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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I don't know why I don't shoot cum during masterbation. Ever time I get to the climax I get hot and numb and can't open my eyes. Then I cum. I forgot to mention I use lotion as a lubricant. When I cum it's the color of sugar water with some solid white parts. But it only oozes instead. When I cum its only enough to fill a thimble. Is there something wrong? Please help.

This could be very normal especially if you are a preteen and not into puberty yet. Without knowing your age it is hard to give you a better answer. If you are 16 or older I would suggest you see a urologist as then this may not be normal as it all depends on whether or not your into puberty and if the hormones that allow semen to be made by the testes has been or is being secreted.

Once you are 14 years of age for a problem such as this. A federal law called HIPPA allows you to seek medical help for a problem such as this or any problem with your reproductive tract without parental knowledge or permission.

This provision was written into the HIPPA law so that teenagers 14 and older would seek medical help for these problems with complete medical privacy for things they might be too embarrassed to talk with a parent about. The medical privacy means your doctor cannot divulge anything about your visit or your treatment without your expressed written permission. The law is so tight on this subject that no court can issue an order to divulge this information.

You may if you wish see your family doctor or any doctor of your choosing including any free clinic.

I've (17f) always believed in staying a virgin until marriage, however, I still would like to be able to pleasure my boyfriend, we have been together for a while now but neither of us have gone past the point of making out and that was also with each other. any ideas/(dare i say?) techniques????

The only way I know to pleasure your boyfriend would be to masturbate him (hand job) or to give him oral sex (blow job). He can also finger you or give you oral sex.

In Britain and Europe it is said that some of the girls that wish to remain virgins but also wish to please their boyfriends allow them anal sex.
Anal sex is a learned skill that is not without some pain for the female until she is accomplishes at it. Proper precautions need be taken as the male MUST WEAR A CONDOM. The anal canal is full of bacteria that could cause him a of harmful infections in his urinary tract, bladder or kidneys if a condom is not worn. Condoms also protect against many of the STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.

I am not recommending anal sex though it is an alternative to vaginal sex if you chose to allow him. If you do then I suggest you search the web for the best position and how to do so. Also make sure you use a good lube and plenty of it.

Your boyfriend must also agree before hand that if you say stop, pullout or no; to do so without question. You must trust him to do so if you are going to allow him anal sex.

Hey I am 14 years old and I recently went to the doctor and got blood drawn. My doctor said my white blood count was high might be of an infection. So I did have a sinus infection a while back and never took any medicine for it. I just let it pass by. So I was wondering is that the problem. Or do I have an infection down there. My mother was asking me about my discharge and color. And I recently looked at my discharge and it was a whiteish color and kinda thickish. So is that a sign or anything.
Thank you.
PS. If u need a picture of the discharge have a picture of it on some tissue.

None of us are doctors and it is not our policy to give medical advice. If the doctor felt you had an infection then I'm sure the doctor would have prescribed medication.

If you had a vaginal infection or the doctor or your mother suspected a vaginal infection. The most common would be a yeast infection any you would know as you would itch like crazy. The next most common is a bladder or kidney infection and this two you would be very aware of as you would have a burning sensation when urinating and or pain in your back by your kidneys.

It is not uncommon to have a higher than normal white count as you might have been fighting something off. If the doctor did not prescribe any medication or request a follow up blood draw I would not be concerned.

As complicated as my love life has been, this situation covers the most difficult thing I've had to face. My boyfriend and I have had a rough relationship for two years though we never gave up on each other. Our relationship had its share of drama and sometimes I felt he wasn't boyfriend material anymore. Over time as our relationship grew, our families and extended families as well as our community started to learn of our relationship and they were very happy. I'm 23, doing my master's while he's 26, and doesn't have much. Hes very determined to use his musical talents to make him great. Hes very well respected in the community and he does get paid for his gigs. He gets to travel from time to time to do what he does and they do pay him well. He also has a school where he teaches. U fortunately none of his income is constant and my family is worried that he's not doing anything to build a proper stable and strong foundation financially. He swears to me and everyone that he is but I can't help but hear my parents and almost everyone say that he needs to do more. My family is worried that he will only bring me down financially. There are many people I know who does what he does, and they say that he needs to do more. He feels, however, he is better and is more worth it.(which in a way is true, but still). Now, we cannot be together because of my family's wishes and I am having a hard time letting go. I told him I will wait for him to do what he has to do to gain that success while I continue to do what I'm doing. Maybe down the line, I can see if what he's doing is worthwhile. Only problem is, we still act like a couple when we're alone and I know it's going to get even more difficult when I can't go out in public with him anymore. I can't help but feel this might be a stupid decision.

I think it is great that you are taking your family's concerns into consideration. What is wrong here is that at 23 you are an adult and your families concerns are just that, CONCERNS. As an adult you are no longer bound to obey your parents on any matter especially matters of the heart.

No one, not any of us, your parents or extended family can tell you exactly what you should do in this situation. Only you can decide. If you want to wait to see if your boyfriend can make a living from music then wait. Not knowing exactly what his hopes or goals are I can't give you any estimates of what his chances at success are.

I have friends and colleagues who play in bands and consider themselves successful if they have regular bookings as club bands or play at catered events. They being colleagues all have 9 to 5 jobs that pay the bills and the band is as much recreation as it is supplemental income. This may be the best he can hope for.

