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I want to end it all already
I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of everyone in my life. My family is mean to me. People at school are mean to me, especially the stereotypical high school girls that dress all provocative say mean things about me. Don't get me wrong, I'm no where near ugly. I actually think I'm quite attractive yet I can't find any guy that likes me for me.I feel like I'm such an annoying person. I'm a burden to everybody that enters my life and nobody even likes me. I've talked to the guidance counselor in my school but she hasn't help me at all at feeling better. It seems as if she thinks I deserve all of this mistreatment. I'm a nice person. I care about people and listen to their problems. Yet when I begin to talk about my feelings or problems two people that I trust always say 'here we go again' or they judge me. I don't know what's wrong with me that people see fit to treat me this way. I guess it's because I'm shy and kept to myself. I don't really even know. I want to end it all already. Everybody will be happier if I am. All of these people that say they care are probably just saying that just to try to make me happy but lying to me will just make me even sadder. I practically drove away my best friend. I sent her a mean message and I wasn't exactly thinking about it but once it was sent I regretted it. She said she understood that I just wanted some space but I think I've lost the only person that actually wanted to be around me. I've lost everybody that I either cared about or loved. I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. I just feel empty and worthless. Nobodies ever cared. Nobody has cared and nobody ever will care about the quiet loner that rarely shows emotion but is going through a whirlwind of feelings crashing inside of them. I want to die. The person that I needed the most will probably be the most happy if I'm gone. After all I seems to bother him all the time and doubt his intentions and feelings. I can't trust anyone anymore. When I turned to god I felt like he wasn't listening or being there for me. I know that god only gives me what he knows I can handle but I'm breaking more and more day in and day out each day. I'm no suicidal just lonely and without a purpose. I can't make people happy. All I do is annoy then and push them away. Nobody loves me or likes me or cares. I'm done with everybody and their mean remarks. Hopefully once I die I'll be in a better place. I want to die now that is. I'm exhausted of it all. I want to find that special someone that can make me happy already because I don't think that I can do it anymore.
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The first thing that you need to do is to relax.
You are probably thinking too much.
The problem is not that everyone around you doesn't care about you or you are very annoying. The problem is that you think too deeply on these things but in the wrong direction.
People don't say that they care about you, if they don't care the least about you. Everyone has their own problems and everyone goes through a lot of stress in their lives. It might be that they do care about you, maybe only a little, but they can't show that because they are preoccupied by their problems. You want to listen to them and solve them, but everyone doesn't like sharing their problems.
Just because someone acts or speaks in a way which is not very welcoming doesn't mean that you are a skunk.
You just need to calm down and stop taking these things in a negative manner. That will help a lot.
Be cool. Do things that you like. Pursue your hobbies. Make some dreams. Try to fulfil it and when you live your life as you want to, people will start behaving in a manner in which you want them to. You will not become their queen, but you will soon get a better place in their lives.
Regarding your best friend:
Stop thinking that you have lost him.
He was your best friend. He was there at times when you needed him and he will again be there if you try to be a best friend to him. Try to approach him and tell what you feel about him. But do everything very cautiously. Do not react instantaneously. Relax. Listen to what he is saying and then say what you should.
He will surely be your best friend again.
Regarding your parents:
Don't think that they don't love you. Imagine that you created a very beautiful painting and then some bad person destroyed it completely. Won't you feel bad. If you love a painting which you created then how won't a father or mother love you which they created. You have to realize that in addition to being your parent, they have their personal and professional lives as well. There are many things which stresses them and many things which makes them irritated. Because of that frustration or anger, if they talk badly with you then it doesn't mean that they don't love you.
Just be relaxed. Don't be too hard on yourself.
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Hello beautiful girl :)
Do you really think you are annoying? Do you really think nobody loves you? Do you really think those stupid questions around your head?
Why do you want to end a life that is so great? Why do you always have to think about other's feelings about you than thinking about your happiness and enjoyment? I can sense that you are confused about the things happening to you right now.
You said that your family is mean to you. Well, how well do you really know your family? Are you very open with them everyday? Do you try to make a conversation with them? Because if you don't, then you don't have the right to say so. If your family is mean to you, don't give up. They are the reason why you are in here. They are the very first people to make you feel loved and contented. Try to open up with them. It may not sound good, but it's the best way for them to understand what you are feeling right now. Don't fidget or stutter whenever you talk to them. Tell them all the things bothering you, with all of your heart. Don't be afraid. At least, be happy that you still have a family to be with.
You said that you think you are an attractive person. For me, you are. If those guys don't like you, then they are not worth it. Or think them as junk, so you will never bother thinking about them. And those mean girls who try to insult you? They need medical attention. Why are they insulting you? Does that mean that they are insecure with you? I never knew that girls like them survived in this kind of world.
The guidance counselor you asked for help? she needs to visit the Psychologist for a check-up. She's not very helpful in helping people like you. She doesn't deserve being on that spot if she doesn't help you out.
To all of the people who are judging you? Don't ever think about them AGAIN.
You are a very beautiful and nice person. You said it. Don't give up just because they want you to give up. Does that mean you're weak? NO! And never will you be! Be happy for all of the blessings you receive everyday. Be contented with the people who are always in your side. You don't deserve this kind of treatment, dear. And don't ever think that people are happy without you. What if there is someone who really likes you but is afraid to say it? What if a family member is just completely faking their mean side because they are shy to show that they love you? And many more 'what ifs.'
That best friend of yours who gave you time and space must be very brave to understand your situation. It's not too late to say "sorry." Nobody is the same as you. You are unique, like everyone of us. Do you really think you are annoying? In what kind of way? Maybe not that much because you said you're nice. I believe in all you have said how amazing you are. But you are very depressed at the moment.
