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age difference.

Question Posted Friday June 26 2009, 2:58 am

so, i'm 18/f. theres this guy i work with who's 24. and we've been kinda dating the past couple weeks. nothing serious or exclusive because i'm going to college 4 hours away in the fall and because my on & off relationship with my ex of 3 years ended again just a few months ago, so i'm not completely ready for something new, but we talk everyday, hangout, hug, kiss, basically act like a couple so i guess you'd just call it a casual thing. it started out with flirting at work and then facebook to texting to here we are.

but, sometimes the age difference kinda worries me. i'll be 19 before he's 25, and i know everyone says it but i am pretty mature for my age compared to some people. i realize he's older and farther in life... he's done the college thing, he's a marine, and he's been married [and divorced bc she cheated on him]. BUT at the same time we get along really well, and i have a pretty rough past with guys which he knows about, and he's assured me time and time again he'd never do something like that. he tells me he sincerely likes me and cares a lot about me and does things that show it. we're not having sex and won't be anytime soon so i'd like to think i'm not just a bootycall.

my mom knows about him and says to just be careful and make sure he's a good guy. my friends think there must be something wrong with him that he can't get a girl his own age and instead goes for an 18 year old.. but i'm sure he COULD get a girl his own age. a lot of girls closer to his age at work like him and i'm the youngest girl he's ever been into. i said i'd never date anyone over 21 MAYBE 22 but here i am. in a way i see where my friends are coming from but at the same time i don't want to just brush him off because he's a little older than me, especially when he's given me no concerns or suspicions about his intentions. i have a good head on my shoulders and know to be careful, my guard is definitely up [as it is with any guy] and any signs of strange behavior and i'm gone, but i'd like some advice from the outside world... any ideas?

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WittyUsernameHere answered Friday June 26 2009, 6:14 pm:
My girlfriend's grandparents have a seven year difference.

Right now, age is more than just a number. Because, at 24-25 he's going to be (hopefully) pretty mature and progressed for his age.

You are just starting the path of adulthood he should have been walking for years. A relationship is going to be unequal until you catch up to that, which could take a few years.

I'm not saying you shouldn't date him. You're an adult now, the choice is yours. I'm your boyfriends age and my girl is 18-20 months older than you. Thats still about a 4 year gap, and we've worked quite well for quite a long time.

Marine who was married and divorced? Say no more. He's a little behind (not too much, but a little) in emotional maturity. He's probably a decent guy who just wanders after whomever he's attracted to. It sounds like he's not giving you any danger signs, relax your guard a little sweetheart, you can't ever have anything good if you aren't willing to risk being burned by something that isn't so good.

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adviceman49 answered Friday June 26 2009, 8:36 am:
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.

Age is but a number, the value you place on that number is really up to you. The more mature you are the more you are going to be attracted to someone older than you, and six years is not a big age difference. Way back in the dark ages, of the early 1900's and before it was standard for a husband and wife to have a large age difference.

If the two of you get along, have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company then don't worry about the age difference. As I said before it's only a number. Have fun and let him worship all the attention and love upon you won't get from boys your own age.

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uberlou answered Friday June 26 2009, 4:16 am:
In a lot of cases, guys do get depicted as pretty skeezy for going out with a younger girl especially a guy in his mid 20s and a girl in her teens. But, that's to blame on legit skeezy guys in their 20s that go after teens because they're young and impressionable.

This isn't the case for your situation at all and he seems like a legit good guy who's respectful of you. It's very similar to my situation with my girlfriend (the columnist who answered previously to me). We're 7 years apart but go together very well. Expect minor hitches here and there due to the age difference when it comes to outlook on things. But, I mean if you get along well in the large scope of things, then you can overcome those moments.

Admittedly, my girlfriend is mature for her age in some ways and I am a little immature in some ways for my age. So we even out and meet in the middle.

As long as you don't feel totally alienated and un-rateable to him and vice versa (which doesn't seem like the case) don't worry about a thing. Just go with what makes you happy.

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christina answered Friday June 26 2009, 3:59 am:
I honestly don't see anything wrong with it. My boyfriend and I are 7 years apart. I'm 18 and he'll be 25 in July.

We started off as friends, and then moved forward from there. Now we live together. :)

I think that you're being very smart about this, and should just go with your instincts. Like you said, any funny business & you're gone. I wouldn't worry. You're fine.

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