My husband and I's one year anniversary is coming up in a few months, and so is a very close friend's wedding, her wedding date: our one year anniversary. I'm at a loss of what to do. My husband wouldn't be able to come with me to her wedding, and my friend would be extremely hurt if I didn't go. What makes the situation awkward is I knew when picking my wedding date that my friend would be getting married that same day. I had no choice however (my husband is military). I reassured and promised her since she got engaged that I would be there at her wedding. In fact, as soon as I got the wedding invite, I texted her and let her know I would be there and how excited I was. My husband always knew I'd be going, but I guess it just clicked for him I'd be missing or first anniversary. He's very upset, anniversaries are very important to him. I tried reasoning with him that we could celebrate another day, but he's not having it. What do I do? I will always pick my husband over anything, but shouldn't he be more understanding? Should I be present for the most important day of my close friend's life and hurt my husband? Or be there with my husband for our one year anniversary and risk losing my friend? (And I have very few true good friends)
MsAdvicenator answered Friday February 6 2015, 10:27 pm: Oh wow. Yes he should definitely be more understanding. Most men are horrible with dates and you have to remind them and usually they are not as stubborn about something like that. I'm sorry girl. I think I would go to the wedding. I do not think your husband is going to leave you for going to your best friends wedding. Just make a promise you will celebrate it every year from next year on on the same day. He should get over it. I would have said celebrate with your husband but I am pretty sure if it was the other way around and he had a wedding to go to of his best friends on your anniversary that you would be much more understanding. You should not be in a situation to have to pick between the two right? Your friend is only going to get married once and your anniversary comes once a year so I think go to the wedding and hopefully he will realize that it is not because you don't care about him but because you would be understanding for him if it was the other way around. And that is what a great relationship is..having to compromise on both sides. He should not make you feel bad about wanting to be there for your friend, especially when he knew about it before. He will get over it. Good luck girl!! It will work out!
You are already married and can still celebrate. Maybe try to do something special the day of the anniversary for your husband unless the wedding is out of town? Go to the wedding :-) [ MsAdvicenator's advice column | Ask MsAdvicenator A Question ]
pseudophun answered Friday February 6 2015, 10:29 am: That's tricky, and there's no easy answer.
The easiest answer would be to split the day. You can't stay for the wedding, but maybe show up for the ceremony and then go home. It's still not going to be pretty. There are still going to be hurt feelings, but that's the nature of this particular beast.
Yes, it's crap if you don't show up to a friend's wedding.
Yes, it's unfortunate that you were married the same day she will be married.
Yes, it's painful for your husband that you have obligations on an anniversary.
But it's too late to go back and fix any of that timing, so you're just going to have to move on as best you can... which means splitting the day.
I say you go to the ceremony, then you go home. The reception is just food. She'll be busy with well-wishers and whatnot anyways. You apologize profusely, and then go home to your husband.
Do something really nice for him. Plan something that's really special TO HIM. Especially since he's military. You run the risk that one day your husband might get deployed and never come back to you, so it's important that you DO make the most of anniversaries and special events, in spite of other obligations. [ pseudophun's advice column | Ask pseudophun A Question ]
Jheel answered Friday February 6 2015, 1:53 am: You can celebrate a part of the day as anniversary and a part of the day for the wedding.try to explain it to your husband.. Even if then he is upset, then dedicate the whole day to him... close friend's wedding is important,but more important is your anniversary. donot sacrifice it.You can make up for ur close friend's wedding later by any other means. [ Jheel's advice column | Ask Jheel A Question ]
DDiazella3 answered Friday February 6 2015, 12:17 am: So, why can't your husband go with you to the wedding? He can be with you if you don't go but he can't go with you? I don't understand? A true friend and a husband that loves you shouldn't put you in a pressure cooker like this. Your partner should work with you not demand that you sacrifice your best friend on his behalf. Does your husband think he is in competition with your friend or something??? This should not be a problem.
