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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I always get at least 7 hours of sleep each and every night. I work 7 hour shifts (usually) about 5 days a week (sometimes 6 days). I never really feel tired at work but when I get behind the wheel I am always falling asleep!
The drive home isn't really long or anything but I've found myself to dose off about 6 or 7 times each time I'm driving. At first I start yawning and the next thing I know I'm jerking myself awake!
My boyfriend told me to roll all the windows down and turn the radio up loudly so that I wouldn't be comfortable to sleep. It doesn't seem to help though because I keep finding myself waking up while on the road.
I'm really, really afraid that one of these times I'm going to dose off and hit somebody. All of the times I've fallen asleep behind the wheel I've been lucky because I wake up still on the road and still going the speed limit. I'm afraid something bad is going to happen one of these times...
What can I do to stay awake while driving? What is wrong with me? Should I see a doctor about this? I have been afraid to talk to somebody about this issue in fear they will make me give up my license to drive. Please help me...
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
Driving and falling asleep is extremely dangerous not only for you but the others on the road with you. You could have a condition called: “Central and Obstructive Sleep Apnea Disorder” I really do not know much about this disorder other than a friend was diagnosed with it, he too was falling asleep at the wheel, and there are medications that can be prescribed. You could also be suffering from side effects of other medications, prescribed or over the counter, which you are taking.
The best advice I can give you is to see your doctor ASAP, possibly consider going to a hospital ER if you must continue to drive before you can see your family doctor. Because you are falling asleep at the wheel I would say you have life threatening conditions which qualifies’ for seeking help from a hospital emergency room or 24 hour clinic.
I would further suggest you reframe from driving until you find a solution for you falling asleep while driving. Have a friend, co-worker, parent or boyfriend drive you where you need to go. Public transportation is also an option if available. Need I remind you that if you were to fall asleep and have an accident you would be totally responsible for whatever happens to the other people involved? So please see a doctor and do not drive until you do.
15/f
What are good ways to detroy my enemy/make her jealous?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
The best way to destroy an enemy is to make them a friend. I realize that at 15 years of age this is hard to understand.
As an example let’s say someone you are not too friendly with or is somewhat of a bully takes your hairbrush. If this was to happen in school, and for this example it did, you could go to a teacher or administrator and report her. This of course would make her even more or less than a friendly person to you and probably an enemy who wants to get back at you for the trouble she got into for taking your hairbrush.
You could look at this in a different way. The reason she took your hairbrush was she needed one and could not afford to buy one. The fact that she took yours rather than someone else’s was because she knew you would report her and this would give her a reason to make you an enemy rather than someone she just did not like.
In this situation you actually have two choices; you could report her or you could say something life the following to her. Kathy if you needed a hairbrush that badly I would have loaned you mine. But since you already have taken it keep it and I’ll buy a new one. When you say this to her make sure the two of you are alone so you do not embarrass her in front of her group of followers.
What you have done is called taking the wind out of her sails or defusing the situation. She will have no reason to make you her enemy as you did nothing to get her in trouble, plus you offered what is called an olive branch of friendship when you told her you would have loaned her your hairbrush. Had you gone the other route and reported her she would have had her reason to fight with you. You may have won the fight and would have to constantly watch your back as she would continue to find reason to fight you until she won or she and he followers could gang up on you.
Fighting solves absolutely nothing and only causes more hard feelings and more fighting. What I am saying is that you should never start a fight; you should walk away or work to defuse the situation. If attacked defend yourself to the point that you can get away and then report the attack to the proper authorities.
For the world to be a better place someone has to be the voice of reason; why should you not be that voice?
I've been seeing this guy for two months now and he's pretty terrific. About a week ago we started to talk about having sex. I've never had sex before but he's been with two girls previously. He says he knows what to do so it won't be so clumsy and awkward but I'm kind of stuck on if I should have sex with him or not.
