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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
From the time I was almost two my mom hasn't been there for me. Shocking, considering it's usually the father that leaves the kids with the mother. No, in my case it was the other way around. My dad raised my brother and I alone while she raised our half-brother on her own.
When I say she's never been there for me, I really do mean she's never been there for me. I'm about to turn 19; if I added up all of the time I've spent with her (seconds, minutes, hours, days) it'd probably be somewhere around a year/ year and a half that I've spent with her. And that's giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Recently, she had my half-brother go meet her (by the way, she drives an 18-wheel truck for American Express; she's ALWAYS gone). She had him lie to me so I wouldn't go with him. I found out because he tripped and fell, fracturing his shoulder. When he told me the story I was confused; why was he at a truck stop, he said he was going to his friend's house. Secret revealed, and when I asked my mom about it she said I overreacted and needed to be more mature. Yeah, sure I do, I thought. You're the one that's never been there for me anyway, why should I take your advice.
Now I'm noticing that she calls my half-brother, but not me. I really don't know why. Maybe it's because she found out I found a few cassette tape recordings from the custody battle/child support hearings my parents' attended, or because I'm starting to stand up for myself.
She always seems to just want to be my friend instead of my mom. She's there when it's convenient FOR HER.
Is that right, or is she right by saying I'm "overreacting" ?
This has me really screwed up, worse than my parents' divorce, I'm contemplating cutting her out of my life for my own sanity.
Biologically your mother will always be your mother; this is a fact of life that cannot be changed. The fact that as you say, she has never been there for you is also something that cannot be changed.
What you do have control over is your future relationship with her. I also understand the wanting as a child the nurturing that only a mother can give. I fairly certain the tapes you found caused a deep hurt for you. Fact is you cannot change the past.
It has taken me 55 years to find this out about one of my parents. What I have chosen to do is what I feel is right for me and may not be right for you so if you do not mind I will keep this to myself so that it does not influence what you do. What you need to do is sit down and think about what it is you want in a relationship with your mother. You may even want to write these things down. Once you have identified these things be as honest with yourself as you can be and review this list to find those among your list that can be obtained. Then decide if these things that are obtainable will be enough to satisfy what you want in a relationship.
You know where your mother stands as far as a relationship with you is; it is one of connivance and is one that is on her terms. Nowhere is it written that you have to love your parent(s) and have a loving relationship with them as an adult. It is written that one must respect their parents. By respect I mean be pleasant when and if they contact you. Surprisingly parents change a little when grandchildren arrive. Sometimes they see grandchildren as a way to amend for the mistakes they made as parents. There are other reasons as well that we need not go into here.
The choice you make is not going to be an easy one. I can tell from what you have written that the preference shown your half-brother has hurt you deeply. I would suggest that you seek the help of a qualified clinical psychologist to help you sort out your feelings. I did and it was a great help in not just making the decision I made but why certain things happen and why I felt as I did. Why I was making the decision I made.
I am comfortable with the decision I made, you will be too if you take the time to really think about what you want. Getting help from a clinical psychologist will also help you deal with the depressing feelings you have in general about this matter. Ultimately the decision you make will be yours and no one else’s. I am confident you will make the decision that is right for you.
20 ..female.
I'm beginning to be quite confused about most guys being turned on about a girl being a virgin.
In my mind, a guy would be turned off because you're not experienced. And everyone says, a guy would looove to take a virginity from a girl but I would see it the exact opposite. Wouldn't a guy be afraid to take a girls virginity because he would think the girl would then become attached, and maybe even annoying/obsessive? That is, if he's not you're boyfriend.
I don't know maybe I look at it wrong. But everytime I tell a guy i'm a virgin i'm always thinking they're like .. "this girl can't get any?" or she's not experienced ..definitely doesn't know what shes doing. And i'm a pretty girl, comfortable with my body so yes i've had so many opportunities to do it, just not going to. Just things like that and feeling like it ruins everything. But people tell me most of the time its a turn on for guys.
Can someone please help explain this to me!?
The short answer to your question is twofold. The turn on to the high school boy is the conquest. The turn on to the mature man is the love and respect he feels by receiving your greatest gift.
You have to admit that a 20 year old virgin is rare these days. That is not to say there is anything wrong with your choice to remaining a virgin until you meet the right guy or until you decide to marry. The reason for you remaining a virgin is really no one’s business then your own; unless of course it is one made out of fear. The fear of getting pregnant is not the fear I am thinking of. I’m thinking of irrational type fears that prevent you from having sex. Could you fear having a guy see you naked? This would be an example of an unnatural fear. If you have an unnatural fear then I would suggest seeing a therapist to work through whatever this fear may be. Otherwise enjoy life and when you are ready, whenever your plan calls for you to have sex; then follow your plan.
