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Not eneough freedom in my relationship? Or is it me, help??
I have been with my fiance since high school. We are both 22 yrs old now and have a beautiful 1yr old daughter. My problem with my relationship is I feel smothered. Not smothered by attention or affection, there actually isn't much of that because of me. He works hard for our family and our future while I staynat home. I love him so much and couldn't imagine my life without him...yet at times I want to escape. He is a very sensitive broody kind of guy. He was both physically and mentally abused by his parents most of his life and he has passive aggressive issues BIGTIME. I on the other hand keep all my stress and insecurity locked up and don't show are act like anything is wrong. His behavior sometimes makes me want to just run and disappear. Almost like his energy is choking the air and it feels heavy all the time. Yet he ALWAYS want's to spend time with me UNLESS he goes out with his friends. I personally don't have many friends and I am an introvert. But I want to find time for myself! But if I said that to him he would ask if I hate being around him or some BS! ugh Idk how to explain myself to him at all!
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I agree with what the other posters have said here, however for your daughters sake, and your sanity you are going to HAVE to start taking your child outside to play and do things at some point because staying in the house all the time with a toddler WILL drive you insane. Kids cant be kept under lock and key when their small and will need fresh air and fun, so why not tell your fiance that your simply going to walk your daughter to the closest park to you just so she can get some fresh air and you can get a work out! ; )
To most, that sounds pretty innocent and no one should question a walk to the park n back. Let your man sit and play video games or go while hes at work so your by yourself and you can decompress and think OUTSIDE the house.
Start there with making time for yourself (even if your not really alone because you have your daughter) Then slowly try to start hanging out with friends that have kids close to her age. Women need other women mom friends so support and help empower each other when family members arent cutting it anymore.
If he wants to go with you a few times to the park just to see that theres nothing to fear when you go out for a walk on your own then thats fine, get him comfortable with it and then start also going on your own.
((he cant really argue with the fact that your trying to give your daughter outside play time)) and she'll sleep wayy better at night.
At some point "the rose falls off the bloom" and the romance is gone once and the reality of having to take the kid out and do things for it everyday weather its with him or not WILL happen. Life isnt a fantasy where he gets to control the results.
Tell him if he gets to have baby free friend time then you deserve the same, and thats only fair its not about liking anyone more or less, its about real life. He sounds a bit childish to me (among other things) and the only way your ever going to be seen as more of an equal is if you put your foot down on things here and there.
(((and trust me the young mothers at the park are looking for the same thing you are, other mom friends))) ; )
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You both have issues that need to be resolved. Coming from a dysfunctional family myself I can identify somewhat with your fiancé. Being mentally abused, as me and my sister were, is I believe is far worse than physical abuse as it is hard to defend yourself from.
For me the mental abuse caused me to be depressed for many years without knowing it. For me this was the norm, I didn't know any better way. If it hadn't been for an unfortunate turn of events that caused me to seek therapy to deal with; I was in a traffic accident leaving me disabled. I would never have known there was a better way to live.
While no two people are alike your fiancé may not know he is depressed for as like me the way he is has become his norm. A visit to his doctor to be screened for depression, which is painless as it consists of questions asked while a full physical is done to rule out organic problems for how he is feeling and acting.
You could or should tell him of what I have written and you can encourage him to contact me in a private message. Having been through some of what he has I can identify with him somewhat and hopefully convinces him to at least get screened. I wasted a good part of my life not knowing better, there is no reason he should.
As for you; therapy can help you to draw yourself out of your shell and raise your self-esteem. With your fiancé getting therapy for depression and you for self-awareness and self-esteem, you can both work on communication.
If the two of you cannot communicate to each other your feeling, your desires, and mot just sexual desires, your goals in life and how you can help each other get there. Then at best your relationship will be rocky. at worst your relationship could fail.
Love and physical attraction bring you together. After a time love becomes a loving relationship. You still love each other but it is more of a family love a love of comfort and security. This is where the value of good communication between you is ever so important. As I say in answers to some other types of questions. "Sex only takes a relationship so far." "One day you wake up and have to talk to one another and can't." It is the same with love. If you can't communicate properly with each other than love will suffer.
My advice for both of you is to seek the professional help I wrote about above.
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I believe you are a bit afraid of him. He is, first of all, your partner, not your father. You have to pluck up the courage to tell him what you really feel about this situation. Tell him that you are having a hard time trying to cope with his behaviour, and the fact that he always wants to be around you. Being in a relationship does not necessarily mean that you have to be attached to your partner. You need time for yourself as well. You said he always wants to be around you unless he goes out with his friends; so he already has time for himself. He has people around him to talk to, and to whom ask for advice. You should spend some time trying to make friends. Trust me, it'll be good for you to spend some time with friends: so you can feel your relationship is not the only thing there for you to enjoy. Hope this helps a little :)
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