about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I went to my OB today because I found out that I was pregnant last week at my 6 week check up (I have a 2 month old at home and another child under 1 year). My doctor asked me today why I refused birth control, although I already told them that birth control is against my religion. I repeated myself today and felt odd since I KNOW I had already explained this.
The doctor then nodded her head and said, "Well, that is just silly," in a very demeaning tone of voice. I was so offended I told her, "My faith is no laughing matter." I was just very upset and I still am. I need a doctor that will take me seriously.

I am not a government case, I am not an unmarried mother, and I am not on food rations or food stamps. If I want to have all of the children that God allows me to be blessed with then I don't understand the issue.

I am a mother and wife. I am also the daughter of very wealthy philanthropists who have provided myself, my husband, and our future children with the means to take care of our needs.

Why am I being judged when I can take care of any children I have, and why am I being judged when I want to have 15+ children? Should I switch to a doctor that will not pressure me to go against my beliefs?

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.

If you are uncomfortable with a doctor for any reason you should find a new doctor. In this instance you have every right not only to find a new doctor but to demand an apology from your current doctor. Unless your pregnancy or future pregnancy was a danger to your health, your doctor had not right to say that to you. Her professional and personal beliefs should be kept separate.

I would also file a complaint in regard to this doctor's professionalism. Where I live you would contact the State Department of Health and Mental Hygiene. Under that heading you would then go to Health Professional Licensing to find the Licensing Board for the Specialty of your Doctor. This is the Board you would file your complaint with.

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so, i'm 18/f. theres this guy i work with who's 24. and we've been kinda dating the past couple weeks. nothing serious or exclusive because i'm going to college 4 hours away in the fall and because my on & off relationship with my ex of 3 years ended again just a few months ago, so i'm not completely ready for something new, but we talk everyday, hangout, hug, kiss, basically act like a couple so i guess you'd just call it a casual thing. it started out with flirting at work and then facebook to texting to here we are.

but, sometimes the age difference kinda worries me. i'll be 19 before he's 25, and i know everyone says it but i am pretty mature for my age compared to some people. i realize he's older and farther in life... he's done the college thing, he's a marine, and he's been married [and divorced bc she cheated on him]. BUT at the same time we get along really well, and i have a pretty rough past with guys which he knows about, and he's assured me time and time again he'd never do something like that. he tells me he sincerely likes me and cares a lot about me and does things that show it. we're not having sex and won't be anytime soon so i'd like to think i'm not just a bootycall.

my mom knows about him and says to just be careful and make sure he's a good guy. my friends think there must be something wrong with him that he can't get a girl his own age and instead goes for an 18 year old.. but i'm sure he COULD get a girl his own age. a lot of girls closer to his age at work like him and i'm the youngest girl he's ever been into. i said i'd never date anyone over 21 MAYBE 22 but here i am. in a way i see where my friends are coming from but at the same time i don't want to just brush him off because he's a little older than me, especially when he's given me no concerns or suspicions about his intentions. i have a good head on my shoulders and know to be careful, my guard is definitely up [as it is with any guy] and any signs of strange behavior and i'm gone, but i'd like some advice from the outside world... any ideas?

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.

Age is but a number, the value you place on that number is really up to you. The more mature you are the more you are going to be attracted to someone older than you, and six years is not a big age difference. Way back in the dark ages, of the early 1900's and before it was standard for a husband and wife to have a large age difference.

If the two of you get along, have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company then don't worry about the age difference. As I said before it's only a number. Have fun and let him worship all the attention and love upon you won't get from boys your own age.

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Does anyone know how long it typically last, why it usually happens, and how to stop it?

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.

I was not familiar with Obsessive Relational Progression (ORP) so I first had to do some research. I found an article on the following website; www.mental-health-matters.com. "To close for Comfort"

Since you have not given any reason for you asking I would suggest you read the article As you read through the article you will find how to identify if you or someone you know is effected by ORB and how to combat it.

If you are asking for yourself: Since I did not see an age determiner for when a person might be susceptible to ORP, I would suggest you discuss this with your parents. Why? For one thing they need to know. Second, and if you are asking for yourself, dealing with this problem requires working with a professional trained in this area. Finding this professional will require your parents help.