As for the reason guys obsess over virgins; there are two. First, there are the immature ones who think more with the head in their pants then the one between their shoulder blades. For this type it is all about conquest and notches on their gun belt. You meet this guy more in high school then in most any other place as it is the bragging rights they are looking for first, lust is second and there is really no third one for once they have convinced you to let them have your virginity they start looking for their next conquest.
The second reason is far more complicated and complex. There are of course the Cultural and Religious aspects to be considered although I do not think this is what you are asking about. The more mature boy does not engage in sex as sport and see a woman’s virginity for what it is something to be cherished.
I cannot think of any young boy who has not spent his teen aged years trying to have sex, it is a hormonal thing for him. He needs to ejaculate to quiet the raging hormones, thus he looks for a female willing to accommodate him. It is a game for him and his buddies to see who can have sex the most often add extra points for the guy that takes the girls virginity. The more mature man is looking for a life mate and is not looking for someone who has spent her teenage years sleeping with every guy she has dated. This man values your virginity because you waited for him, because you feel comfortable with him and that you have a love and respect for him that is equal to his for you.
The parent and grandparent in me lend me to offer this advice. You can only give your virginity to one man. When you are ready make sure it is with someone you respect, who most importantly respects you and hopefully someone you love and loves you. Sex between consenting adults is a wonderful thing. By consenting I do not just me that both partners agree to having sex, I mean that you are doing so without violating your own principals. One can consent and then feel dirty because they violated their own principals.
I have problem with my older brother. He is 18, lives at home, and goes to community college. "Steve" also has a part time job where he earns little money. My problem is that he is lazy, rude, selfish, and inconsiderate to name a few things. He does almost no chores, leaves messes everywhere, and uses and steals my things without my permission. He gets defensive when ever I or my parents mention these things. He won't even look for his own place or a better job. Is there anything I can do? He is getting on everyone's nerves and I would really appreciate some advice.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Everyone is entitled to their privacy, this includes younger siblings. Putting a lock on your door may or may not help as interior doors are easy to penetrate unless you use a hasp or deadbolt type lock.
The problem though as I see it, using some knee jerk psychology, is not so much invasion of privacy or that your brother is a lazy slob. The problem is your brother has a problem: They may be low self-esteem, teenage depression, some type of undiagnosed medical problem or even an undiagnosed learning disorder.
My advice is that you suggest to your parents that before everyone writes your brother off as just being a lazy slob, or that this is just a teenage phase he is going through that he will grow out of, that they take him to the family doctor. Have the family doctor give him a complete physical, screen him for depression and ADHD or refer him to a doctor or clinic to be screened. Have him tested for any learning disorder; the Community College can help with this.
Your brother may not be what he appears to be. Once you have him fully evaluated medically and screened for any learning disorders you will then know what you are dealing with. Your brother may be reacting to how he feels and not know how to tell your parents as he has probably felt this way for a long time.
To many time we parents write things off as phases children go through as children just being lazy when in fact it is actually something else that we can deal with and help them. Not every disorder manifests itself as we might think. It takes a trained professional to identify and then treat these problems.
i posted a question on here recently about liking it when my boyfriend slaps me, bites me, smacks me, etc. we only started doing stuff like this the other day, and only when i ask him to.
but today something happened that kind of threw me off guard and worried me a bit. see, he's the type who doesnt believe in using "unnatural" drugs. like, anything that isn't weed or shrooms. (he's made it quite clear that if i do anything other than those two substances, he'll leave me) but today i was trying to be honest with him and told him about some experimenting that i contributed in with one of my friends several months ago. after i told him he slapped me. it didnt harm me, but i was still shocked. i hadn't asked him to, and he's never been the type to hit me when he's angry. he felt horrible and apologized when he noticed that i didn't like it.
i forgave him but it got me to thinking; since i've told him that i get off from being slapped, i'm concerned that maybe this will give him permission to slap me even when i don't ask for it. i only ask to be slapped, obviously, when i'm in "the mood". i'm sure he knows that, but i also think i should talk to him about it. since the non-consentual hitting has only happened once, should i not be concerned?
You said you liked my last answer, hopefully you listen to what I am about to say. Let’s deal with the slapping first.
It is one thing to be spanked or slapped consensually during sex. It is a whole other thing to be slapped out of the blue when you disagree with him. This is called abuse and in most states would fall under a domestic abuse statue. Meaning he has committed a crime by striking you, that is how serious this is. Whether this would be a felony or misdemeanor offence would be up to the laws in your state and could mean serious jail time for him if convicted.
