I had learned my lesson. Yes, I said Lesson. We all have lessons to learn in life and if we pass once with flying colors, we get tested again not so God knows that we are firm in what we learned, for our own sake, knowing the first time wasn't a fluke.
Now I will explain. Twice, I met and started dating guys who after a while showed their true self and when I saw the red flags/signs of them being just like the ex, I dropped them like a hot rock. One wasn't even directing his tirade at me, only complaining about his maid, actually verbally tearing her down and using racist language. I knew from experience that where that kind of glimpse of something bad comes from, like water leaking thru a crack in a vase, that there is more of that trait still unseen inside of him waiting to come out. I also had to learn to love myself enough to not want to subject myself any longer to such treatment. Back then if asked if I loved myself, I'd say, of course, and to an extent, I did. I would never do certain things like over use of alcohol or eat only fast food or take street drugs, or attempt suicide. I did love myself, but not 100% because in one area, I was willing to allow myself to be subjected to a loveless, stressful marriage where the stress began to affect my physical health, migraines, headaches, stress rashes that covered the body and itched, stomach ulcer, etc.... My body recovered after I left him but I had to get to the point where it was a matter of life or death for me to realize that I wanted to live and also the life I live to be a happy fulfilling one, not this pain and confusion. So, you are not a freak, you are another human being who like me, has a lesson to pass and it doesnt matter if you passed once, you have to pass it again and again and that is why fate keeps bringing you across the path or unfaithful men and it will continue happening your entire life if you never learn what it is you are supposed to learn.

Now here's a bright point for you to start thinking on, the reason you wrote in here for advice is because you are not content staying with a cheater, not content with going after unavailable men but because deep down, you want something better for yourself.
The only thing is that you have to discover what is holding you back. It may be thoughts like, there must be something wrong with me if the only guys who will spend time with me are cheaters, getting revenge will hurt my ex and make him realize he wants me, I need to have success in persuading a man to leave his lady for me in order to feel good about myself. THose are just a few distorted thinking examples. Whether those are your thoughts or not, I am certain that there are some distorted negative thoughts that are rolling around inside you.
Take the time to think about it over the days or weeks. As soon as you can think of a thought you've thought maybe even just once or twice and its definately not positive, then write it down and keep adding until you have a list of all your negative feelings, negative wishes and thoughts.

THat was the easy part because to counteract any negative thing, it takes lots of positive ones to cancel out just one negative. Whether it be 3 or 5 or 8 positive thoughts, events, wishes, actions, etc. you will have to work real hard at doing the opposite of what you have been doing to get out of this rut. I am sure there is more to be said on this but this letter would go on for way too long. You can try finding a counselor or life coach to help work with you. A counselor will have more training behind them, I have only my own life experiences to share from but I have known successs tho. So if you would like to chat more, just write back to me. If this wasnt helpful at least info wise, maybe not solution yet, then I'm sorry. Perhaps you will find the help from someone else. But I do know that no female should have to settle for less and have the relationship issues you have with men and that means, you can choose to stay where you're at, let things get worse or find what works for you so life and relatiionships can get better. At least you know what the issue is, that you're not crazy and its a matter of finding the path to a solution that works for you.

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so I broke up with my GF over 8 months ago, she's moved on, living with someone now. I only found this out 2 weeks ago. We all 3 happen to work at the same place, although we rarely if ever see one another. I'm finding myself becoming obsessed with them. What are they doing, are they together, where are they. I hate doing these things, but, like I said it's really becoming an obsession. HELP! How do I stop this unhealthy behavior?

Sometimes, the key to stopping a behavior like this is just a matter of what thoughts you are having and gaining control of those thoughts.
No one takes unvoluntary actions. All our actions are spurred on by our thoughts.

So ask yourself, what exactly are my thoughts?
For example, do you feel inferior to this other man, wondering what it is about you that fell short, if theres something wrong with you that if you fixed it could get her back? Sometimes there can be unhealthy behavior in both partner. But more often than not, it is simply something that is out of your control to change, and by this I am meaning the chemistry between two people or more to the point, pheremone connections. I know from experience in dating before I met my 2nd husband, as an older adult, that no matter how wonderful the personality, how handsome the guy was, all was for naught if we both didn't feel that kind of connection. When we are younger, its hard to know what that connection feels like and often mistake the excitement of New relationship energy for the real thing, or are willing to settle for less than the best for us. Eventually, one or both decide to break up cus they have decided that the one they are with isn't perfectly right for them as far as spending a life time together.

After all, that is the purpose to dating, to discover enough about the other person to be able to make an educated decision whether you want to be with this person long term, or life long, and if not, to move on and keep looking.
I believe you may be taking this too personally and may need to gain or regain self confidence before you can move on. YOu need to tell yourself aloud, daily "It's okay. There's nothing wrong with me. I'll make a good boyfriend for some girl soon. But I just wasn't the right match for her. I will stop focusing on her and him because as long as I do, I will not be able to move forward with mylife.

See, your subconscious is listening to your thoughts and what you focus on the most, it will believe is whats going to make you happy so it will make you want to take actions that may make what you think about most to happen...so beware your thoughts, because if they are negative ones about yourself or a situation that wont'k necessarily happen, your subconscious can help you to get stuck in a rut, as you are now.
Basically, you need to tell yourself, you are wanting to move on, and let her go. You need to keep saying these kinds of things out loud to yourself for your subconscious mind to heaer, and when your thoughts turn to her and him, stop as soon as you realize you're dwelling on them and tell yourself, "Remember, she is in my past and its time to move on so I will stop thinking about them." You may have to repeat that action every other munute in the beginning until you retrain your brain to stop focusing your thoughts on them so often. As the days and weeks go by, it will happen less often so that perhaps in an hours times, you only think once of them, then later its only twice a day, maybe twice a week, until they no longer fill your thoughts. Of courses if you are doing the following, you are feeding your thought focus, like feeding a fire with wood, by spying on them all the time, or checking on them on the internet, asking others what they have seen or heard about them, etc. If you are doing this, stop now because these actions will make retraining your thought focus impossible.

I wish you the best, and finding the right mate for you

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This is some work by Harry Ally. I'm wondering if anyone has any YouTube video tutorial links on how to achieve this rustic technique. It's reminiscent of an old Italian villa. Not the form. Just the background. That layered, scraped away, rusty look. Also, can I do it worth acrylic? Thank you.
https://www.google.com/search?q=Harry+ally&prmd=inv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj0kf7_m8fNAhWDuB4KHQgGAzUQ_AUIBygB&biw=360&bih=592#imgrc=9UCUrNZrObqPPM%3A

https://www.google.com/search?q=Harry+ally&prmd=inv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj0kf7_m8fNAhWDuB4KHQgGAzUQ_AUIBygB&biw=360&bih=592#imgrc=B9Sw9K-52SPAuM%3A

Found an interview done of Harry Ally while video shows him working on his art:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nQEs4UP2JY

I didnt see any turorials. You may have to send an email to Harry himself asking if he has a tutorial or what his painting style is called so you can find tutorials by other people.

