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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
When my nephew was about four months old, my sister told me that she and her husband had named me as my nephew's legal guardian in their will simply because I was already his godmother. I was very surprised and touched, especially because at the time, I felt I was the most unqualified of anyone who could have taken him. I was 28 years old, unmarried, temporarily unemployed, didn't have my own place to live, and had zero experience caring for a child on my own. I thought they were crazy for choosing me. I was the only adult in the baby's life who had ANY of those problems and I lived nine hours away from them and still do, as opposed to my brother in law's entire side of the family.
Recently, I had to rewrite my will and when naming a legal guardian for MY children in the event of my death, my sister wasn't even on the list of prospective guardians and it makes me feel very guilty, especially since she and her husband obviously had so much faith in me to take good care of their son when they made their will. The thing is, my sister has nothing to do with it. I think she's a wonderful mother and there are few people I'd trust as much to raise my children. It's my brother in law, who is the problem.
I do NOT want my brother in law, Matthew to raise my children for many reasons, including that I just don't want my kids to turn out like Matthew. He's rude, anti social, vulgar foul mouthed, selftish, arrogant, disrespectful, and shallow. He drinks too much and pushes others around him to do the same and he has an anger issue. I would really hate for my kids to develope these qualities.
I also don't want him to push my kids to be like him the way he pushes my nephew, Lane to do so. Matthew is a very avid hunter and fisherman and has not given Lane the choice not to take part in those activities as well. I have a lot of kids, almost all boys, and only one has the slightest interest in hunting while none of them like fishing. They like target shooting, but not hunting. Most of my boys are athletes and very much like sports. One (who I love very much and don't mean to insult) is kind of a nerd and likes things like comic books and video games, and one is into theater. My daughter likes things like swimming and creative writing. I want my kids to be able to be themselves and to do the things that make them happy. Matthew doesn't seem interested in letting Lane do what makes him happy and I'm afraid he'll be the same way with my children. I'm afraid he won't let the athletes play sports because their practices and games would interfere with hunting season. I'm also afraid he'll destroy my nerdy son's self esteem and make him think it's a bad thing to like the things they like and that he'll keep my son who likes theater from participating in it.
Finally, I don't think Matthew likes my kids very much. He doesn't like me very much, so I think my kids are disliked by association. I don't want him raising them, but I feel bad that it'll mean my sister wouldn't get them either. They're not even on the list of prospective guardians. I named my parents as the guardians, my in laws as the guardians if my parents can't do it, my husband's two brothers after them, and two of my uncles and two of my aunts after them. My question is, SHOULD I feel bad about not making my sister the guardian of my children when she made me the guardian of hers? Am I justified? And how do I tell my sister if she ever asks me who the guardians.
Short answer; No you should not feel bad for not naming your sister as a guardian for your children.
As parents it is our responsibility to raise our children to be good citizens. How we chose to raise them is strictly up to us. If we cannot be there to raise them to maturity then we must choose the best person or people who will follow how we have chosen to raise our children. This is exactly what you have done by choosing the people you have chosen.
If by chance any of the people you have chosen live close to you this is another reason for choosing them over your sister. Losing their parents is going to be hard on the children. To then uproot them and move them halfway across the country should be avoided if at all possible.
Should these people you have chosen live near you this is the reason you give your sister. That loosing you would be hard enough you did not want to take them far from what is normal for them. If she is the good mother you say she is she will understand. For keeping them together and keeping as much normalcy in their lives is what will help them heal and move on.
Hopefully what you are preparing for is just that; preparation just incase and you will be around to play with your grandchildren and hopefully some great grandchildren.
26 female
I am going to the local college to try to get my GED and I don't have my own car because of some disabilities I have so I take public transport action and I have to call 3 days in advice and because of the holiday Martin Luther King I couldn't call but one of the drivers let's call him George said he would pick me up and take me to school and take me home free of charge and wouldn't charge me anything in his personal car. Its not like I just know him from the transit he was my teacher in highschool for special education and the transit does background checks so he should be safe to ride with but I live with my mom and she said it was OK but she isn't to crazy about the whole idea can someone explain to me what the difference is between him picking up for school on the public transport and his personal car?
I realize the Holiday is behind us. Since no one answered you I will give you my thoughts for future times.
With the public transportation the car he uses is inspected regularly, well maintained and is properly insured. With his private vehicle there is no guarantee it is properly maintained and it may not be regularly inspected or insured to transport you to school.
I am having a lot of difficulty staying focussed on my homework. I am in Grade 12, and I get decent (well actually pretty good) marks, and I don't have to work super hard to get 90s. However I know that if I just tried a little bit harder, I would be making 95s in almost every class. My problem is that whenever I get on the computer to work on homework, I start browsing social media or playing games (not even good ones...games that are just time-killers like solitaire). I have tried just telling myself to stay off these sites, but I just can't seem to do it.
Any suggestions on how to stay focussed? I know I am getting into some bad habits here that I should really break before I go to university.
