Gender:
MaleMember Since:
June 18, 2009Answers:
8136Last Update:
May 26, 2019Visitors:
139817Favorite Columnists
karenR
AyyItsKristen
Erinn_the_bamf
Xui
storageanddisposal
lvr
Smartone
bewise
GradingCurve
anonymous99
HildaJrCarter
more...
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Abusive Relationships
Cooking
View All
about
My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I grew up catholic born and raised my parents are crazy catholic. I broke their biggest rule I had sex I have been having sex for months with my boyfriend. They found out this past new years , and made me give him up. They said till he graduates (hes a year younger, I graduate this year). But until then no contact aloud no texting facebook ect. no in person contact. We talk and pass notes at school I can't seem to give him up. Do I go against my parents wishes and try to be happy or go with what they say and be miserable. Most people say oh hey you'll make it highschool relationships never last but I don't think that's true I think that as long as we both try it can work. But I cannot afford to move out so im stuck living under my parents rules. My life is a mess because I feel like I have to choose between my family and my boyfriend. help please?
You will graduate this year this makes you anywhere from 16 going on 17 to 17 going on 18. You are also correct in that when you live with your parents you must live by their rules. I was happy to see you write this for it tells me a lot about you and your level of maturity. I'm not going to dwell on the pre-marital sex for two reasons. First what is done is done and cannot be undone. Second few brides today go to their marriage bed a virgin.
Let’s start with the parental rules: While you are under 18 not legally and adult parental rules are a hard line. When you turn 18 you become legally an adult and the line becomes blurred. Your parents legally are not responsible for you; still most teenagers’ need their parents support to survive and prosper. The house rules though need to reflect the fact that their child is no longer a child and certain freedoms must be granted. This is a discussion you should start planning to have with your parents for after graduation and you turn 18.
As to your boyfriend: I feel you are mature enough to make your own decision here. I will try to point out some of the obvious you may not be seeing at the moment.
You are correct in what you believe in that some High School romance do last past High School, the major percentage of them don't. The reason for this is that long distance relationships caused by College separations are hard to maintain.
You will graduate first and hopefully go off to college in the fall. He is going to stay behind and have his senior year. I remember my sons’ senior year and the many activities to celebrate during the year. He may want to attend these activities and you are not going to be able to attend all or any of them depending on where you go to school. You are going to make new friends and have new more adult experiences while at school. When you come home things are going to be different. I forget who said this but it is true, "You can never come home again."
I went to college while in the military and after I returned home. My friends all went to college right after high school. The only friend I really identified with when I came home was one that became a cop because he experienced some of what I did.
I was sent off to a far off country to assist in fighting a war I knew little about. I saw untold cruelty and dead people. My friends saw fun and games. I was forced to grow up and mature faster than them. I no longer identified with them or them with me. This will happen with you.
While the reasons for you maturing faster than him will be different. Your college life is going to force you to mature a great deal in that first year. The chances of you two growing apart are great and it is no one fault; it will just happen.
Think about this and then think about you last two sentences. Do you really have to make a choice?
Hello, I am an eighteen year old female and am about to start my second semester in freshman year at college. The college I'm at specializes mostly in science and mathematics area - specially engineering. I started out in Geology during the first semester to see if science was TRULY where my strength laid, but I'm definitely more of an artsy person. Therefore I changed to English as a degree. I don't really know what I wish for my career to be... because I have a lot of things I like. In this college there isn't that much interest in arts, but out of the few degrees that do relate to something I like I have English and Plastic Arts. I don't know which one to pick (and I've been told that a double bachelor's is not really that beneficial regarding when it comes to getting a job, so I don't know if I should attempt it). That's just two of my options, there's another University I like that has a Communications degree. This has six different concentrations: the ones I like are Photography, Multimedia, Digital Cinema and News. Keep in mind that I love writing, drawing and designing - I love art in all aspects, so that's not a problem for me. I would've gladly gone into show business as a musician, dancer, a singer or an actress, but sadly I never managed to get training (my parents didn't have the time nor money for it).
Here's the thing, I was trying to do this by "what is easier for me" but I've realized that it doesn't work like that - it can never be that easy, it's the truth. So... I'm just wondering if anyone with experience regarding these degrees could recommend which would be the most beneficial in the sense of economic growth and job availability (I've done my fair research on each, but I'm still a little empty handed and confused).
Since you have a variety of interest and no set goal what I suggest you do is this.
Contact a course advisor or guidance counselor at your present college. In essence you are a lost soul when it comes to just what you want to study and what you would like to do as a career. You tell him or her as you have told us of your many interests and which of them are of the most interest to you.
There are tests they can give you that will tell you what and where your strengths are. I took these tests when I was your age and I was surprised at what the test pointed to as what I should do in life.
To be truthful the test results were so far afield of where I thought my strengths were that I did not believe what the results pointed to. I flounder in many different jobs before finding myself in just such a position as the test had indicated. Bingo not only was I good at it but I was sought after by my competitor companies to work for them. Their reasoning, they would rather have me on their team then fight me.
My career has been very successful and has allowed me to provide very well for my family. My advice is to ask to take this test, pay for it if you must. Then give the results serious consideration especially if the results are not what you expect.
