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We can only email and it's killing me.
Hi guys, I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 23. We reside in Pennsylvania and he left last Wednesday to go on a three week trip with his best friend out west. They flew to Denver and had a layover and from there, they flew to Seattle. From Seattle, they're using their rental car to drive to Eugene, Oregon where their other best friend goes to school and then next week they're driving to San Francisco to finish up their adventure. While I'm so proud of him for finally doing this as it's something he's wanted to do for years, there's been many hiccups along the way.
First of all, three weeks is a long time to be without the person you love and we had a long talk before he left about how he was going to call me every night and Skype me when he could to fill me in on his adventures. While I do enjoy my time to hang out with old friends and just relax without always having him here and having to settle on a channel to watch that we both like, etc, I am starting to miss him. See, the first day that they went out adventuring, they were hiking along the coast and a wave came up and engulfed my boyfriend and his friend and consequentially, his phone got wet but somehow his friend's didn't. He and I had a texting conversation the entire day that he was traveling and when I haven't heard anything after he went to sleep the first night, he emailed me the next night to let me know what was going on. He brought his tablet along to work on school work so that's what he's been using to get ahold of me.
There's now two weeks left in his trip and the most we've been doing is emailing, one a day. I know he's out having fun all day and he isn't going to carry his tablet around and find wifi just to talk to me so he only sends me short messages before he goes to bed, many saying that hopefully he can call me the next day on his friend's phone or that we can skype and then that winds up never happening. Two days ago, I even tried to stay awake late and email him right after he emailed me so he'd get that I wanted a real conversation and he didn't. At most, his emails consist of him telling me that he'll have to show me the pictures he took that day when he gets home and then that he's going to sleep so it's not even like the messages I get are of any importance.
So, my question is - do you think it's rude of me to put in my next email to my boyfriend that if email is the only thing he can accomplish over the next 14 nights, then I'll just wait til he comes home to talk? I'm stuck here at home, continuing on with my normal life and going to work everyday and I get excited to see what cool pictures my boyfriend's best friend put on Instagram of what they did that day because my boyfriend's emails are not even descriptive of anything. I just think I should tell him to not even worry about me and enjoy his last two weeks and that I'll see him when me and the other girlfriend pick them up at the airport because this whole email thing is not cutting it for me. I'm just not sure if that's a mean thing to say.
Thanks for any advice.
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You need to be direct and honest, and ask for what you want.
Just staying up and hoping he might be able to call you, that's a great way to make sure everyone ends up confused, disappointed, and unhappy.
You are a big girl. Use your words.
Tell him "I really need to speak to you for a while, because I'm feeling disconnected and lonely. Let's set a time to talk."
It's that simple.
Cutting off contact is not cool. That would be mean and totally disrespectful of his feelings and the efforts he is making so far! He's making the time to email every day. That's not easy when you are on the road with your friends. That means he wants to put in that effort to connect with you daily! That's a lot of great contact for people who aren't 14 and see each other at school everyday. If you want more, than speak up, but don't shit on him. That's not cool.
He may very well feel really hurt by that. What if HE needs those emails? What if they help HIM feel connected to you? How would you feel if he said "Sorry, I can deal with my own loneliness right now, so don't contact me AT ALL for two weeks."? You'd probably feel pretty bad, right? Because that sucks.
It's three weeks. This is a thing that happens in adult life, and you need to consider how you cope with your own feelings—as legitimate as they are—without hurting and disrespecting him and the connection he is seeking with you.
If you want to speak to him over skype or something else, than ask to set aside a time to do that.
But when you are considering what kind of communication you are going to have in relationship, don't make ultimatums without even discussing the problem! You need to recognize he has feelings as well. Arbitrarily cutting off contact is not okay.
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From what you have written I think your boyfriend is between a rock and a hard place. You say he brought along his tablet to keep up with school work though he is using it now to send you a short email each night as his phone got wet.
I think he is trying to live up to his agreement to contact you each day while trying to conserve his battery and data messaging time on his tablet at the same time. Most phones will come back once they dry out. He may or may not be aware of this. They best way to dry a phone out is to put them in rice, regular not instant. Send him a message to buy a small box of regular rice and put his phone in the box of rice for a day or two then if he can recharge it to try calling you with it. Properly dried the phone should come back.
Also ask him to stop into a store of the carrier he is connected to and check if he took an insurance policy when he signed for service. If he did they may just give him a new phone. He does not have to wait until he gets home to do this.
As for your questions; I really don't think you should be upset with him. I believe he is trying. I know you are missing him but he will be home sooner than you think. Don't do anything that may ruin this once in a lifetime trip for him. Best thing to do for yourself is to try and stay busy to make the time go by faster. Do send him the messages I said to send. He is busy with his friends and may not be thinking about this as he might if he was home.
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Well first off its normal that you miss him and your upset he wasnt responsible for his own phone (i mean who takes a phone into something where it could get wet?? ever hear of a plastic bag??) lol.
Heres the thing of it ok, If hes talked about doing this with his friends for years and this is finally his chance, then why would you want to be his kill joy and later know that you made it so that he didnt have a good time with his friends on a possibly once in a life time trip because he was so worried about things back home with YOU and he couldnt focus?
Do you really want him to look back at that memory with his friends and then ALWAYS remember that you did that?? probably not.
Now, think about how you'd really feel deep down if you then went and pulled some passive aggressive shit and said "just forget about talking through email" and actually had to wait until he got home to talk again....thats just making matters worse and it sounds like your doing it just because your upset and thats not fair to you or him.
Yes you miss him, yes he messed up his phone, yes communication is harder right now, but this was his trip, he really wanted to do this with his friends, and its only fair to allow him to have this. It might really mean alot to him.
What you COULD do is say in your next email that you stayed up late and waited up for him to email you and he never did and that your upset about THAT, but taking it to a level where your saying BASICALLY in a nut shell "just fuck off until you get home" isnt fair. Let him have his fun with his friends, you go have a good time with yours when you can, and then discuss it when hes back and settled so then he will at least had a good time with his friends.
you'll live ; )
good luck
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