I don't really love this guy is one problem and everybody says I should love someone before I let them do it with me. The other problem is that I sort-of already told him that I'd give him my virginity so I feel stupid if I turn around and say nevermind. See, I really wanted to give him a boner so I started talking it up and he got really excited about it. I did get him to get hard about it but now I know I'm such a tease...but I don't want to be lying to him!
My mom would literally choke me to death if I got pregnant though. My boyfriend said he has some condoms but I've heard that those break sometimes and that worries me.
I know it's just sex and if I just go on and get it over with then it won't be a big deal. I want to be ready for this though so if we end up doing it this weekend I will be prepared. How do I know if I'm really ready to have sex? What should I get some information on before I let him put it in me? He really wants this and I think I do too..?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
I found the following website while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”
On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than fore the boy. Sex for a woman most always must have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.
The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Sex, especially your first time is a big deal. Sex can be and is wonderful when you are mature enough to engage in it. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.
As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you the t advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is general apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.
Before you make your decision please review the following website.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.
P.s. If you’re not ready just say no, you are allowed to change your mind. There are other ways to satisfy the “boner” you give him other than intercourse.
Everyone says that we should plan ahead before my boyfriend and I have sex. I've heard things like we should talk about STDs and protection against pregnancy befoer we even start to do anything sexual. I want things to be romantic and to go smoothly when we have sex for the first time. I haven't really brought this up with my boyfriend though. I was wanting to give him my virginity on his birthday next month but I want him to know about it so he can look forward to it. How do I talk to my boyfriend about becoming intimate? What exactly should we talk about anyway? I don't want to just throw it at him and surprise him with such a serious discussion so...how do I go about this sex-talk?
I found the following website, found at bottom of this page) while answering a very similar question for another young lady. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”
On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than your partner is at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman must always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.
The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, comfortable, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.
As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you this advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is general apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html
I have been married for 20 years. My husband has continuously led his life going out and has hobbies that keep him very busy. He has travelled to different countries to fulfil his hobby. He also joined a gym whilst I was at home with the children, he start kick boxing and goes cycling with friends. I used to enjoy music and learned classical music whilst I was younger but could not continue with this with my responsibilies. I helped look after his parents when they were ill and continously cook for them, cleaned their house and garden. I thought I could deal with this as he seemed to love me but he was always not icluding me in decisions. He did do the odd really nice thing for me but I have slowly got more sad. He has said some horrible things to me and lately I have felt so isolated that I have become depressed but he refuses to acknowledge this and we don't speak but I am always tearful. I feel I am doing something bad because he has been ok with me. How can I improve my relationship with him. I am 47 years old and have 3 beautiful children that I am totally devoted to helping but I feel I am bringing them down because they see me crying all the time.
Many thanks
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
First see a doctor about your depression. It will not be possible to see anything clearly through the fog of depression. Your doctor may prescribe medication or refer you to another doctor to evaluate your depression and prescribe for you. Therapy will also most likely be recommended to work through the cause of your depression.
It will be in therapy that you will find the root cause of your depression and how best to go about correcting or avoiding what is causing it. At some point your therapist may suggest your husband join you in a therapy session. Wait until the therapist asks for him to do so before you approach him on the subject.
I have suffered from depression for a number of years and while I am in recovery or remission, whichever you care to call it, I know how scary be depressed can be. I also know that I was depressed long before I was diagnosed and that while depressed many things that happened were taken wrong. Things seen through the eyes of the depression tend to be distorted and you will swear something was that was most likely altogether different than you perceived it to be.
So before you start lashing out at your husband, or do something you will probably regret later; see your doctor about your depression.
How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to have sex right now? He told me last night that he really wants to bang me and is really looking forward to it. I tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't know I'm a virgin and so he doesn't think it's a big deal.
I'm not ready to have sex but I don't know how to tell my boyfriend that. I feel like I'm way too young to be risking myself like that and I don't think our relationship is strong enough to start having sex.
