|
When should you sleep with him?
21/f
So I met a guy a couple months ago. He asked me out and we've been going on dates since. We're not official but we are seeing each other exclusively. I've met his friends and he said they all want to meet me. I've gone to his house and his roommate had said that he's been talking to her about you and she's happy she finally got to meet me.
He's sweet, he randomly surprises me with coffee at work and small things like that.
Bottom line is that he's a great guy, I like him, and it's going well.
The other night I went to his place for the first time and watched movies and we did end up kissing and he did say he'll go with whatever I'm comfortable with.
I know if I was giving advice to this answer, I'd pretty much say that if you're comfortable, trust him, take precautions like birth control and condoms, you feel ready to take that step, and you want to, then you should.
It's just a little different than what I'm used to though. Like my past relationships, I knew them a lot longer and was friends with them beforehand. This time I met the guy a couple months ago and here we are.
How long did you wait before having sex with someone? I know each person is different. And any other advice to give?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
wait till you're ready to sleep wit a guy , if you are not ready don't sleep wit him, i was 18 till i had sex, cauze i was ready i did sleep wit him but didn't have sex. people says if u sleep together they think you had sex , but me and my man didn't have sex we slept in bed cauze we were tired . wait if u r not ready ....
]
Being friends first with the other sex partners, there was a level of trust already between you two. Trust takes a while to grow and requires a consistant good behavior from your partner that you learn you can trust, because it is constant, never varies, and you know what you can expect.
With a newer relationship, that same level of trust may not be there yet and that alone could make you hesitate even if you feel the desires.
So other than trust, what other reasons might there be to become sexual sooner, the plusses and minueses?
The real big minus is how women view sex with someone they've just met. Heres an explanation:
Women want to experience a certain emotional closeness before sex, while men view sex as a route to this closeness. Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them.
So the danger in becoming sexual is your emotions getting hooked on him even if he may not make the best long term mate for you in the end and the heart not able to separate having sex for sex sake cus your body wants and needs it and having sex as an outpouring and showing of how much and how deeply you are in love.
The plusses of having sex with a new guy early on are: Its a good stress reliever so why be stressed because you havent had sex in a while, and the other is that having sex earlier in a relationship if the attraction and desire and chemistry is strong enough for it to be a good experience, its a good way to learn if the man is similar in what he likes, or if there have to be too many compromises on one partners part which over time makes one feel unfulfilled and the other resentful. Its best to find your equal sexually if looking for a life mate. Also important for a life mate is being each others best friend. that takes more time than sex which can be instant. What I mean by having your 'equal' in sex is that both of you have pretty much the same libido. My ex had a low one and I was high so I never got what I needed. When one is okay with once every two weeks and the other wants several times per week, theres a major problem already. Also is what are turn ons and desires of your partner. If only one enjoys anal, or oral sex and the other doesnt, theres a mismatch again. The same for other kinkier things, BDSM, roleplay, watching porn and ones views on that, etc. Theres odd stuff like (water play) peeing on ones partner too which can turn some people on but be disgusting to the other. hates it, or having him do certain things to arouse you that he finds disgusting mean you dont get to have the full experience you deserve. So sex actually is a big thing as far as relationships go. Lots of talk with each other about sex and what each other likes is a good idea before going for it. This way you can discuss safe sex and if you've both had partner before, perhaps both go for std testing including herpes which one must ask specifically for to get. This is one that a good majority of people have, are carriers of but don't know it cus they've never had an outbreak and may never have but can pass it on to someone who does break out. Its depends on strength of ones immune system, their basic health and how much stress is in their life, stress being a major trigger. If all seems good in detailed conversation of both your expectations, then I see no reason to wait unless you fear your heart becoming too attached too quick. Its a good thing to find out if the guy thinks he's a terrific lover but your experience is that he's a lazy lover who doesnt care about you enough and discovering that sooner than later is best so not to invest too much time with a guy where its not going to get better.
Also, are you looking for a guy with some feelings for you before having sex, one who simply loves some things about you or one who is in love with you? These are things for you to look for when going down this road.
So as an investigatory tool, I find having sex sooner than later, a good thing is you already like his personality and feel great attraction. He is not trying to convince you to have sex but leaving it all up to you. He's there cus he is attracted or he wouldnt waste the time. It also shows good character that he is leaving it up to you to make the first move...same with my 2nd husband and he's the best I've ever had sexually.He sounds like a wonderful guy and someone worth finding out more about and getting closer to. Good luck with your decision. Hopefully what I've shared helps some.
]
I didn't wait to have sex with a guy I met 2 years ago. I remember it was the 2nd month and we did it. But we were exclusive too and it was explicitly mentioned that we were. This man is now my husband and he was also my first.
It differs on you, on the partner, on the intentions, on the needs and desires. You decide.
]
This is one of those questions that we cannot answer for you one only you can answer for yourself. What we can do is try and make some things clearer for you to examine when deciding what is right for you.
Back in my day a girl was considered a slut if she had sex before the third date. Today the standards are much different and so are some of the consequences.
There are several levels of comfort a woman must consider before sleeping with someone.
1. Her own comfort with the person she is dating. This has more to do with trust. How much do you trust him? Is he a player? Even though he has said, "he'll go with whatever I'm comfortable with," it does not mean once you sleep with him he will not look for someone else to conqueror. This is where the trust comes in will he be there in the morning so to speak.
2. The next level of trust is also multi folded. You say you have kissed but kissing does not show you if he is gentle. I'm sure you want your first sex with him to be memorable and gentle. The next step after kissing would be making out with him allowing him to feel you up and even finger you possibly leading to mutual masturbation prior to actually having intercourse.
This would be taking it step by step. This is a way of also getting more comfortable with your partner. Just because you are adults now does not mean you can or should skip this stage in your love life. I'm married 44 years and I will still at times make out on the couch with my wife before we go into the bedroom. It’s fun and titillating.
The last stage of comfort needs to be the where. HE has a roommate. Are you comfortable with the fact he has a female roommate? Would you be comfortable making love with his roommate in the next room? I'm sure these two questions could be lurking in the back of your mind and may need to be answered before you can be fully comfortable with him.
When I met my wife her roommate would not have sex with a guy until after they had been through the make out stage. Gotten through the mutual masturbation stage and he had slept in her bed with her without having sex. This was her gold standard for having sex with someone. Her now husband then boyfriend thought it was strange but he put up with it and as far as I know they are still married. We all worked together for the same company and she modeled part time as well.
]
More Questions: |