I Got A Random Message On Kik From A Girl. It Said "21/F from Vegas, I found your name in the online member directory, just looking for someone to chat with"... Um? I Told Her I Didn't Know Her Or Whatever And She Asked If We Knew Eachother. I Said No And She Said That My Username Seemed Familiar Or Something. Pleeeease Help, I Know It May Just Seem Like Someone With The Wrong Kik But I'm Scared. I Don't know What Directory Or Anything She's Talking About. Please Help, I Deleted My Account And Everything. She Said "Hmm okay, mind talking to a 24 y/o lonely single female?" Or Whatever. Ah I'm So Creeped Out
I'm not familiar with KIK though if it is anything like Facebook it is not hard to contact someone you don't know. You have every right to be concerned there are a lot of weirdo's who crawl the web looking for young people to make contact.
Was this person what she purported to be? Chances are good she is not. She may be a female or she may be a male. She maybe 12, 21, or 51 you can't tell from writing.
You did the right thing by closing your KIK account. IF your account had any home town information on it then in an abundance of caution you should do as follows.
I believe you to be a teenager so you start by telling your parents what happened. With their help you make a police report giving the police this person's screen name or contact information. Ask the police if they want you to file a report with KIK about this person. They may not want you too. IF so it is because major police departments have agencies within them to go after people like this. They may be able to do so or they will hand the information off to the State Police to follow up. In either case the contact information has to be up and contactable.
I would not be too concerned. Most cyber criminals lure people to them. It is safer for them to meet people away from where they are feeling safe to someplace they feel safe.
I'm a 14 year old female with depression and anxiety. I'm a freshman in high school, but I'm homeschooled due to the mental illnesses. Well, I have NO friends. The only interaction I really have is with my family. I probably only go outside once or twice a week. All I really do is play video games, read, surf the internet, do my schoolwork, or other little activities. I love going outside as long as it isn't hot, but I'm just too depressed and anxious. Is there something wrong with me? I go to a therapist every week. I just feel like I'm worthless and not going anywhere since I stay in my room 23 hours of the day, on the internet for like half of that time. I just feel worthless. It's not like I'm a lazy bum who doesn't do anything with their life, I just am majorly depressed and scared to leave my house. I'm still in school and learn a lot though.
First you are or should be aware we are not doctors and cannot make a medical judgment.
As to what is normal; everyone's normal is different. For someone who is homeschooled you life would appear normal as you lack the social life that comes along with a public school education.
I would hope your illness is being managed by a psychiatrist as well as a psychologist. Talk therapy is great if you are compliant. By this I mean are you telling your therapist what you have told us. Remember your therapist is there to help you to be on your side and to be your best friend someone you can share your secrets with knowing that they go no further. You have complete confidentiality with your therapist or psychiatrist. Nothing you say gets back to your parents.
When they speak to your parents, if they do and hopefully they do. What they say to them is how to help you with suggestions as to what can be done at home. Of course these suggestions are based on the information you have shared with them but your parents are never told what you say.
If you are not seeing a psychiatrist for your depression and anxiety you need too. A Board Certified Psychiatrist is the best person trained to help with these illnesses. Anxiety is actually a bye product of depression. When you control one you also control the other.
Having suffered with depression myself I know how you feel. Depression causes pain, pain causes anxiety, anxiety cause more depression. You need to break the cycle and this is where the psychiatrist comes in. There are medications they are aware of that can help that a Family doctor is just not trained to deal with and a non-Board Certified psychiatrist may not be trained in.
My suggestion is this. If you are not seeing a psychiatrist you need to see one and it should be a Board Certified Psychiatrist. If you are seeing non-Board Certified psychiatrist and still suffering as you are you need to change doctors. You also need to be completely open with your therapist. If you're not comfortable with your therapist then it absolutely appropriate to find someone you are comfortable with.
Most important is to talk with your parents and advocate for yourself. Tell them if your are not comfortable with a doctor or therapist. Your the one in treatment and you are the one who has to be comfortable with the doctors and therapist if you are to get better.
I'm a 15 year old female and my boyfriend has popped my cherry will this affect the way I have sex or get fingered again ? And will the cherry get back to normal .
Lets' get the definitions correct first.
Cherry Popping by definitions generally means you were a virgin and have had your first sexual intercourse. It has nothing to do with the rupturing of your Hymen.
Hymen thin membrane across the opening of the vagina which has a small hole in it for menstrual blood to drain through. The Hyman can be ruptured or detached through physical exercise, bike or horseback riding or even a fall. Tampon usage and fingering can also rupture a Hyman. Loss or rupturing of a woman's Hyman at one time meant the loss of her virginity. Today this is not true. By today's definition, for male or female, a person is a virgin until they have a penile to vagina penetration.
If your boyfriend managed to tear or rupture your Hyman while fingering you it will not affect your sex life now or later in life. You are still a virgin until you allow some male to penetrate your vagina with his penis. When that happens make sure he is wearing a condom; as contrary what he may tell you, a woman can get pregnant on her first sexual experience.
Also even if he says he will pull out before he ejaculates, comes, he emits a small amount of fluid that as a lubricant, which he does not feel or control during intercourse. This fluid contains enough sperm to impregnate you.