I don't want him to break up with me but I think that is where it might lead if I don't give it to him. He was so excited about it when he was talking to me and I couldn't just say, "I don't want to, really..." because I know that would let him down. What should I say to him so that he is more understanding of the situation and stops pressuring me to have sex with him? THNX
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
There is an old saying; “The truth will set you free”. Try and remember this anytime you have a tough question to answer or decision to make.
As to this question: Do not let your boyfriend force you into anything you are not prepared to do. The reasons you gave for not wanting to have sex at this time showed good common sense on your part. The three most important reasons you gave; “I’m not ready yet”, “I’m too young,” and very important, “I don’t think our relationship is strong enough.” These answers, which you gave yourself, show a great deal of maturity on your part be you 13 or 21 these are all good reasons not to engage in a sexual relationship with someone.
So what do you tell your boyfriend? You tell him straight out that you are not ready to have sex with him or anyone else at this time. That you are a Virgin and when you are ready for sex, if you two are still dating, you would be happy to lose your virginity to him.
If he cannot accept this then the love you feel for him is not being returned. What he is returning is lust and lust is not love. Unfortunately teenage boys, when it comes to dating, think more with the head that is in their pants then the one that is between their shoulders. Those that do see only your outer beauty and not the inner beauty that makes you the mature person you are. If this is all your boyfriend sees in you cast him off and as the saying goes; Cast your line into the sea.” There are plenty more fish from where he came and I can assure you there is somebody out there who will see you for your inner beauty. When you find that person it will make your first sexual experience all the more wonderful.
my ex boyfriend has moved out of state and we havent talk for a min now but we had contacted each other and now he wants me to go visit him in nyc what u think i should do
This is a tough question to answer since you did not give your age. If you are over 18 and out of High School it becomes a problem of self-examination as to how you feel about his sudden request that you come and visit. What is the reason behind his request? Is he horny and looking for what he feels is a guaranteed roll in the hay? These are questions you need to answer for yourself then you can decide if you want to make the trip.
Once you have your answer if that answer is yes; can you afford the trip? Air fare is not cheap, car, bus and train travel can be quite lengthy as well as costly. Who is going to pay for the trip, the food and where are you going to stay?
Now if you and your boyfriend are under 18 this brings up something altogether different. That is you cannot travel to meet your boyfriend without parental permission. Sorry but there are some laws here that could get you boyfriend in a great deal of trouble if he is over 18. If he is over 18 and if there is more than 3 years age difference between you there is even more trouble he can be in even if there is no sex activity involved.
If you’re both under 18 and both living with parents then his parents and your parents are going to need to talk. That is just common courtesy, their son is inviting you into their home I’m sure your parents will want to make sure his parents are going to be home and are not only aware of his invitation but agreeable to it.
As I said with the little information you supplied there is no way I can make a suggestion on what answer you should give your boyfriend. Instead I supplied the questions I feel you need to ask yourself or what you must do if you decide to make the trip depending on your age. Hopefully this will help you with finding an answer to your question.
f/15
My first time having sex was with a guy who continued and had sex with me even when he knew i didn't want to and after i had said no and asked to him wait and stop.He lost control. Afterwards he apologized. He's 18 and i haven't talked to him since.
I'm confused now because i can't seem to remeber a lot about it anymore. All i can remeber is saying no and him coming inside of me and it hurting A LOT. After that, i completely blank out. He said it was about 15-20 minutes but all i can remeber is the very beginning and then end when i completely freaked out and made an embarrassing scene trying to get to my feet, falling, and trembling and crying like a moron.
I was just wondering if it's maybe normal,or, well i know it's not normal to not remeber anything, but i guess my question is...i should get this checked out maybe huh?
sorry if this was a stupid question. any advice though, i'd really appreciate. thanks.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Based on what you have written you were raped in two ways. First: You said NO and no means NO. His losing control is no excuse. Second: You are fifteen, a minor; he is eighteen, an adult that makes any sexual relation between the two of you, even consensual sex,statutory rape. The fact that you blacked out tells me you know you were raped.