I don't know what you were planning on doing for your anniversary but imagine this... On your anniversary eve, you and your husband get a hotel. You wake up to breakfast in bed, have a couples massage at the hotel spa or go for a swim in the pool. You finished it all off with hot sex in the shower as you get ready for the wedding. Then you watch another couple, as they embark on this amazing journey that is marriage. Going to a wedding as part of your anniversary could actually be a very symbolic and beautiful way to revisit and remember your own wedding. To appreciate the ceremony and ritual of marriage. The fact that you and your best friend married on the same day is a really unique bond. You and your husband could be joining them for anniversary cruises or trips to the Bahamas in another few years. It sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment. He should also consider asking himself why is he acting like your friends marriage is a threat to him? Marriage is a beautiful thing and celebrating that doesn't make your marriage less, it makes it more. It's not a threat and you should not have to choose between the two.
Being so inflexible about how you celebrate your anniversary isn't going to last long, especially if you ever have kids!!!! Funerals, weddings births, illness, and accidents will forever effect the way you celebrate any and every holiday. You and your partner should look to working together to conquer these obstacles that will surly come. I think your husband missed that memo. Situations like this are what marriage is for, It's about working together despite what life throws at you right? Not about pushing your partner into a corner where she has to miss the most important moment of her best friends life, when you could be enjoying it with her.
In the case that you are married to an abusive awful person that does these things to isolate you from your friends and control your life... Your friend should be understanding. She should stay close to you despite the fact that your husband tried to destroy your friendship. If your husband does not allow you to go, explain that to your friend and know that she will hate him from now on. When the people that love you the most slowly start dropping out of your life because of your partner, that is a red flag that your in an abusive relationship. I hope that is not the case for you. However, if your husband is dedicated to being hated by all your friends and family, he will do it anyway. He will do it and he will blame it on you.
The present situation is not only not a problem it's also not your fault. You and your best friend marring on the same day is cute! You both chose dates you had to choose and it ended up like this... cute and serendipitous!!! Little girls play Barbies to this story, are you kidding me??? This is adorable, or would be if one person (your husband) wasn't being a dick about it.
Have you explained this to him? Have you let him know that he is stripping every little girls fairy tail right out of your hands? He is acting like your friends wedding is an enemy battle ship for no reason! Wy can't he go with you? This is not a time for GI-Joe this is time for Ken. And Ken, lets Barbi have the best friend fairy tail. You should be able to do have both. Her wedding should be a part of your anniversary. You both should go together.
rainhorse68 answered Monday February 2 2015, 10:06 am: The concept of your friends wedding day (which will be a one-off) having priority over your anniversary (which I hope will be just of many more to come)is a sentiment I entirely agree with personally. However, I am not your husband and his priority is very clearly your anniversary. And 'demoting' his primary objective to 'another day' is not likely to be popular with him of course. I assume you've reasoned this argument through with him...without success? OK. I'm assuming now that the wedding will take the usual format. Formal service, followed by reception? Now a wedding reception is normally over the afternoon and evening. Usually it's quite a lavish do. Nice meal, lots of booze (including oodles of champagne!!)and a good excuse for you both to put on your best outfits, and a make-up and hairdo for you. How about making the reception a celebration of your own. Don't try and steal all the thunder from the happy couple, it's their day. But incorporate your own anniverary into the day out. If the best man makes his speech, ask him when he's thanking the guests etc to mention "Jennifer's best mate Jane and husband Joe who were married a year ago on this very day. Glad you're both here". Pause for a bit of applause or a cheer. Savvy? Substitute you real names, naturally! That would be my first choice in handling it. Attending just the service migh be acceptable, leaving the evening (usual time for meals and parties) free for whatever you and hubby have planned. Or stretch it a bit, by attending the reception and leaving a little early. You'll be dressed-up already. The last two really assume the wedding is not a huge distance from where you would like your own celebration. You'd perhaps like that close to your home? You'll have to arrange dinner, hotel etc in a strange town. True, that's not an impossible ask by any means. But I'd try suggesting the first idea to him. The reception and all the glitz counts as YOUR anniversary celebration. Mainly I suppose because having your friend and her husband come along with YOUR anniversary dinner on THEIR wedding day is decidedly NOT an option! If you do have to make a mutually exclusive choice then try to be gracious about it if it's not the one you feel you SHOULD have done. And genuinely apologetic to the one you let down. Good friends should make allowances, but so should your husband. Hope my reply might help in some way? It clearly IS an issue, but when you're negotiating with your husband do try and keep from making it an even bigger issue. Meaning keep calm, cool and reasonable when you're putting your side over, whatever the outcome. At the very worst, you might tell your friend that you've found that your husband has secretly arranged a big party. Loads of invites. Not realising there was a clash of dates. And you can't get out of it. But you'll have to cover your tracks if it's a table for two in a small intimate local restaurant or something and there's a chance she'll find out. Hope again there's some light somewhere in my reply, and I wish you an outcome which is satisfactory for all. X [ rainhorse68's advice column | Ask rainhorse68 A Question ]
isis answered Sunday February 1 2015, 6:53 am: That is one tricky situation you've created for yourself and you knew it was going to happen when you chose your date, regardless of the reasons!