If you have not already experienced intercourse make sure your man always wears a condom, even if you are on birth control.
Can I give almond and dates paste to my 2 month old baby?
I am from India but I live in London
It is too soon to be giving a infant solid foods. While each child is different as to when they will be able to handle solid food they will tell you simply by needing to be fed more often when milk alone is not holding them between feedings. When this happens you start with a very diluted mixture of cereal like pabulum mixed with the milk just enough for their stomachs and digestive systems to get use to solids. Then you slowly start adding more and more cereal until you need to spoon feed the baby. This should happen some time around the four month mark, give or take a week or so.
Then after the child is use to solid food you can start adding other solid food in strained or paste form. While Almonds and Dates may be a native food they may be too hard for an infant to digest at an early age so I would not recommend they be the first solids after cereal.
Check with your Child's' pediatrician. Most pediatrician have a list of foods to add to a child's diet and wen and in what order to add them.
Every morning, when I wake up, my eyes are very swollen. When I spend the night with people, they often wonder why, as I do myself. It is not attractive. It literally looks like I got hit by a bus. Do you know if there is anything I can do to prevent this? Thank you for your input! :)
While we are not doctors the most common reason for this problem that I know of is you are allergic to what ever is used to stuff the pillow. If you are sleeping with a feather pillow try sleeping with a pillow stuffed with foam. If you happen to have a latex allergy stay away from the foam and go with fiber stuffed or other hypoallergenic pillows.
Bed, Bath and Beyond has a good variety of these type of pillows to choose from.
I have been with my fiance since high school. We are both 22 yrs old now and have a beautiful 1yr old daughter. My problem with my relationship is I feel smothered. Not smothered by attention or affection, there actually isn't much of that because of me. He works hard for our family and our future while I staynat home. I love him so much and couldn't imagine my life without him...yet at times I want to escape. He is a very sensitive broody kind of guy. He was both physically and mentally abused by his parents most of his life and he has passive aggressive issues BIGTIME. I on the other hand keep all my stress and insecurity locked up and don't show are act like anything is wrong. His behavior sometimes makes me want to just run and disappear. Almost like his energy is choking the air and it feels heavy all the time. Yet he ALWAYS want's to spend time with me UNLESS he goes out with his friends. I personally don't have many friends and I am an introvert. But I want to find time for myself! But if I said that to him he would ask if I hate being around him or some BS! ugh Idk how to explain myself to him at all!
You both have issues that need to be resolved. Coming from a dysfunctional family myself I can identify somewhat with your fiancé. Being mentally abused, as me and my sister were, is I believe is far worse than physical abuse as it is hard to defend yourself from.
For me the mental abuse caused me to be depressed for many years without knowing it. For me this was the norm, I didn't know any better way. If it hadn't been for an unfortunate turn of events that caused me to seek therapy to deal with; I was in a traffic accident leaving me disabled. I would never have known there was a better way to live.
While no two people are alike your fiancé may not know he is depressed for as like me the way he is has become his norm. A visit to his doctor to be screened for depression, which is painless as it consists of questions asked while a full physical is done to rule out organic problems for how he is feeling and acting.
You could or should tell him of what I have written and you can encourage him to contact me in a private message. Having been through some of what he has I can identify with him somewhat and hopefully convinces him to at least get screened. I wasted a good part of my life not knowing better, there is no reason he should.
As for you; therapy can help you to draw yourself out of your shell and raise your self-esteem. With your fiancé getting therapy for depression and you for self-awareness and self-esteem, you can both work on communication.
If the two of you cannot communicate to each other your feeling, your desires, and mot just sexual desires, your goals in life and how you can help each other get there. Then at best your relationship will be rocky. at worst your relationship could fail.
Love and physical attraction bring you together. After a time love becomes a loving relationship. You still love each other but it is more of a family love a love of comfort and security. This is where the value of good communication between you is ever so important. As I say in answers to some other types of questions. "Sex only takes a relationship so far." "One day you wake up and have to talk to one another and can't." It is the same with love. If you can't communicate properly with each other than love will suffer.
My advice for both of you is to seek the professional help I wrote about above.
21/f, 28/m
I'm having a lot of mixed feelings right now. I know I have to separate one situation from another. But I need help gaining some perspective on why do people have one night stands. I never really followed the crowd, I don't really understand the whole "one night stand" situations.
In my opinion (I hope it doesn't offend anyone), I feel like those who do one night stands lack self-respect and has low self-esteem. I may be wrong.
The reason why I ask is because the guy I'm dating, I have asked him, twice, how many people has he slept with the past two years and when was the last time he's gotten tested (I obviously wasn't asking for fun, I asked to be safe). He told me, both times, that he only slept with me and his ex-girlfriend. And the last time he got tested was two years ago (when he was dating his ex-girlfriend). I decided to get myself tested and I asked him the same question again... He said he slept with FOUR OTHERS.
I got confused and it turns out that he lied to me. He had a few one-night stands with three other girls after his ex-girlfriend. And one was after we first started dating (going on dates, getting to know each other, etc.) I was very surprised when I heard that. I don't know what to think or what to say to him. I feel betrayed, sad, and angry with the situation.