Your boyfriend being 18 years old may also guilty of contributing to the delinquency of a minor if he claims you consented. It is one of those flukes in the law.
Here is what I believe you should do:
1. You need to tell your parents what happened. Remember you were raped; this is not anything you brought on yourself. So yes your parents are going to be upset and most likely will even get very angry. Their anger will not be directed at you but at the boy who raped you.
2. Call the police and file a criminal complaint. Hopefully you have not washed the clothes and under garments you were wearing, specifically your panties.
3. Go to the nearest hospital for an examination. The police will most likely want to send someone with you. This is a chain of evidence thing so allow them to do so.
4. Get some counseling: Depending on where you live there should be a National Rape crisis hot line you can call that will put you in touch with counselors in your community. One such crisis hotline is, RAIN, www.rain.org. They are the Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They also operate a 24/7 hotline – 1-800-656-HOPE. The trained volunteers will put you in touch with a RAINN center in your community to help you.
Most likely the police or hospital will offer you this information when you see them. Even though you say you don’t remember what happened your sub-conscience does, so get some counseling to help you avoid some of the problems this type of violation can bring on.
Most importantly is your need the love and support of your family at this time. As I stated at the beginning; I am old enough to be your grandfather; if you were my daughter or granddaughter I would first hope nothing like this would ever happen to you. If it did I would want you to feel you could come to me for help. The most important job as a parent or even a grandparent is to protect my children and grandchildren.
You were raped; you did not ask to be raped and nothing you could possibly do could cause you to be raped. The fault for this falls all on boyfriend. He must be made to pay for his crime. If you do nothing he will rape again. I know it will be trying on you to go through the legal process to bring him to justice, but if you show resolve he may want to avoid a trial and the harsher penalties that come with one
I was raped last summer and I just can't get it out of my head. It was the worst thing that has EVER happened to me. I was staying with my dad at his house and I went to hang out with some people there and when I was walking home this guy totally raped me. I was frightened and I'm still not over it even though I told both of my parents immediately.
The main reason I'm having problems dealing with it is because I had an orgasm when I was raped. It was not the first time I had actually had sex but it was the first orgasm I had experienced. I didn't like the sex though! I didn't WANT to be raped or anything! I don't know what happened and why I had the orgasm. I feel so stupid and disgusting. What is wrong with me for doing that?!
How do I get past this and move on with my life? I keep reliving this experience and the sensation of the orgasm. It's horrible and I don't know what to think of myself. Please help...
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I am so sorry you have gone through something like this. Please understand you did not do anything to bring this on yourself. There is NOTHING a woman does, can do or they way she dresses than can justify being raped.
The fact that you had an orgasm does not mean you enjoyed being raped. Your body responded to stimulation as it would to any other stimulation. An example being you would laugh if someone tickled you in the right spot even if you didn’t want to be tickled.
I would like you to contact an organization called, RAIN, www.rain.org. They are the Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They also operate a 24/7 hotline – 1-800-656-HOPE. The trained volunteers will put you in touch with a RAINN center in your community to help you. They will work with you to find a therapist to help with the trauma, depression and any self doubt you may be suffering.
Please contact RAINN, they through their network of clinicians can help you deal with the issue(s) you have and help you start healing.
I live in a state that employess individuals at will and a friend of mine is being harassed at work by her supervisory along with one of her closest cronies. Being that she feels her supervisor will simply say, "just find another job" if she expresses her discontent, what can she do to address her situation? She also states that she feels were she to confront her manager the regional manager above her would take the supervisor's side regarding what she perceives as the maltreatment of her, other employees, and customers. Futthermore, are their any workers compensation claims she she can make regarding work related stress caused by her supervisor and her cronie?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Every State even “At Will” States have EEOC Laws which cover harassment in the workplace. The biggest problem generally is documenting and supporting the claim. My best advice here, since none of us here are lawyers, is to have your friend contact a Lawyer Specializing in Employment Law.
As to the Workman’s Compensation question; Each State administers Workman’s Compensation based on the Laws of that State. So the answer to that question would best come from a Lawyer Specializing in Employment Law.
