Gender:
MaleMember Since:
June 18, 2009Answers:
8136Last Update:
May 26, 2019Visitors:
139748Favorite Columnists
karenR
AyyItsKristen
Erinn_the_bamf
Xui
storageanddisposal
lvr
Smartone
bewise
GradingCurve
anonymous99
HildaJrCarter
more...
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Abusive Relationships
Cooking
View All
about
My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Sigh, one over year ago against the advice from the people here, I married my girlfriend. That was the beginning of hell. I have taken a loan of $40000 from her to sustain my ongoing business since our marriage. But ever since then, she has been hounding me for the money. Also, I notice she start nit picking on me cos I lied to her ob many occasions. Why did I lie? Well, basically my spouse is not exactly a easy person to talk to. When I tell her the truth and it is something she doesn't like to hear or expect to hear, she will physically kuck me, slap me or beat me. I always walk away cos as a guy if I were to retaliate, I WILL HURT HER. So, I chose to lie. But then, she will chack on my phone, on me, call my customers and frds etc. She is distrusting towards me. She keep complaining how she use to lead a good life and ever since she married a good for nothing like me, she suffered a lot as she has never been poor before etc....mind you, I am the sole breadwinner of the family as she refuses to work and expects me to provide with everything and better still, a luxurious life. Last year alone, I spend more than a hundred thousand on her and the family. She just can't live thriftly. Now that I'm down and out, she is pressing me for her loan, threatening to take our son away and chase me and my daughter away. Constantly, I have to bear with her temper and the words that come out of her mouth?? Not for the ears....not to mention the constant physical beatings and kickings I have to take from her weekly. Everyday its the grumbling and stuff. When I ask her to get a job to help the family, I will be berated and insulted for a being a useless man who can't even afford to support his wife with nasty words and phrases coming out of her eg. Its my biggest mistake to marry u....u r the worse man I ever come across....all my previous bfs have never treated me like this and they all treat me better than u..u can die for all I care...take your useless bastard of a daughter away...if your daughter die ask her not to die at home...so on n forth..
Now I really need to know, should I walk away from tis marriage?? What should I do?? I suggested counselling but she refused saying counselling is stupid n she is right n do not need counselling. Pls help....wat should I do?? I'm really tired of her abuse. I love her a lot but she is never happy ir satisfied. She nitpicks on everything from shaving to the clothes I wear. I can't even choose wat shoes I like n if I ever go against her, whoo boy,all hell breaks loose. Tell me, should I leave her? I still owe her $60000 (she charges interest)
To me marriage is a 50/50 proposition meaning one spouse does not lend anything to another. Unless there was a prenuptial agreement stipulating her funds prior to marriage were to be separate from the marriage. Then while I am not a lawyer and do not know the laws of your state or country, I would say that on the day you married what was hers became your and what was yours became hers.
Now if you two were to divorce and again this depends on the laws where you live. If you live in a 50/50 state. Then everything between you two that has or is part of the marriage is split 50/50. This includes any and all bills she may have run up on charge cards. Even if you have kept your finances separate as my sister and her husband do as this is a second marriage for both of them. It matters not the law overrides there financial aspects of their marriage.
Now as to her beating. Here again depending on where you live spousal abuse is against the law. In most states it is part of the domestic violence laws. If she is beating you abusing you then call the police. Get a protective order against her and have her move out.
If your business has failed I would make a guess, from what you have written ,it is more her fault than yours. While you may love her you do not have a marriage that is working. It is time for corrective action to save yourself and your daughter.
See a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. If she starts to hit you call the police and have her arrested. It is the best thing you can do for you, your daughter and your son. The officers will tell you how to get a protective order, do so.
Make sure your lawyer knows the facts surrounding the $40,000. I'm fairly confident the law is on your side here and you do not owe her repayment.
My boyfriend and I have been together for year, he said on out second year he was going to purpose to me. I just want to know if its legal in the state of Georgia to get ENGAGED (not married)?
An engagement is a promise, though not a legal one, or a contract and has nothing to do with sexual consent. In GA you are above the age of consent to consent to sexual intercourse and contact though you are still considered a minor under the law.
This puts you in a Catch 22 position of the law saying one thing but still under the direct control of your parents who if they wish can separate you from your boyfriend. For bid you to have any contact with him and take out a restraining order against him having any contact with you.
I would suggest that you both put the brakes on any engagement. Marriage at a young age such as when it is legal for you to do so, age 18 which would make him 20. Rarely are long lasting marriages. If this is a relationship that is meant to be it should stand the test of time and you going on to college and getting a degree which is important to your future well being. He should also go on to college.
With the two of you finishing college and having degrees you will be in a position to have a better life together. Hopefully able to afford all the things your parents have provided for you and more. That is the American dream.