He explained to me that he wasn't looking for one-night stands during that time but they just happened to "fall into his lap." He went on dates with these girls, they realized that they weren't right for each other but had a mutual physical attraction, they slept together, and then that was it.
I still don't understand why people have one-night stands. I don't know how to get over this situation. Help?
I have never had nor have I ever wanted a one night stand. I have always felt sex was too intimate for a one night stand. I know a strange feeling for a guy especially one who came of age during the sexual revolution.
From what I understand more so for women than men but both are guilty of this. The one night stand satisfies a need without the baggage that comes along with a relationship. Career minded men and women though all have one thing in common; they have sexual needs. They get horny and need to relieve the sexual tension with in them. The one night stand does this for them.
Now a guy can and some do will do this with a prostitute or a paid escort. Career minded women on the other hand need to be more discrete, the old double standard. Guys do this there dogs, women there sluts. The pick-up bars are the answer to the men who can't afford the Escorts and won't use a prostitute. For the women the bars offer a degree of discretion that a male Escort or prostitute does not.
Of course there is the exception to this rule for there are men and women looking for a long term partner. Until they find that partner they do not have a problem using a pick-up bar to satisfy their sexual needs either.
According to a recent survey on Masturbation 15% of the population refuse to masturbate. If this is true then I would say there is more than sufficient number of people to populate the pick-up bars for one night stands to satisfy one's sexual needs only.
- Money-----------Negative....!!
- Friend----------Negative....!!
- Love------------Negative....!!
- Eligibility-----Negative....!!
- Seance----------Negative....!!
- Family Support--Negative....!!
- Skill-----------Negative....!!
So i'm Suffering with STRESSED FEELINGS,,
What can i do....????
Please Help Me..
You are aware it is all the negativity in your life that is causing you stress. To lower your stress levels you need to get rid of or at least lower the amount of negativity in your life to a more manageable level. Without knowing the What, why, when or where of the negativity it is impossible to offer any advice or helpful advice as to how to do this.
As temporary solution or suggestion to lowering your stress, which may be helpful in dealing with the stress would be exercise. Exercise releases endorphins which help you relax. If you relax your stress level will go down. Under less stress you may be able to see solutions to the problems causing the negativity. If exercise is not your thing then do what ever it is you like to do to relax; bowling, hunting, fishing whatever takes your mind off the problems of the day.
Given the amount of stress you are under I would not be surprised if you were suffering some form of depression. IF so help from a therapist might be in order.
I'm so pissed that my gf is not the same as when I first met her. She displayed herself innocent and sweet, which she still does pretend. But I came to know about some stuff about her which she is been hiding since we are togther. We did had ground rules about not hiding anything when we started dating. She doesn't knows that I know the true stories behind the stories she tells me. She is a single mother. She got pregnant when she was drunk when she was 20 years old. Then she decided to keep the kid. I'm dating her almost a year and half and I accidentally came accros her conversations. She's been talking to guys from university and her neighbors which I'm okay with but in most of conversation they discuss about their sexual activities. Many of them included having sex in a cinema, having sex in a sex club while others watched her, having sex with a transexual, after partying walking to home full drunk and passing out at some unknown person's house and waking up naked in his bed which in the conversation it is described as she doesn't even know how many guys fuckrd her, I also came across some conversations describing sleeping with married few men and having affair with engaged guy, having sex with her gfs and their bfs and having flings with her sisters ex. I am feeling like such a horrible person. I never cheated in my entire life. I never lied about anything. I was expecting the same. I just feel like I'm such a loser. I honestly don't know what to react to this. Please advice me to take a proper decision.
First of all you are not the loser she is. She does not deserve someone like you. I take it if things worked out between you that you were willing not only to be her husband but to take on the responsibilities of being a father to her child. There are not many men out there willing to take on the responsibility of raising another man’s child. This makes her the loser not you.
My advice is simple; walk away and don't look back. As my mother would have told you. "There are more fish in the sea." "Redbait your hook and go fishing again and find someone who will appreciate a man like you." I did, forty-four years ago come July.
I am 16 years old, and recently, I lost my virginity. We had no condoms so I trusted the "pull-out" method (never again) and he ejaculated inside of me. I immediately told my sister and we went to the store for plan B (One Step). Now, 3 days later, I have a little brownish blood coming out of me. When I saw this, I immediately panicked because I just got off my period about a week ago, so I'm almost sure this can't be my period. What's going on??? 😔
I do not believe you miscarried. If you had sex and then you had your period you were never pregnant in the first place. IF you just finished your period and had sex within the last week the chances are excellent that you were not fertile and could not become pregnant.
Most women are fertile between the 7th and 21st day of their cycle. This is true for about 80% of women. The other 20 % of women can be fertile at any time including while they are having their period. IF you know when you ovulate then you will know which group you are in.
Since you are now sexually active you should also know that under a federal law called HIPPA. The law was designed to allow anyone 14 years of age and older to seek medical assistance for anything concerning their reproductive system with full medical confidentiality.
As a by product of this law you can also ask any doctor of your choosing or go to any women's clinic; ask for and be prescribed birth control without parental consent. Your parent will never know and your doctor or pharmacist cannot tell them as under the law they are not allowed to disclose any medical information without your written permission as it pertains to anything concerning your reproductive system.