I wish I had better answers to your questions but the advice I am giving you is the best answers I can give based on the information provided. One thing I will say is if the Workers’ Compensation Commission in your State does accept your friends claim I would think it would help her claim of Harassment in the Workplace.
Me and my boyfriend are both 16 and we had sex for the first time a couple nights ago. It took about an hour and lots of frustration to get it to even go in, I'm pretty tiny and he's...not. I guess lube or a condom could help that. I also have some extra clitoris that my gyno said many girls have. That got in the way. Does anyone else have that and how do they deal with it?
And also, I know it is supposed to hurt the first couple of times but we have done it about 10 times and it still hurts just as bad a the first. It does not feel good at all. And it should feel good, it should be great...it's SEX! What is the problem? I want it to be an enjoyable thing for both of us. I don't like it at all. Everyone loves sex! What's wrong with me?
Thanks in advance
When it comes to sex, especially for teenagers, the comfort for the female is most important. The comfort I speaking of is where and how you are having sex. Lets’ face it when it comes to sex the teenage male thinks with his penis and can have sex standing up, in the backseat of the car or in the woods. None of these places provides the comfort or security the teenage female needs to enjoy a sexual relationship.
As I was once a teenage male I believe I can say 90% of the problems you are having may be your boyfriend not providing the comfort and security you need to enjoy the sexual relations you are having. The other 10% is once you two find a place where you feel comfortable and secure; you need to teach him about your body. What you like and what you don’t like and how much foreplay you need to get excited. The teenage male generally speaking does not need a lot, if any foreplay. His mind gives him all the foreplay he needs.
I do agree with Melody that you should schedule a visit with your doctor both to speak with her/him about what you have written and for an examination to make sure you boyfriend did fully rupture and detach your hymen.
lately i've been getting headaches a lot. almost daily.. i've been to the doctor a lot about them and she thinks its stress related or anxiety and tension. i think that i have chronic tension headaches and they can't go away. someone my friend's new passed away 1 month ago from an aneyorism. i was beyond scared off aneyorisms after that and thats when my daily headaches started. i think i am just scared that will happen to me. the doctor ran tests through my eyes so she sayss theres nothing wrong with me.. but im scared what should i do..?
Seeking counseling is always a good idea when under a lot of stress. The counselors can teach you ways to relieve the stress and how to identify what is causing the your stress.
I would say one area that is causing you stress is that you are not comfortable or are untrusting of your Doctors opinion. If this is the case you are entitled to a second opinion. If you think you have an Aneurism I would suggest seeking the opinion of a Neurosurgeon.
Ther is an old saying: If it looks like a duck, quaks like a duck, it is most likely a duck. What I'm trying to say is that most of the time a headache is just that a headache. But if you are worried it is something more you should go with your feeling and have it chedked out by a specialist.
17/f..naturally.
I've been with my boyfriend for about five months now, and just recently we became sexually active. We talked about sex quite some times before, and we were both ready and he uses a condom and everything.
My mom is totally ok with him, and she thinks I've been having sex with him for a lot longer than I actually have. But I know she's okay with it and everything, just tells me to be careful and to use a condom, seeing as she knows our relationship is serious and he's a responsible guy.
However, due to the irritating irregularity of my period, but also the fact that I'm now having sex, I'd like to go on the pill.
I know my mom will be okay with it...I just have no idea how to ask her this.
It's not like we have a very open and casual relationship, thus I am finding it hard to ask her about it. I'd rather not do it behind her back, because there's no need for it.
Just looking for any tips or ways on how I should approach her about this?
Thank you.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
From what you have written it appears mom already knows you are sexually active and is okay with this. Since this is the case I would suggest you go to your mom and say something to the effect. “Mom I would like to see a doctor about going on the pill”. “Not primarily for birth control but to regulate my period and I would like you to go with me to see the doctor”. If mom is not aware of the problems you are having with your period now is the time to tell her.