Oh, and I am aware of sites and things you can download that block specific sites, either permanently or for specific amounts of time, but that's not an option for me, because I use a family computer and my dad won't let me download anything onto it, and the online ones don't seem to work on my computer...I would like suggestions that are more focussed on me and like mentally convincing myself to stay focussed on working
Actually if you hadn't noticed, just asking this question is a way of diverting my focus from homework. I could have asked it much shorter, or not asked it at all, and stayed focussed, but here I am....
While you say your question was a way of diverting your attention from homework you have asked a really good question. TO give you a really good answer I would need to know a bit more about you and your daily routine.
It takes willpower to accomplish many things especially when you are able to, in this instance, get by with what appears minimal effort with great marks. Many teenagers myself included when I was your age look at senior year as a slide year as for the most part you have all the credits you need to graduate and you are just finishing electives.
Without knowing more about your daily routine I will offer this advice. If you are the type that has been one to come home, maybe have a snack and dive right into your homework. The it may be time for a change in routine. You may need time to decompress from the stress of the school day.
By now you should be able to judge how much time it will take you to complete homework that is due on the next day and what projects you have and when they need to be completed by. For the homework needed for the next day estimate how long that will take you. For projects due in the future you can add some time to work on them each day to the time you need for tomorrow's homework or you can work on projects over the weekend.
Once you know how much time you need to complete the day's assignments due tomorrow. IF they can be completed between dinner and bedtime then try doing them at that time. when you come home from school relax, maybe get out of the house and go shopping or visit friends.
In this way with a change of routine you may better be able to focus and have the willpower to do so. If this is your current routine then reverse it and do your homework as soon as you get home while you are still in school mode and relax after dinner.
As I said this is just a suggestion as I really need to know more about you to give you a really good answer to your question. I will also tell you this; your not the first senior student with this problem so relax your normal.
This is not a personal question, just a general enquiry because I am curious.
So it is against the law for a guy over 18 to sleep with a girl under 18. True?
So what if a guy is like 5 months older than a girl. They are both 17 now, and they have slept together a number of times. Totally legal? and then the instant he turns 18, it's illegal? and they have to wait 5 months for her to turn 18 before they can do it again? How does that make any kind of sense? Or am I misinterpreting something?
The law that comes into question here is the law covering the age of consent. The age of consent differs from state to state and many states raised that age to 18 to be in compliance with the no child left behind law. This made it harder for a student to not legally drop out of school before they become a legal adult without parental permission and even then it was harder to do.
In the technical sense of the law, even at 17, you may not have been not legally able to consent to sex. The only saving grace is he too was under legal age and the effect of the law is different. He would not be charged with statutory rape. That all changes when one of you turns 18.
The answer to your question is: Yes you would have to abstain from sexual intercourse until you turn 18 for if anyone objects. Say your parents found out, if they are not aware. They could report him to the police. Whether he is charged with a crime would depend on the factors found by the police upon completion of an investigation.
One of those factors would be how the law is worded in your state. The law in a sense is a living breathing thing and it adapts as society changes. Because of the sexual freedom that began back in the 60's the law has adapted to allow a window where someone over the age of 18 can date someone under the age of 18 and assume sex is taking place provided the difference in age is no greater than a certain amount of years. This window varies from state to state.
My best advice is to do a search on the age of consent law for your state. Depending on where you live there is very good possibility you and your boyfriend can continue as before. Before you do it is best to make sure the law is on your side just incase someone decides they want to make trouble for you or your boyfriend.
Being ignorant of the law is never an excuse in a court of law. Given that we can find the applicable laws with a few strokes of a keyboard. It is well worth the time to investigate and be knowledgeable of where you stand by the law.
Would you give me advice on how to deal with a certain problem thats going on with my friends?
I'm sure if you tell us just what the problem is. There would be one or more advisors who would be willing to offer suggestions on what you could do to make the situation better.
Write us back and tell us what the problem is. You can use all the space you need but try to be somewhat brief and use a business letter format with paragraphs. Not one long sentence so it is easy for us to read. If you do this more advisors will answer you.
I'm 20/ f
I have trouble getting in touch with friends who used to be in my life. I go to Uni and live there and everyone seems to have a group at home too.
With me I kind of feel people have moved on and I haven't in the past made an effort to keep up with them. I've lost so many pals from them moving away or me moving away..
But I also feel that it shouldn't be me all the time who makes the effort.
What should I do? I am worried after uni my friends won't keep in contact. Also sometimes they organise things last.minute so I struggle to go to things. Does it make me look like I'm not bothered?
How can I make more friends? I know uni do societies but you go and everyone already comes in pairs and I feel awkward turning up on my own.
I feel that sometimes other people are jealous over me...
Have you ever heard the expression, "you can never go home again?" It applies very well to the question you are asking.
Your friends, that you have grown up with all matured together in the same manner, now you are away in school and they are at home. You are changing and maturing differently than they are. They are still changing and maturing as a group. As much as you or they might like things to be the same between you; they will never be the same.