I would suggest if you wish to continue to be sexually active you get on birth control. Also you have your partner wear a condom until such time as you are an adult in a long term committed relationship. Condoms are not only for birth control but they are also effective in preventing transmission of many STD and the HIV/AIDS virus.
When I was your age the girls had a saying. NO rubber no LOVER. I would suggest you adopt that saying. A condom and birth control medication make it almost 100% effective against unwanted pregnancy.
I'm 20, female, junior in college.
For my junior year, I decided to commute for a job that I got while I was home and to save money. For my senior year, my old roommate and I had planned to get an apartment and live together. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that commuting was the better option, especially since I want to work my way up at work and I can't do that if I don't work that much. I guess I never told my old roommate that I didn't make the payment to live on campus next year and she texted me today and said that we should plan a dinner for the girls we want to live with next year and I have no idea how I'm going to tell her that I'm commuting again. She has issues with her roommate this year and every time she would complain to me about her, I would always just tell her "next year, we'll be together again" and now we won't be and that's totally my fault, I know. But commuting is the better option for me living a half an hour away and having a job and probably looking to intern - I just don't see a reason to move back on to campus. So, I was just wondering an easy way to tell her that I just can't do it, that I'm commuting again and I'm sorry I'm a terrible friend for letting her down like that. Help, please. I know I'm probably being childish but I was never one that could easily let people down like that and I feel like her thinking that I was moving back on campus next year this whole time was building her hopes up and now I have to tell her that I'm not.
I have a good friend who has a line that goes like this; "It’s my story and I will tell it my way." What this means for you is; you can tell her the truth but in a way that presents the truth in the best possible light for you without hurting her feelings if possible.
I would say to her something like this. "Beth I know I have told you we will be roommates again next year.
"Recently things have changed that offer me a better opportunity with the company I am working for if I continue to live at home, work for them and commute to school." "I'm really sorry about this and have been fighting about this with myself though I feel I have to do what is best for the future I want for myself and I can't afford to pass up what can be had by continuing to work as I am for them." "I'm really sorry I couldn't tell you sooner but I have to follow my instincts on this, please forgive me."
Your are basically telling her the truth which is good for if you make up something you better write it down for you won't remember it. Such as my parents need me at home or I can't afford to live on campus right now. These are untruths and you never remember them.
Of course use your own words for what I wrote but stick to the basic story line of a work opportunity for that is what you have written here to us.
These past few days I've been feeling really down. I'm a senior in highschool and I've always done good in school and gotten 90s and 100s but this year I'm getting 80s I know it's not horrible but I won't be able to make honor roll, which I really want to. I'm surprised I even made it last semester considering how my grades have dropped this year. But I'm taking honors classes and 2 AP's. I barely have any friends, only one that I really talk to in school and eat lunch with. I feel like no one likes me and thinks of me as pathetic and a loser because I'm quiet. The reason I don't talk much in my classes is because I might have social anxiety. I'm always worried about what other people are gonna say or think of me. It's always been like this.
Also I've been doing bad in gym and I don't know why but my teacher gave me a 65 today, even though I did participate. I always see kids sitting around and talking to their friends and not doing anything and she never says anything to them. I've never gotten that grade and I feel so stupid now.
I feel useless and unimportant and like no one cares about me. I have really low self esteem and I'm always feeling bad about myself. I feel like I'll never be confident. The past 3 years of highschool were fine idk why but I really hate this year. I feel so useless and lonely.
Not to mention I have problems at home too. My parents don't talk to each other, if they do they just end up fighting. I don't talk to me dad, I feel like he doesn't care about me or anyone in my family. He doesn't know anything about my school or care to ask. My mom is the one who has always done EVERYTHING for me and my 2 siblings. She works hard to take care of us even though she's diabetic and had surgery on one of her legs. Since my parents aren't speaking to eachother they don't sleep in the same room. My mom has to sleep on a sofa in the livingroom and my dad doesn't even care. My brother doesn't even have his own room and he's 23. He has to sleep in the livingroom. My older sister is disabled, she stays home all the time and isn't getting better. I don't know what to do.
Your school life is not all that bad. In fact you may be trying a bit too hard. The senior year is usually a year where you can relax a bit having taken most of the courses you need for graduation and now are taking only the electives required. From what you have written it appears you have really loaded up your senior year as well as the past three years. There is nothing wrong with this as it will make you stand out more on your college applications. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the best I would rate your school life at around 7 or 8.
Your home life is a different story. There is not much you can do about your home life. You can grin and bear it for the next 8 or 9 months until you go off to college, hopefully you are for you sound like the type of student who deserves a college education. I have one suggestion about college which I will get to shortly.
The other thing you can do about your home life is to talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal. You are living in a dysfunctional family. This is not good for them or you. I believe this is partly the reason for your low self-esteem and the way you are feeling right now which has the sounds of you being depressed. The teacher or your principal are required to notify the proper agencies to step in and correct what is wrong at home so you can excel at school.
The agency most effective in correcting what is wrong at home is Child Welfare Services. They would be most interested in you and your disabled sister regardless of her age. Your 23 year old brother is an adult and would be seen as such capable of caring for himself.