Because of this and because you promised you would not let this stop you attending your friend's wedding I can see no option but for you to go. She (hopefully) will have only the one wedding day and you (hopefully) will have many, many more anniversaries. Yes, this is the first and your husband is understandably upset, who wouldn't be? However, he also he knew you had promised to be there. You're just going to have to make it up to him some other way. Maybe a mini break just before the anniversary or just after or going out for dinner, with you picking up the bill, or anything else that will appease your husband.
Talk to him and ask him what would put this right and what he would prefer to do as an anniversary treat. As I said, if he knew all along about the clash of dates and your promise it can't have come as a big surprise, so you'll have to come to a compromise over this. That's a part of marriage, compromise, so it's a good time to start.
Cardigan answered Wednesday January 28 2015, 12:23 pm: As another military spouse, I can promise you you'll miss a lot of anniversaries, so don't get too hung up on any one date. You're being flexible in living that lifestyle with him, he ought to try to be flexible about the fact you had plans over a year ago on this date, before you two were even married.
Try to figure out what it is this in particular represents to him, because I've never met a couple in the military who got to celebrate the actual day every time, or even most times. Maybe he would see that as making it more important you two celebrate the exact day, but what matters is your ability to work through things together, not the day on the calendar. You can use the gregorian or Hebrew calendar, or celebrate love and marriage at your friends wedding together. [ Cardigan's advice column | Ask Cardigan A Question ]
plentyofphish answered Tuesday January 27 2015, 2:30 pm: Well, everyone is different. I personally wouldn't mind celebrating the anniversary the day before and/or after, but I'm also not your husband. Your husband is upset because this is your first anniversary of the marriage, and being a military man also tends to mean their schedules are not as flexible as civilians.
I think the reasonable solution is to go to your friend's wedding and then skip out early. Be there for the ceremony, wish her congratulations, leave the gift, and then celebrate your own marriage. I do think a true friend would be understanding of the fact that you also need to celebrate your own marriage. It's not the 2nd or 3rd anniversary; it's your first! [ plentyofphish's advice column | Ask plentyofphish A Question ]
Hardcore-Band-Geek answered Monday January 26 2015, 10:11 pm: I would get them both in a room and talk to them together. That you want to be there for your friend's wedding, an important day for her. But that you always want to spend time on your anniversary, a day important for YOU and your husband.
ShineyStarz answered Sunday January 25 2015, 1:45 pm: It takes two to tango in a marriage and he is completely missing the compromising part of it! Just like birthdays, he cannot expect to be able to celebrate things on the exact same day every year.