My advice is to forget about what your family is telling you to do and continue to see him if you wish to. There is no reason as an adult for you to hide your relationship. If you truly feel this man is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with though you want a more financially secure future for him and you. I would suggest you give him a date by which he is either making a substantial income or you part ways. I would suggest you make that date you graduation for your Master's Degree.

By that time he is either making a substantial income from his music or he has a nine to 5 job to do so. Set an amount you believe is substantial to support the lifestyle you want for both of you.

Long story short, I'm transferring to a new college and city in January.

The first one, I've already gotten accepted to and paid the dorm deposit on ($500). It's a really beautiful school and in an area that I'm familiar with, BUT it's missing one major component that's really important to me, there's NO Greek life. One of the major reasons I want to transfer colleges is to try and rush for a sorority. Since I've moved around a lot in my life I've never been able to make a solid set of friends so joining a sisterhood is a big goal of mine and I know I can make it in.

The second one I've talked to the counselor and she told me as long as I complete my current classes before Jan 13th that I'll be accepted and she'll hold a dorm room for me. My issue with this is that my parents are NOT buying that at all. They don't believe the counselor when she says she'll make sure she hold a dorm for me or that she'll be able to rush all my paperwork through in late December and get me accepted by January 13th. They think she's going to forget and let in a bunch of other people who already have those credits completed and then not have room for me.
This school isn't as pretty but it's big on Greek life and has everything else I need/want and it's the school I really want to go too.

One of my parents isn't paying a dime for anything (she refuses to pay anything) and the other probably won't either because he just doesn't have the money so I feel like it's not really their choice, but I see where they're coming from and it's a concern for me too.

Another big issue is school one wants me to set my schedule by November 15th. Once I set my schedule I'm pretty much saying "Yeah I'm going here" but I don't want to do that and then last minute in January tell them "Sorry I'm going somewhere else".

I see this as risky because I don't want to withdraw from school one without knowing for sure that school two will come through on their promise.

I asked school two's counselor if there was anyway she could go ahead and accept me on a contingency that I complete my current classes (at my current school), but she said no I just have to wait to send in final grades after I'm done with the classes and then she'll accept me.

What do I do?

There is an old saying, "A Bird in Hand is Worth Two in the Bush". Meaning go with what you know, with what you have rather than betting on what really is an unknown. If school 2 cannot commit further than what they have then it is an unknown and any number of things can cause it to fall through.

It is great that the counselor says she will hold space for you. Does she have the authority to do so? Maybe she does and maybe she does not. When you spoke to her the school may have had plenty of openings that she could make that kind of statement to you. Come the time you are ready to ask for your space she may not have the space available. If you have nothing in writing guaranteeing that space to you; then you're out in the cold.

The better alternative is to file for your classes with school 1 for the spring semester then file to transfer to school 2 for the fall semester. It may mean you may have to take one or two classes over again if the credits do not transfer. This is better than betting on something that is not guaranteed and ending up with no school to attend in this spring.

I'm in college and my dad does not pay one dime for my education, or anything else I need for that matter. My mom currently pays for everything and next semester, I want to get a job at school which will give me free tuition. If I do that, then I'll be taking care of my own tuition.

My dad, though, is C-R-A-Z-Y overly controlling and he's also got severe anger issues and is very intimidating. It's hard stand up to him or to tell him no to anything because honestly, he scares the s#!? out of me. He used to be physically abusive towards my mom which is one of the reasons they're not together anymore.

Usually when he gives me an order that I don't want to follow, I don't say no, I just listen to it and then do what I want to. However, he's taking his hovering over my life to a whole new level. He's been talking about actually driving down and COMING WITH ME to registration next semester to make sure I'm taking the classes HE wants me to take. I cannot let that happen.

He wants me to take a bunch of classes that I don't want to take. I'm a girl and he wants me to take weight lifting. I used to lift weights often in the past, but stopped because my muscles were getting too big. I didn't realize how fast muscles grow. I still lift weights once in a while to keep the muscle I have from turning to jello, but I don't want them getting any bigger. I have nothing against exercise, but not weight lifting as a class. It's MY body and I have a right not to do anything to it that I don't want to, especially something that I can't undo. I'd have those muscles for the rest of my life, they'd make me self conscious and paranoid that people thought I was a freak, and I'd have to maintain the muscle for the rest of my life or it'd turn to fat. There are other classes he wants me to take that I don't want to. Weight lifting is just an example.

He also wants me to take all kinds of classes that I don't need to get my degree. The problems with that are that it'd take forever and it'd be ridiculously expensive. I go to a private, Christian university and the tuition is crazy. ONE class there costs about a much as an entire semester of classes at my sister's university. I can't afford to just take classes for the heck of it. I'm racking up enough student loans as it is. I don't want to rack up a ton more taking classes just to be able to say that I took them and that I'm making myself more well rounded. It's irritating that HE'S not the one paying my tuition, HE'S not the one who'll have to pay off the student loans, yet he thinks HE can make me take classes that I don't want or need to take.

If I asked him to help with my tuition, he wouldn't. If I explained that if he doesn't pay a dime for my tuition, rent, food, or absolutely anything else, then he doesn't have a right to control my decisions, he'd disagree. He doesn't really get that if you don't pay for something, it's not yours. He is determined to control my decisions including what classes I take and I'm determined not to let him, but I don't know how.

What am I gonna do to keep my very scary, intimidating, ill tempered father with a history of physical abuse from controlling my decisions? What do I do if he shows up at my school for registration? My mom says I can register online, but what if I can't? And what do I say when I let him know that I registered online and didn't sign up for the classes he wanted me to take? How do I grow a spine and stand up to him once and for all?