Children of different sexes must, under the law, have different bedrooms regardless of age. A reason why your brother is sleeping in the living room with your mother. Something CWS will not like either. Your sister being disabled may have special needs that require her own room.
Whatever is wrong at home CWS can force your parents to make it right. They cannot force your father to pay attention to you though they can force him to do what is right under the law for you.
By talking to a trusted teacher or your principal things at home could be made better for you. Which will hopefully make things better at school which is what this is all about. CES can also arrange counseling for you to help with your self-esteem.
Now as to college. I do hope you will be going to college. If you are please do not make the mistake many bright students such as yourself generally make. College is different than high school. This is more independent learning required of you. Your are going to need to manage your time better than you may be doing now. The mistake many students make is to load themselves up with course the first semester or even the first year; This is wrong.
If you're planning on an early graduation or a double major then plan on taking course over the summer and during intersessions. During the semester year, especially the first year take only the minimum course to be a fully matriculated student which I believe is still 18 credit hours. This will allow you to learn how to best manage your time.
If you find you are having trouble managing your time remember who I am as I can help you with that. Time management is skill that should be taught to all college bound students. I had to learn it for work and I learned it from an expert.
i don't want to do sex with my boy friend because i am always so scare about sex.
Whatever your reasons are for fearing to have sex with your boyfriend they are justified. While there is no reason to fear having sex as it is a natural act for all of us there is reason not to want to have sex before you are ready.
If you are a teenager the things to fear about sex is of course an unwanted pregnancy which in itself is a reason not to have sex. Then there is the pain of the first sex which is always going to be more painful the younger you are. The reason for this has to do with the muscles in your vagina not being ready to be stretched when your younger. As you get older towards the end of puberty the hormones that allow these muscles to relax and stretch are released making the first time you have sex more enjoyable and less painful provided you are able to relax.
I say this to you as there is really nothing to fear from sex if you take the proper precautions against pregnancy and Sexually transmitted disease. This means you need to be on some sort of birth control and the guy must always wear a condom as well. Never have sex before marriage without the guy using a condom.
That being said and I say it only for informational purposes only and not to convince you to have sex now with your boyfriend. You will someday decide when you are ready, that someday is not now.
If your boyfriend is harassing you or begging you to have sex with him. He is breaking the law ones you have said NO. No means no and for him to continue to push you to have sex with him is sexual harassment which is illegal and he can be charged with a crime regardless of his age if he doesn't stop.
If he says to you something to the effect; "If you love me you will have sex with me." He dose not love you in the same definition of the word love that you have. He lusts for you and is not really in love with you. TO the teenage male lust and love have the same meaning.
Teenage sex is not away of proving your love for someone. Sex is the result of a long term loving ADULT relationship. When your maturity is such that you understand the consequences of your actions.
You need not be afraid of sex. Being scared right now is your bodies way of telling you that you are not ready for sex. Do not let your boyfriend in any way try to convince or force you to give into him. JUST SAY NO.
Hi, I'm 26.. getting married in May. We're having a small wedding (40 people) in a church, followed by a very formal reception in a historical house.
We made the decision a while ago to have it an adults-only affair, as it's going to be a very late night (finishes at 12) and there's going to be a band and alcohol. We didn't want to put it on the invites (as weddings we've been to have) so we're just telling people. Everyone has expected so far not to bring their children, except my fiance's sister.
She hit the roof, saying that if her 7 month old baby can't be there neither will she. We said we can't make exceptions, it's not fair and she's far too little for the wedding. She said that she can't possibly leave her, even though she has left her several times with her grandparents to go to BBQ's and parties, etc.
I love kids, I'm an elementary school teacher but she is being very unfair. Now my fiance's parents are threatening not to come unless we make the niece a 'focal point' of our wedding. It's OUR wedding! They are saying everyone will love her and if she cries they'll just take her out and put her in a 'different room' at the reception.
I'm so upset, she was also meant to be my bridesmaid so now she's left me in the lurch. I tried to compromise by saying I'll organise child care, and you can always see her after the ceremony before the reception but it's not enough for her. She's also getting very abusive now in text messages.
What should I do advicenators? This is really wearing me down in a supposed exciting time :(
It is really a very simple question. This is your wedding, yours and your future husbands. Your wedding your; your rules very simple. If you make an exception for her then someone else will make want an exception made for them.
Before you work yourself into a fit over this check with the venue your wedding is taking place at. since it is a Historic old House they may have certain rules regarding children that take this problem out of your hands.
Do not be bullied by her or your in-laws. If you and your fiancé are firm together on this and you allow yourselves to be bullied by your future sister in-law or mother in-law over this. Then you are setting the stage for being bullied by them on any future event they disagree with you on. One such event that comes to mind is the naming of children. You can avoid future arguments of this type by declaring your independence now.
If they chose to show their ignorance by refusing to attend your wedding. It is there loss not yours. You only marry once and if they choose to not attend then they are the ones that miss out on this great event. You should not let it drag you down.
As to his sister being your bridesmaid tell her now you need to know if she means what she says. For if she will not attend your wedding you will have your best friend take her place. Once you ask your friend to be your bridesmaid there will be no turning back. As to your fiancé's parents; I believe this is more threat than action on their part. I seriously doubt a parent would not attend the wedding of their child.