As my opening statement says, I'm old enough to be your grandparent and the one thing I can assure you of is that as parents we are not the enemy. Believe it or not we were all once teenager ourselves. Our job as parents is to keep you safe and healthy. If you hide something from us we cannot do our best at the most important job we have. So tell your parents what is going on in your life.

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I'm looking for an anternative solution to cutting myself... I'm 14, and I've recently been caught in the act of cutting. My parents have decided to take me to a psychologist, and I'm really not looking forward to it... It's hard enough to talk to them. The problem is, everyone is asking if I'm okay, and what's wrong, but I don't know the answer to that. I don't know what's wrong exactly. It's a lot of stuff, I guess. I know it's wrong to cut myself, and honestly, it's just plain stupid. Nobody wins with it. I've tried to keep all this hidden from my friends. I don't want them to worry, or judge. There's one friend who I've told, but I don't want to keep pushing all this on them. It's really none of their concern. They've helped me by talking about it, but I can tell they feel awkward about it. So I'd like to get some advice on what I can do to express how I feel without hurting anyone; myself included. (The psychologist didn't suggest squat)

For any who doesn't know; I am not emo. Emo is a genre of music. So I'd appreciate it if you refrain from posting as such. And don't tell me that emo stands for "Emotional" Because I know- It's what the music is about. Emocore as it's sometimes called.

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.

I did some looking on the Web before answering you. There is a great deal of information out there some of it good and some of it not so good. One Website Answers.Com seemed to have some of the best information. I have always found to fight something is to get as much information about so I am informed. I would suggest that you might want to go to Websites such as Answers.Com to find out more and see what they have to say.

One thing I saw was that cutting and Depression seen to go hand in hand. This makes sense to me as does stress being a cause of someone cutting themselves. Stress is also a trigger for depression. I would suggest you ask your mother to take you to your family doctor Talk to your doctor about what is going on in your life. Your doctor will probably want to do a complete physical to make sure this is nothing medically causing you any problems. Your doctor will then decide if he or she wants to prescribe an antidepressant or refer you to a Psychiatrist to prescribe medication. No, you are not crazy. Psychiatrists are better qualified to diagnose and treat depression than the family doctor is.

In reading your letter I am of the opinion that you are not comfortable with the Psychologist you are seeing. Talk therapy is going to be very important to getting at the root cause of your cutting. Be it stress, Depression, anxiety or any combination of them. Whatever you say to your therapist is strictly confidential and can’t be told to your parents. If you are not comfortable in talking with your therapist and being completely open and free with him or/her then I would suggest you ask your parents to find you a new therapist. Being a young lady you may be more comfortable with a female therapist, if so say so to your parents.

Let me say this again; anything you say to your therapist is confidential. Nothing you say to the therapist can be told to your parents. This is a protection under Doctor patient confidentiality and within the last five years a protection given under the Health Information Privacy Act (HIPA) passed by Congress. So, please, talk with your therapist about whatever is troubling you.

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okay so my parents divorced when i was about two, and my mom has been married three times (none of them worked). and it's fine now me and my mom are best friends. my dad's been married once more and now has 4 kids.

I visit him every summer and Christmas to Louisiana, because i live in Florida with just me and my mom and little brother.Every time i come here for the summer it gets harder and harder to stay long and see my WHOLE family over in Louisiana, its all my cousins and grandparents and aunts and uncles over there. So every time I come to visit him i try to see him every time he takes off of work. But for some reason if i ask to go see my cousins or other family members him and my step mom come up with the answer "no" for absolutely no reason! Ive stood up for myself and told them i need to see my family. But it can never get through to them. Also i have an older brother that lives with my grandma, and he's a great kid the best influence and me and him are really great friends/siblings. never ever fight. but when i ask to go see a movie with him, or the mall, or just spend the day with him the answer is still no with a big fight ? don't understand it. and by the way i don't do anything bad, i know right from wrong. No smoking or anything like that. what should i say to them??? It doesn't make since (its mostly my step mom)

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.

There are possibly two answers to your question, neither of them having anything to do with you and whether you are good, bad or indifferent. As the reasons have nothing to do with you and there is a corrective action you can take, which will most likely require your moms’ help in contacting your other family members; I see no reason in going in to them at this time. I do not see you or your mother being able to change things for you while you are at your step-mothers home so the best thing I see to do is grab the bull by the horn and fix things yourself.