In today's world and that of tomorrows world without a college degree you are looking at one frustration after another trying to just exist. Right now the infatuation of being engaged is very compelling. Don't let compulsion over ride good common sense for if you do the road ahead can be extremely bumpy
I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of everyone in my life. My family is mean to me. People at school are mean to me, especially the stereotypical high school girls that dress all provocative say mean things about me. Don't get me wrong, I'm no where near ugly. I actually think I'm quite attractive yet I can't find any guy that likes me for me.I feel like I'm such an annoying person. I'm a burden to everybody that enters my life and nobody even likes me. I've talked to the guidance counselor in my school but she hasn't help me at all at feeling better. It seems as if she thinks I deserve all of this mistreatment. I'm a nice person. I care about people and listen to their problems. Yet when I begin to talk about my feelings or problems two people that I trust always say 'here we go again' or they judge me. I don't know what's wrong with me that people see fit to treat me this way. I guess it's because I'm shy and kept to myself. I don't really even know. I want to end it all already. Everybody will be happier if I am. All of these people that say they care are probably just saying that just to try to make me happy but lying to me will just make me even sadder. I practically drove away my best friend. I sent her a mean message and I wasn't exactly thinking about it but once it was sent I regretted it. She said she understood that I just wanted some space but I think I've lost the only person that actually wanted to be around me. I've lost everybody that I either cared about or loved. I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. I just feel empty and worthless. Nobodies ever cared. Nobody has cared and nobody ever will care about the quiet loner that rarely shows emotion but is going through a whirlwind of feelings crashing inside of them. I want to die. The person that I needed the most will probably be the most happy if I'm gone. After all I seems to bother him all the time and doubt his intentions and feelings. I can't trust anyone anymore. When I turned to god I felt like he wasn't listening or being there for me. I know that god only gives me what he knows I can handle but I'm breaking more and more day in and day out each day. I'm no suicidal just lonely and without a purpose. I can't make people happy. All I do is annoy then and push them away. Nobody loves me or likes me or cares. I'm done with everybody and their mean remarks. Hopefully once I die I'll be in a better place. I want to die now that is. I'm exhausted of it all. I want to find that special someone that can make me happy already because I don't think that I can do it anymore.
From what I am reading I hear depression talking. A guidance counselor at school is not the person to help you with this type of problem. Guidance Counselors come under the heading of educators and depression needs doctors to help you.
Right now everything you see and feel is distorted by the depression. At your present age the depression you may be having is in part caused by puberty and the doctors even have a name for it, “Teenage depression". At one time parents thought this was just a phase children went through and grow out of. Most did some do not. Now doctors know better and know how to help teenagers suffering from "Teenage Depression."
What you can do is ask mom or dad to take you to your family doctor and ask the doctor to screen you for depression. It is a painless exam that consists of a bunch of questions. The doctor will most likely want to do a full physical as well to rule out any other reason. Once the doctor has made a diagnoses follow the doctors’ instructions.
If your parents will not take you to the doctor and you are feeling suicidal pick up the phone and call 911. Tell the call taker you feel like hurting yourself or feeling suicidal. The call taker will stay on the phone with you and dispatch help. The help comes in the form of the closest fire truck, paramedic ambulance and a police car.
The police are there to make sure your parents allow the firefighters and paramedics get to see you and evaluate your need to see a doctor. The paramedics will ask you the same questions the doctor would have and then based on your answers decide if you need to go to the emergency room. If so the police will see to it that mom or dad does not stand in the way. They are all there to help you.
Having once been where you are now I can tell you once the vial of depression is lifted the world will look different.
My advice is to see a doctor or call 911. You can also go to any police or fire station and ask for help yourself as well as any hospital emergency room. You do not need parental permission for any of this.
I am a sophomore in college, and I am also working full time.
I am the object of taunts in school and at work. The funny thing is that I don't really talk to anyone in both places, so I don't know what their problem is. I don't bother anyone (or maybe I do since they seem to always want to start crap with me).
I could just be walking to class and someone would yell out things. They're usually about my appearance, but the most common thing besides that is "slut". Same thing at work.
I don't dress slutty or anything, and I've been with my current boyfriend for three years.
What should I do? Is there something wrong with me?
There was even one time at work where it got so bad I went to management, and the girl got fired.
The only thing I can think of without more detail. You may have inadvertently crossed paths with a popular person, male or female, at school and in someway insulted them. Think back to when all this started and then think about what may have happened immediately prior to this starting an d you may come up with the reason for all this.
I'll be frank with you if in all other ways you are happy then I would forget about it. If you don't let it show that it bothers you then they will tire of taunting you and move on to someone else. Some of these kids that are doing this may not return for their junior year. For the ones that do this, which is very high school in nature, probably were on academic probation.
My advise is to ignore them and just go about your business with your boyfriend. If it gets too bad talk to the administration about those you believe are the ring leaders. Calling you a slut is close to sexual harassment and the school should have a policy against it.
How do i do it. I cannot live on this earth anymore. My family hates me and I only have my friends and coaches to love. I got home today and I came home to drying my lacrosse gear and my dad told me I was a mistake. My mom is in drugs and I can't do this anymore. What is a less painful way to end this. I'm sorry
Many of us have been where you are and we can tell you that suicide is not the answer.
My father blamed me for everything that was wrong in his life. HE didn't go to college because I came along right after he returned from WWII. Not my fault right. The Narcissistic bastard that he was never saw it that way and I paid the price. Worse to everyone else he was the best person to walk the face of the earth.
Had I not had the strength to hang in there I would not have met a wonderful women and have the great son that I do. I'm not a religious person but I believe there is a plan for each of us and suicide is not in that plan.
Before you do something that will irrevocably harm those that know and love you. I would like you to call the National Suicide Lifeline. No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
Life is worth living, maybe not at the moment though please trust me on this. Life does get better. You do have options to make things better for yourself and the local crisis center can help you.
I'm a 23 year old f and I'm a complete sexual virgin. Never kissed or did anything sexual, ever. There are two main reasons. I grew up in a religious community with the belief that sex is for marriage, and I've accepted that until now. Also, during my late teens, I experienced a serious illness and didn't respond well. So I was distracted from most normal things dating and friendships for a few years. I'm better physically but since I've come to college, I haven't moved on with dating.
