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feeling depressed and low about husbands behaviour
I have been married for 20 years. My husband has continuously led his life going out and has hobbies that keep him very busy. He has travelled to different countries to fulfil his hobby. He also joined a gym whilst I was at home with the children, he start kick boxing and goes cycling with friends. I used to enjoy music and learned classical music whilst I was younger but could not continue with this with my responsibilies. I helped look after his parents when they were ill and continously cook for them, cleaned their house and garden. I thought I could deal with this as he seemed to love me but he was always not icluding me in decisions. He did do the odd really nice thing for me but I have slowly got more sad. He has said some horrible things to me and lately I have felt so isolated that I have become depressed but he refuses to acknowledge this and we don't speak but I am always tearful. I feel I am doing something bad because he has been ok with me. How can I improve my relationship with him. I am 47 years old and have 3 beautiful children that I am totally devoted to helping but I feel I am bringing them down because they see me crying all the time.
Many thanks
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Marital counseling.
Go talk to a counselor alone first, without telling him. Talk to several if you need to, try to find one you think he'd talk to. Then drag him up there.
Your situation sounds incredibly complicated, and this solution involves your husband, whom we do not know and can't get an accurate picture of.
You need on the ground feedback, someone who can see both of you, make their own observations, and is trained to help couples sort stuff like this out.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
First see a doctor about your depression. It will not be possible to see anything clearly through the fog of depression. Your doctor may prescribe medication or refer you to another doctor to evaluate your depression and prescribe for you. Therapy will also most likely be recommended to work through the cause of your depression.
It will be in therapy that you will find the root cause of your depression and how best to go about correcting or avoiding what is causing it. At some point your therapist may suggest your husband join you in a therapy session. Wait until the therapist asks for him to do so before you approach him on the subject.
I have suffered from depression for a number of years and while I am in recovery or remission, whichever you care to call it, I know how scary be depressed can be. I also know that I was depressed long before I was diagnosed and that while depressed many things that happened were taken wrong. Things seen through the eyes of the depression tend to be distorted and you will swear something was that was most likely altogether different than you perceived it to be.
So before you start lashing out at your husband, or do something you will probably regret later; see your doctor about your depression.
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