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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Let me first start by giving you a little back ground information. My ex wife became pregnant when she was 20 and I was 19. Even though it was earlier than we both expected to become parents, we were thrilled and so excited to start our family together. We got married shortly after she gave birth to our son Matt. Soon after that, we had another son, and then a daughter. From my perspective, everything was great. That's why I was so blindsided when my wife came to me 9 months after our daughter was born claiming she wasn't ready to settle down and be a mother with divorce papers in her hand. Almost overnight, I became a 23 year old single father with a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 9 month old. After the divorce was final, I rarely heard from my ex wife. She had begun living a life that I didn't necessarily approve of filled with drugs and alcohol and, while I wanted to keep my children as far away from that as possible, she was their mother and I didn’t feel like I could entirely keep them away from her. The last straw, however, came when I let my daughter, Alyssa, (who was 6 at the time) stay with her when I took my sons on a hunting trip. I was supposed to pick her up at noon the Sunday we got back. I spent the entire afternoon calling my ex wife’s apartment with no answer. At 5 that afternoon, I finally just went over to her house where I found her front door wide open and her passed out on the couch from mixing a few too many drugs with alcohol. Her neighbor came over to the apartment and told me that my ex wife had taken Alyssa out one night and come home completely plastered. Thank god her neighbor had woken up and decided to take Alyssa back to her apartment. And this is just one example of many. After that, I told my ex wide that I didn’t want her to see our kids anymore which devastated her so much she entered rehab. She got clean and for the past ten years has seen the kids a few times despite my hesitance. My kids and I have been living a great life together away from my ex wife. A few years ago I began dating another woman whom I am now engaged too. She gets along great with my kids and is an amazing person who I know will be a good influence on my kids’ lives. My oldest son Matt is now in college, but Colton (my middle son) and Alyssa still live with me. Since I have become engaged, my ex wife has become crazy about spending time with the two of them. She wants them at her house every weekend and doesn’t want my fiancé to parent them at all. She is trying to tell my daughter all kinds of lies about why she left, and how I am a horrible person for trying to keep them from seeing her. She tells her that the entire thing was my fault and all kinds of horrible rumors about my fiancé, who went to high school with my ex wife. She has asked both of my kids to move in with her. Colton told her absolutely not, but Alyssa is confused about the whole situation and doesn’t know what she should do. I have full custody of them so essentially it is my choice about whether or not she can see them. I don’t want to take them away from my ex wife, but I don’t want to lose them myself. I am still worried that she will resort back to her old ways and put my kids in danger like she has their whole lives. Am I right to not let my daughter move in with her mom?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
The problem as I see it is with your daughter who is the youngest of the three and rightfully confused and probably torn between which parent she thinks she need to be with. A child should never be put in this position and it is my feeling your ex should not have put your daughter in such a position. Your daughter probably very conflicted by this and I would not be surprised if you are not seeing some changes in behavior and school grades.
Should you be seeing the changes I have expressed then whether or not you allow you ex to have any type of custody is not the question. The question becomes how you help your daughter. The best help I can recommend in that type of situation would be seeking the help of a Child Psychologist. Someone from outside the family your daughter and younger son if need be can confide in without worry of hurting either mom or dads feelings. This is the problem they face when one parent asks them to choose them over the other. Children naturally love both parents and so not wanting to hurt one by choosing the other.
My advice to you for now is that since you have full legal custody you tell your wife that the custody arrangements will remain as they are for now. That custody will remain this way as long as she continues to trash you and your fiancé and until she is truthful to the children about why the two of you separated. Until then you will arrange for supervised daytime visitation twice a month. Once she has met these expectations then you and she will sit down and discuss any future changes in visitation or custody before talking with the children.
i seem very very stupid here. on tuesday i fell up metal stairs at school, i was very dizzy and going home so i was walkin fast up and i fainted on the stairs and i fell on one knee with all my weight and books. my knee is swollen and skinned and still bleeds when its not wrapped up. which i have a blood disorder so i bled alot there and still does. its sharp pain when i bend it, its not broken just swollen. i went to half hour of practice today n thought itd help a bit but it made it worse. what could be wrong and what could i do ice doesnt help??
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
You have not said why you cannot go to the doctor; I will assume it is because of the cost or lack of insurance. Since you fell and were injured at school, the school system is responsible for you injuries while you are in their care and on their property. You should have gone to the nurses’ office for help.
Okay, that is past history. Present history; you say you have a blood disorder. You say your injury was this past Tuesday and today it is still bleeding and swollen. In fact it has gotten worse since you went to practice. If I have gotten all the facts straight my instincts tell me you need to see a doctor ASAP. My reason for this is first and foremost your blood disorder and the fact that you are still bleeding.
Since you are 15 years old I am again going to assume you are living at home. If you have somehow managed to hide this from your parents you must inform them immediately. If your parents are aware of your injury and are not taking you to a doctor because they can’t afford to that is wrong. Any hospital emergency room will treat you without regard to the cost. Uncontrolled bleeding is what is called a life and limb emergency, they cannot turn you away.
You need to be treated by a doctor, home remedies are not the answer here. If you have been hiding the injury or the seriousness of the injury from your parents tell them now you need to see a doctor today. If you are not at home or your parents are not at home you should call 911 for an emergency ambulance. Make sure to tell the doctor and your parents about your fainting spell. Fainting spells are not something to ignore and need to be evaluated by a doctor.
