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Divorce
I think my mom is cheating on my dad
I recently went down stairs to put my friends bathing suit outside
My mom was on the phone, talking quitely, giggling
I went downstairs again cause I saw my Dad come home with food (doritos, soup, ect)
So I'm wondering whats going on, so I test my mom
As I pass her, I say 'Dads home' in a nonemotional, dull voice
The moment I said so, she says to the phone "Oh. I gotta go. Kay -giggle- bye"
She hangs up and goes to lay on the couch, pretending nothing happened
My dad walks in, shes dull and slightly bitching towards him
Somethings going on. I noticed yesterday
How can I ask my mom if she's cheating on my dad?
This was long; oh well.
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If your mom is cheating on dad it does not really concern you. What is of concern to you is, if it is true that your mom is cheating on your father does he know about it and what is he going to do about it. This is not something for you to talk with your father about.
Asking your mom to confirm your suspicions is probably not a good idea, regardless of whether she is or not the outcome for you is probably not good and could intensify any problems your parents are having between them.
What you could say to either of your parents or both of them is that the constant bickering between them is making you feel uncomfortable or insecure, your choice with the wording. This gives them the opening to tell you whats going on between them, if, and that is a big if, they want too. They could just say nothing for you to worry about its just something we have to work out between us.
Whatever their answer is you have to accept it. Harping on the issue will not make things any easier for them. Also be prepared for whatever resolution they come up with for now that they know you are feeling uncomfortable they may have to resolve their issues ahead of whatever timetable they may have had. You may or may not like the resolution.
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Do you think the children starving in Africa have a RIGHT to clean drinking water, and enough food to survive?
I do. but I also know it probably isn't going to happen for most of them.
We don’t always get what we believe we deserve. In many cases, we must work with what we have.
And we should not disrespect or insult others because we feel we aren’t getting what we deserve.
In your case, your mother has the right to be assumed innocent until proven guilty. Jumping to the assumption that she is having an affair is a very serious one, and very unkind to her.
For all you know, she could be talking to a female friend he doesn't like. Or she could be planning a surprise trip for you all... Even if an affair is the most likely explanation for her behavior, it’s not kind or fair of you to jump to that conclusion.
If you are concerned about your mother or your parent’s marriage, talk to them about THAT. Don’t leap into talk about cheating: Tell your mom you see her and your father getting on each others nerves. Tell her it frightens you. Ask her how she feels about it, and what they are doing as a couple to help makes things better.
I disagree with insofar as I don’t believe you have a right to know if you mom is having an affair or not. Frankly, I think that is between her and your dad, and they can tell you or not as they feel is best. You are their child and there are things they don’t need to share with you, and things they probably shouldn’t share with you, and you aren’t entitled to know all the details of your parent’s sex lives anymore then they are entitled to know everything about yours.
HOWEVER, you are absolutely entitled to knowing if your parents are happy, if they are making plans to separate, if they are getting fed up and what they are doing to make the situation better. That much is family business, and you should feel free to ask your parents about it, and share your concerns about them not getting along.
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Well, first thing first, ask yourself a few questions:
Is your family happy?
Does your father care about your mother and respect her?
How is your mother treat your father?
And most important of all: if you found out that your mother really is cheating on your father, what would you do then?
With that in mind, I suggest you just find a time when your father is not home, and go ahead and just frankly ask your mother that question. If she denies it, then you should proceed into explaining why you have come to such conclusion.
Yes, I know that it is very difficult to do so. But this is serious business that will affect your entire family, with you included. You need to have solid evidences, and she has to admit to it herself. Otherwise, don't come to a conclusion yet.
Realize that a family is held together by mutual respect and trust. Once you break that bond--I am sorry to say--but it'll be extremely tough to build it back, that is . . . if building it back is possible at all.
Again, don't tell your father anything unless you have solid evidences and your mother has admited to it. Be extremely careful of what you tell your father, and how you say it. You can control how he would react depending on how you disclose the information to him.
That, and another thing, before you start all of that, what do you intend to do after you've found everything out? How would you react? Where can you seek help if necessary?
Most important of all: would you be able to stay calm? (If you think you cannot stay calm, then don't even try it, get someone to help you.)
Take all that into consideration. You need to be mentally prepared, and since you are only thirteen years old, you might need help from someone.
Realize that even though they are adults--and because they are adults (with a lot of responsibilities)--anger and family complication can easily cloud their eyes. It may not be your duty to stop a divorce, but it is your duty as their child to clear the clouds before their eyes.
Oh, and just a little tip, if worse comes to worst, just cry in front of them. A girl's tear is equivalent to a bombing blackmail that can temporary--again, temporary--stop a fight. Try it out and see. It works on many boys and adults, except the ones that have the intention to hurt you. In that case, kick him "where the sun doesn't shine" (hahaha) and you'll be fine.
Hope this helps,
Ng2491
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I think you may be jumping to conclusions here. First of all, you never said who she was talking with. This leads me to think that you aren't for certain. Your mom might have been talking to just about anyone and laughing.
As for the fight married couples do that often. Her being snarly with him may have nothing to do with who was on the opposite end of that phone. She could have laughed because that person said something funny.
I don't see evidence from that of cheating unless you've left out a lot of other details. Maybe she wasn't pretending nothing happened--maybe its because it didn't. Something may be going on regarding fighting but I can't see how you can ask her about cheating just based on this. If there's a pattern in her behavior than you could.
If you approached her with this expect her to be defensive if something's wrong. I'm sure she'll put your mind at ease. There's no nice way of asking but don't go in accusatory or hostile as it will get you into trouble whether it's your business or not.
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How can you ask your mom if she's cheating on your dad?
Well.. ask your mom is she's cheating on your dad.
Don't just go up to her and ask her flat out- ease into it.
Maybe here's a hypothetical conversation you could have:
You: "Hey Mom, can we talk about something?"
Mom: "Sure, honey, what's up?"
Y: "I've noticed something and it's kind of freaking me out."
M: "What do you mean?"
Y: "Well, it's about you and Dad."
M: "Ok...?"
Y: "A few days ago, you were on the phone, and you were acting really quiet and really flirty."
M: "Yeah..?"
Y: "And, then I told you Dad was home, and you quickly hung up the phone and acted like it never happened..?"
M: "And...?"
Y: "Well I was wondering what it was about.."
M: "Why?"
Y: "Because it was kind of.. shady and mysterious."
M: "What's your point?"
Y: "The truth is, I think you're... cheating on Dad. And before you interrupt me, let me speak. Here's my reasons why I think this: [insert reasons]. So.. are you?"
I hope maybe that helps a little. Planning out a conversation, as geeky as it sounds, can actually help you out when you go to talk to your mom.
Good luck.
--Jack
(17/m)
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