Corrective action: I see no reason why you cannot go around your step-mother and contact your cousins, Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents yourself. You could arrange days to visit with them while you are with your father, before you go to your fathers, or if financially possible arrange for separate visits to visit with other members of your family. This is where your mothers help comes in. If you have not already discussed this situation with her then I suggest you do so now. I do not think it is uncommon for someone like yourself to want to get to know her extended family and I am sure your mom will understand as well. Then with moms help start contacting those family members you want to spend time with; I would suggest sending a letter or an email. Let them know that it is not your fault that you have not visited, they may not know this, and tell them that you would like to visit but it may have to be a separate visit. Then wait and see what their response is.

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I think my mom is cheating on my dad
I recently went down stairs to put my friends bathing suit outside
My mom was on the phone, talking quitely, giggling
I went downstairs again cause I saw my Dad come home with food (doritos, soup, ect)
So I'm wondering whats going on, so I test my mom
As I pass her, I say 'Dads home' in a nonemotional, dull voice
The moment I said so, she says to the phone "Oh. I gotta go. Kay -giggle- bye"
She hangs up and goes to lay on the couch, pretending nothing happened

My dad walks in, shes dull and slightly bitching towards him

Somethings going on. I noticed yesterday

How can I ask my mom if she's cheating on my dad?
This was long; oh well.

If your mom is cheating on dad it does not really concern you. What is of concern to you is, if it is true that your mom is cheating on your father does he know about it and what is he going to do about it. This is not something for you to talk with your father about.

Asking your mom to confirm your suspicions is probably not a good idea, regardless of whether she is or not the outcome for you is probably not good and could intensify any problems your parents are having between them.

What you could say to either of your parents or both of them is that the constant bickering between them is making you feel uncomfortable or insecure, your choice with the wording. This gives them the opening to tell you whats going on between them, if, and that is a big if, they want too. They could just say nothing for you to worry about its just something we have to work out between us.

Whatever their answer is you have to accept it. Harping on the issue will not make things any easier for them. Also be prepared for whatever resolution they come up with for now that they know you are feeling uncomfortable they may have to resolve their issues ahead of whatever timetable they may have had. You may or may not like the resolution.

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me and my boyfriend have been dating 6 months. befor we were dating, he was i guess u cud say a man whore haha he jus had sex wit alot of girls. he has depression and is going through a really hard time right now with family and stuff so he is stresesd. wel while we were dating for 6 months i am a virgin so he has gone without sex for 6 months. yesterday, he was going to take my virginity but he couldnt get hard. i was naked on his bed and he said he wanted to have sex with me so bad but he couldnt keep an erection. at one point he had one and then he was about to go in and it went away. he said he was embarassed and didnt know why it was happeneing but today we were lightly kissing in his bed and he got hard. i dont get it. it haappens at all the wrong times haha whats wrong with him?

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Erectile Dysfunction and Depression medication go hand in hand as do most medications for high blood pressure. If you are as young as I feel you are your boyfriends doctor may not have thought about this particular side effect.

What you experienced with you boyfriend getting hard during a petting session, you still do call it that don't you, was natural as some of the pressure to perform was not there.

There are two things you can do to help your boyfriend. First: Talk to him about talking to the doctor who is treating him for his depression about this problem. Second: Try non-penetrative sex with him. Just lying in bed, someplace where you won't be disturbed, and get to know each other’s body. Should your boyfriend get and maintain an erection let him decide if he wants to complete the act. What I am recommending is mutual masturbation and oral sex if you are both willing. Remember when it comes to sex both parties must consent for something to be consensual.

One other thing once you lose your virginity, this is assuming you hymen is still intact; you might want to consider using the female condom. See the following web site:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female condom

This will take additional pressure off your boyfriend.

Last, I recomend talking to your mother about this. I know talking to parents about sex, especially telling them you are about to become sexually active is not easy. If nothing else please take the following to heart. I'm old enough to be your grandfather so I have the wisdom of my age behind what I am about to say to you.

It is better that your parents, your mother specifically, know you are sexually active. They/she might not be happy with your decision but at the very least they can make sure you are aware and take care of your medical needs now that you are. They are also the best source of information for you in helping you make life changing decisions. Remember as parents we were all once your age and faced the same pressures you are facing. If we get upset it is not always because we are angry with you. It may be because we see you making the same mistakes we made at your age and our jobs as parents are to keep you safe and help guide you through life.