I do not want to scare you but your injuries with any type of a blood disorder make for a very bad outcome if left untreated. Your injury could become infected complicating things many fold. There are numerous programs in place to cover medical needs of children your age. So please do as I have said get to a hospital emergency room as soon as you read this.
17/F
How much sleep should I be getting?
I found a good answer on WebMD, follow this link: www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-needs.
As the article reflects there are some different factors effecting how much sleep a person needs. Along the left side of the page are some other articles about sleep disorders and their symptoms and effects that you may want to check out.
If you feel you are not getting enough sleep or sleeping to much you might want to check with your family doctor.
Hi,
I'm asking this on behalf of a friend who is unsure of what to do.
He's getting a divorce from a woman who cheated on him and carried a baby for nine months saying it was his before kicking him out of their house and telling him it isn't.
The lawyer she hired is a pro bono lawyer and is putting a lot of pressure on him to sign a document before tomorrow at 3 PM.
There's nothing really to fight over, but he's concerned that the lawyer is not making things fair for him.
He makes about $15 an hour, works full time, and is being asked to pay $600 a month in child support plus half of medical and all court costs.
There's no property to fight over. He's been paying money to what they both agreed was fair for child support. He's still paying for a credit card debt she racked up since before they were married. He's been agreeing to pay it off just so his soon to be ex wouldn't pressure more money from him.
He doesn't mind paying money to his kids. He pays more now, but doing it yourself and being forced to on paper and so on makes it feel unfair to him.
I'm not looking to get in the middle (I know I am since I'm asking for advice), but I wanted some tips on if I might suggest calling lawyers or if this sounds fair and it isn't of any use to fight this. He doesn't want to stir the pot and pay more out for a lawyer when it won't do any good. Any tips from divorced dads on this case?
Would just like to get some outside opinions on this situation and maybe what to expect. Thanks!
Your friend should not sign anything without a lawyer of his own reviewing any legal document, this is first and foremost. Second: As hard as this may sound he must have his Lawyer insist on paternity tests for all children of this marriage. If his soon to be Ex has become pregnant by another man and tried to pass the child off as his then the possibility exist the other children of the marriage may not be his as well.
As for medical bills, debts of the marriage and other bills that is what his Lawyer will work out with her Lawyer. There may be state laws effecting the division of property and debts that without a Lawyer he would be ignorant of and be taken advantage of by his soon to be EX and her Lawyer for which he would have no recourse since he was not represented by a Lawyer.
So advise your friend to sign nothing and to get a Lawyer. Many Lawyers will work out a payment schedule with him. Just remember; in this world you get what you pay for. If she is getting free Legal advice that is probably just what it is worth. So have your friend find a Lawyer and pay for the advice. He will be glad that he did.
im 17/f
hes 19/m
so i've had about 13 or so boyfriends, and hes had about 5 girlfriends. (im not a virgin, he is) we met on a site called myyearbook and we met at restaurant ,had dinner and its been a week and we've hung out/gone out together 4 or so times. we've kissed,held hands,he compliments me,ect. im interested in having a mature relationship with him. not just a high school fling, if that makes sense.
he texted me "how do you like me so far?" and i told him how he was smart,cute,funny, and how i felt being with him, ect. then i asked him the same and he said "i think your really cool. i like that you accept me for who i am and that you want to hang with me?"
sounds like something a friend who say to another friend.
i didnt wanna scare him off by asking bluntly "are we boyfriend and girlfriend" so i texted him " what are you looking for in a relationship, if one at all" he replied "i don't really know right now...what are you looking for?" i fell asleep before i could answer, but he seems really into me when were in person. but we hung out yesterday and we started kissing but then when star trek came back on it seemed like he'd rather watch that.
im trying to be understanding that hes shy, and hasnt had a lot of girlfriends, but i really like this guy, but im so use to having 'in charge' boyfriends, im not use to shy guys.
i dont want to scare him off, its only been a week.what should i do?
I think you should ask one of the other advisors as this is not my area of expertise. I will say this: Have full intercourse at age 13 is something you should rethink. You are far too young to be having sex.
I am very liberal when it comes to matters of sex and you have plenty of time to enjoy a full sex life. Right know at the very most you might give a guy a hand job and let him feel you up a bit. You are far too young and your body is still maturing to be engaging in sexual intercourse.
At this age boys think with two heads. When it comes to girls they think primarily with the head that is in their pants. Any girl that will satisfy the needs of that head is destined to be used and eventually hurt once those boys get what they want and move on.
If I cannot talk you out of having sex at least make sure you use a condom and are on some type of birth control. You should also have a conversation with your mom about boys and sex, your dad too for they were once your age and I'm sure they can remember what it was like and set you straight.
Make the boys treat you like a Lady. If all they want is sex they do not deserve you.
19/f - this guy who i went to high school with who's 18 or 19 backed into my car the other day and did $1000 worth of damage. he refused to answer my calls/texts about getting his insurance info and denies he did anything, and his girlfriend is sending threats via facebook. anyways my mom works for a lawyer and we've showed him the pictures/texts and all the evidence and he said he will send a certified letter this week stating that if they won't work it out with us privately that we will have a suit filed. my concern is that they won't reply. being a certified letter, they have to sign a statement from the postman saying that they received it, and a letter is sent back to the lawfirm to confirm that. my question is, if they receive the letter and still refuse to call me or work it out, what can happen? will he get in legal trouble or anything? im not sure how all this works. i dont WANT to get anyone in trouble, i just want my car to be payed for and fixed, but they have me down to my last straw. also, this occured when i was home from college on christmas break, and now i am back 3 hours away so its hard for me to go back at anytime. also, the guys parents are apparently out of town so we can't get in touch with them.