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This afternoon my family thought that it would be a good day to have a cookout. We had plenty of food left over and I decided to have the last burger we cooked before going to bed. Well, I noticed something sitting inside this pit that looked very suspicious. It looked like a cluster of eggs or larva. It wasn't moving or anything, but it made me a bit paranoid about what was in the meat we used to make the burgers everyone ate. My dad told me not to worry about it, that if it was some sort of parasite it'd be dead. I really don't feel good about it though, and I don't know what we should do. Should we just wait to see what happens??

When one considers that beef goes through some kind of machine to get ground up, depending on the size of the cluster, my guess would be that everything else going in with the beef gets ground up too. If we're talking some eggs the size of pin heads, probably they'd survive. If it's bigger like fish eggs size, a whole cluster wouldn't be disturbed. Most companies have standards to make sure nothing that isn't food or supposed to be in the food doesnt make it in. But accidents can happen. this is likely a one time deal. The heat from cooking would have killed whatever it was, as long as your burger meat was very well cooked. It is for this reason, that it is best not to eat any meat that still has some red in it, partially uncooked.

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Hi I'm Jay, so I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now, he's 18 and I'm 16 and I don't know if it's me but I just have a small feeling my boyfriend is little bit too controlling. He always tells me that I'm a child and that I act grown and if i joke around and say he's a child too he gets a bit defensive and claims he's not a child and that's he's grown. Whenever I might express something or do something he doesn't do or agree with he tells me i need to get it together, and i feel it's like his line for me like he tells me this more than he says he loves me but i know he does, and he says it as if i dont have my life in one piece and i do and for some reason he finds it necessary to tell me that more than once weekly that i dont have it together. I dont know if that's considered controlling at all. But another thing when it comes to us like having sex or anything sexual he likes it when i call him daddy and i don't really mind it, but sometimes when he asks me to do something and i say no he'll be like i seem to be forgetting who daddy is in the relationship and that its not me it's him. I feel like he shouldn't bring that into everyday things because i feel like he's using it over me in the wrong way and situations. So is he controlling or am I overreacting? Any advice is helpful.

When it comes to sex, some males have ways that they prefer sex, sometimes they like to imagine they are the daddy and you the little daughter. This has nothing to do with you being 2 yrs younger as there are older couples, married and not that do this simply cus its a thrill to them.
Likewise, there are males who like to act out you being the Mom and them your son when having sex. In neither situation should it go beyond the bedroom door into other areas of life. So his trying to remind you that he is the Daddy and you must obey his wishes, means he is trying to do a sub and dom thing where you are not being given any choices, forced to do so, no safe words, no ability to back out and that is indeed controlling behavior. Like the 2 sexual situations already mentioned, the sub and dom deal is for some people and not for others. You have to be in agreement whether you want to be treated that way first, in the bedroom, or beyond the bedroom and it doesn't sound like any of that has occurred.
It could be as Razhie says, that doing this makes him feel older and superior. But I know from experience thru true life situations, that men who feel the need to belittle a woman are doing so because they are insecure and have a low self esteem and will easily feel threatened as a male as time goes on. And whenever they feel their superiority is being questioned at all by you, they can become quite nasty and violent sometimes too. I remember a boyfriend I questioned about something I didnt agree with. He went from smiling to yelling in a split second saying things like, "Who are you to question me? I am the one with a degree and awards and people look up to me. I want you to apologize right now and do as I say!!!" Needless to say, I dumped him right away. I'd been married 30 years to a man who verbally abused me, so when this other guy started up, I wasn't going to fail the test and stay with him, I left him.
So have a talk and let him know its not acceptable and the moment he opens his mouth to dare talk like that to you again, the relationship is OVER!. Of course you have to be willing to do that, cut ties with him totally, not even asssociate as just friends. And that is hard for teens to do, let alone older women who don't have a strong self respect and self confidence. Males are notoriously able to sniff out women who are weak, women who may hate being treated that way, but unwilling to stand up for themselves, and even worse, they are so desperate for a boyfriend or place their self worth in the fact that they have a boyfriend, that they will put up with stuff like you are getting and much much worse. There are women in relationships where they are being physically beat up all the time, and not allowed to see family or friends so that no one knows or is able to help.
That is worst case scenerio. I don't feel its worth waiting around to see if it gets that bad. You deserve way better dear and there are other guys who will treat you lots better. If it were me, I wouldn't stay with him another minute.

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How do i get over someone that I liked for 5 years?

There's a popular but true saying going around, that "People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime." The whole explanation of what this means can be found at this link:
http://www.thevoicewithin.net/inspirational/people-come-into-your-life-for-a-reason/

Just because a person comes into your life for a short time when you may have hoped or thought it would be a lifetime, doesn't mean that what feelings you had for the person would be any less.

I personally believe a big key to being able to move on in life without someone is to focus on the positive memories and also a step further to contemplate what possible reasons there were behind being only in your life for a reason or season but not a lifetime.
I'll share a story of my own to elaborate.

After a divorce from an abusive husband, I started dating again. Met a guy who was separated from his wife. We fell in love. After a bit over 7 months, he broke up with me but not without crying his own tears. He was torn. HIs wife wanted him back and asked that they try again and since they had the longer history together and grown kids together, he decided to go with her, even though he was in love with me.
To say I was devastated would come close. I was shaky and my adrenaline was rushing full blast for about 3 days after hearing that, I couldn't sleep well, no appetite...depression. I took some time to pray and reflect on what good I could take from a situation that didnt look like there was any good in it. Once I decided to stop focusing my thoughts on the negative aspects, the positive ones began to fill my mind. The biggest one was that this guy used to be a counselor and as my boyfriend, he drew on that knowledge to help heal me in those few months. I was straight out of an abusive marriage that lasted 30 years, so I had lots of coping mechanisms that would be harmful to any other types of relationships, not just a romantic one. He was patient and gentle as he reminded me when I slipped up on falling back into bad habits. But I did heal. He was in my life for a reason, to help heal me from the aftereffects of abuse.

If you can look at your situation like that, perhaps it will help.
PS: In case this is more about someone you crushed on but never had a relationship with, focus thoughts on the positive things you liked about them, and don't settle for less with the next person, looking for those same important good traits and hopefully even better ones in the area where the other person may have been lacking. This is actually what the process of dating is all about, not just the fun and games thing.

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3 months ago, my crush of 3 years started dating someone

I'm 17, F

I miss him so much sometimes, and it feels like i've gone through a breakup but he never knew how much he meant to me

i still want to be his friend, because we've been sort of friendly acquaintances for the past 2ish years, but it hurts too much to talk to him. Also his girlfriend used to be my sorta friend, but now I can hardly handle talking to her...and she's with him most of the time which makes it worse...and now i've hardly talked to her for an entire semester

Some days I feel like I'm totally over him, but a lot of days I see him or think of him, or see something that reminds me of him, and then I want to cry, or I do cry (mostly when I'm at home)

I want to talk to someone right now about it but i'm home alone and my friends are all busy studying for exams, and don't want to be interrupted...I should be studying but I can't concentrate because I miss him too much right now

Why is it taking so long? I want to be over him, I want to be able to interact with him or see him or think of him or listen to his music(he's kinda in a band) without being so upset?

