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How to have the sex talk with your boyfriend?
Everyone says that we should plan ahead before my boyfriend and I have sex. I've heard things like we should talk about STDs and protection against pregnancy befoer we even start to do anything sexual. I want things to be romantic and to go smoothly when we have sex for the first time. I haven't really brought this up with my boyfriend though. I was wanting to give him my virginity on his birthday next month but I want him to know about it so he can look forward to it. How do I talk to my boyfriend about becoming intimate? What exactly should we talk about anyway? I don't want to just throw it at him and surprise him with such a serious discussion so...how do I go about this sex-talk?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I found the following website, found at bottom of this page) while answering a very similar question for another young lady. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”
On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than your partner is at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman must always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.
The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, comfortable, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.
As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you this advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is general apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.
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Set up a time to talk. That way you're not just throwing it at him. Explain that you think that you are ready to take your relationship to the next physical level, but that there are things you need to know first, before you make the decision. Make sure that you're somewhere quiet (i.e. not public!). No surprises.
A basic rundown of topics:
1) STDs
Both of you need to go get tested if either of you has had oral, anal or vaginal sex with anyone else. Do this BEFORE having sex.
2) Protection
What kinds of protection are you going to use? (I always suggest two or more: the pill/shot and condoms, preferably with a spermicidal or HPV killing lubricant). Are both of you on board with this?
3) The "what if" game
You've probably got all sorts of questions bouncing around in your head. What if I get pregnant? What if we get caught? What if... Put those doubts to use, and ask him anything that you're not sure on. If you have severely differing viewpoints, you may want to hold off for a while.
With all this taken care of before you have sex, it leaves you to enjoy the main event with much less worry. You have no idea how happy it makes me to see another young lady taking charge of things! :D
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