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What should I do about my fiance's broken down car?
My fiance and I have been living together for 2 years, with 2 cars.
I have a 2011 Hybrid that I'm financing for $316/m and he has a 2000 GMC Jimmy that was passed down to him.
Two weeks ago his truck broke down. Since then we've poured $300 into it to figure out what's wrong with it and turns out he needs a new engine. The truck isn't even worth enough to put a new engine in and we do not have the money to buy him a new truck.
We're 20 & 23, I work part time and go to college full time and I need all the extra money I have to pay off my school loans and car. He works full time but he only makes $13/hr - minus taxes so more like $10/hr.
On top of my part-time job I occasionally do freelance web design work but this often requires me to travel to other cities (aka take my car). The money for that is good and I really need it but my fiance is now getting in the way of that.
He's adopted this mentality that he can take my car whenever he wants and leave me stranded at home. He works an hour away (so an hour there and an hour back) and goes in early and comes home late. He thinks anytime I'm not working at my part time job or in school that he can just take my car without asking. He's already ruined my chance of a freelance job that would have been 4k (MORE THAN I'VE EVER MADE) because he took my car without asking me before I woke up two days in a row that he knew I needed it to travel to the job site!
On days I work, I take him to his job first AN HOUR DRIVE and drive back home ANOTHER HOUR DRIVE and then later on I have to do the same thing all over again! So I'm putting lots of miles on my car and I'm ruining my tires which I already needed to have replaced. He doesn't care and he drives my car like a joke. He does stupid stuff like "LOOK I CAN DRIVE WITH NO HANDS!" and TEXTS while driving! I didn't care when it was his car but now we're talking about my car which I'm still paying off. If he gets in a crash I might just kill him.
I'm furious about it and I'm just about to tell him that he needs to figure out his own transportation because he's ruining my life!
I know he's my fiance but I don't ever see us getting married so obviously you can tell our relationship was already rocky and this is making me just want to leave him ASAP. I can't deal with all the stress.
What should I do? I'm so angry right now!
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I'm not sure where to start as there is more than one question within what you wrote.
Let's start with his truck because I believe for the moment that is the crux of the problem between you two. Yes a 15 year old car or truck may not be worth fixing, at least not with a new engine. While it may be the best way there are alternatives to buying a new engine. Before doing anything you need to first evaluate the condition of the rest of the truck.
By this I mean if you put the cost of an engine into the truck what other mechanical problems need to be repaired or could come to light that would keep the truck from lasting another five to ten years.
This would include the transmission, the steering system and front end equipment, shocks and drive train. Also some one would need to evaluate the rear end bearings, gears and seals. If all of these things are in good shape then a new engine might be worth while. If not and you need to make the truck run for a year or two until graduation/. Then and engine from a junk yard might be an alternative. A good mechanic can evaluate an engine and decide on one to purchase. That plus you can haggle with the junk yard over the price of the engine.
You say you don't see yourself marrying your fiancé. Is this anger over the present situation talking or is there more to it.
Living together to me is like a trial marriage. If you and he can't weather this little bump in the road then maybe you should not be getting married. Life is full of these little bumps and your marriage needs to be strong enough to weather such bumps.
I know from experience that these bumps will come up in life and I will be married to the same woman for 44 years come next month. I'm fortunate I married a strong women and are marriage has survived the bumps in life.
If you can't sit down and say to him; "Hey your truck is toast and we need to keep my car running so when you do drive I expect you to drive it responsibly." "Also you cannot just take my car when you want." "You have already cost us a large some of money by doing so." "Money that could have fixed the truck."
Yes money that could have fixed his truck. Marriage is a 50/50 proposition. Your bills become his bills and his become yours. You pay all the bills out of your joint incomes. So that $4K could have cone towards his truck or a good used car.
So I ask you; Are you mad at him over the present bump in the road or are there other things as well? If there are and you want out of this engagement now is the time to do so with the end of the semester coming. This will give you both time to separate and find new living space before the start of school in the fall.
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Hell no, your both adults and its his responsibilty to create his own way to get around and if your making more then he is then he is obigated to step aside and allow you to be the bread winner for the two of you and NOT take your only mode of transportation.
It seems to me that hes not thinking responcibly and not really thinking about your future together if he knows your the one making more money then him and is still willing to prevent you from making it there so that you can pay the bills for you both. How can you put a new engine in his car if he goes and takes your car out knowing you needed to be somewhere for work?? see? hes not thinking at all and he does not have full access to your car.
What you should have done was tell him that because you bought the car brand new, that they made you buy full coverage insurance and that no one else is allowed to drive it but you.
My husband bought a brand new suberu a few years back and they actually made him sign paperwork BANNING a spouse from driving the car! having anyone else BUT you on the insurance will drive up the cost and "you cant afford that" and "that was the only way you could still get the car" ; )
my husbands car is now paid off and i COULD drive it if i want but i have my own car.
when my car breaks down, I FIX IT, I MAKE THE CALLS to mechanics, get estimates and find out how long it will take me to save up if i need to do so. ((BECAUSE of the fact that i have an older car though i can also do all preventive maintaince myself)) but thats besides the point.