I still like the idea of saving sex for serious relationships, but I'm so sexually frustrated, it's ridiculous. When I see an attractive guy, I feel kind of crazy and like a pervert. When I see a hot scene in a movie, it really turns me on. I feel so weird because I never dated and all my friends (who are all girls) are into bar hopping, boyfriends or married. I kind of want to start dating but I have no experience. I went to a girls school so I started off being not used to talking normally with guys and I never picked it up in college. I wouldn't say I'm ugly or completely socially inept, but I do react oddly to some normal situations. I don't know how to start having normal guy friends. And the other week, my friend's friend took me to a bar and drunk guys started hitting on me, but it was seedy so I freaked out and left. She thought it was weird I didn't give my number because she has a boyfriend and 2 sex buddies.
Help, I don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated
Being a 23 year old virgin is nothing to be ashamed of though I can understand your frustration as well. I am also glad to hear your health is better.
The best way I know to make friends and meet new people of both sexes is through activities of commonality. Being in college one of those areas would be study groups. The commonality there is the course of study. Be active and helpful in the group where you excel in that course of study. You would be surprised guys do make passes at girls that glasses. Meaning the smart girls.
Serious not hear and I will get thrown out of the boys club for this. Boys have trouble approaching pretty girls especially girls that are good looking and smart. If you develop a conversational relationship with someone in study group it is okay to suggest moving the conversation to getting coffee.
The next way I know to meet people, and this has been proven as I give this advice frequently. Is to sit down with a pencil and paper and make a list of all the things you like to do or are interested in. What do you like to do in your spare time. Maybe you like to go hiking, or camping. You might like to go bike riding or bowling. You could be into photography. You mentioned you come from a religious home so list the church activities you like.
Once you have made the list number them from 1 to however many you have then take the top 5 and look to see which of these activities are available in the form of club or activities in your area. once you find where and when these 5 activities are meeting go and attend the meeting or activity to see if it is for you. If it is join. Once you join you start by being a good listener when you have something relevant to add to a conversation you do so. In general you will find these activities are welcoming of new people as they are always looking for new ideas. Friendships are made and from friendships stable relationships grow.
One last suggestion would be if you are still following your religious upbringing would be to try a religious mat site such as http//www:Christianmingle.com
I am interviewing for a Financial Analyst Intern position at a top-notch NYC public relations firm.
So far, I have had quite a bit of luck with at least getting an interview at this firm. The recruiter must have e-mailed me the day after I sent my resume in, and the day after I did the phone interview with her, she scheduled an in-person interview with me, with the VP of Finance and a Senior Financial Analyst.
She explained that they are look for people, who are highly ambitious, hungry, and motivated. How exactly does one show these things?
This is very exciting for me, because I have done research on the company. They are the fourth most successful public relations firm on the market, and have been around since 1923. Their work is also highly creative and innovative. Plus, they are highly involved in Corporate Social Responsibility. The firm participated in Room to Read (a charity that attempts to fix the growing problem of gender inequality and illiteracy in Asian Pacific schools, in addition to South Africa), and they encourage their employees to donate to multiple other charities. Additionally they have worked with high profile clients, including in the private and public sectors, but also do pro-bono and volunteer work.
Another thing that I like is the possible opportunity that it presents. While it would be wonderful to list on my resume that I interned at such a top-notch company, I also have the opportunity to succeed with this company. It is more than just a summer internship, they like to keep their interns into the fall and spring semesters, where they work 15 to 20 hours a week, and after graduation interns are often offered full-time positions.
I have a few questions as to how I should handle myself during the interview. Come this fall, I will be the president of my university’s Management Information Systems/Management Information Technology club.
One of the things that I would like to do is work on a fundraiser to attempt to close the digital divide in local communities by earning money for a charity that offers computers to children in inner-city neighborhoods in the USA, so that they can gain the skills essential to succeed in the work force and in college.
Also, it would make it possible for their parents to complete their GED from home, and/or possibly attend online classes towards an Associates’ degree or a Bachelors’ degree in an attempt to provide a better lives for their families, as well as take tutorials on how to use essential office software. I feel like this may solve the problem of income inequality in the US. Should I mention this?
Is it also okay to mention how I may have encouraged one of the economics professors to teach a course on digital currency, as the head of the Honors Advisory Board? After having a conversation with him regarding his idea of the technology, I e-mailed the idea to him. He said that he would talk it over with the Director of the Honors’ program. This achievement was important because while I feel like it is important for undergraduate and graduate students to expose themselves to new areas, an advanced honors business elective has not been offered in over 10 years, which has made some of the business students feel unwelcome and complain. As an honors student and a business major, who sympathized with these students, I worried about the possible lack of diversity in the program. Should I mention that?
Prior to transferring to my current college, I, also, served as the President of the History Club. At the time I was still unsure as to what I wanted to do for my career, and I like learning about history, although it is not the right career path for me, and I was just concerned about making new friends. Although the club had been formed prior to my entrance, it was because of my efforts to promote it that made it possible for the club to be fully established and recognized by the Student Government Association. During this time I was awarded for my efforts in leadership and service.
One of the things that I am concerned about is that while I am strongly interested in finance, because I am worried that it may seem like I am not passionate about my field.
I love my major because it offers me versatility, there’s opportunities for future financial analysts in several industries (I have seen fashion, healthcare, marketing, banking, sports, and others highly interested in hiring these workers), and unlike some jobs, with the growing problem of machines increasing their capabilities, it will take a longer time to replace us. Also, finance is a high in demand area. I do not want to enter the field because of the money, as so many of the other people in my major do, but because I love problem solving, looking at and analyzing data, accounting, working with numbers, and economics. At the same time, I also love technology, and I believe that it is our responsibility as a community, not so much the government’s (I believe that too many people abuse government entitlements, and I believe that only businesses should receive them), to help honest, hard-working people, who want to make life better for themselves, out of hard times, and allow children unique opportunities.