You should calmly tell this to him and reinforce that you love him, but he won't always get what he wants. And attend the wedding, with him or not. I'm not sure how long you guys have known each other but you have to go with your gut and think who have you known longer, and who will really be there for you: someone who's been a very good friend, or someone who is ready to ruin a relationship over not celebrating something that happens yearly. [ ShineyStarz's advice column | Ask ShineyStarz A Question ]
Advice1806 answered Sunday January 25 2015, 4:20 am: I think you should come to your friend's wedding. You should be there, she's counting on you and it will only happen to her once. It's your anniversary, and you can celebrate it on the very next day. If he really do love you, he'll understand. Anniversaries come every year, your best friend's wedding will only come once. If he don't understand, then make him. If there will still be a problem, I'm sorry, but I think it's not a good thing. You should talk to him, and I'll hope everything will turn out fine. :) [ Advice1806's advice column | Ask Advice1806 A Question ]
The_MoUsY_spell_checker answered Sunday January 25 2015, 3:47 am: Yes, I think your husband should be more understanding.
You will have many more anniversaries to come, while your friend's wedding will be once in a lifetime.
As such, if you can't somehow fit an anniversary celebration into the day and still make it to the wedding, I would recommend going to the friend's wedding.
Sensaura answered Saturday January 24 2015, 6:33 pm: Yes, I think he should be more understanding. If he knew that she was to be married on the same day the two of you were married, and he knew you planned to go, but now that it's here, he's not wanting you to go - that's not right.
But he is your husband - and you married all of him - not just the good and fair parts of him, but the flawed parts of him, also. Perhaps he thought he would be okay with it, but now that it's here something in him has changed, and it's just not as okay now as it was before -
Maybe if you try to find out what about the situation he specifically finds hard to deal with - find out why he feels anniversaries are so important - it may lead to a solution. Or it may help to smooth things over with your friend, if you could give her a logical reason why your husband feels like he needs you to be with him on that day.
Bottom line - I don't think you should go unless he is okay with you going. Why? Maybe I'm just old-fashioned - but when you marry someone, you are bonded to that person and should be that person's absolutely truest friend - the one person that will not let him down. Of course, he should be the same for you also.
I really think the answer here is going to be illuminated if you can dig down into why he is suddenly not willing to be away from you on that day, and then either explaining that to your friend, who - if she is a true friend - will understand, or finding an answer that alleviates his worries or objections to the situation so that he is okay with you going.
Good luck - I hope that you and your husband have a strong and honest relationship and can figure this out, thinking of each other's happiness along the way.
Try to also remember this - you hear every day about all the sacrifices those in the military and their families have to endure -- this is a prime example of one of those sacrifices. However it plays out, your husband is playing an important role as a member of our military, and you are playing an important role as his wife and helpmate -- and I thank you both for your service! [ Sensaura's advice column | Ask Sensaura A Question ]
LaMarionnette answered Saturday January 24 2015, 12:51 pm: Hm, I don't think you should choose neither one of them. From what I read on your question, I could tell how much you love the both of them, and as you've said, it would hurt them if you make a decision. Best friends (True ones) are hard to come by, they're like diamonds in a desert, really. And the love of your life is no less important nor more important than true friends. Don't choose if the outcome won't help you in the end. It's not like you can turn the clock back and make another choice or take another path. And I must also mention how stubborn your husband is.
Anyway. After reading your description, I did get an idea.
Why don't you cut your day in half?
As, spend half of your day at your friend's wedding and half with your husband.
Or be present at your friend's wedding during the day, and at night be with your husband.
Try telling your friend that you can't be with her all day, if she's not as stubborn as your husband and is an understanding person, it should go fine.
And as for your husband, I suggest that you don't tell him anything and make it a surprise, take him out for a romantic dinner at night or something, spend the rest of the night with him?
That's all the advice I have.
Hope it goes well.
