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My boyfriend wants to have sex but I'm not ready. What should I do?
How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to have sex right now? He told me last night that he really wants to bang me and is really looking forward to it. I tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't know I'm a virgin and so he doesn't think it's a big deal.
I'm not ready to have sex but I don't know how to tell my boyfriend that. I feel like I'm way too young to be risking myself like that and I don't think our relationship is strong enough to start having sex.
I don't want him to break up with me but I think that is where it might lead if I don't give it to him. He was so excited about it when he was talking to me and I couldn't just say, "I don't want to, really..." because I know that would let him down. What should I say to him so that he is more understanding of the situation and stops pressuring me to have sex with him? THNX
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Tell him straight up that you're not ready!
and if he doesn't understand then he obviously has no respect for you, every guy wants sex, and most of them will leave you as soon as they get it, Most girls don't end up marrying the guy they lose there virginity too, so be careful on making your decision if you're one of those people who wants to save it.
if he breaks up with you because of that then you know that's all he wanted!
second when a guy says he "wants to bang you, and is really looking forward to it"
that just gives you clues that that's ALL he wants from you, exspecially if he's pressuring you into it.
You have morals and I really respect that about you, because most girls don't.
I hope you make the right decision.
my advice is to NOT have sex with him.
I promise you'll regret it..
Hope my advice helped :)
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Say what you were going to say the first time. You seem like a level headed girl and you know what is best for you and your body. If he doesn't understand the fact that you are not ready to have sex he isn't worth it. You are so right about risking your life. There are so many things that happen when you have sex like STIs and pregnancy plus more and you seem to understand that. Birth control or not one or the other may happen. And if your relationship isn't strong to take it to the third base then why do it? you may regret it and you will only be fulfilling his needs not yours. yes in a relationship it is about fulfilling each others needs and wants but when it was to sex that's a whole different story. And there is nothing wrong with bring a virgin. the only way to make things clear is to tell him "Listen. I know you want to have sex and you may be ready but right now I don't feel that I am ready to have sex. I feel that I am too young and I feel that our relationship hasn't reached that point for me yet. I am sorry if I hurt you but I also have to think about me too." You are not being selfish you are being smart. And when someone says they want to 'bang' you like...?? lol it's your first time having sex with each other i doubt that is the word you want to hear. uumm.. i hope i helped and you seem to already know what is right and what is wrong.. :) smart ..
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You need to assert yourself.
Assertion means that you put out what you feel, let him know whats going on in your head, and stand firmly behind it.
I get it. At your age, its difficult. You have just been developing your beliefs about yourself and the world, you're not entirely there yet. You feel this is wrong for you, but you cant' stand up and shout it from the roof tops because you're not 100% sure about anything you ever think at this point.
Learning to stand behind your principles without apology or regret is a difficult thing in this world. We're told to compromise ourselves for others constantly. Don't. Don't compromise yourself.
I'm a guy. We're always horny. I'm married, and I was harassing my wife this very morning and she poked me and told me to let her sleep. We get excited about sex, but its not your job to fuck a guy because he's excited at the prospect.
First, talking about looking forward to "banging" you is rude and disrespectful. He's a young boy, he probably doesn't know any better, but you're encouraging bad behavior.
How best to approach the situation?
Tell him, up front and point blank, that you don't appreciate him putting sex down as an expectation. Tell him that you're a virgin, you like him, but sex is not currently on the table and if and when it becomes an option _you'll_ let _him_ know.
Being assertive is about not being ashamed of what you think and believe, especially when it comes to yourself. Its an important habit to establish, because guys can and will walk all over a girl. We've been the masters of the world for 2000 years now, and we're just breaking into areas of greater equality. There are alot of habits on the guys side that must be broken, things like telling a girl we're dating we can't wait to "bang them".
I stopped dating virgins when I was younger, because of situations like this, because I'm laid back enough that more than one girl has said yes to me without ever expressing to me the kinds of hesitation you have now. The last girl I dated slept with me on the second date and then clammed up because she felt she'd had sex too soon and things fell apart (this was years ago, I'm married to someone now).
You need to tell him now you feel, and you need to not be sorry you feel that way. Guys aren't good at figuring girls out, we run off logic and you run off emotion. Let him know how you feel now, or things will fall apart when it all gets to be too much and you unload on him all the little resentments you have from giving him what he wants without ever raising an objection.
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Tell him no, and that that's final until you bring it up again. Tell him you're too young, that you want to wait and make sure it's with the right person.
If he breaks up with you over that, trust me, you DO want him to break up with you!
You want your first time to be with someone you love who loves you back, with mutual respect. This sort of behaviour is not respectful to you.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
There is an old saying; “The truth will set you free”. Try and remember this anytime you have a tough question to answer or decision to make.
As to this question: Do not let your boyfriend force you into anything you are not prepared to do. The reasons you gave for not wanting to have sex at this time showed good common sense on your part. The three most important reasons you gave; “I’m not ready yet”, “I’m too young,” and very important, “I don’t think our relationship is strong enough.” These answers, which you gave yourself, show a great deal of maturity on your part be you 13 or 21 these are all good reasons not to engage in a sexual relationship with someone.
So what do you tell your boyfriend? You tell him straight out that you are not ready to have sex with him or anyone else at this time. That you are a Virgin and when you are ready for sex, if you two are still dating, you would be happy to lose your virginity to him.
If he cannot accept this then the love you feel for him is not being returned. What he is returning is lust and lust is not love. Unfortunately teenage boys, when it comes to dating, think more with the head that is in their pants then the one that is between their shoulders. Those that do see only your outer beauty and not the inner beauty that makes you the mature person you are. If this is all your boyfriend sees in you cast him off and as the saying goes; Cast your line into the sea.” There are plenty more fish from where he came and I can assure you there is somebody out there who will see you for your inner beauty. When you find that person it will make your first sexual experience all the more wonderful.
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