Our mind is a powerful thing. Many believe that what we can think of or imagine, that we can bring in to reality. There are many books on the subject like 'The Power of Positive Thinking'. So in essense, that we create that which we focus on thoughts on.
Your thoughts have been focused on this guy, your crush on him and the loss of his availability due to a friend of yours dating him now.
If we don't have some kind of plan to keep our thoughts from dwelling on negative things and situations, then the subconscious mind, where our emotions come from, will continue to dwell on just the negative and all the feelings that go along with it.
You wouldn't be the first to fall into this trap...a majority of humans all tend to dwell on negative thoughts at times. The key is how long they do it or allow it to go on. Those who know better, as you will now, know that we need to tell our subconscious to stop that thought process, basically retraining it. So what you want It to stop doing, you must replace with something else, something positive or at the very least the current facts.

Something you need to know about the subconscious mind is that due to it being where our emotions are stored, the subconscious mind (SCM) will react to sad or scary movies as if it were you in that scene experiencing the situation. This is why books, songs and movies can be so entertaining as they get our emotions involved. We may feel our heart pound in fear as adrenaline rushes, even though we personally are in no danger. But for the time that our conscious mind is focused on the scenerio in the movie, we feel true terror. The SCM can't help it. It doesn't always do well at separating fiction from reality.
So when you crush on someone, in reality, that is not a valid relationship but your SCM may see it as such with all the powerful emotions that go along with it. Our SCM's want to please us and see us happy and fulfilled so it looks to see what you focus most your conscious attention on and figures that means it is something you want and does it's best then to make you happy. Sometimes that comes in the form of dreaming about what you focus on so much. Sometimes, the emotions get so strong it prompts you to take action.
The only real problem is when due to anxieties, your mind focus's to much on your negative fears, like a fear of being in a major car accident. Of course no one wants that to happen, but your subconscious doesnt see your focus as being a result of an anxiety, it simply believes this to be something you want so badly, so it may try to influence you to not be as alert or careful when driving and eventually you end up in a car accident. This kind of stuff has been documented enough to write about in any literature pertaining to the the power of our thought, distorted thinking, and generally found in psychology related matter. Some of what I've read about the mind and psychology comes from ancient spiritual beliefs that address the body as a whole, not just the soul but the mind and heart working together with the soul.

So what you need to do is distract yourself, keep your mind so busy focusing on other stuff so you have no time to think about him. At least, that is the advice you will hear when you get a chance to talk to friends, or perhaps f rom others here online. In some cases it may work. But you have focused on this guy about two years, so long that at this point simply willing your conscious self to do so will not affect what your SCM is going to do. I have also read literature that suggests that since we all have 2 minds, the conscious and the SCM, and that they are so entirely different in their functions and their jobs inside us, that they are much like 2 separate entities, like two different people inside one body and that they should be thought of and thus treated so.
In effort to help you, I suggest you think of your SCM as a separate you inside of you with its own name. Lets say your name is Mary, and perhaps you name your SCM Lisa. When I read this and a friend asked what my SCM's name was, I got only half way thru saying, I didnt have a clue before a name popped into my mind. Actually, it was more like an indignant tone of voice for being not taken seriously when I heard, “My name is Sherry.” (not real name) And I have called her that since. You may feel silly talking to yourself if you haven't a habit of doing so all your life as I. Me and my scm were already on a friendly basis so I could simply begin to tweak a few things with her.
But there are people who want one thing but do the opposite, doing what jeopardizes them having a chance at what they want, and this is because they are of two minds. Ever hear that expression about being of two minds? Yes, it's fighting, a war between your conscious and SCM.
So if you're to get anywhere in getting past the current situation and doing better in the future, you may want to consider becoming friends with and being on the same page with same goals as your SCM.
Talk aloud to it. Address her by name or ask her what her name is and if you get nothing, then let her know you will assign her a name and if she doesn't like it, she can tell you later what it is. Treat her in talk as a best friend, not a servant to do your bidding. Remember she will have lots of feelings too.
Tell her that currently he's dating and not available. Tell her you're sorry for not being brave enough to respond to her promptings to approach the guy and ask him out. Let her know you want to work together with her in the future. Let her know what you want right now, to not feel bad when in his presence, to not feel so hurt and disappointed and you want her to help you focus your thoughts on things other than him, like school studies.
Lastly, I share an example of how I helped my SCM concerning a dentist appt. My SMC knew I had some bad experiences in the past with dentists. But I also never spoke up and said anything to the dentist so it was partly my fault. So when the day came closer, my anxieties rose and all my thoughts were ones of fear as I focused only on that. Then I remembered how I need to talk to my SCM so I said we could help each other go thru the process. I told her, you don't have to be afraid yet, the appt isn't til tomorrow. And the fear went away. The next day, the fear came back. I told her, no need to be afraid yet, cus we're not at the dentist office yet. Once we were, I said, we're only in the waiting room, or we're only in the exam chair getting xrays....always putting off the fear. And once the dentist was ready to start, fear came rushing in again and I told her, its okay, relax, if I feel even the slightest pain, I will let the dentist know I need more novacain and from that day on, I have never had any fear of the dentist, because I took the time to acknowledge the fear I felt as not just being mine but coming from my SCM. IF you take this approach to all things in life, you'll find you have a happier, less stressful life. Good luck dear. I'd like to hear back someday as to whether this helped you or not.

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So I am a girl and I've dated 3 guys and 3 girls. I identify as bisexual but have a major preference of girls. I 100% want to end up with a girl in the long term, but I would consider experimenting with guys before settling down- but I don't think I'd ever want to sexually experiment with a guy. And the only guys I have 'crushes' on are celebrities. So if I can be attracted to guys, but only want to end up with a girl- does this mean I'm bi or gay? Opinions would be appreciated- but please no hate. Thanks ^_^

Its like Razhie said, its never 50-50 if bi sexual. I have known a few women in the past who were clearly bi-sexual, however each had a husband or boyfriend, just one male they could tolerate, well actually came to be in love with but they also had lots of female lovers who were part of their life. On a few occasions, I did ask the males what they thought. One female had told the man before marriage that she was bi and he said he had no problem with it, but it might be another story if it was other men, then he might feel jealous. Another said she didn't confess her secret that she felt bi until after the kids were out of the house. So he and she attended swing clubs for her to have a chance to have her fun and meet women, while he simply sat and chatted or danced with others, not desiring to have sex with any other female than his wife. So don't worry if you find you are sexually attracted to both sexes. In most cases over the coming years, you will become more sure if its one or the other. Right now it sounds like bi with a tendency to desire women more than men, but its possible to find one man when you are ready, to commit to for life. Some people even end up living together as family in a triad. One of one sex and two of the other. I've researched this and found it does work well for some people.
For now, just explore your sexuality. You don't need to give out a label for yourself, just say, I am still exploring and not decided yet. Or if you decide to go with bi for an explanation, if you find in a handful of years you have grown and changed and decided you are most definately gay, that is fine too. But as for where you are at currently, I still stand with bisexual, leaning towards females more than males.