Fact is if they are at home working and not getting some type of advanced education their maturity has slowed. You on the other hand are at University. Your entire world is expanding because you are learning. Because of this your maturity is accelerating.
I saw this when I was your age. I joined the military while my friends went off to college or to work. The Vietnam War was still going on and I was forced by the responsibilities the military placed on me to grow up in a hurry. I noticed the difference in us the first time I came home on leave. The only friend I truly identified with was my friend who had become a cop. The others were, well childish.
GO to the different events at school you think you would enjoy. Don't worry about being a single I can assure you there will be other singles there and some of the couples are not true couples. They may just be friends attending together but not in a relationship.
I'm not saying to forget about your friends at home. Just remember when you are home they are going to be different than you remember but not so. You have changed and they have not so you will be the one who needs to adapt if you want to be with them. If you open your eyes, your mind to what is going on around you. You will make friends.
my husband said that it will happen when it happeneds what does that mean in the long run?
What this statement means to me is. If you are not on birth control then he is saying. He does not what to make love on some type of schedule to try and have a baby. He would rather just go along with your lives making love when and where the moment is right. If one of those moments just happens to be when your fertile then great you are going to have a baby.
I think people feel making a baby is as easy as making love. For about 80% to 85% of couples it is. For others it is not and then trying to have a baby become all encompassing to the point making love is no longer making love it is sex with him being an inseminator.
Men also worry about if they are fertile. There are many things that can cause a man to be infertile. If your not trying to have a baby then he doesn't have to blame infertility for why you are not conceiving it can just be rotten timing. Now I can't say that this is what he is worried about, though I know as a man we all are concerned with this.
There are two things you can do about this.
1. Talk to him and ask him if he is worried about being infertile. There are ways to find out about his fertility and yours as well. If either one of you are infertile there are options. Sperm or egg donations and adoptions to mention just three.
2. The other option is you should know when you ovulate. If you do then you should imitate love make a couple of time three days before and three days after when you should ovulate. In this way it is not a chore or schedule for him to react to. He just enjoys the fact that you want to be intimate. Make sure to dress for the occasion with some sexy nightwear.
I was fired from my work for no reason. I know I never did anything wrong or got into trouble. My former boss was being weird when I asked for the reason, and they won't tell me why. Now I am applying for another job, and on the application, they ask if you've ever been fired, if yes, why, and I honestly have no idea why I was fired, so I don't know what to say. Any ideas? Just writing on the application fired for no reason just seems weird and fishy, so I don't wanna write that. I'm really lost here. I'd really appreciate any advice. I'm scared I won't be accepted, even though I am qualified for the job just because I was fired and don't know why...
If you applied for and received immediate unemployment compensation chances are you were not fired for cause. Most states will penalize a fired employee by withholding several weeks of unemployment. Since this compensation affects you employers workers unemployment insurance rates he or she controls your eligibility by what they tell the investigator.
If you received any type of severance pay you against most likely were not terminated for cause. An employer is not obligated to give an employee severance pay when terminated. Generally an employee receives compensation for termination without cause.
I once was terminated supposedly for cause but received severance pay. The actual reason I was terminated was my father also a former employee opened a competing business. One would think that what my father does or did would have no reflection on me. In my appeal for unemployment compensation the board cited the fact that I was given 30 days severance pay. There claim was that severance pay is only given in lieu of notice of future termination.
If you received immediate unemployment benefits and if you also received any type of severance pay. Then I believe you can put down on applications you were laid off. Include a short description in your cover letter explaining this. In an interview explain you were never given a reason though you received immediate unemployment and if you received severance pay so state. It make a big difference.
Right 3 days ago at my last day at work I was asked for my cellphone number and we had been (from what I can take from it) flirting. I said yes and wrote it down for him. But he has not texted? Is he not interested? Or am I overreacting? By the way I am 16 and a girl, the only reason I could think he wouldn't contact me is because of my age ( he is older but not by too much). What do you think?
He may not have realized just how young you are. Depending on the age of consent in your state if he is over 18 he could get in a lot of trouble just by dating you. It all depends on the laws in your state.
Some states allow a 3 to 4 year window between ages in dating under age teenagers. It goes both ways. A girl over 18 could be in just as much trouble dating a boy under 18.
Things that are in play here are statutory rape. To be charged with this crime sex does not have to happen just being an adult, someone over 18, being with a minor, someone under 18, a person can be charged with this crime. This is a sex crime and that person could be made to register as a sex offender for life. Then there is the charge of being a child predator as well as a host of other charges again depending on the laws in your state. If you and this man cross a state line then there are federal charges that come into play such as the Mann act.
I cannot say with any reasonable certainty that this is why he has not called or texted you. It certainly is a possibility. What I suggest is you check the laws in your state specifically the law concerning age of consent as it is this law that governs the rest of the child predator laws.
If you and this man can legally see each other safely within the bounds of the law then you might want to consider contacting him. You could say something to the effect I have wondered why you have not contacted me. I assumed it was my age. I checked the laws in this state and as long as we stay within this state we can see each other without you being in danger of the law. Tell him where you checked and include the URL so he can verify.