I assume since you are in college you are 18 years of age making you legally an adult. As a legal adult you father has no more control over your life than I do, even if he was paying the bill for college. I don't see how he can stand over you and force you to register for classes without causing a scene that would most likely require police intervention if you just did as you pleased.

The fact that your father is not physically abusing you does not mean you are not being abused by him. He is mentally abusing you and he terrifies you or as you say scars the sh*t out of you.

Because of this and I do not know how much legal proof you may need. You may want to consider filing for a Court Order of Protection from your father. You would not be the first adult child of an abusive parent nor will you be the last child to file for such an Order. The Order would provide that your father stay a certain distance from you. Such as not being allowed on campus when your on campus. If you live on campus then he cannot come on campus as he cannot know when and when you are not on campus and thus cannot interfere with registration.

Another alternative, less drastic, is to speak to the Registrar's Office and tell the problem. You may be allowed to preregister before open registration. If so problem solved. Give the Registrar's office your list of classes for next semester. When and if he arrives you're already registered and classes paid for. Since you are an adult he cannot do anything to change your classes.

Since your father has a history of physical abuse and you do the second and not my first suggestion I fear for your safety. Is it possible your father could become physically abusive with you for disregarding him in this manner. If the answer is yes or maybe I urge you to give serious consideration to try and get an order of protection from him. If you are successful, make sure to file a copy with the campus police as well as the local city or county police.

Filing for an order of protection against a parent is something you may find disgusting and it is. It is also something that many adult children have reluctantly had to do for their own safety. If as I said your father could become physically abusive with you when he learns you defied him on this. Then filing for an Order of Protection is away of telling him you won't be controlled by him any longer that he will have to pay attention to as well as hopefully keeping you safe.

I don't know if this is normal, my gyno says it is. I'm a 27 year old female, I have been with my partner for more than a year and it was the first time we had sex 4 months ago when we got married. I never had sex before and once we did it was really painful inside. I thought maybe by time it would be easier but no. I still feel the pain. Sometimes I don't if I've had a drink or was really relaxed with nothing on my mind but other times I get really dry quickly and then the intercourse becomes painful, even with lubricant. I also don't orgasm from penetration...normal? I've had orgasms without penetration but I don't feel like it's enough any more. How do I overcome this? My husband was really understanding when I spoke to him, we usually take a long time with foreplay, he goes slow and stops if I'm ever in pain but I'm worried something could be wrong with me, I don't want this to last I seriously want it to end. Please advise

I agree with the advice the other advisors have given you. Seeking a second opinion from a GYN who is not familiar with you is a very good suggestion. Doctors are human and if they are overly familiar with a patient they can tend to overlook things. In your case a 27 year (virgin) old patient complaining of pain during sex may be considered normal for you from a doctor who is familiar with you.

Vaginismus, the following URL (doctorhttps://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-treatment/) will take you to a page I believe you should discuss with the doctor, as this is a problem many virgins will have especially someone who may have waited as long as you have. You gave your husband a great gift by waiting. You may need some help unlocking those muscles this is not an unusual problem.

Concerning orgasms; there are two types of women when it comes to orgasms. There are those that orgasm through vaginal stimulation and those that orgasm from Clitoral stimulation. You say, "I also don't orgasm from penetration...normal? I've had orgasms without penetration." This would be normal for a woman who is more clitoral than vaginally stimulated. Given that at the moment you are experiencing painful penetration I would not be ready to say you are among the women that are clitorally stimulated.

What I suggest is you see a new GYN for a second opinion. If you receive a clean bill of health and discussed the possibility of Vaginismus with the doctor which was ruled out. Then I suggest you and your husband seek out a good sex therapist. There is nothing wrong with asking a sex therapist for help.

Sex is as much a learned experience as it is an inherent ability. A sex therapist is generally a psychologist schooled in the area of sexual dysfunction; don't take offense at that word. With this training the therapist will be able to help you find different positions which will be less painful and exercises that will be helpful. The therapist will also help identify if you are more clitoral in nature.

No neither you nor your husband will be asked or required to have sex with the therapist, that's a myth. The therapist will give you assignments for you and your husband to practice at home. Then you will individually and together discuss them with the therapist at the next appointment.

You can overcome this problem that I am confident about. I know you love your husband. The problem is not that. The problem is being violated which happens every time he enters you. The fact that you love him has nothing to do with building a loving comfortable sexual relationship with him.

For a man sex is easy. He gets simulated he gets an erections and he puts his erect penis in a woman's vagina. For a woman it is far more complicated than that. She has to overcome years of fear and parental training, be comfortable in her surroundings and secure that she will not be interrupted. She also has to have a certain degree of comfort and trust in her partner. That comfort and trust does not automatically come with the marriage license no matter how much you love him. If it takes a glass of wine before going to bed to have painless sex then have one. After a while you won't need the wine.

I need to forget about my ex husband how can I forget about him

This is not a question we can easily answer for you. For one thing there is not enough information to give you a good answer. What is missing is;

1. Who asked for the divorce?

2. What was the reason for the Divorce?

3. Are there children of the marriage
a. Who is custodial parent?
b. What is the visitation schedule?
c. Is it supervised by the courts?

It is hard to forget about someone if he will remain in your life to any degree.