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Ok this is going to sound really weird but like im 17 female and like since summer started i have been sweating a lot. I mean a lot. I put on a shirt and within 1 hour the armpit part of my shirt is wet. I'm a skiny girl and I dont no why this happens to me! Sometimes it makes my shirts by the armpits turn like yellowish brown and its disguesting. Ive tried wearing different kinds of deodorants but nothing works! Any advice?

Instead of a deodorant you may want to try an antiperspirant. A deodorant is really nothing more than armpit perfume where an antiperspirant is suppose to help you keep from sweating.

As to why you are sweating as you are, I really don’t know. Sweating is not always the result of heat. Are you anxious about something? Have you spoken with your mother about this? If you haven’t I would suggest you do so. This may be nothing more than a normal change in the hormonal make up of your body but to be sure you should schedule an appointment with your doctor.

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In my family, I'm the youngest. We used to do a lot of fun activities together like playing catch, family poker, watching movies, playing board games, family volleyballs, and other great stuff. The problem is that lately all my brother does is play xbox, my dad watches tv, and my mom just complains about them doing that and how unhappy she is about it all. I really want us to be together again and do fun family activities. I heard of a specific idea called Family Fun Night but I don't even know how to approach that suggestion. Any suggestions?

You might try show the following Website to your mom:

www.ehow.com/how_4532649_plan-fun-family-night.html

Working with your mom you should be able to use some of the ideas on this site to come up with a family fun night.

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Well the title pretty much says it all.

I've come back from uni for the summer and I was tidying up the spareroom and found a tape in the machine. So i know it probably wasn't right of me to watch it but it turns out it was porn! I looked in one of his draws and there's like 7 tapes in there!

I really don't know what to do, I want him to stop doing it. But i don't know what to say to anyone? Or whether i should say anything at all?

I don't think it would bother me so much if he wasn't over 65!!!!!!!!!!!! It's disgusting!! And it's really on my mind loads.

we are moving house soon, so i was thinking maybe i could 'misplace' them in a bin somewhere and he wouldn't notice?

thanks in advance...

I might be a little older than some of the other columnist who answered; actually I’m only a few years younger than your father, so I might be offering a different perspective for you.

So at 65 you found your father is watching porn tapes. You also say “I don't think it would bother me so much if he wasn't over 65”. What does his age have to do with it? Just because he is older doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a sex drive. At our age our desire for sex and our wives desire for sex differ. Dad may have more interest in sex that mom. Watching porno may be his way of fulfilling that need. It is also possible that your father was watching that tape with your mother; did you ever think of that? This of course assumes your mom is still alive and living with your father.

From puberty till death as long as we are healthy we will have some form of sexual need. As we grow older it may be just sitting and holding hands or cuddling in bed at night. If the need is there and satisfying the need is done in a way that is legal and consensual it should not be condemned or ridiculed.

What is proper, if you find porn offensive or if the thought of your parents still engaging in sex or masturbating while watching the tapes grosses you out, is to ask then to please not leave the tapes in the machine. This would be like a mom asking her teenage son not to leave his girlie magazines lying around.

Sex, be it intercourse, masturbation or other forms as long as it is consensual, is natural and pleasurable at any age. Masturbation starts at the earliest of ages. Watch babies, especially boys as they sleep. That rocking motion is early masturbation. Why do they do it? Because it feels good and it is comforting to them, according to those who have studied it.

So try not to condemn your father for watching porno. If you really find it grossing you out just say something like: Hey pop how about not leaving tapes in the machine when you finish watching its bad for the tapes. Also don’t throw away things that are not yours to throw out, that would be rude and improper.

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I just need someone else I guess to help me plan ahead on what I can do to help my family. I'll try to summarize as best as possible.

- My father lost a trial and is now serving 5 years.
- My mother has been sick since I was 9 with various things (pancreatic cancer, plus more.)
- I have five other brothers and sisters, two younger sisters still living at home and one younger brother is as well.

I came home after I heard my father was going into jail to help out, however, I wasn't given power over accounts or to pay bills or anything. My mother wanted to do it.

My father left a generous sum of money for my family to live off of, and then there was additional money in another account he wanted to roll over after his birthday so the taxes wouldn't be too heavy and use that to help support the big house my mother and my siblings are living in.