Signing for a Certified Letter only acknowledges receipt of the letter. Any trouble would come later if your friend still refuses to talk with you and the Lawyer is forced to file suit to recover the cost of damages to your vehicle. Then your friend has to show up in court and defend himself either by himself or with a Lawyer. The cost of hiring a Lawyer to defend him would be almost equal to the cost of repairing your car, which if he lost in court would cost him twice plus your legal fees if awarded.
Then there is one question the Judge could ask that would cause him more trouble. If he indeed hit your car, and I do not doubt you here, he is guilty of leaving the scene of an accident without making the proper notifications and exchanging of information. If you were injured he could be charged with a felony depending on the laws in your state. If your car was parked and you were not around he had several options in notifying you. Since he did none of them he could still be charged with leaving the scene of an accident.
I am sure if anything I said here is applicable your Lawyer will include this in his letter. Hopefully the knowledge that going to court could cause him to be charged with a crime will cause him to see the light. Listen to your Lawyer he/she will do the right thing for you and your mom.
hi!! i need some advice on my family. i am very big on nutrition and am currently trying to lose weight after leaving a particular medication.. i live with my mom and grandparents. they, however, don't have the same idea on nutrition as i do. they think that if you don't eat a steak, you are not nutritioned at all. i am a vegan. i really have been trying to cut a lot of dairy out of my diet because i have had a lot of indigestion problems... and it just has not been good. i eat a lot of tofu and very healthy things. but, i am really going to try to take some of this weight off. the thing is, that they are very unhealthy here in this house. there is always chocolate cake and different things here and it's not exactly fun. imagine being on a diet or trying to be healthier and there is always some desserts and things lying around. i know that it's impossible not to have something, but this is all the time! i'm trying to give up diet coke because i have had a really bad addiction to caffeine.... and they buy a fresh bottle every week. They also make coffee by the loads every morning. they keep ice cream in the freezer all the time! i have really been wanting to move out for a while, not because of anything or even because of this situation, just because i'm older now. but, i decided to stay here for college my freshman year because i had just found out i was adopted and it wasn't a good time to leave. but, times are tough, you know! i don't want to leave my school or go away, because right now, i have my life here already. my grandparents are older, and i just want to be with them. i have pets, and i can't just leave them here. i have two jobs here, and all my friends are here... so it's just that right now, i've established my life here. but, i do need my own space. for now, though, while that is in the works... any tips on keeping me motivated with all the junk food lying around? or a way to explain to my cuban family that there are other meals other than steak with rice and beans?? thankss
Being a Vegan and wanting to have a healthy life style, I do not have a problem with that. The problem comes in where you are complaining about your mothers and grandparents’ unhealthy life style is imposing on you. It is your life style, not theirs. If you do not have the will power to stay away from the cookies, candies, cakes and Ice Cream they keep around then you have to question your desire not only to lose weight but to be a Vegan as well.
When my niece was sixteen she decided she wanted to be a vegetarian. My sister supported her choice to the point that she purchased and made room for the items my niece requested. They rest of the household continued as they always had. After a few months my niece decided to go all the way and become a vegan. Again the house hold was supportive but did not change their preferred eating habits.
My suggestion is rather than try to change your mom and grandparents habits; you work to gain their support for your new life style by taking with them and teaching them about being a vegan. Tell them what it means to you to be a vegan. To go from carnivore to vegan is a huge step to make at one time. They may see this some type of phase you are going through; especially if you have trouble sticking to it. So talk to them, ask for their help but don’t try to change them.
When you try to force change on someone who does not want to change that is when things turn ugly. They dig their heels in and there is nothing you can do or say as they are not listening. By asking for their help you put the situation in a much more pleasant light. As a grandparent myself there is very little I would not do for a grandchild who came and asked for my help. But if they came to me and said grandpa I want you to change the way you do something because it is not the way I do it. That is probably not going to happen. I’m to set in my ways.
my dad and mom have been together as long as ive been alive. two years ago i caught him in chat rooms, n video sessions with other women. i had a suspicion of him cheating, and walked down on him doing a session with another women. we lost our relaitonshp. its ok now. but im finding more stuff. ive found enough stuff now to make the prediction that he is getting a hooker. like, if i had to guess, i would say 99%. My whole life, people have let me down. My best rfiend gave away his life when he knew i was the only one fighting for him, my first love cheated on me three times.. now my dad is doing this to me. and im the only one who knows. I know what telling my mom will do. My family will end. And im scared if i do nothing, guilt will catch up to him, cause he surely is such a good man. My mom works nights so shes never home to know... hes always out so late, and his job is perfect to find a way to cheat, because he works his own job with his own appointments all over. My heart is being severely torn. im so close to giving in, i just have no clue what i can do. Tell my mom, my dad will hate me, my family will end, and my life will never be the same. Not say anything, my dad will continue to hurt me so badon the inside, and if guilt catches up, he could end his life like two of my other friends fathers have done. This is weird to say, but i had a strong feeling my best friend would end his life... and ive always for years had that about my dad. I have anxiety attacks and severe depression. ive askedmy mom to go back to counseling, but she doesnt seem to trake it seroius and ive asked her three times she hasnt gotten right to it.
please, any advice. anyone thats been in this situation... i have no options left, and my mind is getting into a fix.. its gonna be forever stuck as resentful, hate, sad, pissed, and depressed. It already is, i hate my life. im 18, and i dont even feel like living anymore but i would never end my life.. please... someonee have something reasonable to tell me.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I don’t think you should be the one to tell your mother that your dad may be cheating on her, although I do believe she has a right to know. Her right to know starts with her own health. If your father is cheating and may be having unprotected sex, and assuming your parents still have a sex life, then he is endangering your moms’ health.