Ive been with my boyfriend for several months now. He's in his mid 20's I just turned 30. I love him to pieces and I know he loves me. Our communication is good and honesty is there. But we hardly see each other because of work schedules. And he doesn't have a car right now. So we see each other very little,and I have to go to him. I don't want to break up but its tough not seeing him but a few hours a week and usually its from 11 pm to 11 am and we've both worked all day so we are tired and fall asleep. Advice?
I'm not sure how to respond to this question for I'm not sure what you are asking. The previous two answers go to different ends of what you might be asking.
Are you questioning this relationship because you see very little of each other and when you do there is little to no romance?
Are you asking for ways to see each other more often and how to spice up your romance?
While I believe age is just a number there is one question I have when party is as young as your boyfriend is. How does he see you. Young men his age still have the problem most teenage men have defining love. Many still define love as more towards lust.
So if you're questioning the relationship the first thing I believe you need to answer is how he sees you. Does he see you as just a lover, a bigger sister, a cougar or someone to mother him? Sorry if that hurt but I tend to call a spade a spade.
Once you answer that question you will know what direction to take this relationship in if any.
If you're asking how to spice up your lives you have to first clarify what you have by answering the first question. When my wife and I first started dating we were on opposite work schedules and at first did not even have the same days off. We managed to see each other by dating around our schedules and on the days we both worked I would stop at her apartment on the way home. We had time to make love if we wanted and to have breakfast before I drove her to work. Eventually we knew we had something special and were both able to change our schedules so we had more time together.
Since we worked for competing airlines still our supervisors knew us both and were lenient enough to allow us to have extra days off to travel on buddy passes to different places. They even arranged some very nice perks when we got around to taking a Honeymoon. We did the Disneyland Knottsberry Farm thing.
What I am saying is if you both love each other equally and want this relationship to work you can find ways to make it work just as my wife and I did. It really all starts with the answer to the question I asked as to how does he see you. You can also reverse the question and ask yourself how do you see him? If you do be honest with yourself in answering the question.
I'm 20 years old and female. I really want to go to college starting this year to become a Nurse or Nurse Practitioner so I'd either be getting a Bachelors or Masters of Science in Nursing.
To me it seems like Nurses are always needed, they get paid quite a bit more than the average salary and much more than somebody who was working somewhere who didn't have a college degree would earn. I'm a healthy, strong, intelligent, social butterfly and I have already taken two medical college courses in the past that I really enjoyed so it seems like a good career choice. I also love children and want to give back to the community and being petite I think I'd be a perfect pediatric nurse.
However my Mother who's a Medical Transcriptionist and my brother's long time girlfriend who's a Certified Nursing Aid disagree with me. My Mother would rather see me work up the ladder in mobile phone retail sales (that I have current experience in) and forfeit a college degree. She thinks nursing is grueling, expensive and that people will disrespect me as a petite female nurse and she says I won't be able to do it. My brother's gf says she hated her job as a CNA because it was disgusting and the environment was like high school and that they paid her very little and tried to talk me out of it. Everybody else has told me it's a good idea though and that I'd be very good at it.
My question is in your opinion is nursing a good choice or a bad choice to pursue based on the details I've given you?
A CNA is not a nurse they are nurse’s assistants and therefore get all the jobs the nurses do not want to do such as emptying bed pans. Nurses are skilled medical practioner who are highly valued members of the medical community. CNA's are not skilled medical practioner the do not medically treat patients. They care for a patients basic needs such a bathing and cleaning up after and helping them dress and getting them in and out of bed. Most CNA's work in nursing homes and not hospitals and usually earn just above the minimum, wage. A Nurse generally earns well above the average income for the area he or she works in.
While a nurses work is often times hard work it is not always a physically demanding job. The physically demanding part of patient care is usually done or assisted by orderly's, CNA's and patient transport specialists." The nurse job is to provide the medical care as ordered by the doctor for the patients they are charged with and to handle any emergency's until the doctor arrives. A nurse’s job is all about medicine.
Being a pediatric nurse is also very rewarding though it can also be very heartbreaking if you allow yourself to become attached to the children in your care. Before my son became a paramedic/firefighter he worked at the local trauma center as a paramedic and was trained to transport intensive care patients including pediatric patients. It can be heartbreaking to see these little kids on these big stretchers with tubes running in and out of them. If you can detach yourself from that it is a most rewarding career.
Because of the training he received in pediatric care he was rewarded with a medal from the fire department for saving the life of an infant who had stopped breathing. He revived her and got her to the proper hospital.
If you want to become a nurse you should do so but not so much for the money but because you can. Nursing like some other professions is not a profession you go into strictly for the money. If you do you will hate your job. The money is an extra benefit that you receive because it is a job few people can tolerate and do properly.
Your mother and your brothers’ girlfriend are wrong. Nursing is an honorable profession, one where you can always find work wherever life takes you. You can also work in nursing in management positions there not quite as rewarding but the pay is great, higher than what you would make working in management for the phone company you work for now.