Even if I had the answers to these questions. I believe I would recommend counseling. Working with a good therapist is the best way I know to put a bad experience behind you. In therapy you have the opportunity to vocalize your feelings to someone who must keep them secret. This helps in the healing process for you. Not only that but the therapist will have ideas to help you forget or at least put him behind you.

Check with your employer. If they have an EAP program, most do if they supply health insurance. Contact the EAP program and ask to be put in touch with a psychologist for help with a recent divorce. They will give you a name or names of therapists in your area. Generally the first few appointments are paid for by the program. If you need more therapy then the program pays for you health insurance may pay for or compensate you for your share of the visits.

Hi first off I'm a female adult, but still a young one living at home attending college. And I apologize for the long inquiry

My entire life I've been abused ( physically, sexually, and emotionally) by people my own age that I trusted. Ever since I can remember I've preferred associating with people older than me, they treat me better, make me feel safe, and I relate better to them. This also counts for guys I am attracted to. Unfortunately this has become a very big issue with people. People I know close to my age, and even my own mother, have started degrading me for my feelings. I'm called a slut for liking older guys (yes even by my mother) and pathetic for having older friends. My mom makes it a weekly point to remind me that none of my older friends like me, because what could they see in me, and that it's pathetic that I think they do....Are they all right? Am I really a freak for preferring older friends? A slut for liking older (10-15 years) guys? I can't tell anymore.

Age is just a number a way of chronologically tracking your grown. Once you reach the age of an adult tracking how old you are is not that important at least not in the affairs of the heart. I know that expression is a bit dated but then again so am I.

There is nothing wrong with you dating older men or women dating younger men just as long as you are doing so for the right reasons. You are correct in your reasoning that older men will treat you better. Older men are more worldly and have more experience. They have sowed their wild oats and are more likely to want to be more home loving than painting the town red every night.

One warning though; some older men like dating younger women for other reasons especially women closer to 18. These men could be latent pedophiles and this is where a girl must be careful.

As an adult of legal age, 18 an up, you don't owe anyone, including your mother, an explanation as to who you date or if you are sexually active. As an adult you have total free will to date whoever you wish and have a sex life as well.

I have a friend who was a paramedic stations at the same fire station I was. She married a police officer 12 years her senior. When he retired she resigned. They now travel the country and work part time whenever they need extra money. He worships her and gives her the world.

I'm old enough to be her father and probably old enough to be your grandfather. She had the same problems with her family with the age difference. She and I talked about it and I gave her the same advice I'm giving you.

Follow you heart for it is your life and no one else's. If you are as fortunate as she has been you mother will come around as her parents have.

As far as having to listen to the degrading remarks from your mother; I suggest you sit her down and talk to her. You start with; "Mom I love you but this is my life and I will live it to the way that pleases me." "You don't have to like it but as long as I live a legal life and maintain the standards society expects of all of us, then I expect you to let me live my life without the constant degrading remarks."

Of course put that in your own words, just remind her it is your life and you are an adult. Mom is not owed an answer to the question of why you prefer older men especially if she is aware of the abuse you have had to put up with.

Okay, I have this brother who is in his 20s and is currently a father to 3 kids. But the problem is he hasn't been spending that much with them nor he isn't around much to help take care of them. It's always his ex's mother and on the weekends, it's me and my mother. So my question is: How can slap some family sense into him?

There is not much you can do to make him be a father to his children as he is probably still a child himself. What can be done is through the courts and should be done by the mother or mothers of his children.

They can seek help from the courts for the financial well being of his children. The courts can and will force him to provide financial support in the form of child support payments and health insurance for his children until they reach the age of 18.

Only the mother of these children can file for this support and I suggest they do. You should suggest to her or them that she or they do so.

As far as making him be a father you and your mother may as well talk to the wall for all the good it will do. HE first has to grow up. Being hauled into court and being told he is financially responsible and the courts are holding him to that responsibility will not only be a step in that direction it just may be the slap in the face you want to give them.

Until he grows up you as the children's Aunt and your mother as Grandmother should continue to give them the love they are not getting from their father.

Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl which will probably put you off of this question immediately. I'm not like a lot of other girls who would say I'm depressed just because it's 'cool' nowadays. For that, I am ashamed of those people because I know from a close family member that depression isn't fun or anything good.

I'm not asking for pity or because I want attention. I just want to know if this is serious enough to go to a doctor without wasting their time on yet another teenager who thinks their life is crap.

My life isn't crap. Well, I mean it could be a lot worse. My mum and I aren't rich and we live on minimal benefits but we get by. Now we have an extra mouth to feed, it's a bit tougher for my mum and she's sleeping a lot of the time now. My dad doesn't live with us now but I don't really mind much. They weren't happy so it was for the best. And the only reason they stayed together was because of me. They forced themselves to be unhappy just so I could grow up to have a happy household, except it wasn't happy for them. They admitted this too so please don't say I shouldn't blame myself.

I haven't seen my best friend in over a year which makes me feel completely alone. Even when I'm around good company with my other friends, I tend to push this thought of loneliness away. I'm happy for a while even though they must think there isn't much else to me apart from what I show to them. I know they have their problems but they think there's are shittier (pardon the language) just because they had counselling. I can't afford that, I'm afraid. I get self-conscious a lot and feel I'm not good enough for anyone in the school to even consider liking me. Now that must seem completely shallow but it's true. I would like a boyfriend to keep me company and watch movies with them on the couch. Or something along the lines of that. But no further!

