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CONFUSED
f/15
My first time having sex was with a guy who continued and had sex with me even when he knew i didn't want to and after i had said no and asked to him wait and stop.He lost control. Afterwards he apologized. He's 18 and i haven't talked to him since.
I'm confused now because i can't seem to remeber a lot about it anymore. All i can remeber is saying no and him coming inside of me and it hurting A LOT. After that, i completely blank out. He said it was about 15-20 minutes but all i can remeber is the very beginning and then end when i completely freaked out and made an embarrassing scene trying to get to my feet, falling, and trembling and crying like a moron.
I was just wondering if it's maybe normal,or, well i know it's not normal to not remeber anything, but i guess my question is...i should get this checked out maybe huh?
sorry if this was a stupid question. any advice though, i'd really appreciate. thanks.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Based on what you have written you were raped in two ways. First: You said NO and no means NO. His losing control is no excuse. Second: You are fifteen, a minor; he is eighteen, an adult that makes any sexual relation between the two of you, even consensual sex,statutory rape. The fact that you blacked out tells me you know you were raped.
Your boyfriend being 18 years old may also guilty of contributing to the delinquency of a minor if he claims you consented. It is one of those flukes in the law.
Here is what I believe you should do:
1. You need to tell your parents what happened. Remember you were raped; this is not anything you brought on yourself. So yes your parents are going to be upset and most likely will even get very angry. Their anger will not be directed at you but at the boy who raped you.
2. Call the police and file a criminal complaint. Hopefully you have not washed the clothes and under garments you were wearing, specifically your panties.
3. Go to the nearest hospital for an examination. The police will most likely want to send someone with you. This is a chain of evidence thing so allow them to do so.
4. Get some counseling: Depending on where you live there should be a National Rape crisis hot line you can call that will put you in touch with counselors in your community. One such crisis hotline is, RAIN, www.rain.org. They are the Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They also operate a 24/7 hotline – 1-800-656-HOPE. The trained volunteers will put you in touch with a RAINN center in your community to help you.
Most likely the police or hospital will offer you this information when you see them. Even though you say you don’t remember what happened your sub-conscience does, so get some counseling to help you avoid some of the problems this type of violation can bring on.
Most importantly is your need the love and support of your family at this time. As I stated at the beginning; I am old enough to be your grandfather; if you were my daughter or granddaughter I would first hope nothing like this would ever happen to you. If it did I would want you to feel you could come to me for help. The most important job as a parent or even a grandparent is to protect my children and grandchildren.
You were raped; you did not ask to be raped and nothing you could possibly do could cause you to be raped. The fault for this falls all on boyfriend. He must be made to pay for his crime. If you do nothing he will rape again. I know it will be trying on you to go through the legal process to bring him to justice, but if you show resolve he may want to avoid a trial and the harsher penalties that come with one
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Hey there,
The situation that you just described sounds like a really tough one. I can't even imagine how you may be feeling right now because I know you were forced to do something that you didn't want to do. So first I would definitely suggest getting checked up by your regular doctor because if the guy really did do all those things, especially inside you, it's better to know if something's physically wrong with your body rather than to find out later when things might get worse.
As for your reaction being normal, it actually kind of is. In situations like yours, many people actually black out for a while because the whole thing is really traumatic. In otherwords, think of it as your brain's way of protecting you. You may still have memories about what happened, but they may just be repressed (hidden deep in your mind somewhere). In that case you might want to go to a counselor, or maybe your parents first, to help you figure out what's going on and what to do.
I hope everything works out for you, and remember to take care of yourself. And by the way, your question was NOT a stupid one because I'm sure there are a lot of other girls who have been in your situation before. :)
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