Stop thinking about other people. Stop trying to impress them. For now, think of the things you have that they haven't got. You are unique and great. If you need help and someone to talk to, try to join forums on the internet or in your neighborhood. It may sound a little weird but it's for your benefit too. If it's still not enough, try to mingle with new people. They are not the only people who live in this world, right? Being socially active can bring you enjoyment and a smile on your face. You don't have to find the special someone who is giving you smile to your face. They are the ones who are going to find you.
Cry all the things that makes you weak. Accepting your weakness is they key to being stronger. Once you're done, try making a lifetime commitment with yourself. Try telling yourself, "I will never be a weak person anymore in my whole life." Encourage yourself to be the best. After all, it is only you who can help yourself throughout your life.
There are still many happenings to come to your life. If you don't survive this situation, you will be lonely forever. So if they don't care, you don't care about them either. Build yourself. Break the walls and start making a new you. Fix your hair, fix your style, be beautiful inside and outside. Mingle with others. Make new friends and company. Think about what will they look and say if they saw you change for the better. Their eyes will look three times bigger than an Iphone. Life isn't cruel, dear. It's only us who think that way.
And God? He is always there for all of us. Speak to him everyday. Be very open with all of your thoughts, dreams, and feelings. And make sure, you tell it with all of your heart. You have to feel him every time you pray. Start making a relationship with him. Because if you do, your life will totally begin like how you always wanted.
That's all, dear. And good luck.
P.S. You are beautiful.
From you imaginary friend,
The LittleWoman
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Hello dear,
I have to agree with adviceman, a school guidance counselor is not the one to help you. Perhaps she doesnt understand the extent of your issues as she should have referred you to professional help by now. Since she hasn't, let your parents know whats going on inside. As a parent of a clinically depressed daughter, she suffered through depression as a teen and let me tell you I was a very observant mom and had long private convo's with each child as they were growing up. I knew what the signs of depressions were, and didn't see any. She hid it well in trying to fix herself and remain in control. However add in postpartum depression after having a baby in later years and she could no longer hide it and was asking for help and confessing to me. So do not think that your parents can automatically know how things are going. If however they don't take you seriously, you need to get your own help. Call 911 or follow any of the other suggestions advice man gave you. I will say as a once caregiver of a mentally disabled patient, I know that in some cases, the police or fire people who arrive may not take you in to get help unless you are saying you ARE contemplating suicide. If not looking obviously suicidal, they may not take you to get help. My client was merely extremely upset due to a lot of life situations that added up all at once and she had called 911 shortly before I arrived for my shift and I was usually able to calm her down and handle the things she couldn't, one reason I was there. So even if you are sure you couldn't kill yourself, but you dont want to live, it still is the same issue with the same causes behind it, however you may want to say you are suicidal if it fails the first time. That will definitely get you put in touch with a doctor.
I am guessing that you are female based on your talk of female friends. When you get a chance to be checked out by a doctor, not just mental health, but physical issues should be checked as well.
There is besides teen depression another thing that is becoming more common due to our toxic planet, that is affecting teen girls in puberty or during teen years, and that has to do with the amount of female hormones in their body. Before their body began to release hormones at puberty, their bodies already had fairly high amounts of the synthetic female hormones that we pick up from contact in our environment from birth to teens. Add in the release of lots more at puberty and that is overload. This overload causes all sorts of problems,and can be easily fixed by a Dr. with medication for only during the time you need it, during the teen years.So you'd need to ask to have your hormone levels checked. Especially if you didn't have these issues before you hit puberty, as an older child. The abnormally high hormones can usher in depression and be the main cause behind it, can alter your entire personality, cause you to be extremely mean or angry towards someone even if they did nothing to earn it, become so weepy and sad or very upset all the time. This can change your behavior sooo much that family and friends want to avoid you because to be truthful, it is not pleasant being around someone like that. In your case, it isn't really who you are, something is causing this so its best to find out what, have that issue addressed so you can become your cheery self and have people wanting to be around you again. Good luck dear. If you need to talk to a mother figure, you can always write to me, but I can't replace a Dr. or mental health counselor.
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From what I am reading I hear depression talking. A guidance counselor at school is not the person to help you with this type of problem. Guidance Counselors come under the heading of educators and depression needs doctors to help you.
Right now everything you see and feel is distorted by the depression. At your present age the depression you may be having is in part caused by puberty and the doctors even have a name for it, “Teenage depression". At one time parents thought this was just a phase children went through and grow out of. Most did some do not. Now doctors know better and know how to help teenagers suffering from "Teenage Depression."
What you can do is ask mom or dad to take you to your family doctor and ask the doctor to screen you for depression. It is a painless exam that consists of a bunch of questions. The doctor will most likely want to do a full physical as well to rule out any other reason. Once the doctor has made a diagnoses follow the doctors’ instructions.
If your parents will not take you to the doctor and you are feeling suicidal pick up the phone and call 911. Tell the call taker you feel like hurting yourself or feeling suicidal. The call taker will stay on the phone with you and dispatch help. The help comes in the form of the closest fire truck, paramedic ambulance and a police car.
The police are there to make sure your parents allow the firefighters and paramedics get to see you and evaluate your need to see a doctor. The paramedics will ask you the same questions the doctor would have and then based on your answers decide if you need to go to the emergency room. If so the police will see to it that mom or dad does not stand in the way. They are all there to help you.
Having once been where you are now I can tell you once the vial of depression is lifted the world will look different.
My advice is to see a doctor or call 911. You can also go to any police or fire station and ask for help yourself as well as any hospital emergency room. You do not need parental permission for any of this.
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