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hi so i have a boyfriend that i have been dating for about 3 months and soon to be 4. We have never had any physical contact besides holding hands and hugging. Well next week were going on a date and i really want to kiss him/make out. I know most of the time when people kiss they start to make out.... But i don't know if it will be the same with me and him because he is kind of socially awkward and does not have a lot of friends.I feel like if i lean in for a kiss he will react in a weird way or may not kiss back.We talk about our relationship sometimes and once over facetime he told me he wanted a hand job...That was a few weeks ago and i don't know if i am ready for all that but i do want to see him get hard and i wanna know how to do that, like how to touch him with out getting to sexual

You didnt mention an age so if you're under 18, and just starting to experiment with sexuality, I will mention some caution.
If the first kiss leads to another and another and soon you're both carried away wanting to take off clothes and go further, the best thing is to have condoms with you, not just one, several in case you have a problem with the first one, one breaks or has something wrong with it as you take it out of wrapper or you want to go a second round.

You may not even be ready for all that as far as you know but having about 3 condoms on you or in your purse is a very good idea..just in case.

Now if we are talking about a teen boy, they get hard very easily and very often and don't need any prompting from you to do so. Just them imagining sex with no girl in sight, is enough to make a guy instantly hard. So if this is what you want to see, I can imagine that telling him you want to see what he looks like when hard might be enough to make him hard. Athough if you were to say this, you better clarify whether you just want to see a bulge thru his clothes, he remains fully clothed or whether you are talking about him being totally nude for you. I know you may not do any of this the first time. There is no rush but this is all worth knowing ahead of time.

As for the kiss, if he's already a boyfriend and has hung around this long and still has interest in you, plus has once mentioned wanting a hand job, then this guy will accept a kiss and kiss back no problem. Its when you think someone is interested sexually but their interest was purely on a friend level that there may be a problem. The person may accept the kiss but not kiss back and then be in the awkward situation of having to tell you that they aren't interested in you that way. If a guy asked you out or starts dating you, its almost a guarantee that at some point soon he will want to kiss while he dreams of more.

So just lean over slowly, getting closer to his lips, giving him a chance to pull away. If he doesnt, deliver a kiss on the lips, maybe another and the rest will come naturally as he responds back. I wouldn't wait for the guy to kiss first if he is the shy type, so just go for it.

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i am 23 years old and i would like to get some advice on my delayed periods. My period cycle is 2 weeks late, is there any worries if i had dry humping with my boyfriend?

No worries, dry humping can't get you pregnant. However the fact that you don't know that is far more important than you would think. It doesnt mean you are dumb, you just have never been taught basic health and sex ed. in school and if so, what they teach is so very basic, it really isn't helpful at all. My advice would be for you to self educate yourself. I had to do the same. I know of a gal with a youtube video blog who did the same starting when she was 17 or younger and now at I believe 26 has a large following. She may be the age of my daughters but this gal has lots of wisdom in where to go, who to get correct info from and how to share it in short easy, and funny videos. I will always recommend her.
https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

Also, you can find books at the library or in bookstores to learn more about male and female anatomy and learn under what circumstances a female can get pregnant, every you need to know about periods and why they might be delayed and so on.

Just stress alone is the major culprit of delayed periods and when delayed, sometimes a woman can spot brownish older looking blood. Stress on your body from fighting off or recently recovered from any attack to your body, a cold, virus or accident, stress from worry either worry from wondering if you could be pregnant, or worry from other areas of life. Your body also get come sooner or later than usual as it tries to regulate to occur at the same time as other females you are around a lot like whoever you live with or females at school or work. Of a small office with 5 females, myself included, I discovered once that we all had periods at the same time and in researching it, found it to be a common occurance that is natural.

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Hello. I am 13 years old girl. I just had an argument with my mom and I know these are usual. Though, in my case, it is very different. I love her very much but I can’t stand her seeing me as irresponsible, untrustworthy, backstabbing snake. I try and try to make her proud of me and ignore how she sees me but no matter what I do it is still the same. Sometimes, she I don’t listen or pretend to not hear what she says intentionally but in reality I have a few hearing problems.

This also happens in school, but this is I bit better than my story at home. In school, I always get high ranking grades and clean records. But since I have kept that up ever since I was in kindergarten, most people see me as the ‘the perfect daughter’ or at least, the closest thing to it. In a way I feel offended because of people being so judgmental (I speak for myself too, sometimes). I am none of things. I am not ‘perfect’, irresponsible or a backstabber but no matter what I do I have always been seen this way. I feel so misunderstood but I believe there is nothing I could do about it.

I need advice and different perspectives. Please I need your help because if I have to live another day like this, I am going to lose every ounce of sanity I have. Thank you.

My first thought is that due to your age, you started going through puberty in the last year or so or are just starting. This is a period of time when females notoriously have problems with their emotions, often leading to fights. So it would be helpful to know if the fight was due to your hormones making you extra sensitive. Once your body gets used to the hormones by your late teens, most of the symptoms should be gone, things like feeling extra sad and weepy to depressed in worst case scenerio's, or easily irritated for no good reason or others are able to 'push your buttons' so much more easily during this time cus you have a hair trigger temper that goes off far too easily.

This may be the issue or contributing if this problem with Mom is not a life long one but more recent, in the last few months to last two years. If you suspect this may be true, even if not, it may be a good thing to remind mom that this is a time you are going thru the same emotional changes due to hormones and are not going to be yourself for a couple years. You want her understanding as one whos gone thru the same...I dont know of a single female who doesn't experience the emotions to some extent. I was the more weepy sad side rather than the angry side in emotions. It can be either or both. She should have memories of hers too. Mom may be going thru her own issues or worries that are affecting her ability to be at peace and caring rather than suspecting the worst with you. Parents don't like to tell their kids when they are scared or confused about a problem, but you could try asking Mom at a time when she doesnt seem angry, if there's anything bothering her, especially if theres a past history of span of time when she didnt act like this.

If shes always been like this your whole life and you can't remember anything different, then the only reason you are unable to handle the stress of that which you've always done, is because of this highly emotion point in your life. Females in puberty also tend to fight most often with other females and those closest to them, either a mom, sister or friends at school.
Worst case scenerio, your Mom if shes always been this way could be lacking general relationship skills. Knowing how to relate to other people, not just family members is a very important skill in life. Teens may not fully know it all yet but should by time they get into their 20s, however an adult should know. When theres' a life long difficulty but they are able to survive somehow in society, it may be just lack of education which a counselor could help. Or she may have been borderline mental illness of some sort which is hard to dectect as people with this problem can function well enough in society that others don't see it but at home where one lets their hair down, they can tend to attack and dump on family members. THe reason I am mentioning this is that I lived it with my ex husband. He seemed normal in society but at home, things got worse the older he got. I stayed 30 yrs with him so I saw the progression and when its so slow and subtle it is often never detected and treated.
I hope you have a dad to talk to about these concerns and if not, a sibling of your moms, like an aunt or uncle and let them know whats going on if a talk with Mom about puberty emotion issues doesnt get her to treating you better. You need someone else to intervene. In the long run, the stress will affect your grades at school, could cause you severe emotional issues so you become depressed and when depressed, teens often consider suicide or rebelling to get the attention they need and in the rebellion only end up hurting themselves worse and not affecting the parents. You could try a school counselor too.

