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How do you know when you're really ready for sex?
I've been seeing this guy for two months now and he's pretty terrific. About a week ago we started to talk about having sex. I've never had sex before but he's been with two girls previously. He says he knows what to do so it won't be so clumsy and awkward but I'm kind of stuck on if I should have sex with him or not.
I don't really love this guy is one problem and everybody says I should love someone before I let them do it with me. The other problem is that I sort-of already told him that I'd give him my virginity so I feel stupid if I turn around and say nevermind. See, I really wanted to give him a boner so I started talking it up and he got really excited about it. I did get him to get hard about it but now I know I'm such a tease...but I don't want to be lying to him!
My mom would literally choke me to death if I got pregnant though. My boyfriend said he has some condoms but I've heard that those break sometimes and that worries me.
I know it's just sex and if I just go on and get it over with then it won't be a big deal. I want to be ready for this though so if we end up doing it this weekend I will be prepared. How do I know if I'm really ready to have sex? What should I get some information on before I let him put it in me? He really wants this and I think I do too..?
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
You know your ready for sex when you have a deep connection with someone. Losing your virginity is never easy and you want to make sure its with someone you are completely comfortable with.
Just because you promised someone u would loose your viriginity to them does not mean that you actually have to. It doesnt make you a bad person and honestly they will just have to get over it.
Anyone who pressures you to have sex is just a waste of time.
Sex is a big deal especially the first time. You may become emotional afterwords or get rather clingy. Thats why you want to be with the person for awhile and make sure that they are someone u want to be with for a long time.
Loosing your viriginty on a random relationship that you dont even really care about is something you'll grow to regret.
If your not 100 percent sure about loosing it to this boy, then your not ready.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
I found the following website while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”
On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than fore the boy. Sex for a woman most always must have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.
The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Sex, especially your first time is a big deal. Sex can be and is wonderful when you are mature enough to engage in it. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.
As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you the t advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is general apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.
Before you make your decision please review the following website.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
P.s. If you’re not ready just say no, you are allowed to change your mind. There are other ways to satisfy the “boner” you give him other than intercourse.
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First things first: Just because he has had sex with other women does NOT mean that it won't be awkward and clumsy! It's always awkward the first few times, no matter how many other people you've had sex with. Just think of driving... if you switch cars, things will be weird with the new one for a while, right?
If you do choose to have sex with him, here's my rundown of things every woman should do before having sex:
1) STDs
Both of you need to go get tested if either of you has had oral, anal or vaginal sex with anyone else. Do this BEFORE having sex.
2) Protection
What kinds of protection are you going to use? (I always suggest two or more: the pill/shot and condoms, preferably with a spermicidal or HPV killing lubricant). Are both of you on board with this?
3) The "what if" game
You've probably got all sorts of questions bouncing around in your head. What if I get pregnant? What if we get caught? What if... Put those doubts to use, and ask him anything that you're not sure on. If you have severely differing viewpoints, you may want to hold off for a while.
So. As for the rest... if you're not sure about having sex with him, hold off for a while. Hey, you said you'd give him your virginity, but that doesn't mean right now, does it? Wait as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable. Tell him that's what you're doing, and that until you tell him yes, he's getting nowhere. If you're not comfortable in the end or if he's immature about it, then don't have sex with him.
As for not loving him, I'd say that is essential. It's messy, it's awkward, it's a little painful. You need to be with someone you love and trust completely in order to fully enjoy sex. That's yet another reason why waiting is good.
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