Since your mom is aware of your sexual activity and it appears you and she are close. I see no reason for you to tippy toe around the subject or be fearful on how to approach her. Just remember the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. In this instance what I’m saying is ask her directly how she feels about you going on the pill. Mom may have some real or perceived problems with you going on the pill that you need to discuss with her and your doctor to make her more comfortable.
I suspect mom has a problem with birth control pills or, based on your letter, she might have already suggested to you to consider going on the Pill. So approach her directly and talk to her. Just a side note here: You legally do not need your moms’ permission to go on the pill; I think you should be proud of yourself for including your mom in this decision.
I met my husband when I was 17 and just coming out of a really bad relationship. We ended up getting married and having children.
Since we have been married I have had two emotional affairs with male friends, one about 6 years ago and one about 4 years ago. Honestly at firt it was all about the attention. I crave the rush of knowing that someone is interested in me even though I love my husband and I don't want to leave him. I eventually told my husband about the affairs and he is being as supportive as he can be. I never had sex with either of them (I did kiss them however) and I never really had the intention of consumating the relationship but on the other hand I really believed I was in love with the second one. The problem is this happens with any close male friend I have. I think that I have a serious mental issue because no matter how much my husband adores me I still crave more (other people to be interested in me, etc..) I don't want to be like this and remembering what I did to my husband kills me inside. I constantly live with the guilt and the shame and even though I have been completely honest with him (I told him that I told the second one I loved him and we kissed and he forgives me) I am scared to death that it could happen again. I don't want to be unfaithful in any way and so far i've been doing ok since the last one ended but I really need help. I do not want to continue to hurt him. How can I stop this cycle? Therapy? Medication? I completely cut any male friends out of my life already and I have no desire to form any kind of bond with any guy. This is killing me inside. Please offer any advice you can.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I believe the question you are seeking the answer too is why you crave the attention of men other than your husband? This is a very complex issue that you would do well to seek the help of a professional Therapist to answer. Why? The answer to your question is probably a deep seated issue that I would be willing to believe has nothing at all to do with your husband or your marriage. Deep seated issues are hard to access on your own but working with a skilled therapist they can be brought to the surface and the therapist can and will help you find a proper way to deal with them. Including how and why this issue surfaced.
As to any medication: Not being a medical professional I cannot truly say if medication is in order. You do not sound depressed although you sound stressed out over this issue and there are medications to help handle the stress you are experiencing. The only way to find out for sure if medication will help is to see your family doctor. Explain to your doctor what is happening and how it is affecting you and your marriage and ask for help. Most likely a full physical will be in order. Your doctor will then either prescribe for you or recommend you see another doctor. Your doctor can also recommend a therapist, or give you a list of therapists to choose from, to see for help.
This is most important: When choosing a Therapist it is important that you are fully comfortable with him/her so that you can speak openly with your Therapist. If you are not comfortable the therapy will be much harder or may not work at all, so do not be afraid to interview a few therapists before selecting one to work with.
I am lesbian and I've only had intercourse with a girl. Does that mean I'm a virgin? Today someone asked me if I was a virgin and I said "no" but really I don't know. Opinionated answers are fine with me. Just curious. Also when I have sexual intercourse with my girlfriend, we make it special. It's affectionate and we do it because we are in love. This is just so complex to get my mind around. Some define virginity as a penis going into a vagina, but isn't other forms of sex included for virginity? If people have oral sex and they never had a penis, are they a virgin? What defines sex?
The loss of virginity is most often defined for a woman is when sexual penetration of the Vagina has taken place. Whether it is with a Penis or a Dildo has no relevance.
Many women engage in oral and anal sex to preserve their virginity. To others the mere fact that they are engaged in some form of sexual relations, which would include oral and masturbation, would give them cause to believe they are no longer virgins.