Women are not punching bags for men. There is nothing more that needs to be said on that subject. By punching you he is showing you his controlling side. By allowing him to get away with it his controlling you are allowing his controlling influence to grow. My advice is to tell him you will not see him again; one punch is one punch to many. Controllers are hard to change as it is a character flaw and will take a lot of hard work with professional help to change.
Now as to drugs; I do not condone the use of any type of street drugs, natural or unnatural. No matter how safe you think the drug may be or how careful you think you are being; when you least expect it the drug can turn on you. I know I have spent a good part of my life responding to calls attempting to save the life of those who thought the drug they were using was safe only to end up in my ambulance being rushed to the hospital. Some lived some didn’t. I did this as a volunteer, in my professional life I taught safety.
I would open my meetings by asking everyone to stand and shake the hands of those around them. Then I would ask them to point out who the other person was. Why, well as we all know accidents only happen to the other guy so if they could point out the other guy the rest could leave and I would meet just with him/her.
One day I became the other guy when I became involved in a major auto accident. As a result of the accident I was forced to retire at an early age. Driving over 40,000 miles a year I considered myself a professional driver who could avoid accidents, I never considered I would be rear-ended while stopped for a traffic light.
If I can have an accident you can get a hold of bad drugs, natural or otherwise. So as a favor to me, give up the drugs and just get high on life.
loll so im 18 and one of my breasts is bigger than the other. will it ever catch up to the other or am i pretty much done growing and gonna be stuck with uneven boobs for the rest of my life?! is there a certain age or time after puberty that they stop growing?
I recently watched a medical documentary on this subject on one of the cable channels, possibly Discovery Health. According to what I watched it is not unusual for women to have unequal breasts. Usually the difference is very small and not something that is noticeable when dressed in say a bathing suit or unpadded bra. This is called Unequal and Tubular Breasts. Correction for this is through breast augmentation or reduction.
At 18 years of age you may not be finished developing. For some the body continues to grow and develop as late as 21- to 25r years of age. I would suggest you speak with your doctor about the condition and then possibly a plastic surgeon.
Will insurance cover surgical correction? This will depend on the type of insurance coverage you have and how unequal your breasts are. You could learn more about this by typing “unequal breasts” into a search engine. I did and found a number of references you may wish to look at.
The most important thing for you to do is: If the size difference in your breasts bothers you, you should seek a medical opinion as to why and what you can or should do to correct the problem.
lately i've noticed that i get off from being biten, smacked, and tied up. my boyfriend plays along but i think it creeps him out, he just won't say anything since i obviously enjoy it.
am i weird?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I am not going to say if you are or are not kinky for my views on sex is like my view on beauty which is; “it is in the eyes of the beholder”. To some people any type of sex other than the missionary position would be considered kinky.
What is important about sex is that both are consenting adults, hopefully you are adults, and that both partners are comfortable with what the other partner wants to do. A few examples would be say: water-sports; that is where one person pees on the other. If both agree it is only kinky to those who would never commit to do so. Spanking would be another form most people think is kinky. Who would want to add what most people believe is pain to something that is so beautiful. Yet many women say that some light smacks on their ass during rear entry and anal sex increase their pleasure, anal sex alone is considered kinky by many. Then there is Horse play, FemDom, MaleDom, BDSM, threesomes, foursomes and other group sex events are some of the things most of society consider kinky and would like to make illegal.
If you and your partner find the activity enjoyable with neither of you being injured by what you are doing; then my view is it not kinky from your standards. It is your standard by which you judge what is kinky or not. It is your standard as to what you judge what is enjoyable.
These are my views and they have lasted my wife and I well for over 39 years. I hope this helps answer your question.
Iv had a long painful life full of rejection .It started as a child and into adult .My family and the people that I thought I could trust as all let me down and it affects my every day life so to speak .I can't be happy to even the things that mean most because I try so hard to be perfect in everything I do because I had nothing perfect growing up .Iv lost a lot of time trying to forget my past but its still haunts me to this day and its apart of me every day .I'm not this bad person that nobody wants or do they even care what iv gone through .Iv tried counceling in the past it did nothing for me and truly I don't know where to turn anymore .this is not some sob story of self pitty but I fell nothing realy matters anymore I just assume to live with it .am I wrong to feel this way or is there actualy hope somewhere .
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
No this is not something you have to live with there is help out there you just need to continue to look for it. When it comes to counseling you do not always find a good fit, let alone a perfect fit on the first or even the second attempt. The most important thing with counseling is that you are comfortable with your therapist.