The other option is he was being kind because he knew you liked him, in which case just write him off. Your 16 and I can assure you there are plenty more boys in your life. Being a teenager is a once in a lifetime opportunity that should be enjoyed to the fullest. The best way to enjoy these years is with someone your own age.
Will anyone be my boyfriend?
I hope you don't think this is a dating site for it is not. What we do here is answer question or try two.
If this is a question then we have a problem. There is not enough information to try and give you an answer. The information we would need is your age, what grade you in at school or if you are home schooled and why you think you don't have a boyfriend.
I will say this that might be helpful. Today young people are in a big hurry to grow up, girls more than boys. We get questions on dating from girls as young as 10. Most of us here feel that 10 is too young to be dating. Then there is the fact that girls become boy crazy a lot younger than boys become girl crazy.
At ten boys are still wanting to play soldier and other things of that nature. Girls mature faster than boys do and start being interested in boys at a lot earlier age. Depending on how old you are boys of your age may not be interested in girls that much and you may just have to wait for them to mature to where you are now.
This is just general information. To give you better information any of us would need answers to the information I listed above.
Alright, so this is something I have been dealing with internally for a couple weeks now. But I suppose the advice i'm looking for requires a bit of set-up.
Right now, I am in college and recently entered my first relationship. Recently as in "this past week" to clarify. We live about 2 hours from each other but we live and attend at the same college when the term/semester is ongoing. We met the second-to-last week of the semester and we hit it off. It came to a surprise to me because it was unexpected and unintentional, as things escalated in only a few days.
However, there is another girl. We aren't dating, we are just good friends. I think it's clear to both of us that while we are good friends, we also have a strong interest in each other that hasn't been said...because the distance between us is two timezones apart. We've known each other for a few years and the past year we have getting to know each other more intimately without entering a romantic relationship.
I've realized that while i'm dating this girl close to me, who is very interested in me, I am more interested in the girl far away. I know distance-wise it's smarter to deal with it and focus on the girl right by me...but I can't help feeling like i'm being half-hearted in this new relationship. The other girl is important to me whether or not we ever date.
I just don't know how I should handle these feelings. Any thoughts?
I agree to a certain extent with the first advisor, though you also need to be true to yourself. Fact is as you say the long distance romance may not ever materialize into an actual romance. The old saying, "Bird in hand is worth two in the bush," may be relevant here.
You say; "The other girl is important to me whether or not we ever date." "We have getting to know each other more intimately without entering a romantic relationship." As a true outsider these two line to me say you two are really good pen pals or today's equivalent on the internet.
Before you give up on the girl close to you, you need to find out if the girl two time zones away has similar feelings for you? Is she sitting home and not dating or is she in dating and or in a committed relationship with someone else close to where she is? I could be missing something here but being intimate in a pen pal sort of relationship is somewhat safer then with someone close to you. This would not make her a bad person, especially if you two have never really tried to find a way to meet and see if the feelings you have developed for each other can build into a living loving relationship together.
What I suggest is you communicate with the long distance girlfriend and ask her if she ever sees you two getting together and building a physical relationship. Her answer yes or no does not have to ruin the relationship you have with her now. Everyone needs someone they can talk with that they trust with their feelings and yes it is possible to love more than one person. You can marry one girl and still love another. The love will and is different for both as long as you’re honest with both.
Okay, I've already asked this, but I feel as if I have not given enough information.
1) I am NOT selfish. I am very nice and caring and I aim to help people/ animals as much as I possibly can. I have a big heart and I am not a sociopath. When I say something extremely rude, I will feel bad. Sometimes I might cry.
Personality problems...?
Please do not just say it's because I'm a teen, or because it's a phase.
I'm 16 years old, and I don't know if this would quite classify as a personality disorder as I have not done much research.
Everyone I know would describe me as quick witted and majorly sarcastic. I would describe my sarcasm as rude... Whenever someone says something, I'm immediately coming up with something to say back, inappropriate or not, I will say it. And I will not hold back what I have to say. Impulsivity maybe.
The people around me laugh, and say, "Wow I wish I could do that." Almost thinking that being sharp and sarcastic is a gift or something.
I have A.D.D it runs in the family, and I've noticed it's getting worse. I struggle with chronic depression, anxiety and panic attacks. (Also in this horrible bloodline.)
I'm also extremely antisocial. I have two people in my life who I consider friends. I don't hate people, I just have an extremely hard time being around them.
I do believe that my way of sarcasm and humor I use to protect myself and do the whole thing of (I'm not hurting inside.)
What I'm wanting to know is how I can stop myself from saying such things, and maybe train myself to... not be the way I am.
I don't even know if that's possible. (I've been this way my whole life. EVERYONE around me would agree.)
A.D.D,chronic depression, anxiety and panic attacks. If your not getting professional medical assistance for these problem then you need to. Depression by itself can cause the problem you see as a personality disorder as depression cause you to perceive things differently as they are. The sarcasm would fit right in as a defense mechanism.
