|
My mom might be moving!
My name is Rachel and iam 26 years old and I have lived in Georgia most of my life. I moved here when I was 2liitle months old. My mom has beers now and theyI n sick for almost 5 years now they think that she might have Parkinson's disease but they still don't know for sure. She falls alot sometimes she has to walk with 2 canes if she dosnt use a wheelchair. She gets mad easier than she did before she got sick. She wants to be with her family in Oaklahoma but my heart is here in Georgia but she says that she dosnt want to go without me and I understand that but everything that I know and love is in Georgia. My mom says if I don't go and keep her here that i am selfish. My mom is raising two of my her grandkids and she says if I don't go and she has to go in the nursing home ot will be my fault if she commits suicide and the kids don't have anyone to take care of them because my sister won't. I dont know what to do please
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Its not you being selfish but your mother for expecting you to move because she wants to. A terminally ill person or one with a slow but degenerative disease can become very unreasonable as they get worse, partly due to not being able to do what she could before becoming ill. Your life is yours to live.
In moms state, you should not longer expect her to watch your kids. Even if she stays in Georgia, you can't let being a single parent or any other such situation, even financial ones, allow you to continue using mom for care, no matter how much she says she can and wants to. It is an added stress she can't handle. As mom progresses, she will become very angry and verbally abusive all the time. Not all people do...some suffer in silence. But since she's doing it now, it WILL get worse and you don't want your kids to have to experience hating going to grandma's cus all she does is yell at them, and belittle them.
You can't help that she is ill, but you can help yur kids not have to go thru that.
If you are low income, husband or not, single mom,, there should be some help you can qualify for. Check with your local department of social and health services and they should be able to point you in the right direction for childcare. Other single moms without family to rely on have for eons, had to find someone to watch their children whom they could trust.
Okay, now on to the next clalim of Mom's. If she has something where she consistantly loses more and more ability to see after her own care, then it will be too much for even an untrained relatiive to handle, in Oklahoma, even if they give up their life and job to become her fulltime caregiver. Yes, family can get paid by the state to become the caregiver of a family member. But relatives would have to check if that applies in Oklahoma, and care givers do not get paid much so they will be on a very tight income too if they were even willing to try. A nursing home is likely where mom will end up in the end anyhow, no matter which state she is living in. There is no way it could ever be your fault that she has to go in a nursing home. this is her anger talking, anger that she is ill. Perhaps Drs will find out soon what it is but likely they can't stop it anymore than you can be staying or going. What you do, is not going to change whatever fate has in store for her. It already sounds like she is expecting you to become her full time caregiver if need be with no prospect of a regular job, getting ahead, ever having time for a boyfriend or husband. Suicide also can not be blamed on anyone else. But it sounds like she already knows how to pull the 'guilt' strings and has your emotions in a tizzy over it. She may want to be in Oklahoma with family but is that family willing to become her total care wehn she insists on not going into a nursing home?
Do not fall for the guilt trip she is trying to lay on you. She may be your mother and so you may feel you owe her more because of that. But know that she will do the same with any relative she comes into contact with. She playing the ultimatum game and saying she'll stay here if you dont move, is just another emotional manipulation of hers and unfair, even if she is mom.
If you think it may just be short term care, remember, doctors arent still sure what she has and she needs now to decide where she's gonna live and gather the medical team who will be working to help her. I was a caregiver for a while and sent on many fill in jobs. Heres just one example of what yu could be getting into with mom. I went one day a week to give a wife a few hours to get away so she could grocery shop or take a walk. SHe was her husbands caregiver full time. He had a rare disease I can't even remember the name of but it involved a very slow loss of motor functions. It was a 2nd marriage, meeting when they were late 30s early 40s and almost immediately he began to have symptoms, it was discovered it is a genetic illness passed down in the family and others of siblings were checked and all but one had the illness. I knew him only at the end, wheel chair bound, on a feeding tube. Mind still sharp but his speech as bad as that of serious stroke victims, so garbled it was hard to understand him. He needed some many things monitored for him and some one had to be there to call 911 if he took a quick turn for the worse. He had b een that way for about 25 years before he finally passed away. In case what your mom has is something like that, it wouldn't be so hard to help her in the beginning, but once she's got you doing it, she will complain she doesnt want a stranger and eventually you'll become her care 24/7 with only a couple hours respite for yourself a day or two a week. It would be unfair even early on to the children to not have your full attention.
If the situation is that she is legally the kids guardian, then when she has her prognosis, it all depends but the state may no longer allow her to watch the children if she is unable to or hampered in some ways by illness. the children would go to you another relative or the courts would send them to foster care. If she's legally their guardian, it doesn't matter agan where she lives, this situation, even if you move with her is going to happen in OK or in GA.
So decide to go to OK only if you really want to, and not because mom wants to.
It might be best for your own mental health to be apart from mom so she can no longer manipulate you as easily as she does now. I am sorry she is ill but that is no reason to expect her child to give her next 25 years or so to taking care of her.
]
More Questions: |