When you look for a therapist you will find that there are two different beliefs in methodology of counseling. There are the “Freudians’” and what I believe are called the contemporaries’, I could be wrong with the name tag but there are defiantly two different schools of thought when giving counseling. You may have found a Freudian and not responded well to that type of counseling. Try again, this time interview your therapist telling them about what you experienced the last time. What you liked and did not like. Ask them about their methods; see if you can be comfortable talking to him/her as this is most important.
Find a psychiatrist to screen you for depression. No you are not crazy; psychiatrists are better trained than your family doctor to screen and care for depression. Treatment for depression usually is some form of antidepressant(s) along with talk therapy. Your therapist is your main treatment provider with the psychiatrist, who is an MD and can provide medication, monitors your medication(s).
After reading what you have written I would be very surprised if you were not found to be clinically depressed. Clinical depression is the body not providing enough of one or two different hormones that help you from becoming depressed. Medication corrects this problem and makes you better able to work with your clinical psychologist to get at the triggers of what cause the depressive episodes.
You do not have to feel the way you feel. I urge you to give counseling another try, this time with the help of a psychiatrist for possible medication(s) and by interviewing the therapist before starting therapy. The key to therapy is that you are comfortable with your therapist.
My husband left his facebook logged in and i looked at the messages. He sent messages to some woman he plays poker with. the first two were innocent. She said yeah I made my bed i have to lie in it. My husband responded with. "next time you make your bed and lie in it..invite me over". I yelled at him, told him i would leave. He plays poker with her on mondays and said he doesnt like her "that way" and was just flirting.. REALLY? he is very apologetic and sweet to me. We have been married 8 months. I am very attractive and this woman is the exact opposite of me . What the hell is going on!! where do I go from here. By the wasy he is a wonderful husband otherwise. Thanks..Kim
I agree with the other two advisors that have replied before me. I would not even call the remark your husband made flirting; I would call it being witty given the open forum of facebook.
My wife and I will be married for 40 years come next July. She told me the day we got married I could look at the menu all I want but I could not reorder or she would cut off something very near and dear to me. This has stood us well for 39 plus years. I have used similar remarks as what your husband has written and in the presents of my wife with full knowledge that my wife understands I am just teasing, joking or being witty.
My advice to you is: Sit down and talk to your husband, apologize for invading his private space. Yes, every marriage has private space. You might want to set some ground rules such as my wife gave me. I enjoy looking at women, women of all ages, sizes and shapes, not once in our 39 years of marriage I have ever considered reordering. Neither one of us reads each other’s mail without asking first. We both have facebook pages and are friended on each other’s pages so we see what we each writes. If I were to find her facebook page open and we were not friended to each other I would close it for her, the same goes for her email account. The secret to being married as long as we have been, and trust me here I have not been the easiest person to live with, is not just love or sex; it is trust.
If you are prying into each other’s personal space then you have not developed the trust required of a long lasting marriage. This is something you need to work on.
ok well i'll be 20 next month so i've been drivin for awhile, but i just bought a 5 speed mustang and have only been drivin it about a week, so i'm still getting used to it as i had never driven a 5 speed before. my question is, when i'm slowing down and preparing to turn, i ride the clutch as i'm downshifting through the gears and makin the turn. is that bad to do? i know that riding the clutch is bad, but i don't really know what else to do in that situation if i'm goin in 4th or 5th gear and i'm coming up on a turn. any help? will this burn my clutch out?
It depends what you mean by riding the clutch. If you have your foot on the pedal and the pedal is partially depressed then you are riding the clutch and this is bad as you have the clutch partially engaged wearing or burning the clutch plate.
Downshifting for the novice manual transmission driver is not something I would recommend doing. You can easily miss a gear and end up over revving the engine; doing serious damage to both the engine and the transmission. If you are a NASCAR fan you have seen even the pros miss a gear while up shifting during the starts and restarts, causing a blown engine. So be careful and do not race through the gears.
Down shifting while slowing down is something I only do if I need to panic stop as this too causes the engine to over rev. There is really no reason to down shift in today’s cars with 4 wheel anti-lock disc brakes. People downshifted back in the day, as they say, as brake pads were less efficient and tended to overheat easily making them unreliable.
Up shifting is a different story; fully depress the clutch, shift gears, fully release the clutch and accelerate. Repeat until you are in the proper cursing gear. This of course is with the understanding that you have a standard factory equipped manual transmission. If you have changed to a racing transmission then follow the manufactures instructions.