The panic attacks and anxiety attacks are scary I know for a fact as I have been there. Now bring in the fact you suffer from ADD and the whole thing gets amplified to a new level.
None of the problems you have can be corrected through self control. In fact trying to do so will only cause more of these problems. The only way I know to control ADD is with medication from a doctor. Depression can be controlled either with medication, talk therapy or both.
You say these problems run in your family. It would be natural for it to be passed on to you and any of your siblings. What you don't say is if you have been properly diagnosed with these problems or are assuming these problems are the cause of what you see as a personality disorder.
For the moment I will assume these are the cause of your problem but you must be properly diagnosed and treated for them. After being treated for a month to six (6) weeks you should start to see a change in yourself if you are given medication as these medications need time to build up in you.
My advice is; If you have not been properly diagnosed see your family doctor and ask to be screened for these ailments. If you have been diagnosed and are not being professionally treated you need to seek out professional as such as a psychologist and either your family doctor and Psychologist or a psychiatrist and psychologist.
Since both ADD and Depression deal with hormonal imbalances within the brain a Board Certified Psychiatrist is the best Medical Doctor to treat both the ADD and the Depression. The psychologist will give you talk therapy to help you find what triggers the depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Once found then you will learn to notice them and deal with them before you suffer from them.
im 32 and he is 27 he is a store manager at a grocery store...from the looks of things he is doing quite well for himself. well ive had a couple of customers ask me was I his girlfriend..i said no.....and he looked up at me and then put his head down....anyway he is shorter than me im 5'3 and he is 5'0 and he is fluffy ( I normally don't date men of that stature ) but if he was to ask me out id give him a chance, he seems like a very nice guy..he picks on me constantly, he knows I like to cook so now he asks me what am I going to cook him......lmao.....even my brother was like that dude wants you.....well today I went up to him and I was like, hey and he turned around and stared at me with this shocked/stunned looked on his face and I said here and I gave him a folded piece of paper with my name and number on it and I walked away...since I did that do you think he will finally get some courage and ask me out? thanks
Well at least you have let him know your interested in him. If he doesn't call you then you may have to resort to inviting him to dinner next time he asks you what you are cooking for him. If you know what his favorite meal may be. You might say Your making his favorite meal and he should be there at 7 with a bottle of wine he thinks goes best with the meal. If he is a no show or declines then I would say to just write him off.
So, I've talked myself into a rut and now I can't get myself out. I'm 21 and female and presently in a funk. See, my boyfriend, of eight months, left on a three week long excursion with his best friend out to California. It's something they've always talked about doing so I'm happy for him and I can't wait until he comes back and shows me all of his photos and tells me all of the stories of the memories he made.
Today was the first day he and I talked on the phone since he left a little more than a week ago because something happened with his phone and last night, he finally got a new one. Today's conversation was great and he told me how it was finally nice to hear my voice because he missed me. But he made no mention of missing home or even being excited to come home. I told him I'm counting down the days until he flies back in and we can hang out again and he asked me how many days were left because he isn't even keeping track. I know he's having fun and everything but it just doesn't really seem like he's missing me as much as I am him and that kind of stings.
He also told me today that him and his best friend made a pact this week to see every national state park but left no mention of his best friend's girlfriend or I being able to tag along on their next adventures (even though before he left for this one, he told me that any other trip of this magnitude, I am invited on) but it didn't really seem that he wanted me to at all. I know, you're probably thinking that this isn't even set in stone, they're just talking about it like they've talked about this trip for years but have no fear, he was so hype on "yeah, we already googled where the next one is going to be and when my vacation days get replenished" and that Alaska supposedly has six so him and his best friend have to go to Alaska and see the Northern Lights - which was a little slap in the face because he knows that's been a dream of mine since I was little.
So then it got me thinking that since he and I started dating, when I made plans with my friends, I always asked him to go with. Like, there's a big music festival that my friends and I go to every summer and I asked him if he would want to tag along this year and he said yes, I didn't have to ask but I did because I love him and I want him and my best friends to be there, enjoying all of my favorite bands with me. I even paid for us to see The Blue Man Group for his birthday because he said he's always wanted to see them and for us to see Mumford and Sons because they're my favorite and he was the first person I thought of to go to those shows with me. Or like when I have to make road trips to visit my family in other states, I always ask him to go along because my family loves him and he always tags along. He was even invited by my parents to go with us on the trip we are taking to celebrate my college graduation. One night, I wanted girls night out so when he texted me to hang out, I told him I had other plans with my girlfriends and he invited himself, even though I told him numerous times to go to another bar that I knew for a fact his best friend was already at, he said no and don't you know it, he went to girls night. I just think it's weird that I always ask him to do things with me and always take him on the adventures I go on but he never really asks me to do anything huge with him.