If you like, you can show my response to whomever you've chosen to help you to see what they may think, whether its more related to Moms own secret issues, your puberty, or perhaps a borderline mental illness that Mom needs to see a psychologist for.
I wish you the best dear. Don't give up, there is always a solution. Its just not that easy and fast to get to one.

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im a girl, 3rd in high school ,so i really like my classmate (boy)...i started to have feelings for him in septembe (beginning of school year) and now is end of june(end of my school year) and yesterday i finally confessed to him how i feel about him.. i did it by giving him a note in which i wrote that i like him eg..i felt so relieved giving him that note..and i thought he would text me to say something about it, some reaction, but he didnt..also today at school he said nothing to me ...Why?...i just need to know how he feels about it...today at school, group of our classmates including me and the classmate i like were in the hall, sitting around table (he was sitting on the opposite side from me)and talking , they started talking about what traits do they like about girl /boy...and THAT classmate was talking about what traits does he like about girl..then it was my turn..so i started talking and THAT classmate before my other classmate said i could look into his eyes while saying the traits...and why i was telling traits THAT classmate winked at me..so he probably read the note ...but why didnt he said anything to me about it ..what does he have to say about it ?...why did he wink at me ? . should i say something to him tomorrow at school ? i just need to know how he feels about it before the end of school year which is the next wednesday...i cant spend whole holiday(months) thinking how he feels

A wink can be meant to convey a variety of things or situations. For me, its been usually some conspirational/private secret or thing beetween me and another person when I did not want others around me to hear. He was acknowledging your note to him. Example: you're invited to eat at a girlfriends house. She knows you hate broccoli but to not offend her mom, you eat a bite and tell her its delicious. Your girlfriend then winks at you, a way to say, I know you don't like it and just said so to not hurt my moms feelings.

Sometimes a person may wink to see how the other person reacts, a positive or negative response from you before they verbally approach you.

Sometimes, a wink is nothing more than an acknowledgement or approval of what you said or were doing. This can be a bit more confusing unless you are really totally aware of exactly what you said or did and how that might have gotten that response.
Heres my example. Long ago I was riding the escalator with my 3 small daughters with me, when I felt someone watching me as I answered one daugther. I looked up to see a good looking man riding the opposite escalator, looking my way and then he winked at me when he had eye contact. Never saw him again to ask, but I choose to take that as several things, He found me attractive as a mom. Lots of moms let their appearance go after they have kids. Or it was a quick silent away to show his approval of how I didnt find it daunting to take my children with me everywhere when most moms my age couldn't handle just the getting kids in and out of car seats and keeping tabs on them, and making sure they behave well in public. It could be he was impressed also by how well my kids were acting. Its not much time, but he was at least conveying his first impression which was a good one and made my day. Obviously, it had a big impact as I still recall it to this day.

Since you gave the note recently before this discussion, I would assume it means that he was simply winking cus it is a secret between you and him. YOu kept mentioning classmates in the discussion but I am not certain whether things were said by the boy you like or by another boy and you are worried if a friend of his saw your note???

It might help to know exactly what was written in your note. If you were expecting a text, it must mean you gave him your cell number or he already had it somehow. Did your note include your number and ask him to call you and let you know if he'd like to spend some time hanging out together this summer. Sharing a piece of information, even just revealing a fact to another does not necessarily mean that there is any need to respons to what they read. Females are different to males how they process info and how they react. His wink may not even let you know whether he likes you in return or not. The only way to find that out is to ask a guy if he wants to hang out with you. If you're not his type, he won't make any kind of move that would encourage you.
If you knew he liked you back but neither of you made any plans to get together at all during the entire summer, will that be good enough for you? I doubt it. Just knowing someone likes me and then doing nothing cus of shyness or a fear of messing up or saying something stupid hold hims or me back, then the entire summer I am not at rest, wondering why if he likes me he's not doing something to show me and spend time with me or at least call or text. Not knowing if a guy likes me is one thing, but knowing and neither of us doing anything to make the next step is a lot worse for me. I was shy and introverted in school so I suffered thru that kind of stuff. Its not until one of you gets brave enough to do more than you have done before you'll find out what you want to know.
The wink is a good sign though. He wanted you to know he was thinking about the note. Now if you had given him a positive sign and winked back at that moment, or at least had a private chat with him right after, he'd know you really are interested. Sometimes, a person at your age range can wonder if a friend or classmate put you up to this, like a truth or dare thing. He may not be sure enough just because you handed him a note. And if you are too scared to give him some other signs of interest, like talking to each other about the subject, then he can't know for sure. Egging on ones friend is the usual stuff kids do in school. I remember two guys who were best friends and they tried to hang out often with me and 3 other girlfriends who were a tight group. The one kept telling me that his friend liked me, did stuff like give him a push when standing close enough so the guy in question would stumble into me. I never got a word from the guy himself whether he liked me or not. So I finally told his friend, "If he really likes me, I need to hear it from him, not from you or anyone else before I'll believe it. You can tell him that." I never heard another thing about it. So I must assume they were only choosing to tease each other that way.

Don't give him room for doubt just because he's being cautious or isnt sure that someone may have put you up to doing this. Try talking to him. I wouldn't mention the note unless he brings it up but you can certainly start a conversation with him. Sometimes, other than being attracted, a guy wants to know if he will like a girls personality and character. What you see at school isn't always who the person really is. Theres our public self and our private self, the one his family knows and best friend knows. So asking if a guy likes you may not be the right question. He may not know if he likes you that way yet and won't unless he has a chance to spend more time hanging out with you. Texting isnt the best way to do that but if its your only choice, its better than nothing. Phone calls are even better and in person, the best.

So, In your chat, try for an answer one way or the other as to whether he'd like to plan to hang out with you this summer for a chance to get to know each other more. If the guy is attracted to your looks, step two to him is getting to know who you are on the inside. A guy can be attracted but once they spend time around, find a certain gal just doesnt hold his interest, not enough in common. Because of this, guys can be cautious to make a move, afraid if they agree to spend time together, a girl will misunderstand that it means he loves her or wants her to be his official girlfriend. Females tend to jump ahead in their conclusions while the guys are not sure yet.

Most guys don't want to hurt a gals feelings, and its hard if the person is nice but not one they are attracted to. Girls get emotional, feel rejected, bad about themselves, may burst into tears, or get angry and vindictive. This is often what guys have faced already or seen their friends face and its always a BIG concern. So whatever you say, if you really want the truth, even if you wont like the answer, then let him know its okay either way. And don't get emotional on him.


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my mom never listens to me and is always on her phone I can never talk to her about my girl problems she just yells at me and forces me to wipe the way she does I always get myself clean but I don't like my vagina lips rubbing my underwear I don't know how to tell her they always have to be a certain way. I'm 15.