The fact is that I have laid my feelings bare onto this webpage shows that I might not exactly be the wisest person ever, but I need someone's opinion. I'm so sorry for the length of this as I thought I'd make it detailed. Thank you if you do answer, in advance, I think you are truly a good person for helping other strangers out for nothing. Congratulations :) thank you.

Teenage depression is real and if you are suffering from it then it needs to be addressed by a doctor. Teenage depression manifests itself during puberty and it is more of a physical illness then a mental illness as the cause is the lack of a hormone not secreted or not secreted enough to keep someone from becoming depressed. This is called clinical depression and with all the pressure heaped upon a teenager if these two chemicals are missing or not sufficient they become depressed.

From your writing you have many reasons in your life that are depressing. None of which are indicators for depression. since you feel depressed you need to be seen by a doctor and screened for depression. The screening is painless and consists of a series of questions from which the doctor can make a diagnoses.

Depression is serious and cannot be treated with home remedies, herbal teas or trying to look or act on the bright side of things. You need to see a doctor. IF you cannot afford one go to a hospital ER and ask to see a doctor because you think you are suffering from depression. They cannot turn you away. There are programs in place (in the USA) to cover the cost for minors to be treated.

21/f

So I met a guy a couple months ago. He asked me out and we've been going on dates since. We're not official but we are seeing each other exclusively. I've met his friends and he said they all want to meet me. I've gone to his house and his roommate had said that he's been talking to her about you and she's happy she finally got to meet me.
He's sweet, he randomly surprises me with coffee at work and small things like that.

Bottom line is that he's a great guy, I like him, and it's going well.

The other night I went to his place for the first time and watched movies and we did end up kissing and he did say he'll go with whatever I'm comfortable with.

I know if I was giving advice to this answer, I'd pretty much say that if you're comfortable, trust him, take precautions like birth control and condoms, you feel ready to take that step, and you want to, then you should.

It's just a little different than what I'm used to though. Like my past relationships, I knew them a lot longer and was friends with them beforehand. This time I met the guy a couple months ago and here we are.

How long did you wait before having sex with someone? I know each person is different. And any other advice to give?

This is one of those questions that we cannot answer for you one only you can answer for yourself. What we can do is try and make some things clearer for you to examine when deciding what is right for you.

Back in my day a girl was considered a slut if she had sex before the third date. Today the standards are much different and so are some of the consequences.

There are several levels of comfort a woman must consider before sleeping with someone.

1. Her own comfort with the person she is dating. This has more to do with trust. How much do you trust him? Is he a player? Even though he has said, "he'll go with whatever I'm comfortable with," it does not mean once you sleep with him he will not look for someone else to conqueror. This is where the trust comes in will he be there in the morning so to speak.

2. The next level of trust is also multi folded. You say you have kissed but kissing does not show you if he is gentle. I'm sure you want your first sex with him to be memorable and gentle. The next step after kissing would be making out with him allowing him to feel you up and even finger you possibly leading to mutual masturbation prior to actually having intercourse.

This would be taking it step by step. This is a way of also getting more comfortable with your partner. Just because you are adults now does not mean you can or should skip this stage in your love life. I'm married 44 years and I will still at times make out on the couch with my wife before we go into the bedroom. It’s fun and titillating.

The last stage of comfort needs to be the where. HE has a roommate. Are you comfortable with the fact he has a female roommate? Would you be comfortable making love with his roommate in the next room? I'm sure these two questions could be lurking in the back of your mind and may need to be answered before you can be fully comfortable with him.

When I met my wife her roommate would not have sex with a guy until after they had been through the make out stage. Gotten through the mutual masturbation stage and he had slept in her bed with her without having sex. This was her gold standard for having sex with someone. Her now husband then boyfriend thought it was strange but he put up with it and as far as I know they are still married. We all worked together for the same company and she modeled part time as well.

For 2 years, I have always had 2 best friends by my side. This last August, one of my friends tried to commit suicide. Me and my other friend were really worried and were wondering if we should tell someone. This school year, we had a suicide and depression screening. My friend who tried to commit suicide earlier, answered her screening test truthfully. Now she is getting help with her counselors and a psychologist. Recently, she has had trouble with her family, and me and my other friend were getting worried again. We decided to tell our counselor. When she found out we went behind her back and told the counselor, she got mad and said she could handle it on her own. Now she is currently not speaking to us. Our counselor pulled me out of class and told me that we did the right thing, and that she was grateful that we did it, but I'm still confused, because she still won't talk to either of us. Please help.

I would suggest unless you see her doing something to hurt herself that you not contact her counselor again for it will only widen the rift between you. I'm almost positive she will say something about what occurred between you in a therapy session which will give the counselor reason to work with her on this. Just continue to watch out for her and be there for her when she is ready.

You two are very good friends and you did the right thing. She is very luck to have you two for friends. Even though she may not be speaking to you right now continue to watch out for her. Working with her counselor she will eventually come around and you all will be friends again.

One thing about depression most people do not understand is that people who suffer with it see things or perceive things not as they actually are. The depression distorts a lot of what they see. Part of this is because depression cause a form of pain that is hard to describe. It is not just mental anguish it can also be physical pain. The mental anguish and the physical pain can cause the depression to deepen which is why she most likely tried suicide.

Just because she may not be talking to you at the moment is no reason to not try and include her in what the two of you are doing. Continue to try and be her friend. Offer to include her in things you are doing. She will probably refuse for now but at least you are letting her know you are their for her if she needs you.