You should not put yourself in the middle of this. Instead you should go to an Aunt, Uncle or grandparent and tell them of your suspicions. Let them confront your father. Based on that conversation they can then decide how and when it may be necessary to tell your mother of your fathers assumed extra-marital affairs. What you see in chat rooms may look like something when in reality it is something else. Unless you have actually seen your father with another women having a sexual relation you really do not know for sure. By having another adult speak with him, especially his sister, brother or parent puts the conversation in an entirely different light than with his 14 year old child.
Now as to your anxiety and the need to get back into counseling; ask your mother to make an appointment with the family doctor. Have mom go with you to the doctor but stay in the waiting room while the doctor examines you. Tell the doctor about the anxiety attacks and how depressed you have been feeling. The doctor will do one of two things or both for you. Medication can be prescribed to help with the depression and anxiety. You can be referred to another doctor who is better qualified to manage and prescribe medication for this type of illness. Besides these two steps you will need counseling not only to help you deal with what is causing these problems but to get to the root causes. This is what the doctor will need to tell your mom.
I’m sure once your mom hears this from the family doctor she will take the appropriate action. The most likely reason she has not already done so? Teenagers of your age have a tendency to be overly melodramatic. It is something that comes with the age of puberty and the hormonal changes teenagers go through. We parents general refer to this a “phase” that the child will grow out of. About 90% of the time we are correct in our thinking. It’s the 10% of the time when we are wrong that can be a problem and you may be in that 10%. Only your doctor can intervene for you at this time, so ask mom to schedule an appointment for a physical and let the doctor(s) help you from there.
I really don’t believe that posting this or any other problem on the net will REALLY help, cos either way, I’m gonna feel the same etc..
But I’m trying to do anything here, maybe ranting to strangers will help, I don’t know!
I don’t want any sympathy, I JUST WANT HELP. I’m sure you get a lot of posts like this here but please don’t give me cliche lines like ‘things will get better’ , ‘You’ll feel better in time’ or ‘You have people who care about you’ …..It will be a waste of your time.
If anyone does have any suggestions that genuinely will help, then I’d really appreciate that..
I am beyond the point of feeling bad…I’m just completely past it. I feel like RUBBISH absolute rubbish EVERY SINGLE DAY. I went through some crappy depressive periods as a teen,a ll of which I got over, but this is unbearable.
I think really bad thoughts, about just ending it, ending everything, which results in me feeling really selfish, and I feel horrible for even considering doing something like that to the few people who care about me…..I mean, I’ve even gone to the lengths of planning the whole thing out, where it would happen, how it would happen, what I’ll say to people I’ll leave behind. It’s gone to the extent that, anything I say, or things other people say, stick in my head and I think, ‘I wonder will they remember me saying this and see it as something more when I’m gone’ or people say something completely innocent and in my mind, there’s only one thing it can relate to, and that’s thinking about how I’ll finish myself off..
In one way I don’t want to be a coward and just give up on life and take the easy way out, when many people have it worse, but I honestly cannot help it, there are some days when I come SO close to doing something, I actually really genuinely scare myself. I don’t talk to other people, and I won’t. I’m not that kind of person, I know you’re probably gonna say ‘It will help to get it off your chest’, well, that’s why I’m doing it here. I cannot talk to people, even the people that I used to be absolute best friends with, I barely talk to anymore.
At that, even WHEN I talk to them (or anyone) I act really, really happy.. Like TOO happy, I just have too put it on so much cos I never, ever feel like talking to anyone, or participating in things that everyone else loves doing I just, I know it’s really sad, but this is something that I cannot help, despite trying for years… I’m always the one that laughs the loudest, and seems to be having the most fun, when I really have to just..stop myself from crying and really try and seem happy, when I feel like **** inside.
I don’t wanna go all depressive cliche here but I have to be as honest as I can so, sorry.
Every tiny thing pisses me off, and since I’m never happy and I fake being happy SO much, that every now and again I just snap and can’t pretend anymore and then everyone’s like, why are you sad, you’re always so happy…
I always pass it off as just ‘a bad mood’ or ‘one of those days’ and no one knows that I feel like this ALL THE TIME. Everything irritates me, I get angry at everything, I can barely stand ANYONE I know anymore, not even my family.
I just feel like I want to be away from everyone, and I feel almost jealous when someone else talks about their problems to me, cos I know I can never do that… I know that’s irrational …. but so is a lot of this.
I just feel crap, and I’m fed up of going through the extremes of faking to be really ecstatic every day, and then really, really depressed the rest of the time.
I genuinely feel like I can’t do it anymore.