Sorry to hear that your mom has made herself unavailable to you. We dont get to choose our parents and sometimes we end up with parents that just don't match our expectations or needs. some parents fail miserably at parenting. Just becuase a person can reproduce doesnt mean they will make a natural nurturing parent. I happen to be one of the nurturing types. So if you have anything you'd like to discuss, and its even easier when I am faceless and my true identity hidden so you don't need to be embarrassed about any subject. I am open minded.

The first concern I understood. I don't know how she wipes but the correct way for females to wipe is from front to back to eliminate the chance of wiping fecal matter, or even just any liquid matter from the anus such as diarrhea liquid from getting near enough to travel into the vagina or your pee hole which is right about the vagina. Don't wipe twice with the same tissue but use fresh for the 2nd or subsequent wipes.

The skin of your privates is a very tender skin and can easily be irritated, even for some by the type of cloth/clothing against it. In this case you may have to try different brands or cotton instead of nylon. Sometimes, it not the panties but how the pants fit that is the problem. If the crotch is too high and the fit too tight so the seam of the pants is okay when you're standing but cuts into the vagina lips when you bend, sit or squat, then the pants are too tight for you. I've made the mistake of not doing enough gyrations and positions when trying on pants in the dressing room and once I had to live in them for a day, found myself feeling bruised down there.
What I do not understand is your statement "how to tell her they always have to be a certain way.

YOu'd have to explain exactly what way you are expecting the private area to feel with clothing on, what the actual problem is. I'll share one of mine as an example. At your age, besides the period time of my cycle were the days when my body was doing its natural cleansing of the vagina...carrying out germs and matter not needed via a sticky yellowish residue that always leaked into my panties or even a panty liner. In the time it took between visits to the bathroom, pulling down my panties was always an adventure as the gummy liquid had dried up, glueing my pubic hair to the panties or pads and it was as painful parting the hairs from where they were stuck as removing a bandaid on your body. I had to start shaving or plucking to eliminate that problem. Now if you can explain a situation to me like that with more detail, perhaps I can be of more help.

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22 f my boyfriend is 23. We have been dating for almost 2 years and we live together. Recently, things have been rather rocky and I could forsee the relationship ending within the next few months. I want to make things work, but he doesn't and he goes back on his word all the time.



Here's where my issue is: I'm so broke right now I would have absolutey no way I could afford to go elsewhere. Neither of my parents are involved with my life so I don't feel like I have somewhere to go and like I said I absolutely do not have the financial means to live elsewhere because I have a car payment and am also a full time student.


If our relationship is over I want to have a plan on where I can go...

Ask yourself if you are more into living with the boyfriend for having a place to live or because both of you are in love with each other. From what you said, it sounds like he isn't. All relationships have rocky moments but if we're mature enough, we will forgive and move on, not hold grudges, fight fairly, (yes there is such a thing, mainly the words we use) and be able to mentally place ourselves in the other persons shoes, knowing that we too aren't perfect but being more understanding and not willing to sweat the small stuff. When we truly love someone, then its much easier to do those things. IT takes two people both wanting to put in maximum effort to make a relationship happen. Relationships are work, not all fun and games. But it must be balanced. When it pertains to a marriage or some long term relationship, couples may go to a couples counselors for help on pinpointing what the relationship problems are to better the relationship. When its dating for a handful of years or less, the importance of the relationship and whether its worth doing e verything to save it, usually doesnt apply or only one person feels this way. Short of couple counseling to even determine if there is a chance for your relationship, it's likely better to move on from him.
I know you need time to find another living arrangement. What I don't know is whether you were paying anything towards sharing of rent or not at all. If you've been staying for free, then it will be hard to find another place or some person who will let you stay. I know a female who is almost a sr. citizen and she's been without a home often and the only way she finds a place to stay for free is by finding men who want her for live in sex. So basically she's having to trade her body for a place to live. Once it gets bad enough, she leaves and finds another guy so she's always hopping from one guy to another. If you need a place for free, then if you have a church, I suggest you talk to the pastor. He could announce your need for a place to stay for no cost and see what happens. My oldest wanted out of the house so bad that when she was a bit younger than you, she asked at her church and they found her a place to stay where the older lady had a spare bedroom.
Along those lines, here are possible options if you can only afford very cheap rent. Rent is sometimes cheaper in the suburbs, big cities are expensive. SO try looking for ads of people wanting college students to rent a bedroom to with sharing of kitchen/bathroom. I tried finding a place like that for my husband and myself when he broke his leg and we lost our apt. What we found is no one wants couples but college students or single professional workers to rent out to. This would be the cheapest way to go
Or start an ad at the school you attend, talk to a counselor there to find out all the different ways to get your ad out at college, whether a bulletin board, printed school newspaper or school online facebook or other internet school site. Use them all and mention you are looking for a room mate, what you can afford and see what happens. My husbands daughter found a roommate who was male and they had their separate lives, just sharing the rent for a long time but after getting to know each other and seeing each other often enough, it did develop into a dating relationship. But she had her Dad and his older wiser intuition of that male to know the guy was a man of honor and wouldn't force himself on her. That would be a hard thing for any female at your age to be able to determine fully. Theres a chance things can go wrong there.
You mention having a car. So think of any relatives, even cousins on their own, who may live reasonably near enough to the school so a commute wouldn't be so bad. People commute an hr to work, why not school is its your only choice. If the families of any girlfriends from high school live close enough and you and them were close, try networking with them, maybe older siblings who know you may be needing a roommate or their parents have spare space so you could stay with them. Other than all this, I do not have any other suggestions other than the one you may not want to do but find yourself forced into...giving up the car and using the money that went to payments for paying a little to rent with some people together.

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Why do girls care about eyebrows so much? If I like a girl, then I ain't gonna judge her by her eyebrows (unless she has a unibrow or unless she has "trendy" recent ones that look like they've been drawn on their face). Why do think that when they have eyebrows that look like they've been drawn on, that people will find them more attractive? It's like they're trying to avoid their eyebrows looking like they're made out of hair. I don't know 1 guy who'd care about their eyebrows. Girls also feel the need to colour them in. It's worse when they have,say,ginger hair, so obviously they're eyebrows should be ginger but when you see them they're black. And when they get their eyebrows done they're all like "Ooh, look at my natural look!" It doesn't look natural at all! Why do they feel the need to change their eyebrows? I used to never notice eyebrows but due to all the trends recently they're hard to miss.