Nursing offers many more opportunities then working for the phone company does. If you feel this is what you want to do. If you feel you can do what is required to be a nurse then go for it, even if it means getting student loans to pay for college. Some hospitals will even reimburse your loans in return for signing a multi-year contract with them once you graduate. That is how desperate they are for nurses in some areas of this country
a few weeks ago my parents went out to dinner or something. So they called my cousin to take care of me it was really cool because I love hanging out with him(my cousin is 25 and 13 by the way). So he got to my house then we hung out for a while then i told him that i had a crush on him he said that he kinda liked me too but that our age gap was too wide and that I'm just too young and I couldn't help but cry so I went to my room without saying another word and he followed me so we sat on my bed and I was still crying and he was hugging me and telling me that he's sorry . so I asked him if he would have sex with me and he said absolutely not so after a while I kept asking him and he finally said he would as long as I don't tell anyone and I said I wouldn't so we took our cloths off and he kissed me and laid me down on my bed I told him I have never had sex before and was a little scared and he reassured me that it was fine then he went down and kissed me then after a while we finally started to have sex and it hurt but then felt good then I think it's called an orgasm but that happened to both of us at the same time this he took his penis out of me and white started coming out then we talked for a bit longer then we got dressed then my parent's back home and he left but it's been a few weeks and i think i might be pregnant i don't what i should do and how i should tell him that this is happening. PS sorry if this was all over the place i had to write it in a hurry.
First follow rainhorse68's advise as to testing. You are actually to young to legally buy a test kit. You need to be 14 years of age to legally purchase them.
You don't say what makes you think you are pregnant. It would not be unusual for a teenage girl to miss a period. It is also not unusual for a women to miss her period when under stress. If you are worried about being pregnant this is enough stress to cause you to miss a period. Do you have any other symptoms?
If you are pregnant you do not have much choice you will have to tell you parents. Unless you are going to turn 14 within the next 27 weeks they have total say over what to do about any pregnancy. Meaning they may schedule an abortion for you or force you to carry the baby to term and then to give it up for adoption.
Your parents are going to want to know who is the father? By begging your cousin to have sex with you and if you are pregnant, something you can't hide for long. You have placed your cousin in a very difficult position both legally and with in the family.
By having sex with you he committed incest which is illegal, he also committed rape because you are too young to consent to sex. He also could be charged with Child sex abuse, child abuse, statutory Rape, statutory rape and a number of other child sexual offenses. If by chance he crossed a stat line to see you he is also guilty of a federal offence.
Should your parents have him charged with having sex with you and he is charged with all of the offences he could be charged with. He could spend the rest of his life in prison. If he does ever get out of prison he will have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.
Why am I telling you all this. For two reasons and one very good reason only.
1) If you are fortunate enough not to be pregnant DO NOT EVER HAVE SEX WITH YOUR COUSIN AGAIN.
2) YOU ARE WAY TOO YOUNG TO BE HAVING SEX IN THE FIRST PLACE. if YOU ARE FORTUNATE NOT TO BE PREGNANT YOU SHOULD WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE MUCH OLDER TO HAVE SEX AGAIN.
If you are pregnant you have no choice you must tell your parents you are pregnant. You also have to tell them who the father is. Hopefully you are not pregnant and you learn a good lesson from this and wait until you're older and more mature before you have sex again and never again with a family member.
So I am bleeding and I don't know why. I f*ngered myself and in the middle of it I looked down and blood. I'm scared. The bleeding is slowing down now. It's not my period I know that. Should I tell my mom? I'm only 14. This is my first time bleeding like this. I started in the 4th grade. My boyfriend knows and he is worried. I nearly repainted the toilet. What should I do? What was it? Did I pop my cherry?
In regards as to whether or not you are still a virgin? Yes you are still a virgin. By todays definition a women is a virgin until she has sexual intercourse with a male. Sexual intercourse is defined as penile penetration of her vagina.
Now what you most likely did is tear your Hyman or your nail cut you somehow. The vagina is full of blood vessels especially the labia. If you tore you Hymen you may need to see a GYN if it did not separate you Hyman completely.
I know you don't want to tell your mom you were masturbating even though it is perfectly normal to do so as mom may not approve. Just for your information according to a recent survey 85% of us masturbate. So it is entirely possible mom does as well. In fact masturbation is part of foreplay before intercourse. So when mom has sex with dad is she does oral or gives him and HJ or dad does oral or fingers her they are doing mutual masturbation as a prelude to sex. I know TMI but it is the truth.
Since you are 14 you do not have to tell mom if you want to see a gyn. A Federal Law called HIPPA gives you Medical Confidentiality over your reproductive System. This means anything concerning you reproductive system is yours to control medically.
Your parents cannot force you to have a female examination nor can they force you to have or stop you from having an abortion if you were to become pregnant. This law was passed specifically so that young people could seek a doctor’s advice for any problem or concerns they may have over their reproductive system.
Since this law was passed anyone 14 or older may see and be treated by a doctor for anything concerning the reproductive system without parental permission. Because of the confidentiality imposed the doctor cannot tell anyone why you were seen or how you were treated without you written consent. This includes your parents.
If for some reason mom was to take you to a doctor and a female exam was requested or the doctor needed to do a female exam. If you do not want mom in the exam room and to know the results of the exam just say to the doctor; "I impose my rights under HIPPA." The doctor must then tell mom to leave the room. The doctor cannot examine you while she is there.