Should I mention my achievements and ambitions in these areas, or should I worry about it not making me seem as though I am passionate about my major. Along with these things, I have also volunteered at the local hospital, been inducted into two honors societies, Phi Theta Kappa and Beta Gamma Sigma, and served as a Peer Mentor. Does anyone have any suggestions as to whether or not I should mention all of this stuff?
Lets start with the interview:
How to dress.
You are going to wear a suit. I assume it is a dress or skirt. You do not want the skirt being too short. Office style is different than casual style. You want your skirt to be longer than what is the standard for your age at school. No more than an inch or two above your knee. You should not sit there constantly tugging your skirt down.
DO NOT WEAR A WATCH. If you are not wearing a watch you have no reason to be looking at it. Worst mistake an interviewee can make is to look at their watch.
I'm sure you are very pretty with out makeup so go easy with any you want to wear. Some lip gloss and eyeliner is all you should need.
Talking to the receptionist is nice but remember the receptionist is there to greet you, announce you have arrived and then get back to the work he or she has to do. Engaging them in conversation is not always a good thing. If you did not do so in the other interviews it is not something you should do now.
Arrive early by 5 to 10 minutes so that you are there when they are ready for you. My Commanding Officer in the Air Force told us if we had an appointment with him and were not there 5 minutes early we were late. I have used that principal my entire life and I have gaged others by it as well. Worst thing you can do is keep people waiting. If somehow you get stuck in traffic, and it happens. You call and advise them with an offer to reschedule rather than keep them waiting. Do not leave them wondering where you are.
Most importantly is to relax and be yourself, they want to see how you will fit in. There is one question I always asked and was always asked when interviewing. If you have not been asked this question already you may be asked it next week. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. Honesty is what has to be the base of the answer to the question.
The question is: Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years? Or Why do you want this position?
Just relax and be yourself.
Showing enthusiasm.
I would say given how far and how fast you have gone in the process you are doing so without even knowing it. It started with the phone interview. Enthusiasm is something heard in you voice first and how you answer the questions second.
Try not to be too wordy in you answers to the any one question. If the person interviewing wants you to expand on an answer they will ask. At this level don't be shocked if a question asked is off topic. Asking of topic questions help them find out more about you as a person. The questions will come from parts of your resume on past jobs, social activities or sports you are interested in, community service activities you listed or even the college you are attending.
Listen to the question and answer the question honestly as you know the activity they ask about. Try to answer with the same level of enthusiasm.
There is one question I always asked and was always asked when interviewing. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. Honesty is what has to be the base of the answer to the question.
The question is: Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years? Or Why do you want this position?
This is where you get to talk about all the research you have done on this company and why you want to work for them, what you would like to be doing and where you would like to grow with them.
Good luck.
My fiance and I have been living together for 2 years, with 2 cars.
I have a 2011 Hybrid that I'm financing for $316/m and he has a 2000 GMC Jimmy that was passed down to him.
Two weeks ago his truck broke down. Since then we've poured $300 into it to figure out what's wrong with it and turns out he needs a new engine. The truck isn't even worth enough to put a new engine in and we do not have the money to buy him a new truck.
We're 20 & 23, I work part time and go to college full time and I need all the extra money I have to pay off my school loans and car. He works full time but he only makes $13/hr - minus taxes so more like $10/hr.
On top of my part-time job I occasionally do freelance web design work but this often requires me to travel to other cities (aka take my car). The money for that is good and I really need it but my fiance is now getting in the way of that.
He's adopted this mentality that he can take my car whenever he wants and leave me stranded at home. He works an hour away (so an hour there and an hour back) and goes in early and comes home late. He thinks anytime I'm not working at my part time job or in school that he can just take my car without asking. He's already ruined my chance of a freelance job that would have been 4k (MORE THAN I'VE EVER MADE) because he took my car without asking me before I woke up two days in a row that he knew I needed it to travel to the job site!
On days I work, I take him to his job first AN HOUR DRIVE and drive back home ANOTHER HOUR DRIVE and then later on I have to do the same thing all over again! So I'm putting lots of miles on my car and I'm ruining my tires which I already needed to have replaced. He doesn't care and he drives my car like a joke. He does stupid stuff like "LOOK I CAN DRIVE WITH NO HANDS!" and TEXTS while driving! I didn't care when it was his car but now we're talking about my car which I'm still paying off. If he gets in a crash I might just kill him.
I'm furious about it and I'm just about to tell him that he needs to figure out his own transportation because he's ruining my life!
I know he's my fiance but I don't ever see us getting married so obviously you can tell our relationship was already rocky and this is making me just want to leave him ASAP. I can't deal with all the stress.
What should I do? I'm so angry right now!
I'm not sure where to start as there is more than one question within what you wrote.
Let's start with his truck because I believe for the moment that is the crux of the problem between you two. Yes a 15 year old car or truck may not be worth fixing, at least not with a new engine. While it may be the best way there are alternatives to buying a new engine. Before doing anything you need to first evaluate the condition of the rest of the truck.
By this I mean if you put the cost of an engine into the truck what other mechanical problems need to be repaired or could come to light that would keep the truck from lasting another five to ten years.