It makes me think that I love him so much and he only returns maybe half of it. Sure he'll ask me to go to parties or to his friend's house around town but now he's across the country, continuing to plan more trips, and I'm stuck here attending my college classes and going to work. The only "vacation" we've really gone on in eight months, that he personally planned, where we spend the night somewhere was at a beach, with about four other friends. Yet, the ones I planned were to Jersey to see a band we both like, to Maryland for a family party, at a casino for my 21st birthday. His entire family lives in Romania, his mother and himself are the only two people that live in the states, his mom has made mention numerous times that his grandmother wanted to meet me and that she would fly us out for a visit but my boyfriend never even talked to me about it.
It just makes me feel that I'm not good enough for him and that his heart isn't in it the way mine is. I thought after this three week trip would be over, he would be fine staying here and being with me but it seems he's got wanderlust and he doesn't want to stay confined here and that I'm holding him back since he's already planning his next getaway and with the intention of leaving me here again.
I just don't know what to do. I know there really isn't a question in here. I just need advice, I guess. I'm starting to doubt everything about the two of us and where Im mentally at, it isn't a fun place to be.
I thinking your overthinking things here, partially because he is on one coast on you are on another plus you are missing him. Another thing to take into consideration is that you are looking at things from a female's perspective and he looks at things from a male's perspective.
I'll get kicked out of the boys club for this one but men have a real bad habit of taking things for granted. If he is comfortable in his relationship with you he is not thinking about needing to invite you. He's thinking if she can't go when it is planned for she will tell me. Think about it why would he tell you so far in advance if he was not thinking of you being with him.
The best advice I can give you is this. Communication is key to any relationship. While he is away stop trying to read into what he tells you and may not be telling you just enjoy the conversation. Right now he is excited about what he is doing and saying. Anxious to communicate that all to you in what by any length is a short phone call. Wait until he is home and in your arms and then talk to him. You two have to learn to communicate with each other so you each know the others concerns and thoughts. If you cannot communicate successfully then no amount of love or sex will make a relationship work.
Seriously sex can bring a couple together. It can keep a couple together for a long period of time as well. One day though you find a need to talk to each other and when that happens you find you have nothing in common. That's when the relationship fails. Better to find out now if you can successfully communicate and what if anything you really have in common. For that I fear is what you are really fearing at the moment.
my penis is swollen after sex before 2 days nd its hurt while my pants or underwear rubs it..the swollen is beneath my penis head.what should i do?
This is very unusual and not something I have seen or heard about before. Does this happen after sexual intercourse or masturbation, self masturbation or a hand job.
The reason I ask those questions is it is important to know exactly what causes the problem. You need to see a doctor most likely a Urologist as this is the doctor who would specialize in the area of Penile problems. The doctor will need to know exactly when this happens and what activity causes it.
If this problem occurs after intercourse the reason could be something entirely different than if it happens after any type of masturbation. Since this is somewhat of an embarrassing problem for you I'm sure if your under age you do not want to go to mom or dad with it. I will give you some advice as to how to get this taken care of.
If you are over 14 there is a law called HIPPA. This law has mostly to do with Health Insurance and its portability. Written into this law is a regulation covering young people 14 and older and their reproductive organs. This is a Federal Law legal in al 50 states.
This regulation allows young people 14 and older total medical confidentiality for any medical condition affecting their reproductive organs. Your current problem qualifies. This means you can make an appointment and be seen by any doctor of your choosing without your parent knowledge or consent. You may use the health insurance your parent may be providing and they still cannot be told why you were seen or what or how you were treated. You must give you written consent to any doctor to release any information concerning any treatment or questions you may have sought out from them related to your reproductive system.
Know if you have any trouble passing urine, peeing, when this condition is happening. This is then considered a life threatening condition for it can damage your kidneys. If this is so go to the nearest Hospital Emergency Room for treatment. IF this is happening now and you cannot pass urine call 911 to ask for help and they will take you to the emergency room.
I live in a small shitty 2 bedroom apartment, It's condition and furniture is really bad, I really hate living in it. I never invited my friends over, I have been friends with them for 5 years and never invited them once. It's really bad I can't invite anyone, also when they visit my neighborhood I just meet them in the streets and they keep hinting how they want to come over. I keep making up excuses. My parents are divorced and my father doesn't pay anything. my mother is struggling on her own, I am so sick of getting scared if they ever decide to just knock on my door. I hate this life what should I do?
Let’s start with your father not paying any child support. By law a man is responsible for any children he fathers until the reach the legal age of 18. There is not a Judge in this country, USA, which would allow a divorce without child support written into the agreement. If the support is not paid the man can have his wages and any tax return attached and can even be jailed for failure to pay support.
When a fathers child support is determined it is meant to support his children's welfare in that they have a proper home, food on the table and their medical insurance is kept in place. He may also be required to take out a life insurance policy to cover the full amount of the support should he die before the last child reaches 18.
All you say is, "my father doesn't pay anything." This does not tell me if he has been ordered to pay anything and is just refusing to do so. If he has been ordered to pay support you don't say why your mother has not used the resources available through the courts to force him to pay support.
What can you do to change this? You can go to your school principal, if you’re still in grade school and under 18, and tell the principal about you home life. If the principal believes you home life is detrimental to your wellbeing, by law he or she must contact the appropriate agencies to assist you. Those agencies while assisting you will track down your father get him to start paying the ordered support and collect the support owed.
