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Brother trouble
Okay, I have this brother who is in his 20s and is currently a father to 3 kids. But the problem is he hasn't been spending that much with them nor he isn't around much to help take care of them. It's always his ex's mother and on the weekends, it's me and my mother. So my question is: How can slap some family sense into him?
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There is not much you can do to make him be a father to his children as he is probably still a child himself. What can be done is through the courts and should be done by the mother or mothers of his children.
They can seek help from the courts for the financial well being of his children. The courts can and will force him to provide financial support in the form of child support payments and health insurance for his children until they reach the age of 18.
Only the mother of these children can file for this support and I suggest they do. You should suggest to her or them that she or they do so.
As far as making him be a father you and your mother may as well talk to the wall for all the good it will do. HE first has to grow up. Being hauled into court and being told he is financially responsible and the courts are holding him to that responsibility will not only be a step in that direction it just may be the slap in the face you want to give them.
Until he grows up you as the children's Aunt and your mother as Grandmother should continue to give them the love they are not getting from their father.
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Well, if he's in his 20's, likely he hasn't grown up yet. Most people don't really shape up and decide what they really want to do with their life until 28,29, 30. This is a time of self discovery and deciding who you are.
Unfortunately he wasn't thinking about his freedom or the coming lack of it when considering getting some woman pregnant. So if he's not with the mother, he needs to be paying child support at the very least. The hard truth, is that there isn't a 100% way to get a person to wise up quickly or make a big change in their life. Most people have to generate a deep desire from within to change and step up to the plate and be an adult. Theres no mention of a Dad for him and you so that may have affected him...no Dad to speak into his life. A bunch of female family members yammering at him to be a more active Dad isn't going to make a change, He might make himself even more scarce to avoid you. What he needs is a male father figure, some male in his life that he respects and is close enough to, who will have a talk with him. So put your heads together and see who there might be that fits the bill...and it has to be a man who already is doing the responsible thing and can share from his own experience. Thats about the best shot you have at possibly him changing his ways. Cus you can lead a horse to water but you can't force him to drink, and he's the horse.
If he's still choosing to be rebellious and try to live the single life, then young impressionable children are better off not having him around as the male role model in their lives. It may be better for them if a mature man comes along to marry their mom and be the man to raise them. They'll know they have a birth father but their real Dad will be the one who raised them.
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This can be hard. He may have become a father much too soon and three kids isnt easy, but im sure you know that already.
all you can do is try to talk to him next time one of them gets seriously sick, and just stay calm and say "so are you gonna be around next time one of them get seriously ill or hurt like this??" if you feel hes skipping out on his fatherly duties then you need to band together with your family and tell him so. Putting anything else above them is BS and there is nothing more important than the children you brought into the world.
I cant give you too much advice here because i dont know the whole situation, is he suffering from any mental illness? is he a damaged person, so the things hes going through are just translating to other areas of his life?? has he ALWAYS skipped out on be accountable for himself??
these are all important and valid questions i would have to know about a person before i could tell you what EXACTLY to do. If the child ARE your blood though, then i would continue to care for them, raise them, and just let the kids know as they get older that their father chose to make some bad choices in life and thats why hes not around but that he isnt a BAD person, hes just ....(and then whatever you want to put here thats not shit talking) ; )
You dont ever want children to grow up having a hatred towards a parent that YOU put there. They will discover once they are old enough that their father "wasnt there for them" on their own, so you dont need to add to it.
; )
good luck
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Make up a story to make him think something bad happened to the kids, like you lost them or something. Get creative. It will make him realize how important they are and that he needs to wake the F up !
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