This would include the transmission, the steering system and front end equipment, shocks and drive train. Also some one would need to evaluate the rear end bearings, gears and seals. If all of these things are in good shape then a new engine might be worth while. If not and you need to make the truck run for a year or two until graduation/. Then and engine from a junk yard might be an alternative. A good mechanic can evaluate an engine and decide on one to purchase. That plus you can haggle with the junk yard over the price of the engine.
You say you don't see yourself marrying your fiancé. Is this anger over the present situation talking or is there more to it.
Living together to me is like a trial marriage. If you and he can't weather this little bump in the road then maybe you should not be getting married. Life is full of these little bumps and your marriage needs to be strong enough to weather such bumps.
I know from experience that these bumps will come up in life and I will be married to the same woman for 44 years come next month. I'm fortunate I married a strong women and are marriage has survived the bumps in life.
If you can't sit down and say to him; "Hey your truck is toast and we need to keep my car running so when you do drive I expect you to drive it responsibly." "Also you cannot just take my car when you want." "You have already cost us a large some of money by doing so." "Money that could have fixed the truck."
Yes money that could have fixed his truck. Marriage is a 50/50 proposition. Your bills become his bills and his become yours. You pay all the bills out of your joint incomes. So that $4K could have cone towards his truck or a good used car.
So I ask you; Are you mad at him over the present bump in the road or are there other things as well? If there are and you want out of this engagement now is the time to do so with the end of the semester coming. This will give you both time to separate and find new living space before the start of school in the fall.
I've answered about 20 questions. Gotten 3 ratings and one thank you. I started doing this cause I like giving advice and helping. The problem is that we don't even know if the person who asked the question even saw your answer. The only way to know is if your answer is rated or you get a thank you. I feel like I spend a lot of time on here and I'm just giving advice to nobody. It kinda takes away the whole "helping people" if you don't even know they read your answer. Sure, its good practice to answer some questions, figure things out about myself. Just not sure if its worth the time to keep answering questions that may never find their target. Maybe I'll look for a site that tells you the person read it, at least. Feeling a little discouraged.
HI, I have been answering questions on this site for six years. I have also spent the better part of my adult life affiliated in some manner with public service. In my life as a public servant I can tell you few if any people thank you though when the one in several hundred do so it is very meaningful.
As a firefighter we see people at times in their lives when the world has turned upside down and they expect us to put it right side up or as close to it as possible. They are thankful for what you do for them they just don't think to say so for they are caught up in the tragedy that has befallen them.
The same is somewhat true for the people you answer questions for on this site. Some do write just to yank our chain and to see what kind of answers we give to what may appear to be serious questions. Then you get a reply months later how you answer made a big difference in their lives or pulled them back from the edge. These are the replies that make this all worth while for me for I know that I have actually helped someone.
As for the hundreds of other questions I have answered. As others have told me I will say to you as others have. You never know who are reading these questions and our answers. The person who wrote them may be yanking our chain but our answer may indirectly help someone that fears writing us.
Keep answering questions where you feel your knowledge of the question will help someone. You may never know but you may save someone's life. From experience I can tell you there is no greater high in life then the knowledge that you saved a life.
Hi guys :)
I am 24/f and I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and and have lived together for 3 years. He has had a lot of trouble getting a job due to not finishing high school and having big gaps in his résumé and not much experience due to having a bit of a troubled time as a teenager. He hasn't kept a job the entire time we have been dating. He recently decided to go to uni to try to make a career for himself and has elected to go to a uni in another state hours away so he moved about six months ago.. Because he can't support himself with no job he lives with his sister who supports him. He wanted me to move with him and I said no because I had a good job and friends and family here and I was worried he may not be motivated enough to stick it out at uni. His degree is three years and he recently said he is considering moving back to be with me at the end of this year but I don't think thats fair on him. I don't think it's fair for me to move there if I don't want to and I don't think it's fair for him to move back to me because I would feel so guilty if he did since this is his life and career we are talking about I don't completely understand what he is feeling because I would of never moved away from him and I feel a bit sad he has moved away from me but saying that isn't fair either. Chances of him getting work are higher than here so he may choose to still live there after his degree is finished. I feel a bit unsure about what to do and I need help. The way I see it there are three options, me move there, him move back or us break up and I don't want to do any of them :/
As I see it three years is a long time. If he sticks to it and graduates he will change as Uni forces people to change and mature. You will also change and mature as you grow and follow in your career path.
It is my belief that you should encourage him to stay in school as that is the best course of action for him. At the same time you both should be free to arrow and mature as nature intends. Meaning you should both explore new social lives and not be tied to one another. You should keep in touch through social media though being exclusive to each other is wrong for both of you.
At Uni he is going to meet many new people of both sexes thorough classes and study groups. It would be wrong for him not to socialize within these groups. It would be just as wrong for you not to socialize within the groups of people you will meet both in and out of work.
As I said in the beginning three years is a long time and people change. Long distance romances rarely ever work out and one or the other ends up being hurt. It is far better to give each other the right to follow the wherever life takes them. In three years when he graduates if you two still wish to be together then you can tackle the question of which one of you moves to accommodate the other.
Chances are huge that in three years you both will be with others. As my mother would tell you if it is meant to be it will be. For now though to sit home and hope he is doing the same probably won't last long for either of you and then the guilt happens. It is better to be open about this.
20/f
My periods are mostly irregular. I had my last period on April 17. When I first had sex with my current boyfriend,on May 26,the period was already nine days late. I didn't have sex until then. We had sex twice and used a condom both times. But after our first time I've started having cramps in my uterus,my breasts hurt,just like when I'm about to have a period. What are the chances that I got pregnant?
You really should see a gynecologist about your irregular periods. Being 20 you should be well past puberty though it is possible for puberty to stick around into your twenties. A GYN will be able to sort this out for you but this is not your question.