IF you are over the age of 18 and there are any siblings under the age of 18 at home then you can go to the office of child protection yourself and ask for assistance for them. They will investigate and if they deem assistance in required they will arrange for it while tracking down your father to collect back support and get him to start paying what he has been ordered to do so. Should somehow there be no order of support, which I doubt child protective service will go to court to get one.
Just one thing before you start down this road. I know you believe you live in "a shitty little apartment" and I believe you believe this. As long as it is clean, there are good healthy meals on the table, you have clean serviceable cloths, mom sees that you go to school and you are healthy. You will be opening up a can of worms unnecessarily for the only real problem is the child support which is your mothers’ problem to handle.
Hi guys, I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 23. We reside in Pennsylvania and he left last Wednesday to go on a three week trip with his best friend out west. They flew to Denver and had a layover and from there, they flew to Seattle. From Seattle, they're using their rental car to drive to Eugene, Oregon where their other best friend goes to school and then next week they're driving to San Francisco to finish up their adventure. While I'm so proud of him for finally doing this as it's something he's wanted to do for years, there's been many hiccups along the way.
First of all, three weeks is a long time to be without the person you love and we had a long talk before he left about how he was going to call me every night and Skype me when he could to fill me in on his adventures. While I do enjoy my time to hang out with old friends and just relax without always having him here and having to settle on a channel to watch that we both like, etc, I am starting to miss him. See, the first day that they went out adventuring, they were hiking along the coast and a wave came up and engulfed my boyfriend and his friend and consequentially, his phone got wet but somehow his friend's didn't. He and I had a texting conversation the entire day that he was traveling and when I haven't heard anything after he went to sleep the first night, he emailed me the next night to let me know what was going on. He brought his tablet along to work on school work so that's what he's been using to get ahold of me.
There's now two weeks left in his trip and the most we've been doing is emailing, one a day. I know he's out having fun all day and he isn't going to carry his tablet around and find wifi just to talk to me so he only sends me short messages before he goes to bed, many saying that hopefully he can call me the next day on his friend's phone or that we can skype and then that winds up never happening. Two days ago, I even tried to stay awake late and email him right after he emailed me so he'd get that I wanted a real conversation and he didn't. At most, his emails consist of him telling me that he'll have to show me the pictures he took that day when he gets home and then that he's going to sleep so it's not even like the messages I get are of any importance.
So, my question is - do you think it's rude of me to put in my next email to my boyfriend that if email is the only thing he can accomplish over the next 14 nights, then I'll just wait til he comes home to talk? I'm stuck here at home, continuing on with my normal life and going to work everyday and I get excited to see what cool pictures my boyfriend's best friend put on Instagram of what they did that day because my boyfriend's emails are not even descriptive of anything. I just think I should tell him to not even worry about me and enjoy his last two weeks and that I'll see him when me and the other girlfriend pick them up at the airport because this whole email thing is not cutting it for me. I'm just not sure if that's a mean thing to say.
Thanks for any advice.
From what you have written I think your boyfriend is between a rock and a hard place. You say he brought along his tablet to keep up with school work though he is using it now to send you a short email each night as his phone got wet.
I think he is trying to live up to his agreement to contact you each day while trying to conserve his battery and data messaging time on his tablet at the same time. Most phones will come back once they dry out. He may or may not be aware of this. They best way to dry a phone out is to put them in rice, regular not instant. Send him a message to buy a small box of regular rice and put his phone in the box of rice for a day or two then if he can recharge it to try calling you with it. Properly dried the phone should come back.
Also ask him to stop into a store of the carrier he is connected to and check if he took an insurance policy when he signed for service. If he did they may just give him a new phone. He does not have to wait until he gets home to do this.
As for your questions; I really don't think you should be upset with him. I believe he is trying. I know you are missing him but he will be home sooner than you think. Don't do anything that may ruin this once in a lifetime trip for him. Best thing to do for yourself is to try and stay busy to make the time go by faster. Do send him the messages I said to send. He is busy with his friends and may not be thinking about this as he might if he was home.
this guy hustled me for $7,500 and hid out of state for a year when I finally got him to court. I thought I was going to die during that whole year, I thought I was having a breakdown. I finally served him out of state with a law suit and I didn't think he was going to show for court but he did. We went thru a mediator and I agreed to settle for $5,000 with him paying me $200 a month. Since he has gone back to his state I have allowed him to call me and I could kill myself for even speaking to him because I really despise him. He has the nerve to talk about his girlfriend. We were never really a couple though. He wanted me to think we were at the time. I would never ever want him in my life but yet I don't want to feel rejected. Why have I allowed myself to be any part of him. I am sick over this and I have been so disgusted with myself!!!! I hate myself for this. Thanks.
While I am no psychologist, which might be a good idea for you to consult with one for therapy. My thoughts are that you may feel to totally disassociate from this man may somehow give him cause to stop paying you the money you have been awarded. At $200 a month this would mean you feel you have to associate with him for 2 years and one month. Of course this is my 1 year of High school psychology talking though it would be totally understandable if you felt this way as $5,000 is a lot of money to lose.
