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Help with a girl that i might like?
Okay so i'm 14/f and this girl in my 1st period i feel like she might like me. I know i shouldn't get my hopes up too much in case she doesn't, she might not even be gay/bi, i had just been picking up on some subtle signals recently. I don't actually think she knows that i'm a lesbian, though i am open about it, but i started talking to her and now i'm starting to feel like i'm getting mixed signals. I asked her for her number and she said she doesn't know it (surprisingly common among the people i talk to believe it or not) and i gave her mine and told her to text me, but she never did. That happened about a week ago. On the other hand, if i don't approach her first in the mornings (which i've been trying to avoid doing so i can see what she does) then she usually says something and talks to me a little bit, though the class is Orchestra so there isn't exactly too much time to talk and i don't see her any other time. Also during a free day we were talking (she had approached me and sat down next to me) and she was asking me about what kinds of music i liked, and she was telling me what kinds she likes. She mentioned a few popular or semi-popular artists, and then proceeded to sing very quietly to one of those artists songs under her breath. (and she has a great voice, irrelevant i know but it's so sweet and smooth and lovely) I told her she has a nice voice, and she smiled and said that she doesn't like singing with a lot of people around, then proceeded to say that maybe i should come over to her house sometime and we could play Just Dance which has those artists on it, and i told her that sounds like a lot of fun and i'd love to. Side not that during this exchange, we were holding eye contact with eachother. (and she also has really gorgeous eyes) But it's hard to talk to her, i feel like i'm not getting anywhere and we have the same exchanges and she still hasn't texted me and still says she doesn't know her number, and because of this i'm unable to really get to know her and also still don't even know for a fact if she even likes girls or if i misread the situation entirely. I'm just really confused and frustrated and not sure if i should continue trying or if i'm wasting my time, and if i do continue to pursue then how do i even proceed?
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I assume she has her own cell phone on a family plan and just doesn't know the number, and we're not talking of a land-line in the house.
What you can do next time you see her is have her pull out your phone, you tell her your number, to punch it in and call you right then, or you punch it in on her phone. The moment yours rings and you answer, you'll have her phone number posted in your phone and you can choose the option to save it in your phone and put her name along with the number. If she is unwilling to do that, you might ask if her parents gave her special rules for the use of the phone. If it was given to be used only for emergencies and not chatting with friends, she may keep dodging you because she's afraid to tell you about that, thinking it's make her look bad. If thats the case, getting a land line number if one existed might be a better choice or you'll have to work something else out.
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Hi there. I can tell from reading this that you really like her a lot, don't you? Sounds to me as though she likes you too. But it may not be on the level you want. So. You're OK with the idea of same-sex relationships. Maybe not exclusively (since you're using the term gay/bi), but if you feel drawn in this way to another girl at times during your life then there's no reason why you can't just go with it? I do feel that she does not have your strength of conviction or confidence right now. She can't be completely comfortable with either the idea of same-sex relationships, or possibly one with you. Now don't get this second part wrong. It's the same with heterosexual relationships. We can't instantly choose a partner with certainty. There's a lot of feeling each other out, seeking each other's approval, looking for common interests. Seeing if we 'click'. And this is exactly what you're doing isn't it? You like her voice, we like the same music etc. We engage We hold each others attention, eye to eye. It's always a time of those mixed signals. Uncertainty. Some confusion. I'm afraid that YOU also have to contend with the possibility that she finds a same-sex relationship out of the question, however much you click on other levels. A 'misread situation' will of course be crushing and embarrassing. What I'm getting is a strong impression that right now she's not saying 'definitely no' but she's unwilling to say 'definitely yes'. She's simply not sure. I'd proceed in exactly the way you have been going. Keep engaging with her, building up the strength of the bond. The closer you get the more likely she is to feel confident, comfortable and relaxed around you. Put the right atmosphere in place an d then if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. But don't force things. DON'T go steaming-in with "I'm fed up wasting time. I'm Bi. I fancy you. How about it?". In fact, you're going to have to use proper patience and undertsanding. Keep putting out the positives. Court her attention and affection slowly step by step. All this with absolutely NO gurantee that anything is going to come of it. Do YOU think she's worth the effort and justifies the gamble? Only you can answer that. If it's 'yes' then this is what I think you'll have to do. But really, gay, bi or straight, isn't this the process through which we all come to know our future partners?? Good luck sweetheart. Like I said, it's obvious in every word you've written that you think the world of this girl. X
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