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Misunderstood and Insecure
Hello. I am 13 years old girl. I just had an argument with my mom and I know these are usual. Though, in my case, it is very different. I love her very much but I can’t stand her seeing me as irresponsible, untrustworthy, backstabbing snake. I try and try to make her proud of me and ignore how she sees me but no matter what I do it is still the same. Sometimes, she I don’t listen or pretend to not hear what she says intentionally but in reality I have a few hearing problems.
This also happens in school, but this is I bit better than my story at home. In school, I always get high ranking grades and clean records. But since I have kept that up ever since I was in kindergarten, most people see me as the ‘the perfect daughter’ or at least, the closest thing to it. In a way I feel offended because of people being so judgmental (I speak for myself too, sometimes). I am none of things. I am not ‘perfect’, irresponsible or a backstabber but no matter what I do I have always been seen this way. I feel so misunderstood but I believe there is nothing I could do about it.
I need advice and different perspectives. Please I need your help because if I have to live another day like this, I am going to lose every ounce of sanity I have. Thank you.
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My first thought is that due to your age, you started going through puberty in the last year or so or are just starting. This is a period of time when females notoriously have problems with their emotions, often leading to fights. So it would be helpful to know if the fight was due to your hormones making you extra sensitive. Once your body gets used to the hormones by your late teens, most of the symptoms should be gone, things like feeling extra sad and weepy to depressed in worst case scenerio's, or easily irritated for no good reason or others are able to 'push your buttons' so much more easily during this time cus you have a hair trigger temper that goes off far too easily.
This may be the issue or contributing if this problem with Mom is not a life long one but more recent, in the last few months to last two years. If you suspect this may be true, even if not, it may be a good thing to remind mom that this is a time you are going thru the same emotional changes due to hormones and are not going to be yourself for a couple years. You want her understanding as one whos gone thru the same...I dont know of a single female who doesn't experience the emotions to some extent. I was the more weepy sad side rather than the angry side in emotions. It can be either or both. She should have memories of hers too. Mom may be going thru her own issues or worries that are affecting her ability to be at peace and caring rather than suspecting the worst with you. Parents don't like to tell their kids when they are scared or confused about a problem, but you could try asking Mom at a time when she doesnt seem angry, if there's anything bothering her, especially if theres a past history of span of time when she didnt act like this.
If shes always been like this your whole life and you can't remember anything different, then the only reason you are unable to handle the stress of that which you've always done, is because of this highly emotion point in your life. Females in puberty also tend to fight most often with other females and those closest to them, either a mom, sister or friends at school.
Worst case scenerio, your Mom if shes always been this way could be lacking general relationship skills. Knowing how to relate to other people, not just family members is a very important skill in life. Teens may not fully know it all yet but should by time they get into their 20s, however an adult should know. When theres' a life long difficulty but they are able to survive somehow in society, it may be just lack of education which a counselor could help. Or she may have been borderline mental illness of some sort which is hard to dectect as people with this problem can function well enough in society that others don't see it but at home where one lets their hair down, they can tend to attack and dump on family members. THe reason I am mentioning this is that I lived it with my ex husband. He seemed normal in society but at home, things got worse the older he got. I stayed 30 yrs with him so I saw the progression and when its so slow and subtle it is often never detected and treated.
I hope you have a dad to talk to about these concerns and if not, a sibling of your moms, like an aunt or uncle and let them know whats going on if a talk with Mom about puberty emotion issues doesnt get her to treating you better. You need someone else to intervene. In the long run, the stress will affect your grades at school, could cause you severe emotional issues so you become depressed and when depressed, teens often consider suicide or rebelling to get the attention they need and in the rebellion only end up hurting themselves worse and not affecting the parents. You could try a school counselor too.
If you like, you can show my response to whomever you've chosen to help you to see what they may think, whether its more related to Moms own secret issues, your puberty, or perhaps a borderline mental illness that Mom needs to see a psychologist for.
I wish you the best dear. Don't give up, there is always a solution. Its just not that easy and fast to get to one.
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