I know what you're talking about. My niece colors hers in jet black and its obviously painted on. My daugthers don't. They are more like me, used to the real natural look.
And it isnt just about eyebrows when it comes to looks. Impressionable younger people cave in so easily to the Media's representation of beauty or handsomeness that not just girls but guys too now worry about not looking good enough to be liked, accepted, stand out as odd or never find a date. This is evident even more so for teens who already suffer lots of self confidence and other related issues. Most often I hope that it is only a young persons experimenting, to feel accepted and that in time as they grow more self confident they will make some changes to how they present themselves. But quite often it hints at a deeper issue that doesnt go away as they get older and you find they have low self esteem and low confidence and no matter how much a male tells them they are pretty, beautiful, they don't believe him and still worry over their looks, weight, clothes, hair nails, makeup and more. I know its frustrating to men when the female can't acknowledge his true honest compliments over her looks, many prefer the 'natural look'. But think of it, males too have their insecurities when it comes to their penis. Is it long enough, wide enough and will it impress and pleasure a girl. Men will go thru some of the same lengths as females when it comes to that part of their anatomy. Fashion trends like the emphasis on brows all start with the media. Next time you're in the magazine aisle, take a peek at magazines targeted at young females and I'm sure you'll get the connection quickly. Even magazines for older women have nothing but page after page of ads on how to tone your skin, get rid of freckles or wrinkles, make your hair healthier with more shine and bounce, etc.... When we are so bombarded by ads on TV, radio and anywhere printed ones can go like on a bus, most people seeing all this end up doing exactly what the advertisers know. They see so much of something, whether good or bad that they get used to it, develop a tolerance or lets say an expectation that this is normal and if you don't meet that standard, no one will like you or find you sexy. Sex still sells and will to the end of time.

But there is hope for you. If you are one of the males who like the natural look, there are females who still live that way and are not mesmerized by fashion trends. Some come off as tomboyish but have a wonderful feminine side too if its allowed to come out on occasion. Don't overlook a gal simply cus she appears to be on the total opposite of the spectrum. Some females do not blossom and show their feminine side until they have a male who cares about them and compliments them. I have found through out my life that once people get past their angst ridden years and mature a bit, they begin to realize and develop their own taste in everything, not just foods and clothes, music, but in the opposite sex. I have seen couples where the man is a bean pole and in love with his very overweight female, or he's about 5 ft tall and shes 5'10, or I've seen the matches where the guy is muscled and looks like a male model and the gal doesn't look like a model or vice versa, the beauty queen type woman with a plain looking man. Personal taste isnt a bad thing, and it doesnt mean something is wrong with a person if they aren't the right height, weight or hair color for your liking. Just be genuine and compliment the gal you may be interested in, when ever that happens. Men like compliments too so theres nothing wrong with enjoying receiving compliments even on a daily basis. But if the person has to ask you first how they look or is constantly asking you how they look in an outfit or new hairdo or new color of something, then its very possible they have a low self esteem and confidence and theres nothing you can do to change that in them. It requires a professional counselor. If we are talking about people closer to 30 or older, then the superficial copy each other thing should be gone by then and the female have developed their own look they are comfortable with. If not, theres some kind of insecurity in them at that age. I also feel there is nothing wrong to an extent with wanting to look your best as long as the person is a confident person to begin with. But if doing a presentation or going for a job interview, when we dress up, and take care with our looks, we feel even more special. It's not for me about impressing others with my looks in my 50s...I just do what makes me feel good. I wear my hair long and sometimes wear braids at night so in the morning when undone, the hair is wavy so I have a little change. I wear whatever styles I like best, not what is the current trend and the only makeup I have turned to lately is using an eyebrow pencil because due to genes inherited from maternal grandmother, and mom, when we get older, our eyebrow hair gets thinner until it dissappears totally. I have always had expressive eyes but with half gone brows, they just don't look right. My husband never complained, but once i put some on, he realized it made the eyes stand out better and more noticeable without looking like a painted clown as he would say. But eyebrow pencil still doesnt look the best. It is the least expensive way to go but theres not much other choice other than getting some natural looking tattooed brow hair.
If theres a female you like and the only thing about her you arent finding attractive is how she does her brows, get to know her and once you have her trust, ask to see her without the painted on eyebrows and if she'll do it, and you like it, compliment her and let her know how much you enjoy the more natural look. But don't try to change a girl into what you want, find the one who was only copycatting her friends and its not really her and she'll likely drop whatever she is doing when she finds she has your interest and love without all the makeup.

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female, 14

I really dislike P.E. classes at school.

I jog outside of school, so it's not like I don't get physical education for the purpose of being healthy and fit, but I really REALLY don't like ball sports, and that is what we play in our physical education classes.

I am not very good at playing ball sports, and I know I can get better at them, but I don't want to, as I just don't find them enjoyable, and I know so many people wouldn't understand it when I say that, but that's just me personally. In terms of basketball, soccer, netball, football, etc. I am just not good at it. I have been doing physical education compulsory classes for about 8-10 years, including primary school years, and I am still not good at the sports we play and don't enjoy them.

I cringe at the thought that I'll have to do P.E. this week, and almost every school week. Sometimes I fake notes from my parents saying I have a sprained ankle or something, to get out of it. Sometimes I go to the nurse's office and say I have a headache to get out of it. Sometimes I ask my parents to write a note for me, because they understand how much I don't like it. This is P.E., it should be enjoyable, but it's not for me. It is definitely something I will be happier without doing.

Not only that, but the teachers don't explain the rules of the game (eg. football), so we just do some drills to develop skills and then play it, with the expectation that we know the rules. So many people in my class are sporty, and it's frustrating when they run circles around me in for example basketball.

It's barely even a source of fitness for me, as I usually just stand there in games, trying to avoid the ball.

I'd much rather spend that time studying or learning, do you think it would be possible to get out of it? If my parents called my school and asked if I could sit in the library (which people do a lot when they have P.E.) and learn or study so I can do something more beneficial to me in that time, would it be acceptable?

Thank you for reading, advice is appreciated!

I'm with advicemans line of thinking, thats probably the best way. You actually don't even have to be bullied to hate it, in todays time, just having an anxiety about it is enough. Although not sure the general Dr. could prescribe under that reasoning, it may have to be a psychologist they take you to see.

My daughters are all through HS already but when they were in, the school had alternatives to sports for PE. I remember going at the end of school day to watch one daugther who asked me to come, when the aerobic dance class she took that covered the requirements for PE was practicing to put on a performance for talent night at school. She was having fun and getting exercise too.
Don't know if your school is that cool but I feel not all will fit a cookie cutter program not too mention the one size fits all attitude in society. It just isnt true and for the record, I was just like you in school and never really enjoyed playing sports.

So if your school doesnt have a yoga or aerobic dance class or tumbling and gymnastics besides sports, your parents would have to talk to school officials to find if its okay with the school where you still get a passing grade for PE if they were to put you in some after school type of Physical activity/class that can be confirmed with the teachers.

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For the past few weeks I have been craving long hugs all the time...like I just want someone to hold me and not let go for a few minutes

But my parents don't do long hugs...all I get is a quick squeeze before bed and occasionally in the morning. If I try to hug them for longer or more often, they get annoyed(especially when it's hot outside) or think there is something wrong...there's nothing wrong, I just really want a hug

And my friends hug me, but school is over now, and I'm not gonna see them all that much, maybe once or twice a week.

What should I do? Can I stop myself from wanting hugs? It's just that I start feeling really lonely and kind of anxious when I don't get the hug I want....

