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I had an orgasm when I was being raped...
I was raped last summer and I just can't get it out of my head. It was the worst thing that has EVER happened to me. I was staying with my dad at his house and I went to hang out with some people there and when I was walking home this guy totally raped me. I was frightened and I'm still not over it even though I told both of my parents immediately.
The main reason I'm having problems dealing with it is because I had an orgasm when I was raped. It was not the first time I had actually had sex but it was the first orgasm I had experienced. I didn't like the sex though! I didn't WANT to be raped or anything! I don't know what happened and why I had the orgasm. I feel so stupid and disgusting. What is wrong with me for doing that?!
How do I get past this and move on with my life? I keep reliving this experience and the sensation of the orgasm. It's horrible and I don't know what to think of myself. Please help...
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Wow. First off, I'm sorry that happened to you. Second, you need to see a counselor. There are alot of underlying issues here that no one on this site is skilled enough to know or explain, and you need someone who knows more than we do to help guide you through recovery.
Talk to your parents about it. Today. Ask them if you can talk to a counselor or therapist about it. There's no shame, everyone's got issues they could use a guiding hand with (mine revolve around my parents, just so you know I'm not just saying that)
Orgasm is a result of biological stimuli. Being in a situation as traumatic and threatening as rape heightens sensation and can often even have a bit of a time dialation effect. This is instinct, fight or flight response, as your body prepares itself to react to defend itself in an instant. Blood vessels expand to handle greater oxygen flow to the muscles, pupils dialate, and nerves begin firing regularly so actual physical sensation is heightened for the instant detection of physical pain.
This process is virtually identical to higher levels of sexual arousal. When you become aroused, you flush red as your blood vessels open, your nerves begin firing to detect and enjoy pleasure, your pupils dialate,your heart rate increases, and your muscles tense, ready to respond to the situation as needed.
The sensation of sex is pleasurable. Thats human design, you can't work around it. If what happened was not directly physically painful, there's nothing there to fight the pleasure sensations.
It is quite literally _normal_ to experience what you experienced in your situation. To be completely and totally mentally opposed to whats going on, and yet to experience the physical sensation of orgasm. You know that for men, the prostate is roughly equivalent to the G spot? Which kind of begs the question as to whether men were designed to occasionally engage in gay sex. But anyway, men raped in prison often achieve erection and even climax from prostate stimulation. Same situation, if the sex is not directly painful, there's nothing to stop the physical sensation of pleasure, and the heightened physical and emotional state from fight or flight responses makes certain reactions inevitable for some people. Even when pain is present, sometimes its not enough to overcome other physical stimulation. It depends alot on the person in question and how much sensation their body is capable of getting out of something.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I am so sorry you have gone through something like this. Please understand you did not do anything to bring this on yourself. There is NOTHING a woman does, can do or they way she dresses than can justify being raped.
The fact that you had an orgasm does not mean you enjoyed being raped. Your body responded to stimulation as it would to any other stimulation. An example being you would laugh if someone tickled you in the right spot even if you didn’t want to be tickled.
I would like you to contact an organization called, RAIN, www.rain.org. They are the Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They also operate a 24/7 hotline – 1-800-656-HOPE. The trained volunteers will put you in touch with a RAINN center in your community to help you. They will work with you to find a therapist to help with the trauma, depression and any self doubt you may be suffering.
Please contact RAINN, they through their network of clinicians can help you deal with the issue(s) you have and help you start healing.
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Sorry to hear about it.
The one thing I can tell you is that an orgasm is a <b>physical reaction</b>, and it does NOT necessarily mean that you liked or wanted the sex. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
There is only so much people on the internet can do. Please seek professional help.
I hope you get better.
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