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My family
14/f
So my family is not at its greatest level. It hasn't been for awhile. I'm not saying its the worst. Cause it can get worse. I'm not complaining, I'm just asking for help.
So I get stressed out so easily. I cry every night. Some of the times I don't know why.
My mom is an alcoholic. My dad fights with her all the time about it. I mean, he drinks too, but its moderate. It kinda scares me because she has gotten way worse. I've always kept these things private. But I opened up to one of my friends since I was crying in school for awhile. She went with me to something for teens with alcoholic parents. Honestly, I didn't feel it would help me. So I didn't go back.
My friend always tries to help me and everything. She knows everything about me. Mostly. I've cut myself since I was in 8th grade. I'm going to be a sophomore this year. I know its really bad. But its turned into a habit I can't stop. And I don't really want to because I like it so much. The only people who have ever found out were some of my friends. They try to help, but they can't. They tell me to talk. I just can't. I don't open up to someone and I just can't go and talk to some adult I don't know and tell them my problems. I just can't. Since I started, I couldn't stop, and it got worse. I don't do it deep. Just enough to feel it...but I got to where I cut everywhere. I feel alone when I do this.
So people say I need help. It's not like that...I can't be crazy. One of my bestest friends has called me stupid for cutting when she found out. I just can't do this and I can't deal with it. She grew up in a great home so I don't blame her for seeing it that way...
My brother has gotten into so much trouble. He almost went to juvi for stealing. Its not fun to sit back and watch that.
A few of my friends come to me for help. I'm there to listen. They just don't know that I need someone there. I'm so glad that they need me though.
So I'm sorry this was long. What should I do?
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I am really sorry about what you're going through. The previous columnist gave you resources. But, I thought, you would also like to hear from someone in the same situation.
My mom is also an alcoholic. My dad has anger problems where they fight constantly. Sometimes I got verbally and physically abused. I cried a lot of nights, and get suicidal. I used to cut, but I stopped. I tried the overdosing, but I stopped that. I even resorted to drinking and weed but only for a few months, but I stopped. I realized nothing like that works; it only made it worse.
My teacher recommended me to go to Alateen, but I honestly think hearing other people's stories wouldn't help for me. All you do is discuss your family situation. What does that do?
I went to counseling back in High school to vent out my problems. She couldn't do a whole lot since she was a school Psychologist. I came in one day seeing her, wanting to kill myself, and I had to be taken to the ER to take tests, and ask me questions. My parents came in, and realized what they have been doing to me. After that day, things stopped. It was basically like family counseling for me.
What I did learn from quite a few people, is that your mom's problem is not your fault. You did nothing to cause it, and you did nothing to persist it. Your friends don't completely understand your situation. You're not stupid for cutting yourself. No one is stupid. You do it as an escape.
I know how you feel about not wanting to tell anyone. I was eerie about doing it, but I ended up telling someone, because I just needed someone to talk to. I would really go see your school Psychologist. Your information is kept confidential, unless you mention feelings of suicide or harming others.
I would call the hotline the previous columnist recommended, so they can give you some options. Please don't delay it. I did, and it just got worse. I ended up acting on it, and things got better. I stopped my suicidal habits, but sometimes I get depressed.. so I am on medicine for it to help me. Maybe you should try that route as well.
You're not alone, either. I've also been where you are now. And I know it's so hard to tell anyone, and I know that feeling that no one will understand.. no one can help.. you'll maybe hear some sorrys, but it does nothing for you. You want things to change, but [rhetorically] where can you start?
It's important for your friends to give you support. If your friends are going to call you stupid, then they aren't real friends. Cutting is a way of feeling pain, and having a feeling of control.
At this point, I would call the hotline. It's important to tell someone. Something like this, could get very serious, and someone can get seriously hurt. Your brother also needs to find someone to talk to.
Since I know how this feels, I can always offer you support and advice. You are more than welcome to come to me for support. I'll be here for you every step of the way. Just stay strong for me, and find someone to talk to, like your school counselor, or call the hotline -- whicever better suits you.
I wish you the best of luck, and I am certain things will get better.
Leah
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I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I believe the place your friend took you to was an Al-Anon and Alateen meeting. You can call 1-888-425-2666 Monday thru Friday, 8 am – 6 pm ET for meeting information in Canada and the US. You and your father should both go to these meetings as they will help both of you learn to deal with your mother’s alcoholism and hopefully help her find sobriety. Below is a statement on how Al-Anon feels they can help and their web address:
How will Al-Anon help me?
Many who come to Al-Anon/Alateen are in despair, feeling hopeless, unable to believe that things can ever change. We want our lives to be different, but nothing we have done has brought about change. We all come to Al-Anon because we want and need help.
In Al-Anon and Alateen, members share their own experience, strength, and hope with each other. You will meet others who share your feelings and frustrations, if not your exact situation. We come together to learn a better way of life, to find happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.
www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html.
Like your friends I too am concerned about your cutting yourself. This is very dangerous and I would like you to speak with the staff members who answer the National Hotline at Boys town (it is for both girls and boys). The staffs at Girls and Boys Town who answer the hot lined are trained to help you and to help you find trained professionals in your community to work with you to resolve whatever problems or issues you have that cause you to cut yourself. No you’re not crazy you have some issues that need to be resolved and a professional clinician can help you with this.
Hot line No.: 1-800-448-3000
Web Address: www.boystown.org/Pages/default3.aspx.
You probably feel you can’t talk with your parents about this and you may be correct. Is it possible to talk to an Aunt, Uncle, Grandparent Teacher or another adult you trust? If so please do so. I know you feel the cutting is not a serious problem, but it can be accidents do happen.
Your letter writing tells me you are a wonderful young lady full of potential. Just what that potential is I can’t say at this time. It is there and I can see it, so please try al-anon-al-ateen again and call the Girls and Boys Town Hot Line.
Best regards
Advisorman49
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Well, I wouldn't say you're stupid for cutting. You just don't know how to deal with it. To replace cutting before you slip and kill yourself, try chewing gum. It sounds stupid but it works. I've seen a lot of people start small and end up almost dead. I'm asking you to try chewing gum and to go to those meetings at least a few times. Could you do that please? I wouldn't want you to slip and accidentally go too deep, and the meetings will probably help if you actually talk. Remember, the people there will be understanding because they've been through the same thing. So, could you try that for me?
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