Fact is the resolution you came to, be it through mediation or by order of the a Judge, is binding on him. He is bound by law now to pay you $5,000 in increments of $200 monthly. Should he stop doing so you can take the order you have back to court and ask for a writ of attachment. It might even be possible since he would be in violation of the order to recoup the remaining $2,500 though for that you would probably need a lawyer to go to court with you.
Should I be correct and deep down your feeling that disassociation will cause you monetary harm. Try to not feel that way because it cannot happen. You have recourse should for any reason he ask to skip a payment or stop paying you for any amount of time or even send less than agreed to.
Even living in another state most states will honor orders from courts in other states. If he stops paying an order of attachment can be issued. If he is not working the Sheriff in his County or Parish can be asked to take and auction anything of value to satisfy the debt to you.
Now just my telling you this is not going to make you feel much better as your reasons for feeling this way are most likely are more deep seated than this issue. I earnestly suggest you consult with a psychologist to find out why you feel this way so in the future should a reason such as this come about again you will handle it better.
You would be surprise how talk therapy can help you. I have had talk therapy after being in a life changing auto accident. I never expected it to help for I thought it was just a bunch of crap, pardon my French here. I mean if your sick the doctor gives you medicine, if your bleeding you stitch it or put a bandaid on it. Talk therapy made no sense.
I was fortunate after going through two therapists to find one I really connected with, someone I was comfortable talking with and things changed. Working with her she helped me see things differently and helped me accept my new way of life. Yes I am still disabled though to look at me you cannot tell. But I have found other things to do with myself such as this website to make life meaningful. Finding out the why is the key and if you find out the why of how you feel it will make the difference.
I am married but my husband is impotent then i met a guy who was same of my age and we become a gf and bf or friends then we get into the point that we have sex thing and after that i didnt know that he was capturing what we doing nude photos and one time he ask me to come see him and i resist and what he did he blow out and send to my husband emails that me and him having sex and even sent to my friends inbox facebook telling on the nude pics that inam a whore because i did not meet him.so what should i do?
Depending on the laws in your state you may have both criminal and civil charges you can bring against him. Taking sexually explicit photos of someone without their knowledge or consent is generally considered illegal. Publishing them is also considered illegal. His sending them to your friends may be considered publishing them. Using the internet for that purpose could amount to wire fraud as well. With the exception of taking the pictures without your consent the rest of the charges will depend on state law. He may have also violated federal law but getting a Federal District attorney to prosecute him will be hard you best way to file charges is through your own state legal system.
Now if he threatened to release them unless you continues to have sex with him this too would be a crime of sexual harassment. You have every right to say no to anyone at anytime even if you a have had sex with them in the past or in the middle of sex. You have the right to change your mind.
My advice is to call the police and have an officer come to the house to take a report. The report will go to detectives who will interview him and decide what if any charges should be brought against him or if they should make an immediate arrest. Then you local State or District attorney will review the case and decide which charges to take to court.
You also may have several civil charges you can bring against him. No matter the outcome of the criminal charges. In a civil trial the degree of proof is less and he must prove his innocence there is no assumed innocence in a civil trial.
For this I suggest you speak with an Attorney. Most Attorneys do not charge for a first visit to see if you have a case they can peruse for you. If your case is viable and the award is big enough they may offer to take the case on contingency which means they take a percentage of whatever they win for you.
As for your husband and marriage. You did not talk about how this has affected your marriage. I'm sure your husband's impotency is the trigger of your affair as we all have sexual needs. If your husband understands this then maybe you can salvage your marriage.
Has your husband seen a doctor for this. There have been great strides made in the past few years in the area of male impotency. IF his problem is Erectile Dysfunction there is a lot that can be doe to assist him. There is also a considerable amount of medical problems that can cause erectile dysfunction. Most of them if not all of them can be treated successfully.
If your husband hasn't seen a doctor or seen one recently then have him see a doctor again. You should go with him and talk to the doctor and tell the doctor how your husband's impotency lead you to having an affair if it was truly the cause. The doctor may be able to refer you to someone to help you navigate the elephant in the room and get your marriage back on track.
my bf and I made out last night. he slept over at my place. when we started making out, he tried to put his finger in my vagina. before the finger entered, I felt pain. he tried it the second time and the same thing happened. am scared because am a virgin. I just want to know if am still a virgin.
You are still a virgin. Generally I agree more than I disagree with missundersmock. Unfortunately this is not the case today. A missing Hymen is not how virginity today is defined as active women can lose their Hymen through many different sporting activities.
Today the definition of a non-virgin is when a penis has penetrated a vagina. The moment of penetration is when virginity is lost either by the male or female. If only your boyfriend's finger penetrated you then you are still a virgin.
Technically you could use a dildo or vibrator to prepare for first intercourse and make it less painful. Technically by definition you would still be a virgin as a human male penis has not penetrated you.