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Commuting to College
I'm 20, female, junior in college.
For my junior year, I decided to commute for a job that I got while I was home and to save money. For my senior year, my old roommate and I had planned to get an apartment and live together. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that commuting was the better option, especially since I want to work my way up at work and I can't do that if I don't work that much. I guess I never told my old roommate that I didn't make the payment to live on campus next year and she texted me today and said that we should plan a dinner for the girls we want to live with next year and I have no idea how I'm going to tell her that I'm commuting again. She has issues with her roommate this year and every time she would complain to me about her, I would always just tell her "next year, we'll be together again" and now we won't be and that's totally my fault, I know. But commuting is the better option for me living a half an hour away and having a job and probably looking to intern - I just don't see a reason to move back on to campus. So, I was just wondering an easy way to tell her that I just can't do it, that I'm commuting again and I'm sorry I'm a terrible friend for letting her down like that. Help, please. I know I'm probably being childish but I was never one that could easily let people down like that and I feel like her thinking that I was moving back on campus next year this whole time was building her hopes up and now I have to tell her that I'm not.
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You have to do what makes the best sense for you and not get dragged off course by wanting to rescue others. thats what this would be, you live with her so she no longer need her current roommate. So if I understand correctly, you moving in with her means the other gal needs to move out? If so, why can't she find someone other than you to replace the other roommate and ask her to leave.
Also, nothing is your Fault. We can make plans for our future and half way there, come up with a better plan for us. Nothing in life is guaranteed, your friend needs to learn that too. You tell her you understand her need regarding having a good roommate to share rent but you are responsible for making the best decisions for yourself, and now that you've given it more thought, including thinking of her, you are going to commute instead as its best for you. You could tell her you are willing to sit with her and doing some thinking about solutions to her issue. Now if you wait until the last minute to tell her when she has no time to look for a new replacement, then you are being inconsiderate is the other girl has moved out, and she is left having to pay both shares of the rent assuming you were moving in. So tell her ASAP and then you won't be letting her down, whether she sees it as such or not. LIFE is full of the unexpected, one of who could have met the love of your life and moved in to set up house with him while going to college. The only way you are held responsible is if your a psychic who sees the future, knew this outcome ahead of time and failed to tell her. Of course she will be disappointed, you were preferrable to having anyone else there, but you can't protect anyone from lifes disappointments either. Part of being an adult is learning how to regroup and continue on when changes and disappointments come our way
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Just be honest and say something like exactly what you said! " I just can't do it, and I'm commuting again, and I'm sorry I'm a terrible friend for letting you* down." If she is your close friend, then she should understand. You have to do what's best for you, and she may even find another good roommate.
Hope this helps~
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I have a good friend who has a line that goes like this; "It’s my story and I will tell it my way." What this means for you is; you can tell her the truth but in a way that presents the truth in the best possible light for you without hurting her feelings if possible.
I would say to her something like this. "Beth I know I have told you we will be roommates again next year.
"Recently things have changed that offer me a better opportunity with the company I am working for if I continue to live at home, work for them and commute to school." "I'm really sorry about this and have been fighting about this with myself though I feel I have to do what is best for the future I want for myself and I can't afford to pass up what can be had by continuing to work as I am for them." "I'm really sorry I couldn't tell you sooner but I have to follow my instincts on this, please forgive me."
Your are basically telling her the truth which is good for if you make up something you better write it down for you won't remember it. Such as my parents need me at home or I can't afford to live on campus right now. These are untruths and you never remember them.
Of course use your own words for what I wrote but stick to the basic story line of a work opportunity for that is what you have written here to us.
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