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Abuse emotionally, physically and mentally
Sigh, one over year ago against the advice from the people here, I married my girlfriend. That was the beginning of hell. I have taken a loan of $40000 from her to sustain my ongoing business since our marriage. But ever since then, she has been hounding me for the money. Also, I notice she start nit picking on me cos I lied to her ob many occasions. Why did I lie? Well, basically my spouse is not exactly a easy person to talk to. When I tell her the truth and it is something she doesn't like to hear or expect to hear, she will physically kuck me, slap me or beat me. I always walk away cos as a guy if I were to retaliate, I WILL HURT HER. So, I chose to lie. But then, she will chack on my phone, on me, call my customers and frds etc. She is distrusting towards me. She keep complaining how she use to lead a good life and ever since she married a good for nothing like me, she suffered a lot as she has never been poor before etc....mind you, I am the sole breadwinner of the family as she refuses to work and expects me to provide with everything and better still, a luxurious life. Last year alone, I spend more than a hundred thousand on her and the family. She just can't live thriftly. Now that I'm down and out, she is pressing me for her loan, threatening to take our son away and chase me and my daughter away. Constantly, I have to bear with her temper and the words that come out of her mouth?? Not for the ears....not to mention the constant physical beatings and kickings I have to take from her weekly. Everyday its the grumbling and stuff. When I ask her to get a job to help the family, I will be berated and insulted for a being a useless man who can't even afford to support his wife with nasty words and phrases coming out of her eg. Its my biggest mistake to marry u....u r the worse man I ever come across....all my previous bfs have never treated me like this and they all treat me better than u..u can die for all I care...take your useless bastard of a daughter away...if your daughter die ask her not to die at home...so on n forth..
Now I really need to know, should I walk away from tis marriage?? What should I do?? I suggested counselling but she refused saying counselling is stupid n she is right n do not need counselling. Pls help....wat should I do?? I'm really tired of her abuse. I love her a lot but she is never happy ir satisfied. She nitpicks on everything from shaving to the clothes I wear. I can't even choose wat shoes I like n if I ever go against her, whoo boy,all hell breaks loose. Tell me, should I leave her? I still owe her $60000 (she charges interest)
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Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
The question of the loan will need be answered by a lawyer. It's quite possible that the terms of such a loan are not enforceable, but that is something you'll need to explore with expert legal minds, not strangers online.
On a personal level, you also need to get out. You are being abused. You need to get out as soon as you can be sure of your children's safety - it sounds to me that at least your eldest daughter will need to come with you to be certain that she isn't exposed to ongoing abuse herself.
Go to counselling, on your own, because you deserve the support and a safe place to examine your own feelings and choice.
Start documenting the threats and violence. Even if you aren't willing to call the police, start keeping a record of her violent outburst, her threats, and any threats she makes against your relationship with your children.
There is no marriage to save when one partner believes they have the right to abuse the other. You simply have to protect yourself, your children, and your finances to the best of your ability. Get expert advice, and get out.
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To me marriage is a 50/50 proposition meaning one spouse does not lend anything to another. Unless there was a prenuptial agreement stipulating her funds prior to marriage were to be separate from the marriage. Then while I am not a lawyer and do not know the laws of your state or country, I would say that on the day you married what was hers became your and what was yours became hers.
Now if you two were to divorce and again this depends on the laws where you live. If you live in a 50/50 state. Then everything between you two that has or is part of the marriage is split 50/50. This includes any and all bills she may have run up on charge cards. Even if you have kept your finances separate as my sister and her husband do as this is a second marriage for both of them. It matters not the law overrides there financial aspects of their marriage.
Now as to her beating. Here again depending on where you live spousal abuse is against the law. In most states it is part of the domestic violence laws. If she is beating you abusing you then call the police. Get a protective order against her and have her move out.
If your business has failed I would make a guess, from what you have written ,it is more her fault than yours. While you may love her you do not have a marriage that is working. It is time for corrective action to save yourself and your daughter.
See a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. If she starts to hit you call the police and have her arrested. It is the best thing you can do for you, your daughter and your son. The officers will tell you how to get a protective order, do so.
Make sure your lawyer knows the facts surrounding the $40,000. I'm fairly confident the law is on your side here and you do not owe her repayment.
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hi there you really are in a tough situation here, im no expert at this but my advice would be yes you need to get out of this marriage, i would advise to go and see a lawyer to see where you stand if she beats you again take proof of what she is doing like the bruises etc, then she will not be able to take your son from you if she is a violent woman.
i hate situations like this because if it was the other way round it would be totally different.
please definitely seek some advice and if you would like to speak further you can find me on facebook nikki helper.
i hope everything works out for you.
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