The best way I know to tell if your pregnant, since we are not doctors and should not be making diagnoses, is to take a home pregnancy test. Now even the good more expensive test are prone to false positives. If you get a positive test don't panic, wait ten days and test again with a different test kit. IF you get another positive it is still not 100% certain you are pregnant. You will still need a urine and blood test at the GYN office.
Just a note: Breast hurting and cramps are not always signs of pregnancy. Breast enlargement and nipple sensitivity would be one sign. Another would be a thickening and slight hardening over your uterus.
help people with mental health issues like suicidal thoughts, depression, self-harming,etc but you only need a certificate, no 2-year to 8-year degree in college?
thank you
I could be wrong but I believe Dragonflymagic misunderstood what you are asking. I believe you are asking; Are there jobs for people to help people with mental health issues like suicidal thoughts, depression, self-harming, etc. but you only need a certificate, no 2-year to 8-year degree in college?
There are but they do not pay much over minimum wage. The jobs that I'm aware of that meet the criteria you are looking for are mostly in Hospitals and Nursing homes and are considered unskilled even though you need to be licensed or certificate to do some of them.
The licensed jobs are a step above a caregiver and generally called Licensed Practical Nurses. These are the people who bathe, feed, dress and even take them for walks. Then you have the transporters or orderlies who move patients around the hospital. TO get the license for a practical nurse takes about 8 weeks and the job pays about $10 an hour.
A better job which pays better and is considered a professional skilled job would be an EMT. Most community colleges offer the course required and the length of the course differs from state to state depending on . In general the course hours are anywhere from 80 to 120 hours. Many volunteer fire departments will pay for this course or provide the training free of charge in return for volunteering. My own volunteer company requires all members to be EMT's but not all have to be firefighters. We have the choice of just running medical calls or medical and fire.
An EMT can earn upwards of $18 an hour depending on what part of the country they live in. Being an EMT is very rewarding especially if you work 911 calls and you have the opportunity to save a life. My own company has a very high average of lives saved. IF the patient is alive when we get to them they stay that way 95% of the time.
I'm a really reserved person and it feels so hard for me to speak to other people. It's exhausting trying to make people happy and to even talk to them when their not into the conversation. If you would see me in real life I dress anything but shy because I'm comfortable with showing off my clothes and body but, obviously not in a sexual way. All of these people approach me and try to be my friend but I tend to over think on what to say or if that person will be with me on the long run. I don't know who to trust because it feels like all of these people would judge me if I open up. One of my friends even pointed out that I was introverted when he noticed I was very uncomfortable and was reserved when he told me to grab his hand. I want to make friends but also not get into problems that I don't need in my life. I'm not someone that'll tell just anyone about my feelings or personal life unless they earned trust. On the other hand, when I do open up to certain people they seem to not be able to handle it and distance themselves from me. I also don't go up to my friends, I simply wait for them to approach me and I know that that's bad because I shouldn't expect that from people but I feel like if I approach someone that they'll get annoyed or angry. I just want to be a bit more social without over thinking what I have to say or getting scared to approach people and how they'll possibly think of me. How can I do this and not be an annoying, clingy person at the same time?
You have asked a question that is as hard to answer as it is hard for someone with the problem to deal with. The reason being is that everyone is different and while there are certain things you can do to help yourself not any one thing works for any one person.
An example of that would be me and my father. My father was great at repairing anything mechanical One day while repairing someone's heating system he was offered a job in a major company's marketing department. They sent him to one of the Dale Carnegie schools of Public speaking. Now for me I went to the school of hard nocks and fought my way through my introverted problem and shyness. I had taken a job as a sales representative for a major manufacturing company.
I had been hired by the sales manager while working in a lighting showroom. I didn't have a problem in the showroom as people came to me. Now I had to go to others. It took awhile and confident in my product knowledge I succeeded and was approached by bigger and better companies to work for them.
The first part of any problem is acknowledging that you do have a problem. You have taken that first step. Now we need to find out how to fix it. Making small talk when your not use to it is hard. One thing though is you never pour out your life story to someone unless they ask for it or you are in a relationship for some time.
Small talk is about the weather, the local sports team, a holiday or special event that is approaching. Listening is also a good thing. Listen to the conversation and pick up on what is being said then add anything you can that is relevant to the conversation.
Waiting for people to approach you especially people you do not know will not happen and if it does it will be in a setting such as an office party or some sort of mixer. What I can tell you is if you can overcome your shyness through sheer determination and walk to someone and introduce yourself;it gets easier every time you do so.
There is one other thing I can suggest if you feel you're too shy to do so on your own or take a public speaking class. You might want to speak with a psychologist and enlist their help in overcoming this problem.
My non professional opinion is that part of a person's reason for being introverted and shy is rooted in their upbringing. That mom, generally, when talking to them about strangers does so in a manner that causes the problem. I could be wrong but then I know what my mother drilled into me and I'm fairly certain it was the root cause of my problem. A psychologist can help with this.
Before I met my current boyfriend, I was dating someone much older than me, with a lucrative past (he lied about his past, and even his age at first). My boyfriend knows about this guy, but not the details; certainly not his age.
He's never asked, but should I tell him? What if he doesn't want to be with a girl who has a stain on her past?
Thanks :)
For the moment if you are just dating and not into a serious relationship I see no reason to relate past relationships. We all have a past and they include past relationships. When and if the relationship becomes more serious you and he can discuss whether or not you wish to know about each other's past relationships.