- LaMarionnette. [ LaMarionnette's advice column | Ask LaMarionnette A Question ]
MsCece123 answered Thursday January 22 2015, 7:27 pm: This is definitely a difficult thing to decide. Depending on what time your friends wedding is, would it be possible for you to go to her wedding and then be back to celebrate with your husband.Or celebrate with your husband first and then go to your friends wedding.Hey one of them had to understand that you can't be in 2 places at one time, and there's only 24 hours in a day. I hope that my plan will work out for you, and if not one of them will compromise. Hoped that I could help. Thanks. [ MsCece123's advice column | Ask MsCece123 A Question ]
kiara123451 answered Thursday January 22 2015, 12:10 pm: I see how this is a tricky situation for you but as you said, its the most important day of ur friends life! So I suggest this; go to the wedding for a few hours then spend the evening with ur husband, go for a dinner meal for example. But it would be unfair to not go to the wedding. [ kiara123451's advice column | Ask kiara123451 A Question ]
maly answered Wednesday January 21 2015, 6:24 pm: Honestly, you should view your husband as also your best friend. This is your first anniversary with him and you can never get your first anniversary back. Try explaining it to your friend because this is also a very important day for you and the person you love. Missing your first anniversary isn't a good way to start your marriage and if you do it might end up always being an underlying problem between the two of you in your relationship. I don't think your husband is overreacting right now because what he is feeling is not just anger but also hurt because it's like you're choosing your friend over him. When you get married to someone it's not like you have to stop caring about other people in your lives but when you get married to someone then that person is suppose to take priority over your other friends and family
If your friend is a real friend then she will understand that. [ maly's advice column | Ask maly A Question ]
YoungMommy answered Monday January 19 2015, 8:19 pm: Well it sounds like you have to decide what is more important to you... Your friendship or your marriage. If it were me I would chose my husband. If she really is a true friend like you say she is, she will understand that your marriage must come first. Sure it seems unfair to you that your husband is making you chose but your marriage is forever do you really want to regret not spending the day with your husband on your first anniversary? He is right anniversaries are important. And you only get one first anniverdsary. Your very first cellebration of your marriage!
If you really feel like you have to be there for your friend, why not comprimise. Ask your husband to let you go to the ceremony and then let your friend know that the rest of the day (reception and whatever) you need to spend with your husband.
YoungMommy answered Monday January 19 2015, 8:19 pm: Well it sounds like you have to decide what is more important to you... Your friendship or your marriage. If it were me I would chose my husband. If she really is a true friend like you say she is, she will understand that your marriage must come first. Sure it seems unfair to you that your husband is making you chose but your marriage is forever do you really want to regret not spending the day with your husband on your first anniversary? He is right anniversaries are important. And you only get one first anniverdsary. Your very first cellebration of your marriage!
If you really feel like you have to be there for your friend, why not comprimise. Ask your husband to let you go to the ceremony and then let your friend know that the rest of the day (reception and whatever) you need to spend with your husband.
Pook answered Monday January 19 2015, 2:47 am: Why can't your husband come to the wedding? Then you would be together on your anniversary and also at your friend's wedding.
Considering you effectively "hijacked" your friend's wedding date I would say you owe it to her to be at her wedding. You have already promised her you would be there and as you say your husband knows full well that you will attend your friend's wedding. He shouldn't make you choose between the two - anniversaries are not as important as weddings. You are right: he should be more understanding. [ Pook's advice column | Ask Pook A Question ]
GiddyGeezer answered Sunday January 18 2015, 2:02 pm: You know the answer to this already. You need to spend your first anniversary with your husband. If you make any other choice I can assure you it will be the beginning of the end for your marriage. Trade places with him for a minute.Let's say he chose the friend over you? If your friend is so adamant that you attend, even knowing you must risk your marriage to do so, you need to rethink this friendship.No true friend would continue to insist knowing that it will cause major problems in your marriage!Your spouse should ALWAYS come first. NO EXCEPTIONS! With the technology available today, I am sure you and your husband can send beautiful heartfelt wishes on her wedding day and she and her new husband can wish you both a happy anniversary.If she ends the friendship because you chose to be with your husband then she is a spoiled immature brat who is not good friendship material anyway! A brief explanation and your sincere apologies should be enough.Anything more and she is bullying you. Stand back and really look at the position you are in. I don't believe it is the same one you THINK you are in! [ GiddyGeezer's advice column | Ask GiddyGeezer A Question ]
carpe_diem answered Sunday January 18 2015, 1:58 pm: Hey there :) this is quite a tricky situation.
Is there any way you can attend the wedding for a while and then plan something with your husband?