While I have been working and trying to just help clean up the house, my sisters stole my mother's debit card and has used it to buy $400 cell phones, a trip to Florida one weekend, fixing a friend's car, etc. They spent nearly $20,000 in about two months. (Again, my mother is sick and doesn't keep up with financial statements too well.)

When I found out, I and another sibling put a stop to it but all we could do is get the card canceled. (I couldn't get a hold of my mom at that second and we wanted to stop it before they spent any more.) Nothing they bought is really returnable. They broke the cell phone, and other things were from places where things it couldn't be returned, or like hotel room stays, etc.

My parents were told, but little was done. My sisters were told to get jobs and they would pay back the money, but it has been a month since then. My sisters are hanging out with friends and not working. I even offered to help them get jobs, and it's like pulling teeth.

My brother living here is working hard and paying for things with his own money to help support the house, as I am. If my father ends up staying for the full five years, I don't think even with us both working full time and the money pulled from my dad's savings that we could afford to keep the house running on our own for the next five years.

My questions are:
- What could I do to help maybe lower house payments or raise more money to help out?
- What can I do about my sisters that spent the money? My mom won't kick them out of the house or do much more than yell at them.
- How does parole work and what is the likelihood of it happening? (I live in Louisiana if that's needed.)
- My mother thinks she can get on disability, and it would help if she could, but I was wondering with so much money in her account from the stock, would the government say she has too much to take in disability?

We can't sell the house, not in the current condition and with no one buying, we'd be paying mortgage and rent if we were to move someplace smaller.

Anyone have some ideas? I really appreciate any thoughts.

It would be helpful to know what your father went to jail for. If any of the money you are speaking of was ill gotten the State may seek restitution. In cases such as Fraud and Embezzlement it is usually a requirement of the sentence.

As to Finances in general and the mortgage specifically: Without a Power of Attorney for your parents Financial Affairs you can do nothing on your own other than research. You can petition the courts to declare your mother incompetent due to her medical problems. As to your father being in jail I doubt there is relief through the courts that can be sought, but you should check with an Attorney.

You should also have an Attorney draw up a living will and a medical power of Attorney for and from your mother to you. Make sure the living will covers your mothers’ wishes in all areas, specifically areas such as extraordinary care & resuscitation. When and if the time comes it will be easier on you and your mothers doctors if you know your mothers wishes in advance and the doctors have then in writing. This is what a living will is for. You should also have a HIPPA release form, for you, signed by your mother so her Doctors can keep you informed of her medical condition. You should also have the same documents for your father even though he is in jail.

As for your sisters and what you can do for restitution: Without power of Attorney over your parents financial affairs there is not much you personally can do. Your father, even though he is in jail may be able to initiate some action through his lawyer. This would depend on the laws in your state and your fathers’ wishes, if you where to inform him. Your sisters may think they can get away with what they have done believing your father can do nothing from jail. Here again the best person to answer this question is a lawyer. If you don’t have a lawyer and can’t afford one, check with Legal Aid.

Social Security Disability and savings have nothing to do with each other. If your mother is unable to work due to illness or injury she may be entitled to disability income and other programs. Go to the following website for information on how to file:

www.ssa.gov/dibplan/index.htm.

As to your question on Parole: My Brother-in-Law is a former Parole Officer for the State we live in. He once told me his parolees are given a list of does and don’ts along with other things that may be court ordered. They have check in dates, and random drug testing. If they live up to the requirement of their Parole at the end of the Parole time they are free to go about their business as any other citizen. Here again the laws of each state differ somewhat and you should speak to your fathers lawyer about this.

There is one other website I would like you to visit: www.caregiver.com. This site is for you and your brother. As caregivers there is help for you within your community. This is just one of several sites found on the web but is the one I recommend as I believe they are the largest and best organized.

I commend you and your brother for stepping in and helping your mother and not taking advantage of her as your other siblings have. From what you have written it may be hard on the both of you but there is help out there for you. Some of it you may have to fight for, some of it will come just for asking. I urge you to fight for what is worth fighting for and to take what is easily given. You, your mother and brother deserve whatever assistance is out there for you have done nothing wrong and find yourself in need of help to make up some shortfalls. This is what these programs are all about and people like you are who these programs are designed to help.