My boyfriend and I started dating back in June so we've been together for almost five months now. We've talked about sex before and he said he's ready but he's perfectly fine waiting for me. I'm 21 and he's 22, by the way. Our six month anniversary would be on December 11th, his 23rd birthday is the day before Christmas Eve and then Christmas will be here. Then, he is going on a twenty day road trip all around the west coast with his best friend during the month of January to go visit a friend that goes to college out in Oregon.

So, with everything exciting coming up in December, I want for us to finally have sex as it would be a special time with his birthday and our six months together and one of my favorite holidays. The only thing is that I'm not yet on the pill. I feel like I have a valid enough reason to want to go on it after being with my boyfriend for almost six moths, I think it's about time. It's just that my parents are really rather protective, I guess-my dad, obviously, more than my mom. They're getting better with him and our relationship, though, he is allowed to spend the night at my house as long as I ask them and I'm allowed to spend the night at his place as long as I tell them that's where I'm going and when I'll be home, which I can live with.

I just think discussing my sex life is going to be a really awkward situation and I think my mom will just make it way worse. I plan to tell just her but I know she's going to tell my dad and she already warned me that my dad isn't going to be happy about it but I don't think he'd be happy about a baby either so he should really pick his battles. My mom is just a little overbearing in that she tells me all the time that she needs to know when I want to go on it and that she hopes the man I decide to have sex with is the man I choose to marry and I just know she's going to want to talk to my boyfriend about it too.

I've discussed this with my brother's girlfriend and she said to just go and talk to my doctor and do it all myself but my mom has a very uncanny knack of finding everything out and that situation makes me also nervous in that her and I go to the same doctor and I know the doctor wouldn't just tell my mom but she is on all of my paperwork as the person to tell when something happens. Then my brother's girlfriend told me to not even get on the pill, just have him wear a condom and pull out but I don't think I'd really always trust that either.

My mom is great and I know she has my best interests at heart but this is my first serious boyfriend and I know it's hard for her and my dad to adjust. She tells me constantly, though, that when I'm ready, all I have to do is tell her I want to go on it but I know she won't make it that easy. I think she knows the conversation is coming soon because the other day I told her that I went to American Eagle with my boyfriend to pick up some jeans and they were having a deal that with every pair of jeans, you get a free panty so I was shopping for my free underwear and he was being so awkward about it so I was telling my mom that he asked if he should leave while I looked at those and my mom said "come on, are you meaning to tell me that he hasn't seen your underwear before?"

Anyway, I guess I just need advice on how to handle this. What to say to my mom. How to make the situation as normal and not awkward as possible. If you went through it with your mom and want to share how that went, I'd totally appreciate that too. I know she can't really tell me no, I'm 21 and my sex life is my decision, which is why I'm not sure she wants to know so bad anyway but I respect her enough to go behind her back when I know she is just trying to help.

I love my boyfriend, I really do, and I know he loves me too and I'm so ready to take this next step with him, I just want to be safe about it all first.

First there are two things you should be aware of that I do not believe you are.

1. You are an adult now and have been since turning 18. Since becoming an adult your parents no longer have any say in you medical care or have access to your medical records without your expressed written permission. Even if you are using their medical insurance. I could be paying your medical insurance it would not give me access to your medical records. Mom can be your emergency contact and still not have access to your medical records.

On your next visit to your doctor tell the doctor that you revoke any medical information privilege (S)under the HIPPA Law that may now be in place for your mother. Do so in writing and state her name. By revoking this privilege the doctor under penalty of law may not tell your mother anything about any visit or anything you are being treated for.

If you want you mother to be your emergency medical contact and decision maker you need to have a medical power of attorney drawn up giving her limited powers incase you are unable to make medical decisions for yourself. In that event she can only be given information relevant to that event.

2. As an adult of 21 years of age you are entitled to a sex life. Your parents no longer can control your comings and goings. It is wonderful that you tell them where you will be so they can contact you if need be though they do not need to be told. Your life is yours and the fact that you live at home does not give them the same control over you they had when you were less than 18 years old.

Speaking of a parent of a child nearly 40 years old I can attest to the fact that the hardest thing is to let go especially when the child still lives at home. That fact does not change the fact that as an adult parents cannot control an adult. TO do so is tantamount to kidnapping if you try things as saying no you can't go out tonight or your grounded once the child turns 18.

IN the same vein a parent does not have to let a child live in their home once they turn 18. What has to be done, especially in your case is you need to take control of your life.

Yes continue to tell them where you will be but tell them, don't ask for permission for you don't need it. You need to sit down with them and explain to them that you are an adult. That you love them and will always honor them when you can. But your life is yours to live and there are something in everyone's life that must remain private yours included. That you expect them to honor your privacy just as you honor their privacy.

If you don't have a conversation with them like this one now then you will have them trying to control your life even when you marry. That would not be good for you and your husband trying to make a life together with in-laws attempting to control your lives.

My advice is go ahead and see your doctor and get on the pill now so that you have a full month on the pill before you have sex with your boyfriend. Your parents have no reason to know this is your life not theirs.

Also until you are in a committed long term relationship, even if your partner is also a virgin he still needs to wear a condom. This adds an extra layer of pregnancy protection as well as protecting you both from many of the STDS out there and the HIV/AIDS virus. Never trust a partner to be STD free unless you both go for blood tests before engaging in sex and then I would still recommend he wear a condom.

