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my girlfriend was raped
18/f
i found out 2 summer ago that my girlfriend was raped when she was 6..this was before we got together, but we had been best friends for a while already..anyway, i cried when i found out, but she never explained to me what really happened..she told me she had gotten over it already though..
the thing is, sometimes i wonder if the problems she has now are a result of her being raped when she was younger. for example, she does not have a really good relationship with her parents and when we talk about serious things, she tells me she always has a hard time sleeping [even when she was younger]..and that she thinks about little things that bother her, which shouldn't really bother her..she also has small anxiety attacks and has a hard time breathing when people yell or get mad [she has asthma too].
i never mentioned the rape situation to her ever after she told me though..i don't know what to do though.. i always ask her why she thinks she's like that..but she always says "i don't know..there's just something really wrong with me"...and i just want to get to the root of the problem so i can help her..i just feel so helpless all the time whenever she talks to me about her problems...
i'm sorry this is so long, but do you think it's possible that her getting raped could be the cause? or do you think it's something else?
thank you soo much.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Rape is a horrible thing for any women to go through, even worse for someone as young as your girlfriend was. For a child to be raped it is very possible that the rape was by a family member or someone close to the family.
From what you have written I would say your girlfriend has not gotten over the rape and has never received professional counseling which leads me to believe her rape was by someone within or close to her family. The best thing you can do for your girlfriend is be supportive and try and convince her to get professional help.
There is an organization called RAINN, which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. RAINN purpose is to help you find professionals who will help victims of Rape, Incest and Abuse, within their local area. When you call their Hot Line, 1-800-656-HOPE, a computer notes the area code and first three digits of the caller's phone number. The call is then instantaneously connected to the nearest RAINN member center. If all counselors at that center are busy, the call is sent to the next closest center. The caller's phone number is not retained, so the call is anonymous and confidential unless you choose to share personally-identifying information. RAINN also has a Website, [Link](Mouse over link to see full location), which has information you will find helpful in helping your girlfriend.
Checkout the website and see if you can get your girlfriend to check it out with you, then call the hotline for help. It is never too late to ask for help. If she is concerned about getting a family member in trouble with the law the RAINN counselor should be able to help with that question. In most States Rape has a Statue of Limitation, which probably has expired by this time.
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Yes, it is definitely possible. Studies say that rape victims are never completely healed mentally because of the pain, experience, and torture they went through. It makes them afraid it will happen again.
You should just reassure her that everything that happened in the past is over. Tell her that you won't let anything bad happen to her.
Try counseling. Ask a social worker.
You are really lucky she talks to you about these things, because usually rape victims just keep things to themselves and are embarrassed of what others might think of them. That is probably why she does not go to her parents.
Lastly, do not push her to do anything she does not want to do. It would hurt her, and make her afraid.
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There could also be other factors that cause her to act like that too, but based on what you've stated it sounds like it could be rape. I'm a 17/f and I have a girlfriend who has similar problem to your girlfriend, but some of her behaviors are also caused by her genes, along with other environmental factors. I think that rape could be a cause of her behavior because she was still young, even adults that are raped can't cope with it.. but I'm not saying that it's 100% rape. You could ask her health records.. like.. ask if she remembers when she started having asthmas, or when those attacks started. But Idk if you should just come out and ask those questions, maybe state your place with her first, .. for example say, you know i'm your girlfriend, i love you and i get worried about you. && Ask her if she wants to talk about it or not and if she does then she's really over it and if she's not then you'll just have to wait until she's ready. Don't forget that it's not just about the matter of how close you two are or that you are her girlfriend.. but whether or not she's really ready to talk about it.
If you're really interested then you could google "Child cognitive development" or anywhere else you think will help you. I took psychology last year so I still remember a bit =] Hope that helps, take care.
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