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Hello,
I'm 19 & I've been talking to a guy I like who is 22 since September of 2008. In November of 2008 I slept with him once, which was very stupid of me. I really like this guy but all we do is text & he ALWAYS initiates the texting. We've hung out that one time in November & again in May of this year. He never brought up spending time with me so I finally mentioned it in March of this year & again in April & he responded with “Ya sure sometime when I’m not busy w/work.” (he works a lot) Finally last month he asked me out to dinner & a movie. We had a good time, laughed, & he flirted a bit, it was very innocent so it was really nice & we didn't do anything except hug when he dropped me off. I felt like this would be starting fresh so he can see that I'm not some sluty girl who sleeps around. It's been almost a month since we spent time & he hasn't brought up doing something like that again. The thing is that he texts me daily & will do so for hours. I do wonder if he felt obligated to spend time with me & got it over with so that I wouldn't ask him again. It seemed like he enjoyed his time with me though. If I take a while to respond when he texts he will text something like "Fine don't text back!" in a joking manner. I'm confused because I don’t know if he likes me or just enjoys the attention that I give him. This has stressed me out so much & I overanalyze it every day. I did tell him that I like him in December 2008 & he said he wasn't interested in a relationship because he got out of a 2 year relationship a few months before & his ex treated him badly. I dropped it & left him alone but he continued to communicate with me. It's not that I expect him to date me right now, but getting to know eachother in person doesn't seem like a lot to ask. I don’t ask him if he likes me or why we don’t spend more time together because I don’t want to scare him off or pressure him. I'd also like to mention that he's never even insinuated sleeping together so I don't believe that he's interested in just sex from me at this point. He's a respectful, good guy. I’m exhausted with this situation now & I would appreciate some help =(

This is not the type of question I specialize in but I will give it a try.

If you were my daughter and came to me with what you have just written me, I would tell you to forget about this guy. You can do a lot better than someone like him and you certainly deserve better than someone like him.

It would appear to me that he is using you as someone to play with (texting) but not really interested in dating and getting to know you.

I will say to you what fathers have said to sons and daughters the world over: "there are plenty more fish in the sea". Forget about him, have fun being 19 and find someone who enjoys you for who you are.

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I had an emergency appendix surgery almost three years ago, due to a ruptured appendix. The infection had spread, and a laporoscopy (sp?) surgery was performed--the infection was cleared out at the time, through a large amount of rinsing with some sort of solution.

I recently read that a ruptured appendix and/or abdominal surgery increases the odds of infertility in women. I am not thinking of getting pregnant now, but hope to have children some day...

I have closely monitored my periods since the surgery, and they have been normal- (28-30 days usually, and last for 5-6 days on average). I am still worried that the surgery and infection may have caused adhesions on the ovaries or fallopian tubes, or possible fallopian tube blockage.

Anyone have any information on the chances of infertility following abdominal surgery or ruptured appendix? It would be great if someone in a similar situation could explain it too...

One of the sources I like on the web for medical questions is WebMD. I took a qick look at their section on Appendictis and did not find Infertility as a problem resulting from a ruptured Appendictis.

What I did find, under causes of Infertility, was the following:

Damage to fallopian tubes. Damage to the fallopian tubes (which carry the oocytes from the ovaries to the uterus) can prevent contact between the oocyte and sperm. Repetitive pelvic infections, endometriosis and multiple pelvic surgeries may lead to scar formation and fallopian tube damage.

The person to consult about this if you have concerns would be your GYN.


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14/f

So my family is not at its greatest level. It hasn't been for awhile. I'm not saying its the worst. Cause it can get worse. I'm not complaining, I'm just asking for help.

So I get stressed out so easily. I cry every night. Some of the times I don't know why.

My mom is an alcoholic. My dad fights with her all the time about it. I mean, he drinks too, but its moderate. It kinda scares me because she has gotten way worse. I've always kept these things private. But I opened up to one of my friends since I was crying in school for awhile. She went with me to something for teens with alcoholic parents. Honestly, I didn't feel it would help me. So I didn't go back.

My friend always tries to help me and everything. She knows everything about me. Mostly. I've cut myself since I was in 8th grade. I'm going to be a sophomore this year. I know its really bad. But its turned into a habit I can't stop. And I don't really want to because I like it so much. The only people who have ever found out were some of my friends. They try to help, but they can't. They tell me to talk. I just can't. I don't open up to someone and I just can't go and talk to some adult I don't know and tell them my problems. I just can't. Since I started, I couldn't stop, and it got worse. I don't do it deep. Just enough to feel it...but I got to where I cut everywhere. I feel alone when I do this.