His car isnt worth putting a new engine in it if its older then say 10 years or more. Tell him that this is his responcibility and that although you may be engaged, he still needs to man up and take care of his own business.
My other fear here is that this could be a case of you falling in love with someones "potential" and not what he actually IS.
Try to remember that EVERYONE has "the potential" to better themselves and do this or that, but the question is ARE THEY ACTUALLY ACTIVELY WORKING TOWARDS IT?? ask yourself this and then get back to me.
Your best bet is (if your the leader in this relationship) is to say "ok look, we're not gonna be taking my car anymore ESPECIALLY if i have a job coming up, i pay most of "our bills" and i just cant take care of you the way your needing me too and i need you to meet me halfway on this whole car situation ok??" stay totally calm while your doing this and do NOT get angry, this will only fuel a person that gets defensive easily and things will not end well.
tell him, hes a man now and needs to be helping out more and showing you that he can care for not only the two of you but a family one day as well, and your not seeing the things you need to see in order to continue to justify paying for HIS bills. you can do a probationary period if you want (if you dont want to just up and leave him) ORRRR this could be your chance to get out now and make a clean break its totally up to you and how brave you are and wanting out.
If you really cant see marrying him then this is pretty much your chance to get out. this could be "the final straw" if you wanna call it that.
Let him know that you understand him wanting to use your car for his work but that your the one thats in school, stressed, working, and making more money then he is and he is putting absolutely NO priority for you and what you do for him, ahead of his own.
he sounds selfish and lazy honestly, and you deserve better. you have every right to be angry but remember that you are an adult and you need to break it off with him life one. No screaming matches, no throwing things, just calm talking, and matturity needs to be applied here.
good luck you can do it!
; )
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I'd say either he's finally shown his true colors or you have just finally recognized them.
The title question as to what to do about his broken down car,....Nothing. You are not yet married to him. In marriage, everything becomes shared property so what you own and worked hard for, he will own, unless of course you have a lawyer draw up some pre nuptial papers that he must sign to marry you that you both keep in your possession what you owned comin into the marriage and keep your finances separate. Otherwise, basically you screwed, even worse than you are now.
Obviously he does not look like good marriage material. He is very selfish, not willing to make any compromises or agreement on sharing the car and will grab for himself whatever he wants whenever he wants likely for the entire length of the marriage. This does not look like a happily ever after scenerio. Even if you weren't angry at the moment, subconsciously, you probably have been concerned for a while. He's been doing this for some time and.....you let him. The first time some boyfriend or fiancee took my car without asking, I would have said, Do that again and you'll never see me again. You did not lay down the rules. With some people if they werent thinking and just made a stupid judgement, that shapes them right up. With most people behaving like that, they really don't care, and will assume either you love them enough to be stupid and let them get away with it, or that you are a weak woman easy for him to lord it over and control. Likely that is his current impression.
I think that you didnt like this action of his before, it only became critical when it cost you a big deal in loss of revenue. Marry him and you'll be supporting him and jumping to all his wishes for the rest of your life.
By the way, the way he is treating you is not love. People are considerate and respect those they love. He may due to his circumstances always care for money more than people. Yes its hard to get ahead in the world and getting harder every day. But that is no reason to treat you as he did.
I was married to a man who loved money more than me. Only wanted me for my piddly income and I earned less than him but he felt he couldnt survive without it. He also didnt love me. He began to become verbally abusive because he was unhappy with his life and let it out on me. If i were you, I'd leave him right now or take the chance of him talking you into staying and possibly having an unhappy marriage as I did. I married at 20, when my hopes and dreams for the future was high and I thought we both loved each other. Being treated that way by a man, I guarantee if you do have any feelings for him, his actions towards you will kill them very quickly.
YOu are darned right this is stressful. I stayed 30 yrs cus of kids i was dumb enough to hang around long enough to get with him. I love my kids but I couldn't survive on my own if I left him then. During the 30 years, I can assure you that stress will have disastrous results, it either messes with your emotional health or physical health or both. For me, it was physical. I lived with constant headaches, more days than not and didn't want to take so much pain reliever so I lived with the pain. Had the occasional migraines tossed in, got all over body rashes from the stress, got stomach ulcers. In the end, I left to preserve my life as I had a premontion and warning from God....if I didn't leave within the next 4 years, that i would die from my stress by either heartattack or cancer. I left. I wanted to be around to see my daughters marry and be around for grandkids. I did find another man, who is now my husband and the total opposite of what i first had.
Now you have all the warnings and reasons for not marrrying this guy. Its up to you whether you want to settle for less or move on. I'd like to know how you finally decide.
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