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I think I may have a serious problem
I met my husband when I was 17 and just coming out of a really bad relationship. We ended up getting married and having children.
Since we have been married I have had two emotional affairs with male friends, one about 6 years ago and one about 4 years ago. Honestly at firt it was all about the attention. I crave the rush of knowing that someone is interested in me even though I love my husband and I don't want to leave him. I eventually told my husband about the affairs and he is being as supportive as he can be. I never had sex with either of them (I did kiss them however) and I never really had the intention of consumating the relationship but on the other hand I really believed I was in love with the second one. The problem is this happens with any close male friend I have. I think that I have a serious mental issue because no matter how much my husband adores me I still crave more (other people to be interested in me, etc..) I don't want to be like this and remembering what I did to my husband kills me inside. I constantly live with the guilt and the shame and even though I have been completely honest with him (I told him that I told the second one I loved him and we kissed and he forgives me) I am scared to death that it could happen again. I don't want to be unfaithful in any way and so far i've been doing ok since the last one ended but I really need help. I do not want to continue to hurt him. How can I stop this cycle? Therapy? Medication? I completely cut any male friends out of my life already and I have no desire to form any kind of bond with any guy. This is killing me inside. Please offer any advice you can.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I believe the question you are seeking the answer too is why you crave the attention of men other than your husband? This is a very complex issue that you would do well to seek the help of a professional Therapist to answer. Why? The answer to your question is probably a deep seated issue that I would be willing to believe has nothing at all to do with your husband or your marriage. Deep seated issues are hard to access on your own but working with a skilled therapist they can be brought to the surface and the therapist can and will help you find a proper way to deal with them. Including how and why this issue surfaced.
As to any medication: Not being a medical professional I cannot truly say if medication is in order. You do not sound depressed although you sound stressed out over this issue and there are medications to help handle the stress you are experiencing. The only way to find out for sure if medication will help is to see your family doctor. Explain to your doctor what is happening and how it is affecting you and your marriage and ask for help. Most likely a full physical will be in order. Your doctor will then either prescribe for you or recommend you see another doctor. Your doctor can also recommend a therapist, or give you a list of therapists to choose from, to see for help.
This is most important: When choosing a Therapist it is important that you are fully comfortable with him/her so that you can speak openly with your Therapist. If you are not comfortable the therapy will be much harder or may not work at all, so do not be afraid to interview a few therapists before selecting one to work with.
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You can try therpy. I believe if you truely love your husband with no deep down second thoughts you wouldnt do that. I got married at 18 and I had second thoghts at first regretting it, its to soon. but why would it be to soon if i truely love him which i do. so that in mind try therpy to help you google it online and see if it is a problem. How old is your youngest child. could you be going through post partum depression do you have any other signs other than just craving attenetion. spend time with your children to get over the craving stage thing. Your kids grow up so fast I am sure you know that. I have a 6 year old step son and a 3 year old of my own. also one due any day now and they grow up fast keep your mine occupied with them.
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seems to me your on the right track.i mean any girl would love the attention so that she can feel beautiful and cared for.
what your doing is good.cutting off all tiesd with any male friends is the best option.if you ever get the urge to become unfaithful then you need to think deeply into what your doing.think about your husband and all the years hes stood by you.think about the good times you had with him as well as the times hes been there for you and forgiven you for all the hurtful things youv done to him.remember that hes the man you wnat to be with for the rest of your life and by being and faithfuln it will sabatage all of this.everything you worked upto will be thrown away.think fo your childrena dn how much theyd hate you to know your kissing another man holding another man's hand thats not their father's.
on top of this i really think you and your husband need to go out on your own more.spend more time together away from the children and feel 17 again.you need to rebuild that passion and intimacy before it dies off.feed your love,feed it to the fullest so it doesnt starev and die out.
i really dont think theres anything more you can do but i hope this helped!
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