So people say I need help. It's not like that...I can't be crazy. One of my bestest friends has called me stupid for cutting when she found out. I just can't do this and I can't deal with it. She grew up in a great home so I don't blame her for seeing it that way...

My brother has gotten into so much trouble. He almost went to juvi for stealing. Its not fun to sit back and watch that.

A few of my friends come to me for help. I'm there to listen. They just don't know that I need someone there. I'm so glad that they need me though.

So I'm sorry this was long. What should I do?

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

I believe the place your friend took you to was an Al-Anon and Alateen meeting. You can call 1-888-425-2666 Monday thru Friday, 8 am – 6 pm ET for meeting information in Canada and the US. You and your father should both go to these meetings as they will help both of you learn to deal with your mother’s alcoholism and hopefully help her find sobriety. Below is a statement on how Al-Anon feels they can help and their web address:

How will Al-Anon help me?

Many who come to Al-Anon/Alateen are in despair, feeling hopeless, unable to believe that things can ever change. We want our lives to be different, but nothing we have done has brought about change. We all come to Al-Anon because we want and need help.

In Al-Anon and Alateen, members share their own experience, strength, and hope with each other. You will meet others who share your feelings and frustrations, if not your exact situation. We come together to learn a better way of life, to find happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.

www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html.

Like your friends I too am concerned about your cutting yourself. This is very dangerous and I would like you to speak with the staff members who answer the National Hotline at Boys town (it is for both girls and boys). The staffs at Girls and Boys Town who answer the hot lined are trained to help you and to help you find trained professionals in your community to work with you to resolve whatever problems or issues you have that cause you to cut yourself. No you’re not crazy you have some issues that need to be resolved and a professional clinician can help you with this.

Hot line No.: 1-800-448-3000

Web Address: www.boystown.org/Pages/default3.aspx.

You probably feel you can’t talk with your parents about this and you may be correct. Is it possible to talk to an Aunt, Uncle, Grandparent Teacher or another adult you trust? If so please do so. I know you feel the cutting is not a serious problem, but it can be accidents do happen.

Your letter writing tells me you are a wonderful young lady full of potential. Just what that potential is I can’t say at this time. It is there and I can see it, so please try al-anon-al-ateen again and call the Girls and Boys Town Hot Line.
Best regards
Advisorman49

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15/f

in july i will be taking a plane to new orleans. ive only been on a plane once before when i was ten, and i was terrified.
recently there have been a lot of planes crashing and i just heard about a pilot dying on board.
im starting to really worry myself, and i was just wondering if there was anything i could do to chill myself out?
i worry way too much and this plane thing is seriously starting to stress me out majorly.
any advice?
thanks :)

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

The first two columnists who responded have given you good advice. Staying busy by distracting yourself with other activities is a good way to overcome anxiety.

Flying today is actually safer than driving in a car or crossing the street. What happened yesterday with the pilot dying was a tragic event, but it did not affect the safety of the flight or the passengers. The primary purpose of having two pilots on the flight deck is to share the work load, share their flying experience and in the remote possibility that one of them gets sick or dies there is another pilot there to safely fly the plane.

In today’s modern airplane the pilots themselves are almost a redundancy as the computers do most of the work after wheels up to just a mile from touchdown. In many of today’s planes the plane can actually fly and land itself. What do the pilots do? In flight, in most modern jet liners they monitor systems and confirm navigation. On approach and landing they instruct the planes navigational systems or hand fly the aircraft as directed by Air Traffic Control. On the ground they maneuver the plane as directed by Ground Control.

I did some checking on the web about fear of flying and found a site,

www.fearofflyinghelp.com.

This is a free site that offers an online course in overcoming the fear of flight. It was developed by an Airline pilot. I would suggest you look at the site and go through the course. It may help you overcome your fear. There are other sites, most of which require you to purchase the course. You can find these and other sites by typing “fear of flying into a search engine.

If you have not discussed your fear with your parents I strongly suggested you do so, even if you are traveling as a family. We parents are not the enemy, are job is to look out for your well being which includes making sure you are comfortable in different situations. If your parents are aware of your fear there are things they can do to make sure you are less anxious about this trip.