I mean you could always talk to your best friend and tell her that you will be there for a while as it's your anniversary as well and u have plans with your husband. I'm sure she would appreciate the fact that you made an effort inspite of such a situation.
Talk to your husband and make plans accordingly so that you can devote your attention to both of them.
Balancing both the events would be your only choiy to not hurt either of them.
Plan a dinner date with your husband and spend sometime at the wedding prior to that and let your best friend know about it. She'd be happy that you've made an effort.
Hope I helped :)
Congrats on the anniversary though :D [ carpe_diem's advice column | Ask carpe_diem A Question ]
AshokLifeCoach answered Friday January 16 2015, 2:36 pm: Hi,
Thank you for your question to my inbox, it is my pleasure to help you with this.
Go to your friends wedding! You have made a firm promise to a friend that you will do something that is very important to her. You should keep your promises to your good friends, always. To just decide you are changing your mind now and not going really would be treating your friend badly.
Your husband is actually being quite unreasonable here - he is not being very understanding at all. I think selfish is the word actually if I am totally honest with you. I know you say anniversaries are important to him but you know really its just another day of the year! And you don't need a set specific date to celebrate your relationship and love, you can do that any day any time. Even if it is hard for him to not spend the day with you on the actual day of the anniversary, as your husband who loves you he should really recognise that it is important for you to be at your friends wedding. He might not like it, but he is not a child and he should be able to recognise that he is going to have to have some flexibility.
This is something your husband is just going to have to deal with. I understand you feel bad and guilty but he really is not behaving very well here. He might not like it but if he loves and respects you he will get over it.
I hope it all works out and I hope you have a great day at the wedding and a great anniversary celebration (just on a different day!)
adviceman49 answered Friday January 16 2015, 9:42 am: To me this one is a no brainer, family comes first; especially with your husband being in the military.
Your husband could be deployed at a moments notice to anywhere in the world. One of the things that keep a soldier, Sailor, Airman or Marine happy and safe is memories of home. Creating those memories with him and for him are important. A first anniversary comes only once.
Yes, I realize the President has said that he will not commit boots on the ground in the current situation in the middle east. The situation with ISIS and Al Qaeda is quickly changing and the President may have to renege on that promise to pay back promises made to coalition partners in the past.
I'm assuming your husband either does not have the leave time or cannot get leave to go with you to the wedding otherwise he would go with you. If he was not in the military and did not want to or could not go with you I would agree with the others. But your husband is in the military and your friend will have to understand that he is the most person in your life right now, until children come along, and for reasons that should be obvious, as I pointed out above, his happiness has to come first.
ksca answered Friday January 16 2015, 5:52 am: Your husbands military right so the fact it's your one year anniversary would mean a lot to him and I suggest you reason with your friend, she should be understanding ask her what she would do in your position and then say to your husband the same thing if both come up with their answers you will have yours.
ciao77 answered Friday January 16 2015, 4:18 am: I can understand how you feel-- both events are very important and you wouldn't want to miss either. I would talk to your husband about it, making him understand how you value both days (she's a close friend) and absolutely want to make him a priority. See if you can compromise with both of them. If the wedding is at night, maybe just go to the reception, and do something special with your husband during the day. Or you could stay for part of the wedding and leave early so you can spend time with your husband. In addition to that, you could even start an "early" anniversary, meaning you stay up at night and have a little countdown to midnight, with something romantic planned for then (maybe a champagne toast or some wine). Have some suggestions for activities planned so that your husband sees you care and want to make an effort. Good luck! [ ciao77's advice column | Ask ciao77 A Question ]
Boogeylady answered Friday January 16 2015, 3:10 am: Hi dear one,
Oh boy! this is tricky.
Here are some options to discuss
Would it be in any way possible,if you guys could spend the night before the day of the wedding at a nice hotel and have an anniversary breakfast? Or a brunch? That way,at least you would be honoring your anniversary as best you can,since the wedding would be later in the day.