Should I stay or go back to my hometown?

Some details on me: I am a 24 year-old male recent college grad who just moved away from my hometown: a small town in California to a big city on the East Coast. I got a job here and in the several months I have been here, I've adjusted well and am making good money. I've also made friends and truly admire the city I live in which is something I never felt in California. In fact, I moved away from California is because I simply hated it. Now, I am 100 percent happy with where I live, my job, my financial situation, and life is good.

Here is the problem...

My father back in California has been battling cancer for a while. During the time I was living at home, he was actually doing well and has been stable. However, just when I started to adjust to my new life in this city, my dad started to get worse, and I am not there. He still has on-and-off days, but to put it simply, the possibility of him getting better again or possibly dying is a complete mystery at this point.

My dad lives in his house with roommates. My mom still lives in the same town as him, but they are not married and also don't even like each other. I have an older sister who also moved away to a different state the same time that I did.
Ever since my dad had this dip in his condition, I have been feeling extremely guilty for moving away and I am at a crossroads with no clue what to do. It looks like I have to choose 1 of 2 options.

1: Stay in this city that I love, keep working and making money, keep doing what makes me happy while leaving my sick dad back at home, not knowing how his condition will turn out, while still flying back home to see him every few months and holidays.

or

2: Quit my job and my life that I adjusted to here, and pick up all my stuff and move back home and not make money (Since I hate California so much I've already agreed I wouldn't work there), and see my dad more often. (as well as my mom)

I have no idea what to do. I feel so guilty about moving away while my dad is sick at home. I have mentioned to my dad the idea of moving back home, but he told me that I should stay in my current city and keep doing what makes me happy. He says that he would feel selfish if he made me move back home, knowing that I would be unhappy. But at the same time, it doesn't change the fact that I feel guilty. Should I be feeling like this?

What should I do?

I would say do as your dad has told you and stay where you are. As cold as this sounds there is really not much you can do for him. This is really a case of what will be will be with you or without you.

Talk with your sister and make plans for both of you to visit as often as you financially can and to space your visits so there is as little time as possible between your visit and hers.

Southwest Airlines frequent flyer program allows for quick building of points toward free tickets. You say you live near a big city on the east coast. Southwest services most of the major airports on the east coast with non-stop and direct service to the West Coast major airports. Flying Tuesday or Wednesday and on the earliest or latest flights will get you the lowest air fares.

You and your sister should also look into Hospice care for your father and in home care until it is time for him to go into Hospice care. You can take a week or two of vacation to set up meals on wheels, visiting nurse services and talk with the counting services for the elderly and see what other services they can provide for your dad. Then when you visit you can make sure he is receiving these services.

Talk with your employer and see if they will allow you the occasional three day weekend to visit your dad. Leave Thursday after work and take the redeye back on Sunday or the latest flight you can that allows you to be in the office on time Monday. Book far enough in advance and you will be surprised at how low a getaway fare can be.

I have 2 1/2 months before I go off to a big college.

I'm bored out of my mind while I take classes at my current private college and work part-time.
I already got accepted into one college, but I'm waiting on a response from the other two which could take up until mid December. One of them is a Uni that I REALLY want to get into, but we'll see. I also can't wait to rush for a sorority. I know I might not get in, but I really hope to, I spend a ton of time researching sorority life.

I can barely tolerate my current life though and I find myself aggravated everyday because I have nothing to do in my small hometown. All of my friends have already moved off to college so I have nobody to hang out with and I don't want to date when I'll be moving soon too. I feel like all I do is hang around with my mom who's a paranoid hypochondriac and drives me crazy with all her fake ailments and stories. She doesn't understand why I want to move and doesn't approve of it, but I just cannot tolerate living with her for much longer and college life sounds like a dream compared to my current life.

Even when I'm trying to occupy myself with hobbies or activities all I can think of in the back of my head is dorming, sororities and just the overall college experience.

Help! The days are going by so slow because I can't keep my mind off of it and how far away it seems.

Let's' assume for the moment you do not get accepted for the spring semester to the college you want. You can always apply again for the fall semester. What can you do now that will make your application any different from the one that was not accepted and take up some or all of your spare time? Something that may also look good to a sorority?

Have you given any thought to volunteer work. Volunteer work will look very good on your college application as it shows what type of person you could be especially if you are attending another school and keeping your GPA up.

Places to look at would be; The Red Cross, soup kitchens, Nursing Homes, Senior Citizen Retirement Homes, Hospitals and Libraries. These are all places that need volunteer held, are meaningful work and not only look good on your college application but will look good on your resume for work.

Hi Im Jay and Im 15 and my boyfriend who's 17 is forcing me to send him nudes. I told him about 5 times that im not comfortable with putting myself out there like that but he says he doesn't care and that i should do it for him and if i don't I'll regret it big time. I hate how he gets mad at me if I don't do something he wants, and I'm scared of not doing it cuz he'll get mad and hurt me. I just really don't want to send him nudes and idk what to do he won't take no for an answer. I need advice please help.

First things first there is a whole lot of wrong going on here that needs to be addressed and corrected.

You being 15 and sending nude photo's of yourself to anyone is by legal definition; the distribution of Child Pornography. It is illegal to send or possess any child pornography. Your ages do not protect you when it comes to child porn.

Will you go to jail, probably not. Will you have to go to juvenile court you can bank on it if you caught or make that when you are caught for the chances are high you will be. Why are they high? Because your boyfriend is going to do something stupid like show them to someone or put them out on the internet. When he does is when you will get caught. So do not send him any pictures.