What it comes down to is perspective. As I first stated the most accepted interpretation is, for a woman, is penetration. After that it is what you believe.
so i got pulled over for going over the yellow center line while i was driving. since i have never been given a warning, and it was an incredibly minor offence, i was let off the hook. he just said, ok since you havent had a warning, you are free to go.
does this constitute as a warning?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
NO, a warning is like a ticket except you do not go to court and you do not pay a fine. In a sense the Officer is putting you on Probation before Judgment. If you commit a second offense during the warning period, the judge could fine you for both offences.
Since the Officer did not issue a warning summons there is no written record of the warning. While each State operates a little different I doubt the Officer could document the verbal warning in your driving record from his cruisers computer. Our legal system does not function without paperwork to justify computer documentation. Lawyers are sticklers for documentation.
It appears to me, as the saying goes, you beat the rap on this one. What you received was a verbal warning which cannot be documented.
i rly dnt like mii name, can any1 help me?? mii name is crystal but i want a rly nice nickmane...prefebly emo and dark....??? (plz dnt mind mii spelling)
Crystal is a beautiful name I don’t know why you don’t like it, then again most kids your age don’t like the name they are given.
In order to help you with a nick name we need to know more about you. What you like or don’t like what you like to do. The type of music you like and the type of clothes you like to wear. Take your time and use the spell checker so we can understand what you’re telling us when you write back.
15/f
for about 8 months now, my eyes are very teary and watery. it lasts throughout the day and sometimes it even stings. i went to the opthomologist and she said there was "globs" and my tear ducts were swollen. nothing wrong with the cornia or anything.
now, heres the weird part. i have contacts and glasses. this has happened with the contacts in, and with my glasses on. it doesnt matter what im wearing, they still tear. it happens even without makeup on. ive tried switched makeup, and it doesnt seem to let up. in fact, i think its getting worse. its too the point where everything is watery and i can't see. ive been taking fish oil/flax seed vitamins and compressing my eyes/face, and nothing seems to be doing the trick.
anyone know of anything i can do? anything is appreciated.
I think you need to see an Ophthalmologist; this is a MD who is also an Eye Surgeon. Most people we call Eye Doctors are actually Opticians who trained to prescribe corrective lens only. If you did see an Ophthalmologist in the past then you need to go back to that doctor for a follow up visit.
None of us on this website are doctors and we cannot and should not be giving out any type of medical advice.
Your eyes are one of the most delicate organs you have and they can become irritated by a host of airborne particulates from pollen to dust to whatever other is polluting the air where you live. You need to see an eye specialist who can exam your eyes and determine what is causing your problem. Tell your parents you are still experiencing problems and that you would like to see an Ophthalmologist. Since they are Medical Doctors most Insurance plans will cover the visit.
I had a miscarriage in October 3 and a half weeks into my pregnancy. I didn't suspect I was pregnant until a couple days before the miscarriage so for about two weeks prior to that I had drank probably four times, was under a ton of stress due to college and I was drinking multiple cups of coffee a day. I always thought that my drinking and stress caused the miscarriage and when it first happened I was more in shock than anything, then relieved that I wouldn't be having a baby when I was 18.
Its all hitting me now that I was almost a mother but I keep having the thought that I'm the reason my baby didn't survive. I don't know what to do, I'm an emotional basket case from it. Every time I see a baby I get all choked up and now my boyfriend (father of the almost baby)'s sister is pretty sure that she's pregnant but she's still waiting to take a test and I'm getting all excited for it.
I just want to know how I can get past all of this, I end up crying almost daily.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
A miscarriage so early in a pregnancy is definitely no fault of the mother. There was a problem with the fetus and the body rejected it before it could cause any other problems for the mother. Definitely not your fault it happens in 1 in “x” number of pregnancies.
The bigger question here is how you are feeling about this. Any number of us can advice you that this was not your fault. You need to hear this from a professional who can help you deal withal the different emotions you are feeling right know. I am fairly certain your college has a counseling office to help students with just these types of problems. I suggest you make an appointment to meet with one of the counselors and let them help you through this. You will feel better for it and your grades will not suffer either.