You love your friend and husband,and its not fair for you to be put in a position where you feel you have to choose,I think with what I have suggested,seems like a possible solutuion,spend time with your hubby and then attend the friends wedding
Explain to him again that you made a commitment and that this one time,you are unable to back out of going to your friends wedding.
Also,let him know it means so much to you,and that you would love for him to be there with you too.
Good luck dear one [ Boogeylady's advice column | Ask Boogeylady A Question ]
lightoftruth answered Friday January 16 2015, 1:19 am: If I were you, I'd be going to the wedding.
Of course you don't want your husband to feel bad. But this will (hopefully) be the only time they get married and you and your husband have more anniversaries to celebrate, it wouldn't even hurt to celebrate a different day.
solidadvice4teens answered Thursday January 15 2015, 11:14 pm: Yes,he should be more accepting given the situation and that he's often away in the military. Your friend should be too. You should go to the wedding and fulfill the promise you made years ago. If your husband can't go or chooses to pout about it so be it. He's a big boy he will get over it.
Your problem is you give in to his every demand and he's walked and is walking all of you frequently. In this situation go to the wedding. Tell him the date you got married isn't as significant as who you married and being together. That's all you can do. The right thing is doing what your friend was promised.
You should tell her you want to be there and intend to but your husband is being a jerk about the date and it being an anniversary of which you will celebrate later eve though it's the 1st one. Maybe she will have ideas on how you can do her wedding and you and your spouse can celebrate your marriage at same time. Talk to her but I agree if you made a promise long before you married this guy keep it. [ solidadvice4teens's advice column | Ask solidadvice4teens A Question ]
Dragonflymagic answered Thursday January 15 2015, 10:04 pm: She is only going to have one Wedding day celebration, you are going to have many anniversary celebrations. It wont always fall on a weekend so if you celebrate big, you might want to do it on the closest weekend to anniversary. However as you said, he won't go for that. It could be, he's one of those people who have a plan in their mind of how everything should go or turn out, and any surprises or unexpected situations that life throws their way, they can't handle and have a melt down. I can't say it's strictly him being unreasonable. I knew someone like that but they had mental health issues too, and other may just struggle with too much negative thinking/cognitive issues. If he knew this all along, her should have said something the moment she announced her wedding date and asked her to choose another or you wouldn't attend if it was that important to him. He doesn't plan ahead well I suppose. But no reason to punish your best friend. I would go to her wedding. My daughter used to be married to a military guy and they almost didn't release him in time to make it to his own wedding though he'd asked for the time in advance. I know it's a narrow window of time and you have to plan around the schedule of the military, when he has time off. If the friend already had her wedding date chosen before you chose yours due to time constriction, she shouldn't have to suffer your absence just because you and hubby had no other choice of dates.
Missing the actual anniversary date just once, is something a normal person can adjust to..celebrating a day earlier or day later. Being so unflexible may point to some character issues/ problems in him or simply the issue of being immature. If your husband always gets what he wants and you cater to all his wishes, you will never learn if this man is capable of putting your happiness first above his because he will never have to work through a situation like this. But do as you wish. Either soothe the husband and hurt your friend, or go to the Wedding and then discover if the husband is so unreasonable and really cares so little for you, or her recovers and is glad you went. He may not be as perfect as you think, as much as you love him. I married at 20 and thought he was a wonderful Godly man. It was the opposite. He acted like this and it got worse quickly to the point he treated me worse than strangers and began to verbally abuse. Not saying he's that bad, But you don't deserve anyless less than a guy who treats you as a Queen and puts your needs and wishes before his own. Going to this Wedding just may bring out his true character for you to see, so you know what you are dealing with. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
Ocalaphernella answered Thursday January 15 2015, 9:56 pm: He Should be more understanding, but is there anyway you could do both? Just stop by for a little bit for the wedding and then go back to your husband? Of so, do that! But if not, your friend should understand. It's really important, but make it up to her? Take your friend out and give her a nice wedding present or something. If your husband won't understand, then your friend at least should.
Hope this helps~ [ Ocalaphernella's advice column | Ask Ocalaphernella A Question ]
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