Next is his threatening to harm you if you don't. Two wrongs here. One his threat to harm you is his way to control you into doing something you do not want to do. This is very wrong and is also a very poor relationship. He is what is called a controller which is a character flaw which one day will cause him to harm someone maybe you.

When someone threatens you and you believe that person has the ability to do so. This is called an assault in legal terms. TO assault someone is illegal and that person can be arrested and since your boyfriend is 17 depending on what he has actually said to you he could be charged as an adult and do jail time.

Now that you know the legalities of this situation the person who holds the upper hand is not him but you. You also have choices. You can talk to him and tell him you are not sending him any pictures and he is not going to harm you in any way. If he threatens you again you will file charges of Assault with the police. He will think you mean Battery, tell him to look up the difference. If he harms you or attempts to you will file charges. You are not sending him any pictures because it is illegal to do so and for him to posses them since you are a minor and they would be child porn. Tell him to deal with that.

If you have sent him any tell him to delete them from wherever they're stored and you should delete them from your camera.

The other alternative is to do nothing yourself but to tell you parents. Let them do what they think best. Most importantly though is this is a relationship that is extremely toxic because he is a controller. You should end this relationship and find someone who will treat you better.

21/f

I feel like I am 100% straight in "real life". Women don't turn me on and I never have fantasies about them.
But whenever I watch porn, women turn me on more than men do. It really depends on my mood, sometimes I like watching a guy masturbate but whenever I watch porn with a Women in it, I get way more turned on by her.

Is this normal? I wouldn't call myself bisexual because other than in porn, I am not interested in Women at all, and even when I fantasize without watching anything, I only think about men.

Relax your normal. Fantasy and reality are two different worlds. You are not a latent Lesbian or bisexual.

There are two reasons you may be turns on more by the women then the men.

1. You simply identify with the women and what they are doing and is being done to them.

2. at some point in our sexual identifying years, which you may still be in. We experience or fantasize having sex with a same sex partner. Her again nothing unusual as it is part of identifying our sexuality.

Porn is designed to titillate. It appears it is doing just that for you. So relax and enjoy what ever it is you are watching.

Hi guys. I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 23. We've been dating for about five months now and we had sex for the first time a week from yesterday. I wouldn't say I have anxiety but when I do something that could bring about major consequences, I tend to overthink a lot until I go moderately insane. I'm not on the pill, long story short-my mom is crazy and wants to know when I want to go on it and told me numerous times that the guy I have sex with, she hopes I choose to marry one day and blah blah blah so I just chose thus far to not to talk to her about me contemplating going on it yet even though I know I should soon. He definitely used a condom, though, but yet I still have that anxious feeling. The kind he has was thin and I even went to the crazy extreme (don't judge me) of looking at the condom afterwards to make sure it didn't break or anything and there wasn't a tear or a hole and even if there was, I heard that condoms have spermicide on the outside so if some does seep out it doesn't get too far. My period is scheduled to be in four days and I'm trying to not psyche myself out too much so the stress doesn't push it back.

I guess I just need some reassurance that even though I wasn't on the pill and the condom stayed intact that everything is going to be fine and that I'm not going to be pregnant. I talked to my boyfriend about my anxiousness and he told me that it is very unlikely for that to happen when it went the way it did with the condom still being okay and staying on the entire time, etc. I know I sound crazy, being 21 and still being nervous about these kinds of things but I just need outside sources to help me out and calm my nerves.

Thanks.

Condoms are 85% safe when used correctly to prevent pregnancy. If you had sex 11 days ago you would be, for most women with in 3 days of the end of your fertile or unsafe period of your cycle. Most women , about 85%, ovulate between the 7th and w1st day of their period. This is the time they are most fertile. If you know when you ovulate then you know that 3 days before and 3 days after are the danger zones.

Taking all of this into consideration and assuming you ovulate in the middle of those 14 days. I would say your chances of being pregnant are extremely slim. If you do miss your period it will be from anxiety and stress not from pregnancy. More periods are missed because of stress over possibly being pregnant then actually being pregnant. So try not to stress yourself out over this.

As for your mom pressuring you to go on the pill; frankly it is none of her business. You are an adult and your sex life is yours and yours alone. If you chose to go on the pill it is your choice to do so and to when to do it. This is something you and your doctor should decide. You medical health is no longer something you mother can control or have access to your medical records.

Since you are sexually active and are highly concerned about being pregnant that you do go on the pill. The pill and condom usage together raise the potential pregnancy protection to 99.98%. The statistical .02% is an anomaly as nothing is 100% safe when it comes to pregnancy.

I have invited another woman to have sex with my husband while I watch. She and I have meet and I like her, she is just the type I wanted for this experience.

She and my husband have not meet and won't until the night of the event. She is coming to our home where we will enjoy drinks and conversation first.

I'm looking for ideas on how to make the transition between conversation and sexy time smooth and less awkward. She and I have talked about bondage and restraint being part of the evening.

Ideas? Suggestions?

Tigershark is right in that the fantasy is in general better than the reality.

If you do want to do this one way to move from conversation to sex would before you to say to the other women something like. "There is something in my bedroom I want to show you. Then since Bondage is part of the threesome you might want to change into some sexy bondage outfits and then go out and greet your husband.

Another way would for the two of you to simply start making out with him on the sofa or to offer to play a game of strip poker with him.

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