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i need help more than ever.
my dad and mom have been together as long as ive been alive. two years ago i caught him in chat rooms, n video sessions with other women. i had a suspicion of him cheating, and walked down on him doing a session with another women. we lost our relaitonshp. its ok now. but im finding more stuff. ive found enough stuff now to make the prediction that he is getting a hooker. like, if i had to guess, i would say 99%. My whole life, people have let me down. My best rfiend gave away his life when he knew i was the only one fighting for him, my first love cheated on me three times.. now my dad is doing this to me. and im the only one who knows. I know what telling my mom will do. My family will end. And im scared if i do nothing, guilt will catch up to him, cause he surely is such a good man. My mom works nights so shes never home to know... hes always out so late, and his job is perfect to find a way to cheat, because he works his own job with his own appointments all over. My heart is being severely torn. im so close to giving in, i just have no clue what i can do. Tell my mom, my dad will hate me, my family will end, and my life will never be the same. Not say anything, my dad will continue to hurt me so badon the inside, and if guilt catches up, he could end his life like two of my other friends fathers have done. This is weird to say, but i had a strong feeling my best friend would end his life... and ive always for years had that about my dad. I have anxiety attacks and severe depression. ive askedmy mom to go back to counseling, but she doesnt seem to trake it seroius and ive asked her three times she hasnt gotten right to it.
please, any advice. anyone thats been in this situation... i have no options left, and my mind is getting into a fix.. its gonna be forever stuck as resentful, hate, sad, pissed, and depressed. It already is, i hate my life. im 18, and i dont even feel like living anymore but i would never end my life.. please... someonee have something reasonable to tell me.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
okay first off. divorce you have to prepared your self for the worse. My parents got divorced my dad and i fought all the time my mother started dating and drinking all the time. It was tough eventually you get semi used to it. you tell them how you feel etc. any ways. if you were my daughter and you knew your father was cheating on me. I would like to know. I would hate to find out through my daughter. I would hate that you even knew about it and im sure your mom would feel the same way. Your dad may be upset about you telling your mother about what is going on but he wont hate you even if it seems that way. But you need to think about your health. If i have something to tell my mother or father and i dont feel comfortable saying it I write it down and give that to them. just tell your mother you have caught your father in chatrooms and web cam things. tell her you feel depressed and if you dont want to know about it please place me in counsling because its hurtting me.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I don’t think you should be the one to tell your mother that your dad may be cheating on her, although I do believe she has a right to know. Her right to know starts with her own health. If your father is cheating and may be having unprotected sex, and assuming your parents still have a sex life, then he is endangering your moms’ health.
You should not put yourself in the middle of this. Instead you should go to an Aunt, Uncle or grandparent and tell them of your suspicions. Let them confront your father. Based on that conversation they can then decide how and when it may be necessary to tell your mother of your fathers assumed extra-marital affairs. What you see in chat rooms may look like something when in reality it is something else. Unless you have actually seen your father with another women having a sexual relation you really do not know for sure. By having another adult speak with him, especially his sister, brother or parent puts the conversation in an entirely different light than with his 14 year old child.
Now as to your anxiety and the need to get back into counseling; ask your mother to make an appointment with the family doctor. Have mom go with you to the doctor but stay in the waiting room while the doctor examines you. Tell the doctor about the anxiety attacks and how depressed you have been feeling. The doctor will do one of two things or both for you. Medication can be prescribed to help with the depression and anxiety. You can be referred to another doctor who is better qualified to manage and prescribe medication for this type of illness. Besides these two steps you will need counseling not only to help you deal with what is causing these problems but to get to the root causes. This is what the doctor will need to tell your mom.
I’m sure once your mom hears this from the family doctor she will take the appropriate action. The most likely reason she has not already done so? Teenagers of your age have a tendency to be overly melodramatic. It is something that comes with the age of puberty and the hormonal changes teenagers go through. We parents general refer to this a “phase” that the child will grow out of. About 90% of the time we are correct in our thinking. It’s the 10% of the time when we are wrong that can be a problem and you may be in that 10%. Only your doctor can intervene for you at this time, so ask mom to schedule an appointment for a physical and let the doctor(s) help you from there.
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Righto..
First of all.. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT! That's the most important thing to remember. Tell yourself everyday!
Second, I do not agree with cheating at all. Once a cheater always a cheater, however, trying to look at it at your dad's point of view, is your parents relationship happy?
Do they fight? Do they tell each other that they love one another? Do they go out together? Do they do the coupley things?
As sad as it sounds, they might just be two people who are living together at the moment. They might not be the couple they use to be a long time ago. Again, none if this is your fault.
Sometime people fall in and out of love. It's not something that can be forced or controlled.
On the other hand, if I am wrong then instead of telling your mum, set it up so she finds out what's going on with your dad.
Therefore, you didn't tell so you don't have the guilt trip of being the bubble burster. This might be your dad's way out without trying to hurt your mum in the meantime. Before you start any of this you need to be 100% sure that he is cheating. No stories worked up in your head, you need to have witnessed it for real. No point in telling your mum that he's looking at women on the internet, i'm sure most men do that.
If he is dating someone in real life then that's when you need to put your foot down. Again, none of this is your fault.
Sometimes parents splitting up is the best thing for a child. The parents have become free again.
I'm not saying that splitting up is what's going to happen but there is obviously a problem somewhere. If you are unhappy about the situation, communication is the key. Talk to your parents!!!
Good luck, hope I helped
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As much as you truely don't want to tell your mother i think you should she has a right to know
seeing as the person is her husband and not some stranger she doesn't deserve to be cheated on i think your causing more damage by keeping it to yourself because your allowing your father to do something that's wrong plus your making yourself depressed and unhappy it's not healthy to live life that way since your 18 you don't have to live in your parents house you can move out because your a adult and your parents can't stop you so there's a option for you(:
Good luck!
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