Let me first start by giving you a little back ground information. My ex wife became pregnant when she was 20 and I was 19. Even though it was earlier than we both expected to become parents, we were thrilled and so excited to start our family together. We got married shortly after she gave birth to our son Matt. Soon after that, we had another son, and then a daughter. From my perspective, everything was great. That's why I was so blindsided when my wife came to me 9 months after our daughter was born claiming she wasn't ready to settle down and be a mother with divorce papers in her hand. Almost overnight, I became a 23 year old single father with a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 9 month old. After the divorce was final, I rarely heard from my ex wife. She had begun living a life that I didn't necessarily approve of filled with drugs and alcohol and, while I wanted to keep my children as far away from that as possible, she was their mother and I didn’t feel like I could entirely keep them away from her. The last straw, however, came when I let my daughter, Alyssa, (who was 6 at the time) stay with her when I took my sons on a hunting trip. I was supposed to pick her up at noon the Sunday we got back. I spent the entire afternoon calling my ex wife’s apartment with no answer. At 5 that afternoon, I finally just went over to her house where I found her front door wide open and her passed out on the couch from mixing a few too many drugs with alcohol. Her neighbor came over to the apartment and told me that my ex wife had taken Alyssa out one night and come home completely plastered. Thank god her neighbor had woken up and decided to take Alyssa back to her apartment. And this is just one example of many. After that, I told my ex wide that I didn’t want her to see our kids anymore which devastated her so much she entered rehab. She got clean and for the past ten years has seen the kids a few times despite my hesitance. My kids and I have been living a great life together away from my ex wife. A few years ago I began dating another woman whom I am now engaged too. She gets along great with my kids and is an amazing person who I know will be a good influence on my kids’ lives. My oldest son Matt is now in college, but Colton (my middle son) and Alyssa still live with me. Since I have become engaged, my ex wife has become crazy about spending time with the two of them. She wants them at her house every weekend and doesn’t want my fiancé to parent them at all. She is trying to tell my daughter all kinds of lies about why she left, and how I am a horrible person for trying to keep them from seeing her. She tells her that the entire thing was my fault and all kinds of horrible rumors about my fiancé, who went to high school with my ex wife. She has asked both of my kids to move in with her. Colton told her absolutely not, but Alyssa is confused about the whole situation and doesn’t know what she should do. I have full custody of them so essentially it is my choice about whether or not she can see them. I don’t want to take them away from my ex wife, but I don’t want to lose them myself. I am still worried that she will resort back to her old ways and put my kids in danger like she has their whole lives. Am I right to not let my daughter move in with her mom?
I believe my original answer to your question is still the correct answer. From what you have written you are right to be concerned with allowing your youngest child to be cared for by her mother. Your oldest and middle child are old enough to make their own decision about this and it appears they have done so. The last paragraph of my original answer is what I feel the most important part of my advice to you is.
Original advice:
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
The problem as I see it is with your daughter who is the youngest of the three and rightfully confused and probably torn between which parent she thinks she need to be with. A child should never be put in this position and it is my feeling your ex should not have put your daughter in such a position. Your daughter probably very conflicted by this and I would not be surprised if you are not seeing some changes in behavior and school grades.
Should you be seeing the changes I have expressed then whether or not you allow you ex to have any type of custody is not the question? The question becomes how you help your daughter. The best help I can recommend in that type of situation would be seeking the help of a Child Psychologist. Someone from outside the family your daughter and younger son if need be can confide in without worry of hurting either mom or dads feelings. This is the problem they face when one parent asks them to choose them over the other. Children naturally love both parents and so not wanting to hurt one by choosing the other.
My advice to you for now is that since you have full legal custody you tell your wife that the custody arrangements will remain as they are for now. That custody will remain this way as long as she continues to trash you and your fiancé and until she is truthful to the children about why the two of you separated. Until then you will arrange for supervised daytime visitation twice a month. Once she has met these expectations then you and she will sit down and discuss any future changes in visitation or custody before talking with the children.