My bet is if you are at the point where the relationship is headed for the alter your past dating and sexual relationships won't matter anymore. I doubt this other guy is going to say anything to your boyfriend for by doing so he will then be outed as the liar he was when he met you.
For now my advise is to follow your heart but I do not believe you need to relate your past to your current boyfriend especially if he has not done so with you.
So my father is possibly about to be released from prison after 15 years. He was charged with first degree sexual assault and breaking/entering. He was or is suspected of the same against two others. He's never been violent to me (or it was only when I was too young to recall). However he has with my mom, her children, and his first wife knows (or knew, ill address that in a bit)) he was/is a violent person.
First some background: I'm the bastard child of my parents who were married with their first spouces when I was conceived. My dad is a bit of a player, he went to his home state then back to his first wifes house. Somewhere he hooked up with another lady and they did drugs together. The first wife was hooked on my dad for some reason, my mom was too but got over him over the years. The first wife hated my mom and still does(Blames her for dad going to prison ?!?!). My mom had two sons before me and dad had two sons and a daughter.
I've been reconnecting (or rather connecting since we've been across the country from eachother all the time.) I haven't talked to my dad in a while after things got a bit heated and my parents are no longer talking after moms boyfriend moved in. Originally he told her not it was OK to have a relationship. He called me up to tell me this. He talked to his first wife the same way he has to mom in the past. My mom used my facebook to look at first wifes feed, which mentioned dad quite a bit.
I've been talking to my sis lately. I'm not certain but I think shes in denial about dad or isn't aware of who he really is(I think his sons have a similar sentiment as mine towards dad, one of them telling him they want nothing to do with him). I've been wanting to reconnect with some family after Ive been a shutin for 3 years. I'm dreading any future talk about dad, or why i would be reluctant to have any relationship with him, any more than a few phonecalls per month once he is out. I don't fixate on him, but I would be lying if I said I didn't feel any disgust/shame/resentment. The recent drama with him has me doubting if he's changed.
The strange thing with Firstie is, I found an old newspaper clip where she said he was a bad guy, and claimed there was an order for him not to come near her or her kids. However the sentiment appears to have changed.
The heart of this is:
Should I write him out completely or remain in some contact? I've read that some contact lessens recividism. Should I stay in touch with his other kids and his family? I feel like I don't really know him but hes still my dad. I'm planning on moving and I'm not sure if I should tell him exactly where I'd be. How should I approach any conversation about dad?
From what you have written I will be brutally honest with you. From the standpoint of being a dad or father he is not in any description of the word. I mean biologically he is you father. For he supplied the sperm you were conceived from. Again being frank mom could have gone to a sperm bank to conceive you, that would not make the sperm donor your father.
A father is someone that is there for you while you are growing up. Provides a loving home. Nurtures you and guides you through the pitfalls of childhood. He is not someone who does drugs, sexually assaults people and goes to jail for 15 years.
If you want to consider him your dad/father that is your choice. Bear in mind one thing though. You say you recently have been connecting with him. There is a reason convicts are called cons. You say he is going to be released soon. If he is being paroled he is going to need a place to stay. Generally with a family member. You say his son wants nothing to do with him. Fifteen years is a long time and you just recently start to connect with him. Even if it is you doing in attempting to connect; I question his motives.
What concerns me more about what you have written is you say you have been a shut in for the past 3 years. I would like to know more of why you have been a shut in. It is possible we can help you get out of the house and live a good life. That is the purpose of what we do here. Write us again and let us see if we can offer any help.
As for your biological father it is your choice. If I were you I would follow your brother and have nothing to do with him. From what you write he has never been a real dad to you.
I am a young adult that does not feel independent because I still live with my parent. I am a young adult that took 3 years to graduate from a community college. I only had two summer jobs(one this summer) and I compare myself to others and sometimes I feel behind. Although I am a good student, I feel that I lack what I should have which is independence. My plan to obtain imdependence was to leave home and go away to college. But, after spending 3 years at a community college, I have to spend 3 more years at a 4 year university. I feel like I failed myself and I am worried about the expense of college for the next 3 years. I just need a positive perspective because right now, I just feel overwhelmed and caught in my emotions.
Taking three years to graduate a community college is not a failure it is a success. Today the norm for all school of higher education is a year or more longer to graduate as our high schools are not properly preparing our children for college properly, even the good students.
Then their are people like my son thought he wanted one career and in mid schooling changed his career choice which required an extra year of schooling as not all the prerequisite courses in his first choice were acceptable in his second choice. TO day he has a degree in Emergency Medicine and is a Paramedic/Firefighter. There are at least 12 people that I know of that are alive today because he did not let that extra year of school bother him and he was their paramedic.
If you must go to an extra year of school to complete your education at the four year school you will be in good company. As many of their students will be joining you as they spent their first year review in and or learning what the did not get in high school.
As to the expense of College or University. This is unfortunate that our young people leave school saddled in debt equal to that of the cost of some houses. This is where we as a society have let our young people down. In many countries higher education is at public cost. Where students share the cost some of the required ancillary courses our schools require are not required which lower the cost of schooling.
All of what you are concerned with adds up to what it costs today to get the education you need so that you can have a good, independent life. Get a job that is both fulfilling and allows for a comfortable lifestyle for you and a family.
Are you wrong to be concerned; no. To be paralyzed by fear of these things would be wrong. This unfortunately is what it costs to get the education you need to have a better life than you parents have. This is the American dream.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by all of this I suggest you find a good psychologist that you can talk with who will help you put all of this in its proper perspective. I agree it can be overwhelming especially if you internalize it. A psychologist will help you deal with it in a helpful way that is confidential between you and the psychologist.