I don’t fear for myself as much as I used to, there has been times (one in particular) where I really felt like I was going to end my life, I felt like I had to.
But I didn’t, I got over the absolute extreme of it, and back to feeling extremely glum every day, rather than suicidal.
But now and then, I feel it coming back. That feeling creeps back in sometimes, and I do things to take my mind off it but nothing does.
I’m safe for now, but I do know for a fact that someday, the one ending my own life will be me.
For now, I just needed to let this all out somewhere….You can judge all you want, it won’t bother me.
Thanks for reading all this, any of you that are and sorry it’s so long and probably going to put a downer on you all, but that’s what this place is for I guess..I also apologise if some of this is uncomprehendable, I kinda just typed whatever came to my mind so..
Another thing, this isn’t OVER anything, there isn’t any major events that may have triggered this, in the past few years I’ve gone through about six funerals, all of very close friends/ family, and I got through it. It isn’t because of that, or the fact that I don’t get on with some people. It’s not over some stupid guy that dumped me, like a lot of the posts I see here, I’m not that naive.. So don’t ask if there’s anything that could have triggered this, I’m just like this for no appearant reason, and have been for many, many years…It’s just, the last few months it’s gotten way, way worse to the point all the above is happening… I mean, today, I feel pretty down, but compared to what I usually feel, this is normal for me. I haven’t felt like going out, or talking to anyone, and this is one of the good days.
I’m fine right now, but I KNOW for an absolute fact that if I don’t do something, I’m gonna be back where I was a few weeks ago, planning my own end, thinking about how it will happen, thinking about how much I want it to happen.
I don’t want to be like that, I don’t WANT it to happen that way.
I can feel myself getting like that again sometimes, and I NEED to do something, before it gets too late, not to sound dramatic or anything, but that’s literally how it is. Please don't suggest going to the doctor or anything cos it isn't really an option for me, besides the fact that I'm not comfortable about going on medication so early in my life, I don't want to depend on drugs to stay happy for the rest of my life..
Anyway, I’ll leave it at that.. Thanks in advance for help.
Signed,
Desperate :’(
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
As someone who has suffer, unknowingly, form depression for most of my life I know exactly how you feel. You have not gotten over your depression, in fact it would appear from what you have written that your depression may have gotten worse. There is help, lots of it, all you have to do is ask.
The very first thing I will ask of you is if you are feeling as if you want to hurt yourself, please pick up the phone and dial 911. What will happen is the call taker will ask you some questions. While doing this a dispatch of Police, Fire and Ambulance will be being made. Why the Police? The Police are dispatched for everyone protection. They once they make sure you do not have any guns, knives, or other weapons the Fire and Ambulance people are brought in. The Police are also there if the Fire Department has to force entry into your home. Once the scene is secure everyone goes into help mode. I know this as I am a member of a Fire Department Rescue Squad.
I would also like you to make an appointment with a psychiatrist, no I do not think you are crazy or mentally ill. Psychiatrists are better trained to deal with depression then your family doctor. The psychiatrist will most likely prescribe medication and recommend talk therapy to discover the underlying reason for your depression.
I know how you feel about taking a medication, but really what is wrong about taking a pill or two for a month or two or even a year if it makes you feel better. Nothing says you will be on this medication for the rest of your life. Even if you do have to take this medication for the rest of your life what’s the big deal. There are other medications we take to make feel better and keep us safe some are even taken on a daily basis for long periods of time. There is really not a lot of difference here. What this medication does is replace a hormone that your body does not supply enough of.
Should you start feeling bad before you can see a doctor, go to your nearest Hospital Emergency Room. They will help you.
This is a link to phone numbers for National Suicide Hotlines: http://suicidehotlines.com/.
These are links to places you can call or visit online if you are in crisis: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/Default.aspx.
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/.
Hi!
My dad's turning fifty and my brother and sister and I are trying to create a video for his birthday that covers his life, ups and downs, and has some bits and pieces of people talking about him. sort of like the documentaries you see online... I am not too sure how to go about this and was wondering if anyone had any ideas!
Thanks :)
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
If you are looking more for how to format the video I would suggest you try following the format of a television program that was popular when your father was your age. The program was called: This Is Your Life.
I don’t think you can go to the expense of bringing dads childhood friends and teachers from wherever they may live to wherever you live. What you can do is using webcams, photo montages and other videos you have interview them via webcam or phone and record the interview.
Try and find as many of his childhood friends as you can. If they have a webcam ask them to relate as many interesting and embarrassing stories as they can. For those friends that don’t have webcams ask them to send some old photos’s and record your interview with them that you can overdub with the pictures. Here again you want the same information. Makes sure to interview your mom about how she met your dad and some of her first impressions she had. What convinced her to marry him? Include wedding photos. If dad’s parents are still alive interview them about what kind of child he was. Make sure to find out if he was the perfect child he keeps telling you he was. If you do not have a video camera, rent one or borrow a friends
.
Once you have it all together put it together using a program like media maker then edit for time. It should be lots of fun for the whole family. For dad it should be just slightly embarrassing but mostly a trip down memory lane. Make sure to include yourselves and to thank him for being your dad.
I have been having shooting pains in my shoulder for a couple days. I am a softball pitcher and I use it quite often. It's in the area of my rotater cuff. Throbbing pain, shooting pain, random. Any advice as to what this could be? Someone told me it's possibly a torn rotater cuff which could require surgery! Help!
