Question Posted Thursday February 18 2010, 8:24 am
I was raped last summer and I just can't get it out of my head. It was the worst thing that has EVER happened to me. I was staying with my dad at his house and I went to hang out with some people there and when I was walking home this guy totally raped me. I was frightened and I'm still not over it even though I told both of my parents immediately.
The main reason I'm having problems dealing with it is because I had an orgasm when I was raped. It was not the first time I had actually had sex but it was the first orgasm I had experienced. I didn't like the sex though! I didn't WANT to be raped or anything! I don't know what happened and why I had the orgasm. I feel so stupid and disgusting. What is wrong with me for doing that?!
How do I get past this and move on with my life? I keep reliving this experience and the sensation of the orgasm. It's horrible and I don't know what to think of myself. Please help...
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category? Maybe give some free advice about: Health? StillApes answered Monday March 31 2014, 11:01 am: I am posting this on the chance the OP is still struggling with this. It is a subject I have studied intimately. I am not a Dr though I have little respect for the current state of the profession anyway. WittyUsernameHere touched on something that I feel gives insight to something that is always ignored. The human body is designed for rape. I believe the Gspot and the prostate being in the same relative position is no accident. The behavioral impact when either are aggressively stimulated are similar aswell. It tends to take the fight out of the victim. It also opens the door for bonding between the attacker and the victim. I think it is called Stockholm syndrome today when this occurs. As an animal the human survived by the manufacture and application of light hand tools carried over long distances. As hunters we are endurance pack hunters. Our way of locomotion being bipedal makes our gate more efficient. I psych 101 they taught us that a womans breasts look the way they do to mimic the rear cheeks. There is no doubt that the image of both are very "magnetic". Now keeping all of that in mind imagine running across the savanah 20000 years ago. I have a feeling young fertile humans would have done alot of racing. I also suspect look at the cheeks up ahead would make for great motivation. Once a rape is in progress you have lost the fight. I feel biology gave us a coping mechanism. First it's hard to fight somebody during an orgasm. Since you are already overpowered fighting simply increases chances of injury. Prior to civilized men who would fight such activity the victim would most likely have had to continue to be exposed to the attacker. One chemical in the body that has major impact is Oxytocin which plays an important role in the neuroanatomy of intimacy, specifically in sexual reproduction, in particular during and after childbirth. It is released in large amounts after distension of the cervix and uterus during labor, facilitating birth, maternal bonding, and, after stimulation of the nipples, lactation. Both childbirth and milk ejection result from positive feedback mechanisms. We also have this stimulation when we hold a puppy of have an orgasm. If the aggressor is on the back of the victim during intercourse the gspot or prostate is likely to be heavily stimulated. This is exactly the position that presents the least risk of injury to the attacker. YOu did not want it to happen but it did. YOu did not want it to feel that way but ut did. You feel like you should be ashamed because society expects you to be ashamed for deriving potive stimulation from it. Well I say ignore them. Those feeling were natures medications and if guilt were not involved it would have reduced the stress of the situation a little rather than increase it. I do not feel a rape is any more damaging then getting beaten violently. However we are supposed to easily get over one but the other is somehow supposed to be worse. It is not. I am sorry these things happen to anyone. But believe me that guilt will hurt you far more than the rape did if you can not let it go. I hope you are healing. [ StillApes's advice column | Ask StillApes A Question ]
loveboy answered Friday May 27 2011, 3:11 am: I think it means you must have had some sort of arousal during the encounter for you to have your first orgasm. Something about it must have excited you. Was it obvious to him that you climaxed? What was going through your mind when you felt your orgasm building up? Try not to worry about it so much, and just remember it for the physical pleasure that you felt. [ loveboy's advice column | Ask loveboy A Question ]
WittyUsernameHere answered Friday February 19 2010, 5:32 pm: Wow. First off, I'm sorry that happened to you. Second, you need to see a counselor. There are alot of underlying issues here that no one on this site is skilled enough to know or explain, and you need someone who knows more than we do to help guide you through recovery.
Talk to your parents about it. Today. Ask them if you can talk to a counselor or therapist about it. There's no shame, everyone's got issues they could use a guiding hand with (mine revolve around my parents, just so you know I'm not just saying that)
Orgasm is a result of biological stimuli. Being in a situation as traumatic and threatening as rape heightens sensation and can often even have a bit of a time dialation effect. This is instinct, fight or flight response, as your body prepares itself to react to defend itself in an instant. Blood vessels expand to handle greater oxygen flow to the muscles, pupils dialate, and nerves begin firing regularly so actual physical sensation is heightened for the instant detection of physical pain.
This process is virtually identical to higher levels of sexual arousal. When you become aroused, you flush red as your blood vessels open, your nerves begin firing to detect and enjoy pleasure, your pupils dialate,your heart rate increases, and your muscles tense, ready to respond to the situation as needed.
The sensation of sex is pleasurable. Thats human design, you can't work around it. If what happened was not directly physically painful, there's nothing there to fight the pleasure sensations.
It is quite literally _normal_ to experience what you experienced in your situation. To be completely and totally mentally opposed to whats going on, and yet to experience the physical sensation of orgasm. You know that for men, the prostate is roughly equivalent to the G spot? Which kind of begs the question as to whether men were designed to occasionally engage in gay sex. But anyway, men raped in prison often achieve erection and even climax from prostate stimulation. Same situation, if the sex is not directly painful, there's nothing to stop the physical sensation of pleasure, and the heightened physical and emotional state from fight or flight responses makes certain reactions inevitable for some people. Even when pain is present, sometimes its not enough to overcome other physical stimulation. It depends alot on the person in question and how much sensation their body is capable of getting out of something. [ WittyUsernameHere's advice column | Ask WittyUsernameHere A Question ]
adviceman49 answered Thursday February 18 2010, 1:57 pm: I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I am so sorry you have gone through something like this. Please understand you did not do anything to bring this on yourself. There is NOTHING a woman does, can do or they way she dresses than can justify being raped.
The fact that you had an orgasm does not mean you enjoyed being raped. Your body responded to stimulation as it would to any other stimulation. An example being you would laugh if someone tickled you in the right spot even if you didn’t want to be tickled.
I would like you to contact an organization called, RAIN, www.rain.org. They are the Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They also operate a 24/7 hotline – 1-800-656-HOPE. The trained volunteers will put you in touch with a RAINN center in your community to help you. They will work with you to find a therapist to help with the trauma, depression and any self doubt you may be suffering.
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