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Gf hides stuff and lies about them.
I'm so pissed that my gf is not the same as when I first met her. She displayed herself innocent and sweet, which she still does pretend. But I came to know about some stuff about her which she is been hiding since we are togther. We did had ground rules about not hiding anything when we started dating. She doesn't knows that I know the true stories behind the stories she tells me. She is a single mother. She got pregnant when she was drunk when she was 20 years old. Then she decided to keep the kid. I'm dating her almost a year and half and I accidentally came accros her conversations. She's been talking to guys from university and her neighbors which I'm okay with but in most of conversation they discuss about their sexual activities. Many of them included having sex in a cinema, having sex in a sex club while others watched her, having sex with a transexual, after partying walking to home full drunk and passing out at some unknown person's house and waking up naked in his bed which in the conversation it is described as she doesn't even know how many guys fuckrd her, I also came across some conversations describing sleeping with married few men and having affair with engaged guy, having sex with her gfs and their bfs and having flings with her sisters ex. I am feeling like such a horrible person. I never cheated in my entire life. I never lied about anything. I was expecting the same. I just feel like I'm such a loser. I honestly don't know what to react to this. Please advice me to take a proper decision.
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She's not too be trusted. You need to find someone you can trust. Without trust there's no chance of a solid happy healthy relationship. If she's hiding all this from you, what else could she be hiding from you? People make mistakes but she doesn't seem to ever feel guilty from what you've written in this post. Find someone who will be honest with you. Good luck
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This really comes down to a question of "how OK are you with knowing she did these things in the past"??
Because you found the convo's im assuming this is all stuff she did but ISNT doing now right??
This stuff did already happen and theres nothing you or her can do to change that, so really what you need to decide is are you ok with knowing that theres a good chance this stuff happened and that you can put it behind you or not.
If so then you can still tell her you found the convo's and arent pleased but its in the past, OR that your disgusted just looking at her and you cant deal with what you discovered.
Even though she may not have felt it was ness. to tell you, im sure your still feeling really cheated and wronged here. which i can personally understand.
Take some time to think about what ive said and then confront her on this. She will probably try to berate you for going through her things and try to deflect her actions but its still important that she know how you feel, and where you want to go from here.
Can you live with knowing she probably did those things or not?
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There are people who don't think they are good enough or subconsciously are aware of their real short comings and why someone might not like them.
And for those reasons, people will pretend to be someone they are not, in order to impress the other person. Nothing more than a facade, a false identity, like hiding behind a mask.
The problem is that keeping up such a charade 24/7 takes a lot of personal energy and no one is able to carry on such a false self indefinitely, therefore, eventually the person you thought they were slips and you get to see their real self. Or once they believe they have you hooked, they don't work as hard to hiding it and cracks appear for you to see through.
You had ground rule about not hiding anything. Perhaps she didn't feel it pertained to a false identity equating it to when someone is wearing a costume, we don't accuse them of hiding, it's called dressing up. Only in her case this is a false self she wears all the time.
You have been seeing some of her real self. Whether the stories of sexual nature and sexual expoeriences that she shares with other males are real or not, they do point to things that her mind is focused on, what catches her attention, and reveals a bit about her as an adult.
For one thing, she has the makings of becoming an alcoholic if she isn't already one. She got pregnant while drunk and many of her sexual stories include drunkeness now. That is not being responsible, and if she can't be responsible in this one area, it makes me wonder how responsible she can be as a mother. She may be thinking of you as just someone she can dump the kid off on while she disappears (out with other guys) or when she is passed out.
There is no crime in having sexual fantasies, even if she is doing on line sex stuff for a company and earning money for sex talk around guys fantasies and is open about what she does with you, doing this all in private, keeping it from you hints at problems. If she does it to get a thrill, perhaps something is lacking for her with you or she needs way more than most normal people do, like a nymphomaniac, and that like alcoholic can also take over her entire life being an addiction itself needing treatment.
You can guess or just to have some peace of mind before you make a decision, ask her about those conversations. Since you did not go fishing for dirt that you might find but came across this accidently, say so, then ask what's going on without sounding like you are accusing her of anything. Cus the stories in bits and pieces of conversation is the kind of stuff you will find on the free and for pay sex sites. Or even people who seek those venues in on line game, Second Life. The person speaking caters to the others fetishes, desires and can say what they want and crave or make up stories of what they have done as they speak to others. If she is a young mom who began to do this to make money, how does she tell her new boyfriend what she does for fear of losing him. you need to know whether it is or isn't her work/job/way of earning a living. If it is, she can prove it by showing you the paystubs of the company she gets checks from and show you her on line site. I mention this as I know an older widow who does this. She is a very intelligent woman, but this is work and does not consume her life, she still has a life aside from this, and while she wouldn't mention what she does to everyone, she will share with people she knows she can trust. Perhaps she doesn't trust you enough to share what is really going on for her. It may not be a lack of what you're doing for her to not trust, some people never learn to trust, the problem lies with them.
These are but a few scenerios or possibilities that come up for me. If you want a partner who is like an open book, willing to share anything and everything, even her spots and wrinkles with you, I'd say she doesnt sound like this. Yes, she may be outright lying for whatever her reasons, or a compulsive liar, always making up stories whether having something to hide or not. I am sure you don't want that either. If she's 22 or so, she may not have a brain that is near it full mature adult status yet. the prefrontal lobe which helps with best decision making, able to consider consequenes, understanding people better to name a few isn't complete until at the earliest 25 or so and in many these days, by their decisons and choices, it seems that mature ness doesnt show up until they get to 30 or older.
So all the problems aside, she may just be an immature person and be that way for another decade, before growing up if she ever does. These are all the things you need to think about regarding whether you stay or just decide to leave.
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First of all you are not the loser she is. She does not deserve someone like you. I take it if things worked out between you that you were willing not only to be her husband but to take on the responsibilities of being a father to her child. There are not many men out there willing to take on the responsibility of raising another man’s child. This makes her the loser not you.
My advice is simple; walk away and don't look back. As my mother would have told you. "There are more fish in the sea." "Redbait your hook and go fishing again and find someone who will appreciate a man like you." I did, forty-four years ago come July.
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Get out of that relationship ASAP. you don't deserve how she has been treating you, and you are the better person in the relationship. You're not a loser for being faithful and doing the right thing.
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