Rather than ask those of us who are not trained to make a medical diagnoses what is wrong. Would it not make sense to seek out the opinion of a medical professional before you do a permanent harm to your shoulder? I am not a doctor but I have friends in the fire Department who have torn rotator cuffs while working. In every instance the longer they put off treatment or even diagnose of the injury the more damage that was done. One firefighter put off having his rotator cuff tended to that he was put out on disability for his injury as after the repair he had severely restricted movement.
My advice is to see a doctor, one that specializes in sport medicine injuries. Do it now before the injury worsens. Never hide an injury from a coach, parent or employer for in the end you and only you will pay the price for hiding the injury.
18/f
i found out 2 summer ago that my girlfriend was raped when she was 6..this was before we got together, but we had been best friends for a while already..anyway, i cried when i found out, but she never explained to me what really happened..she told me she had gotten over it already though..
the thing is, sometimes i wonder if the problems she has now are a result of her being raped when she was younger. for example, she does not have a really good relationship with her parents and when we talk about serious things, she tells me she always has a hard time sleeping [even when she was younger]..and that she thinks about little things that bother her, which shouldn't really bother her..she also has small anxiety attacks and has a hard time breathing when people yell or get mad [she has asthma too].
i never mentioned the rape situation to her ever after she told me though..i don't know what to do though.. i always ask her why she thinks she's like that..but she always says "i don't know..there's just something really wrong with me"...and i just want to get to the root of the problem so i can help her..i just feel so helpless all the time whenever she talks to me about her problems...
i'm sorry this is so long, but do you think it's possible that her getting raped could be the cause? or do you think it's something else?
thank you soo much.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Rape is a horrible thing for any women to go through, even worse for someone as young as your girlfriend was. For a child to be raped it is very possible that the rape was by a family member or someone close to the family.
From what you have written I would say your girlfriend has not gotten over the rape and has never received professional counseling which leads me to believe her rape was by someone within or close to her family. The best thing you can do for your girlfriend is be supportive and try and convince her to get professional help.
There is an organization called RAINN, which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. RAINN purpose is to help you find professionals who will help victims of Rape, Incest and Abuse, within their local area. When you call their Hot Line, 1-800-656-HOPE, a computer notes the area code and first three digits of the caller's phone number. The call is then instantaneously connected to the nearest RAINN member center. If all counselors at that center are busy, the call is sent to the next closest center. The caller's phone number is not retained, so the call is anonymous and confidential unless you choose to share personally-identifying information. RAINN also has a Website, http://www.rainn.org, which has information you will find helpful in helping your girlfriend.
Checkout the website and see if you can get your girlfriend to check it out with you, then call the hotline for help. It is never too late to ask for help. If she is concerned about getting a family member in trouble with the law the RAINN counselor should be able to help with that question. In most States Rape has a Statue of Limitation, which probably has expired by this time.
So the title pretty much says it all. I feel like the earth is moving but I'm stuck standing still. How can I make life fun again. By the way I'm 15 so it's weird that I'm having this like midlife crisis. Please help I have no idea what to do!
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I do not think it is weird that you feel the way you do. In fact it is somewhat normal unless you are getting deeply depressed over it.
You are 15 years old; no longer a child, but not yet an adult. I call it the limbo years. Now is the time to show your parents and teachers that you are becoming a young adult and can be trusted to do some of the adult things you will soon be old enough to do such as driving and dating.
How do you do this? You start by doing things without being told to or ask to do. Find activities to occupy your time rather than sit in front of the computer or your Xbox. One great way to show you are becoming more adult is to find a volunteer activity within your community. Just about every community has a senior center or some type of outreach program(s). As you get older there will be other volunteer activities you will be eligible for such as a community ambulance service or volunteer Fire and Rescue Service.
These programs need volunteers to function and to meet the needs of the people they serve. When you find the program that is right for you, you will find it to not only occupy your time but to be a very rewarding experience as well. If you are planning to go to college these types of activity will look extremely good on your application as well and will help with your job search later.
Aside from volunteering there are a whole host of activities such as sports, music and academic clubs at school you could look into. These clubs will also introduce you to young adults like yourself who have at least one similar interest to build a friendship around.
Suggestion: Sit down with pad and pencil. Divide a piece of paper into two columns. On one side list things that interest you on the other side list clubs or organizations that are available or you can volunteer with. Then visit each of these clubs or organizations to see where best you fit in.
Okay i weigh aroung 160 and I'm thirteen. now i know what your thinking but just wait. I look like i weigh 120 lbs, the reason i am 160 is that i have very large breast i wear a 38d and my mom makes fun of my weight, she calls me names and it really hurts me. How should i deal with it when it's not me that's causing the weight?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
You are 13 years old with 38D breasts and your mom is making fun of your weight. As a parent myself you have my sincere apologies, your mother should not be ridiculing you for something you have no control over. As both a women and a mother she should understand this.
How do you deal with this: If you have tried talking with her and told her how this makes you feel and she continues to ridicule you then I would suggest you ask another adult if they will intercede for you. That person could be your dad, Grandparent, Aunt or Uncle. You could even ask a teacher or school guidance counselor.
