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Depressed or just Lonely?
Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl which will probably put you off of this question immediately. I'm not like a lot of other girls who would say I'm depressed just because it's 'cool' nowadays. For that, I am ashamed of those people because I know from a close family member that depression isn't fun or anything good.
I'm not asking for pity or because I want attention. I just want to know if this is serious enough to go to a doctor without wasting their time on yet another teenager who thinks their life is crap.
My life isn't crap. Well, I mean it could be a lot worse. My mum and I aren't rich and we live on minimal benefits but we get by. Now we have an extra mouth to feed, it's a bit tougher for my mum and she's sleeping a lot of the time now. My dad doesn't live with us now but I don't really mind much. They weren't happy so it was for the best. And the only reason they stayed together was because of me. They forced themselves to be unhappy just so I could grow up to have a happy household, except it wasn't happy for them. They admitted this too so please don't say I shouldn't blame myself.
I haven't seen my best friend in over a year which makes me feel completely alone. Even when I'm around good company with my other friends, I tend to push this thought of loneliness away. I'm happy for a while even though they must think there isn't much else to me apart from what I show to them. I know they have their problems but they think there's are shittier (pardon the language) just because they had counselling. I can't afford that, I'm afraid. I get self-conscious a lot and feel I'm not good enough for anyone in the school to even consider liking me. Now that must seem completely shallow but it's true. I would like a boyfriend to keep me company and watch movies with them on the couch. Or something along the lines of that. But no further!
The fact is that I have laid my feelings bare onto this webpage shows that I might not exactly be the wisest person ever, but I need someone's opinion. I'm so sorry for the length of this as I thought I'd make it detailed. Thank you if you do answer, in advance, I think you are truly a good person for helping other strangers out for nothing. Congratulations :) thank you.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
My guess is that you are lonely but also low on self confidence, low self esteem and may have shyness. On the other hand, it may be extra work hours for Mom but one symptom of depression as you well know is sleeping alot so it may be that Mom is depressed. When the first marriage didn't work out, it's harder for a woman to feel good enough about herself to put herself out there to date again if she wants to and perhaps your Mom is feeling that, too scared to try and maybe fail. Perhaps subconsciously you're picking up on how she is feeling and it is affecting you too.
Your phrase about fearing you may not be the wisest person to be sharing this all on an advice column, caught my attention. Thank you first for your ending compliments. You may be thinking more along the lines of safety regarding the internet and not giving out personal information. Telling your story is safe. Its not safe when giving your name, the town you live in or other track able info or banking info via the net or phone to anyone. That is not safe. So as to whether this is a wise move on your part, Yes! It takes a wise person to know when they need more perspective and information in order to solve their issues or to understand something. You've probably heard teachers also say, theres no such thing as a stupid question. Whats stupid is not asking in the first place. When I was a teen, I had low self confidence and esteem and was highly shy with social anxieties. I did have a few girlfriends, the ones who approached me first. But never had boyfriends. In my sr. year of HS I finally got tired of being so shy and wanted to get beyond that. Now that I have, Its easy for me to spot those who are really shy. No one wants to hang around someone so shy because they just don't appear to be fun to be around, and most often quite the opposite is true, that everyone has something wonderful to offer in friendship to others but they just don't know it cus of what they see on the outside. If you feel ready to gain self confidence, become more outgoing, self assured and so on, let me know as I would be glad to share with you what you can do by yourself to get over it without the aid of any Drs. If you truly have a condition that does require the aid of medication, it will become obvious to you if what I share doesnt help. I am one for going to a Dr. in an emergency of course, but when not an emergency, and if you are not feeling like commiting suicide (which you didnt mention) then my first choice always is to try other healing/helping methods before seeking out a Dr. Let me know dear. As intelligent as you are, I am quite sure you can find success in losing that self-consciousness and all that sort of stuff.
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You can't communicate with your best friend online someone?
I think you're getting depressed because you feel lonely. I read in a book that people need at least one person with whom they can be themselves with and not be afraid of being judged. Its a human thing. That open communication is necessary for emotional health and well being. Unfortunately we don't all have that. (the book is called "why am I afraid to tell you who I am.")
The answer is, "cause its all I've got and if you don't like it..." fill in the blank. So what the real problem seems to be is that you don't have someone you can communicate with at a deeper level.
You seem to have a good head on your shoulders (unlike many other teenage girls) and will figure out that its all in your head.
If you want to hear my opinion on how to go about the depression thing. Ask me directly and I'll answer later. I gotta go right now. Good luck! I highly recommend that book so you can understand what's going on with you better. Its an easy read and pretty short. Probably read it in a day or 2.
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Teenage depression is real and if you are suffering from it then it needs to be addressed by a doctor. Teenage depression manifests itself during puberty and it is more of a physical illness then a mental illness as the cause is the lack of a hormone not secreted or not secreted enough to keep someone from becoming depressed. This is called clinical depression and with all the pressure heaped upon a teenager if these two chemicals are missing or not sufficient they become depressed.
From your writing you have many reasons in your life that are depressing. None of which are indicators for depression. since you feel depressed you need to be seen by a doctor and screened for depression. The screening is painless and consists of a series of questions from which the doctor can make a diagnoses.
Depression is serious and cannot be treated with home remedies, herbal teas or trying to look or act on the bright side of things. You need to see a doctor. IF you cannot afford one go to a hospital ER and ask to see a doctor because you think you are suffering from depression. They cannot turn you away. There are programs in place (in the USA) to cover the cost for minors to be treated.
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