So I graduate from high school in about 2 weeks time, and when I think about it, I become quite sad. I will miss the teachers the most because all of mine at the moment are the best I have ever had. Some of my friends I am going to miss, because they are all planning on moving far away. I am also going to miss the routines the most, and on graduation day, I wouldn´t be surprised if I cry. Did anybody feel like this when they finished school?
Relax you're normal. You are about to leave the only world you have none for most of your life and step into the unknown world of the adult life. May you be going off the college, getting a job or going into the military, you are entering and leaving a safe and secure world for the unknown.
At this point I could simply say welcome to the world of adulthood and leave it at that. The fact is you have been preparing for this day since the day you entered Kindergarten. If you have done well in school, which from your writing it appears you have. Then you are well prepared for whatever the next phase of life you are entering.
I also believe from what you have written that you have good parents who will be there for you to help you transition to this next phase. Rather than fear the unknown welcome it knowing you are well prepared and have the resources in place to help you make the transition.
So a few days ago I had a really bad cold, had been taking several different cold medicines throughout the day, hadn't eaten much and was tired. It was evening, a close friend of mine was going to come over after she was finished at an event later so we could watch some T.V, drink and just bullshit around a bit and take the edge off.
I don't drink very often, and normally don't drink a lot, but I decided to drink a little before she got there, I had two of those little UV vodka shot things you get for like a dollar at a convenience store, and about the equivalent of maybe a shot or two of Spiced Rum mixed with some soda in about an hour.
Which normally with that much, I'd maybe be a bit tipsy, but no where near plastered or actually 'drunk'. But for some reason it hit me really hard. I remember getting up for water and stumbling a bit, and my eyes would not focus. Besides the fact it just felt strange, not a normal drunk.
I fell asleep, and when my friend got there and I woke up, I was a little better but still felt it greatly, and we started playing a little drinking game and just talking, not doing much. And after a little bit, even though I hadn't had much more maybe a couple shots worth at most over another 2 or 3 hours, it was just as bad if not worse than before.
The next day, she told me I could barely walk, was incoherent part of the time and all around couldn't handle myself until I fell asleep, which if I had drank a lot more, I wouldn't be concerned but normally that much, as I said earlier, would get me a bit tipsy, not plastered like I was that night. I'm not the best at handling myself drunk either, but I normally can a bit better than that too. And besides the fact that it was just strange, I remember most of it and I don't remember feeling that drunk, mentally at least.
I don't know if being sick, or not eating or what could of been the reason for that, but I've drank before both on an empty stomach and when I was sick before and that never happened... I don't know, let me know what you guys think.
It was the OTC Cold Medicine. It tells you right on the box not to take with alcohol.
Hi I'm Jay and I'm 15 and my boyfriend told me he bought condoms today, he's 16, and we haven't done anything more than make out and touching.And him buying condoms is kind of shock to me, I asked him why he bought them and he said just in case but we won't be doing anything anytime soon. He knows I'm still iffy on having sex and that I'm not sure If I want to do it yet. What does this mean. Is he planning on having sex with me? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks
First it is your decision when to have sex. At 15 and 16 years of age you are both still to young to be engaging in intercourse. Making out maybe mutual masturbation or even oral sex, though I do not suggest going that far as it is hard to stop at that point. Just make sure your boyfriend understand that you are not ready and you will let him know when you are. Until then your answer to having sex is no and he has to agree that no means no, not maybe.
The fact that he has bought condoms is a very mature act on his part. It means he respects you and does not want to get you pregnant. That he also wants to practice safe sex which to day is very important. It also says that he is ready and wants to take your sex life to the next level. Yes making out is the foreplay of a sex life. So make sure he understands you are not ready yet and that you will tell him when you are.
Understand one thing about boys. Their sex drives at this age are stronger than girls. Once they are ready for sex or want to have sex with a girl they will say and do most anything to get sex from her. One famous line that predates me and I'm old enough to be your grandfather is, "if you love me you will have sex with me."
You don't have sex to prove your love for someone." Sex is the result of loving someone. It may sound similar though their are big differences. If your boyfriend starts to harass or beg you to have sex with you and you have told him no. Remind him he is breaking the law. Sexual harassment is against the law.
For the moment I see his buying condoms as a matter of respect for you. I could change my mind on that if he starts to beg you or force you to have sex with him. If he does you should rethink if he loves you or just lusts for you. Teen age boys confuse the two.
Sex is a beautiful thing between two consenting partners. It should not be rushed or done in uncomfortable places. Most importantly you need to feel secure from intrusion and comfortable to get the most enjoyment especially for your first sexual encounter.
How should I ask someone's grandmother to have sex with me?
You are obviously into older women or this grandma is a real MILF. Whatever your reason for wanting to have sex with her it would be much easier to answer this question if I knew your age. In a situation like this age is very important. For if you are under the legal age of consent, which in most states and many countries is now 18. For her to have sex with you could land her in jail if anyone found out.
Being someone's grandmother makes her at least three times your age. I really can't tell you how to approach this women without knowing her or knowing more about her. Does she flirt with you in anyway? How well do you know her? How do you know her.
If you do approach her and attempt to seduce her or actually ask her she could:
1. Offended - And say something to those that are close to you about being a pervert.
2. Be flattered and politely turn you down.
Regardless of what you might read or see in the movies or on television. There are not many women who are into having sex with younger men or women who are called Cougars. Unless she has flirted with you or in some manner shown that she might be interested in you in a sexual manner. My suggestion is you don't approach her and just let her be a fantasy not fulfilled.