As for the size of your breast; at your young age no reputable Plastic Surgeon will do anything as far as Breast Reduction until you are at least 17 or 18 years old and have completed your growth cycle. The only exception to this is if the weight of your breast is doing injury to your skeletal frame. This is something your doctor should be checking during your annual physical. If you are not getting annual physicals you should start too. Curvature of the spine is very hard and can be painful to correct if correctable at all. Excessive beast weight can lead to curvature of the spine. This is one very good reason for you to see your doctor annually. Your doctor can also assure your mother that you are not overweight and hopefully stop her ridiculing of you.
By having your doctor monitor your skeletal frame the doctor can also counsel you on the advisability of elective reduction surgery or if surgery will be necessary to prevent injury or other problems excessive breast weight can cause.
I do not say this to upset you. I say this so that as you grow older you can make an informed decision based on long standing knowledge. Remember it’s your body; when you are 18 you get to make all the decisions. The more knowledge you gain now the better able you will be to make an informed decision later.
I am alone in my room and I cannot kick the thought of suicide. Now that I have had some time to think things through ,commiting suicide needs to be planned. Recently I was found hanging from my belt in a closet and I think it should've been planned properly. I was so close .my body got numb and I didn't feel a thing. Unless you have really felt like this you cannot understand what this feels like. Someone who is for real about committing suicide does not care anymore about how it will affect the rest of the people around you. So do you think my testament will be honored if I ignored everyone when I was here?
The answer to your question depends on the Laws on the State you live. Each state has different requirements as to witnesses required and filings. You will need to do some research to find out the laws in your state.
More important is you plan on committing suicide. Since you already stated you care about those you leave behind I will not go into that. The fact is you are depressed. Just what is causing your depression is the unknown. You are looking at suicide to stop the pain; there are better ways to stop the pain then ending your life. Whatever is causing you pain there are people out there who can and will help you. All you need to do is ask.
I urge you to do one of two things; Go to the nearest Hospital Emergency Room, take the letter you wrote us with you and ask for help. Cannot get to an ER, then pick up a phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker you have suicidal thoughts and have attempted suicide in the past. The 911 center will dispatch police, fire and ambulance services. The police are sent to help you not to arrest you. They are there to make sure everything is safe for the fire and rescue service. There is nothing for you to fear all anyone is interested in is your safety and helping you get better.
Please do as I ask and ask for help.
17/F
so christianity is a HUGE thing in my life.... and if i ever start to like a guy, one thing i look for is if he is a christian... so theres this boy at my church who is 18, and he has a great relationship with the Lord, he is just outstanding! i started to fall for him this summer. before the summer, he was awkward to talk to, but very nice to look at! haha. we started chilling in groups over the summer... and last week we went to a parrty together. i rode with him and we stopped at his house to pick up his guitar and before entering he said, "my parents aren't home would that be okay with your 'rents? i don't want to disrespect them" and i was just sooo happy he said that because that means he respects elders... anyways, so i now get butterflies everytime i see this boy, i look at his facebook page every 2 seconds etc. but he "DOESNT DATE" and everyone knows it.
WHAT DO I DO??? i don't want to make it awkward and tell him how i feel and KNOW i'm going to get rejected.
but im falling for him....
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
This is something I have never tackled before so I will just pass along some thoughts that have come to mind.
You wrote that you met this young man at church and have been with him in group functions. Where I live many of the Churches have outings for young adults. Most are day or evening trips but some are chaperoned multi-day trips to interesting places such as New York City where they visit Churches, Museums and even take in a Theater show.
While what I am about to suggest may sound a little forward, it is acceptable to day for a young lady to ask a young man to escort her. My suggestion is to find some outing your church sponsors and ask this young man if he might be willing to escort you on one of them. I would make the first one a day outing. I would also ask if he would like to meet your parents before going on this outing as he sounds like the kind of young man who desires to have the proper respect for all before he does anything.
Having him escort you is different that a date as each of you would pay your own way. You can offer to pay his way if he says he cannot afford such an outing. Once you two have been on several of these outing you should find out more about him and why he does not dateand decide how you want to proceed with this relationship.
I am a 20yr old female.
I fell in love with a married man who is 44. I am not a fan of cheating but he and his wife merely coexist in the same household. Well, we have continued our relationship regardless of the fact that we both think it is wrong. I can't help my feelings and neither can he.
#1- can it work?
#2- ways to make it work?
#3- I think I'm pregnant. What the heck do we do?!
We are financially stable and willing to raise this baby together but he has a son my age and a wife who is clueless about us. I'm so lost. Experiences? Advice? Thanks guys!
Let me just add to what Smartone and Razhie wrote. I too do not believe this man will leave his wife for you. You need to protect yourself and your child if you are pregnant.
My advice is that you find a good Family Law Attorney. You are going to need legally binding documents for the support of you and your child. If you talk to your boyfriend before you talk with the Attorney he will try and talk you out of it for one very good reason. Once you bring an Attorney into the picture he will be forced to tell his wife about his affair with you or she will find out once the legal papers are filed and his income or assets are attached to protect your child.
As a male I can tell you we generally think with two heads. Up to now he has been thinking with the one in his pants. Once you tell him you are pregnant the head between his shoulders will do the thinking and you will find yourself pregnant and without the financial help you are legally entitled too. See a lawyer as soon as you confirm you are pregnant.
In answer to your reply: You must secure the future for you and your unborn child. If he truly means what he is telling you then he will understand you wanting to have everything in writing and legal. If he balks at this and tries to talk you out of legalizing your security then you know he is not to be trusted and need to double your resolve to have the courts enforce the security your unborn child is entitled too.