Best regards
Adviserman49

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here the deal..
me and my boyfriend have had sex about 4-5 times i think and i lost it to him like a month back i feel nothing .. IS THAT NORMAL?? when are you suppost to feel pleasure? how many times do i have to have sex with him to finally feel something? and well i dont think he feels anything either because he never comes (he didnt loose his virginity to me he's experience). whats wrong with me i cant satisfy him and i feel nothing as well ! during sex does he HAVE TO COME to show that he felt pleasure? because he has never ever come and we had it 4-5 times now .. and i want to satisfy him i really do but me not feeling anything doesnt really motivate me to do much during sex. i try and attempt but i dont know it feels awkward .. i really want to pleasure him.. i neeed help !! >.

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

First; Lovemaking is a wonderful thing. To be fully enjoyed you must be relaxed, secure in your surroundings and most of all comfortable. Any fears associated with your lovemaking will make it harder for you to achieve ultimate enjoyment.

Second is the bodies’ physical make up itself. Foreplay is a big part of lovemaking. Some women and yes, some men need more foreplay than others in order to achieve climax. Women are stimulated both vaginally and clitorally. Breast and nipple stimulation can also enhance the pleasure for both partners during lovemaking.

You can find out what your body best needs in the privacy of your own bedroom through masturbation. I know we have all taught and been taught this is wrong. Everything I have read in the subject including church teachings has no objections to masturbation and finds it as a good safe release for sexual tension. Masturbation is also a way for you to find out what you, as a young lady, need in order to achieve orgasm during lovemaking.

There are a couple of websites I would like you to visit to learn more. The first is part of the WebMD site,
www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/health-sex-just-the-facts.

I like this site as the information is straight forward and written by professionals. The link I’ve provided is just one page, you’ll see other pages there you may want to look at as well.

The second web site are actually two sites another one form WebMD and one from Brown University. Both sites deal with safe sex practices, which I hope you and your boyfriend are using:
www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/tc/safe-sex-topic-overview:
This next site deals with the female condom which is something I think you should know about. www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/Health_Education/sexual_health/ssc/femalecondoms.htm.

Last but not least you should consider talking with your parents, ay the very least your mother, and letting them know you are sexually active. Why? It is always better to be up front about this then try to hide it from then. This way your mother can help you get proper birth control protection and see that your reproductive health is taken care of. Also your mother is possibly the best person to go to with your original question for help.

Best regards
Adviserman49

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i looked it up on google, and it seems like a shit idea, but people have told me to give it a chance before i do anything, because its not one that will send the police. could anyone list the questions they ask, cos i don't want to give away too much about myself, and if they think im in 'danger' will they track me down, cos i need to know, otherwise i won't bother calling them.
thanx

1-800-SUICIDE is a National Suicide prevention Hotline, their web address is, www.hopeline.com. The operate 24/7 365 days a year and the phones are staffed by qualified counselors who can refer you to people and center within your community for help.

I have a feeling you are a teenager so I would like to recommend another place you can call, Girls and Boys Town of America. They too operate a 24/7 365 with qualified counselors there to help you. Their number is 1-800-448-300, web address is, www.boystown.org.

As to the questions they will ask you: I have never spoken to either of these hotlines but I would believe the questions they would ask you would be in response to what questions or things you may tell them. Whatever you ask or tell them is held in the strictest of confidence so you can feel free to discuss whatever is troubling you.

If they think you are in danger will they try to locate you: If a friend of yours was in danger would you want to help them, would you want to try and find them? The people that staff these hotlines are friends you haven’t met yet so if you are in danger they are going want to try and help you get to a safe place. If you feel you are in physical danger you can go to the nearest Fire Station. All Fire Stations in the U. S. are Safe Havens.

The fact that you want to speak with someone is a good sign and I urge you to call one of the hotlines. As a teenager I would suggest the Girls and Boys and Girls Town Hotline.
You did not say what is troubling you so I will assume it is something you feel you can’t discuss with your parents. Is it possible you can discuss this problem with a grandparent, Aunt or Uncle?

As a parent and old enough to be a grandparent, I can assure you that there is no problem that can’t be overcome, even if the problem is with the parent. I have yet to meet a parent that hates their children. Sure we yell, we scream, we may even say some things we shouldn’t, but when push comes to shove you are still our children and we love you and will go to the ends of the earth to protect you.

Best regards
Adviceman49

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