You may think it bizarre that you crave hugs but there is an actually good explanation for it. Our body was wired to require certain things to be present in good numbers for it to function at optimum levels and food and water is only some of them. For our emotions to remain stable and to be happy, our bodies require endorphin which are neuro-transmitters. Endorphins are produced as a response to certain stimuli, especially stress, fear or pain. They originate in various parts of your body -- the pituitary gland, your spinal cord and throughout other parts of your brain and nervous system -- and interact mainly with receptors in cells found in regions of the brain responsible for blocking pain and controlling emotion.
What you need to know is that theres a whole list of actions that you can take that will start the body creating neurotransmitters (NTs) naturally. ONly a few people can't and medication of endorphin substitutes are what help them. If our levels of endorphines drop or become non existant as they get used up, a person is said to be depressed. So we need these NTs to being feeling good. Your natural instinct has led you to one of the best things that boost production of more endorphines in your body, and that is hugs, but not the short brief pat on the shoulder type. Talking about the long bear hugs. If someone is willing to give you a hug, try making the hug last longer than usual and you will see the other person start to squirm and want to pull away if they are not used to experiencing great amounts of endorphines released in their body. There are other things that also produce it, like movement of some sort in exercise, so workouts, jogging, dancing can produce it, same as watching comdedies and plain old laughter, or singing or listening along to whatever songs/melodys actually that cause this effect in you.

So you have a couple choices, one being to show this to the parents and have them do some research on their own and even if they dont need or like the hugs, that they might be prompted to give the long ones to you simply because you need it. It doesnt mean anything is wrong or that you are depressed, just that your body wants to keep up the stock of endorphins. Endorphins, like food isn't a one time thing and you're good for life, the nutrients of food get used up in our bodies, and the same for the actions we take that cause the producing of more endorphins. We need more all the time because the ones we already have get used up in fighting the stressful things in life.

If you don't want to show this to the parents, I would suggest you turn to some of the other avenues that help create endorphins in you. I've already mentioned them but knowing the exact type of comedy guaranteed to make you laugh hardest is going to help alot whereas another type may do noithing at all to create that endorphin rush, knowing endorphins are being created right then in great numbers...its kind of an instant thing.j

Same goes for music. What works to you to produce that feeling like your heart is as light as a balloon ready to float away depends on what melody does it for you. Not talking about the lyrics here, the sound of the melody. Some notes played in sequences will have a positive effect on people. For example one of a handful of songs I listen to if I feel I need a boost is Coldplays song "Clocks". I play it perhaps 2, 3 times in a row and by the end, I'm already feeling better. Most people do not recognize either consciously or subconsciously that their body is at a point of needing to restock/refill on endorphines and for some reason, subconsciously your body already knows and that is why its so important to you.

Lastly, have you ever seen people with sign that state "Free Hugs" and others take them up on it. The people going for the free hugs already understand how it makes one feel better and I have never gotten a short insignificant hug from them. This is not something to do alone as it would be too dangerous in this current day world. But if you did this together with friends in a very public place, or if you and the parents were out somewhere, and you choose to wear a sign that read Free hugs, they could be protectively watching over you. Either way, at some point, wether they give the therapeudic hugs or just give their okay for you to give free hugs, it would be best that they know.

You cannot give away a hug without getting one in return, so the free hugs deal is great but if you crave it on a daily basis, the once or twice a week with friends is not going to cut it.
Hope this helps you out a bit.
Dragonfly

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I asked a previous question that you answered(this is like 3 weeks ago), but I would like to sort of clarify a bit, because I think you maybe misunderstood my original situation.

This is the original question: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=659892

I probably should have explained it better, but the way our prom works is that we buy tickets in advance, and when we buy tickets, we also choose tables, and after buying the ticket we can't switch tables.

So my friends and I (5 of us) all bought tickets together and at the same table (tables seat 10). We were really hoping some nice people would sit with us, but we don't really talk to a lot of other people much. So this annoying girl who is really clingy and attention-seeking buys a ticket at our table, and after that nobody else joins our table. Now it's just going to be me and my friends and this girl, and we have like a 3-5 course meal to sit through at the table with her...no choice about it.

How can I make the situation less awkward? How can I get less bothered? Is there any way to prevent her from hanging out with us for the rest of the night(dancing etc)? Because if she hangs out with us for that long I know I will eventually get frustrated enough that I will want to scream at her...I wouldn't, but I would probably say something not very nice, and I want to be nice, I just can't stand being around this girl for extended periods of time...

Also, if she finds out what me and my friends are doing afterwards, she is going to want to join us, or whine about why she wasn't invited...

Sorry but if she has a ticket for the same table, you are stuck with her for the time you are at the prom. I'll just bet she wouldn't have time to pester and focus on you if some guy at the prom focused on her.
The deal would be, how do you convince some guy to keep her busy hanging with him and dancing with him? I have no idea. Maybe you know of a guy who'd be willing to do that.
As for afterwards, you didnt say what the plans are but I would refrain from saying anything or either of you leaving the prom together. Whatever it is, reservations somewhere, how you're all getting to the after event, you might need to coordinate splitting up, getting seperate rides and then you all show up at the same place minus her.

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As someone who has anxiety, it's not! It's not cute and romantic to avoid things because of irrational fears, to not be able to relax your body, and for your body to always be shaking. Or taking hours to fall asleep to wake up at 3 am having a panic attack, hallucinating. It's not aesthetic to be doing a project in science class that involves heart rate and find out your pulse beats 40 above average even though you eat right, exercise and are generally a healthy person and people being like "???" And not wanting to explain. And being worried about everything, from your friends leaving you even though that's unreasonable because your friends are great and have stood by you through everything but you're afraid if you express your feelings they'll definetly hate you to being afraid a war will suddenly break out or an apocalypse of some sort which is even more unreasonable. Sweaty palms and stomach aches and head aches and freaking out over everything is not romantic, cute or anything! And especially people believe that you're faking it and tell you to just get over it and "stop worrying" like I'M TRYING BUT THE BRAIN TOO IS AN ORGAN THAT CAN MALFUNCTION JUST LIKE THE LUNGS, KIDNEY, LIVER, ETC YOU DON'T TELL PEOPLE WITH ASTHMA TO JUST BREATHE NOW DO YOU!!!!! I keep noticing people who don't have anxiety in the slightest using it as a theme for their crappy blog, or if I talk about symptoms some edgy™ emo kid will go "same." Like no your not "same" just because you get nervous sometimes. Like I am constantly living in the moment where your chair tips and you seem like you're about to fall but you don't. All the time. And people think it's romantic. If you think it's so cool you can have mine I will gladly give it to you because it's not cute. Why do people romantacise anxiety? Also what's up with people thinking your lover can fix everything like supportive loved ones help but a gf/bf can't cure a mental illness?

I havent heard of people romatisizing or thinking anxiety is just a cute choice you are making but obviously that must be happening to you.Sorry to hear it. As already stated by another, people feel helpless as to what to say or do in light ofyour anxieties so whatever most people say/do is not going to help or make you feel worse in some way. Rhis just shows that unless a person has suffered from an anxiety or several, they are not going to understand. I have though . . . social anxiety, pretty bad. But my last yr of HS I was so sick of being that way I was willing to do anything, even that which I was scared of if it would heal me. SO I am one who can say that I know people dont really have to live with anxieties. I know your question wasn't on how to get over anxieties, but if you are interested in a method that helped me, (no prescription med.s) then let me know and I will tell you about it.

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