If you do not know a lawyer call the Barr Association in your area for a referral.
I know that I have anxiety. My mom has it and I'm starting to get like her. I used to be able to control it, so it wasn't an issue, but lately it has been taking over my life. Does anyone have any tips to helping with this other than taking medication? My mom takes meds for it and she doesn't want me to start, because she said I'll never get off them and I'll rely on them for life. Thank you for any help. I just want to feel better.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Anxiety is a precursor of or a trigger of depression symptoms. Your statement that “I just want to feel better” tells me you may be feeling the first symptoms of depression. Depression is hereditary so your mom saying she doesn’t want you on medication because you will be on them for the rest of your life may not be exactly the right answer.
You can learn to deal with depression without medication with the help of a trained therapist. During therapy it may be necessary for medication to help control the symptoms while you learn techniques to control them without the medication. This is something you, your doctor and your therapist will need to discuss.
Most people with depression suffer for many years and never know it. I am one of those people. When I was finally diagnosed I was put on medication and I can attest to the change the medication has made in my life. I have worked with a therapist to deal with the root cause of my depression, what triggers depressive episodes and have learned to control them. Because of my age and the depth of my depression I will be on a maintenance dosage of medication for the rest of my life. For the difference it has made in my life I can tolerate the limited side effects, which is mainly a dry mouth. With the almost certain passage of the Heath Care Legislation you will not have to worry about it being a preexisting condition when changing jobs and applying for new heath care coverage.
I can understand where your mother is coming from in her thinking, but times have changed. Talk with your mother again; ask her to make an appointment for you with the family doctor. Your doctor will most likely want to do a complete physical to rule out any organic causes. The doctor will them either prescribe medication and recommend a therapist or recommend you see a specialist who is better trained to deal and prescribe for patients with depression.
The longer you put off getting treatment the worse you are going to feel so talk to your mother, convince her to take you to the doctor and then let the doctor talk to her.
Okay so I think I might be gay. How do I know for sure?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
If you are confused about you sexuality, then in my opinion I would say you are not gay. You are at an age that you are still experimenting with your sexuality; still trying to find out just who you are. Your hormones are changing rapidly and sending mixed signals to your brain.
Society has conditioned us that we all have to have a comfy little pigeon hole to fit in. Given you current age trying to put yourself into one pigeon hole or another is somewhat self-defeating. My advice is to allow yourself to explore your sexuality and not worry about finding the proper pigeon hole or placing some name tag on it.
Everyone matures at a different pace, some people know exactly who and what they are from the very start. Others are more inquisitive and like to explore and make choices. Still there are others that feel safer being with their own kind, not yet ready to venture beyond themselves. If you want to be self-analytical you can find yourself within one of these choices; I would not bother. Just be yourself and one day you will know, then you can put a label on your sexuality and find the comfortable pigeon whole society requires of us.
I'm seriously contemplating suicide right now, and have been for a long time now. I'm not at all happy with my life, and I'm tired of people saying that you can "change" your life to make you happier, or whatever.
I've taken lots of courses, and read lots of books on self-improvement, and things to make you happy. And so far, it's been all bullshit as far as I'm concerned. They only give me temporary hope, and I'm back to feeling how I was.
I seem to stop the people closest from me to do what they want. I get in the way with of my brother, mother, stepfather, and father. I generally don't get along with people, no matter how much I try to ever since I was a kid. I don't see it changing any time soon.
I know my life won't change anytime soon, because I don't want to try and change it anymore. What the hell is the point? Honestly, we're all going to die one day anyways. And, I just don't really care about religion anymore. All the stupid stuff with hell, and heaven. Life has become a joke.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Suicide is not the answer, you will only hurt the ones you leave behind. From what you wrote you are at this time not actively suicidal. There is a difference between actively suicidal and contemplating suicide. By contemplating suicide you are showing signs of a deep depression, most likely brought on by low self-esteem. Again I am basing this on what you have written.
Neither of these conditions is permanent. Self-improvement courses will not help your problems. These types of problems need the help of qualified physicians and therapists. You did not say how old you are, but if you are old enough to make your own doctors appointments then you need to do so and do so now. The first doctor you should contact is you family doctor, tell the doctor what you have written to us. He will probably want to give you a complete physical to rule out any organic problems. Your family doctor should then refer you to a specialist who can deal with your depression and prescribe medication if required. Then working with a qualified therapist the issue of low self-esteem can be dealt with.
Should you at any time have active thoughts of hurting yourself you need to pick up the phone and dial 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room. Tell them what is going on and how you feel. If you call 911 you can expect both the police and the fire department emergency squad to respond. Do not be afraid of the police or the fire department. They are there to help you and will do nothing to hurt you. The police are not going to arrest you, they are there to help and see to it that you get the help you need. To make sure no one stands in the way of you getting that help. Just so you know every fire station in the U.S. is a Safe Haven. Should you ever feel scared or think you are going to hurt yourself or someone is going to hurt you, you can go to your neighborhood fire station for protection and help.
I know how lonely depression can be as I have suffered with depression for a long time. I can also tell than now that I am in recovery the world is a brighter place. If you can talk to your parents about how you feel and ask them for help. If you feel you cannot talk to your parents, talk to a teacher or a school counselor.