A manual transmission can be a lot of fun to drive. A little clutch TLC, restrict the number of people who drive the car and a clutch will last a long time. Not everyone drives a manual transmission in the same manner and this tends to wear out the clutch faster. The last manual transmission car I owned I drove 70,000 miles on the original clutch. Understand I lived in a somewhat rural suburban area and did not have to fight city traffic, which will wear down a clutch faster. With proper care and adjustment I would think living in an urban environment, if you do, you could expect to get around 40,000 miles from a clutch.
Happy motoring
I was born in USA. so were the parents. I'm part scottish but that side has been in USA for a long time. My last name is scottish aswell. So if I want to go to scotland, would I need a passport? I wouldn't see why if I'm part scottish. Just curious, it looks interesting over there. Do I?
If you do plan to go and visit and your plans include an extended stay, more than a couple of weeks to a month you may need a visa as well. Check with the British Consulate. Google "British Consulate USA" to find the one closest to where you live.
Ok, so to start off with some background I am 18 F and I am dating a 22 M. When I was 13 I was in a relationship with someone my age and he was very pushy with sex, but we didn't have sex, close, but no sex. When I was 14 I met my 2nd BF online and I was very sexual with him, I was able to have 'phone sex' with him, aka, speaking dirty and stuff. When I was 15 I started dating my current bf now, let's call him Damon. When we started I was kinda ok with he idea of doing stuff, we waited 5 months and after that point he took my virginity, as the relationship grew stronger, I was growing more and more uncomfortable with being sexual with him. He never did anything to make me not want to, in fact that's why I am here. I would love to be able to let go and be 'freaky' but I don't know, i get stressed and embarrassed and I can't be freaky. I can barely initiate the sex or foreplay. I want to be able to be that 'porn-o dirty' for him because I am into that too, I just feel strange and stressed when it comes down to me actually doing it. There also is more to this sexual anxiety. I don't feel comfortable with him watching porn and jerking off to other girls, I feel that I am not enough for him and im not doing a good job. I understand that sometimes it's not even lust it's just an annoying feeling and you need to release, but he has no imagination so he need to watch porn. And there's more.. We just made some new friends who are really into BDSM shows, and so are we, but the almost live porn in front of us I know is going to be a problem, I'm going to go and watch him enjoy himself and get turned on my these other people all night and im not gonna enjoy myself. I just wanna be able to release my sexual tension and let loose and not be anxious about it. thank you all who may be able to help. feel free to ask any questions that might make it easier for you to help me.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Let me start by saying that sex between consenting adults has virtually no limits as long as both parties consent to whatever they do.
After reading your note I feel you are having trouble coming to grips with what you think you want to do and what you will allow yourself to do. Example: I don't feel comfortable with him watching porn and jerking off to other girls, I feel that I am not enough for him and im not doing a good job. I understand that sometimes it's not even lust it's just an annoying feeling and you need to release, but he has no imagination so he need to watch porn.
I do not know you well enough to understand why you are this way, it could be in the way you were raised, it could be something that happened when you where a young child. What I believe is that trying to overcome this yourself and become as you say; “be that porn-o-dirty for him”, is only going to add my stress.
I would suggest you find a sex therapist, you can ask your family doctor for a referral. It is my belief that something deep seated is holding you back. Just what that may be cannot be found in this setting. One on one with a trained therapist is the best and quickest way to helping you get where you want to be.
Good luck. Sex should be enjoyed not stressed over.
ok so this is sooo embarrigin = [ so i dont wan to become sexualy active becuzse i have a frckle down there... is that normal i know this is probably so funny but its really embarring and im afraid the guy wont like me or he will be disgusted becuz of it ... = [
helllp
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
You do not say how old you are, so I will forgo the age lecture other than to say make sure you are old enough to understand the possible consequences as no birth control is 100% effective. Be on birth control and make sure your partner uses condoms. Never ever engage in sexual intercourse without using condoms, until you are married, as an STD can have a life changing and lifelong effect.
Okay the grandfather in me is now satisfied he made the parental pitch. As to the freckle: One of the great things about sex is the intimacy involved; getting to know your lover and your lover’s body. For some reason we all worry about what the other person is going to think about our bodies. Girls worry that their breast are to large or too small, should they shave or go natural. Boys worry about their penises being too large or too small. Both worry about birth marks, freckles and anything else one my think is not normal because of what we see in magazines. As to the magazines, those pictures are all air brushed to remove blemishes to put forth the perfect body. There is no such thing as a perfect body without the intervention of plastic surgeons.
My wife has freckles on parts of her body that only I and her doctor can see. For anyone else to see we would have to be nudists. One of the first things upon discovering her freckles that I did was to play connect the dots. I still do and we have been married almost 40 years. It was great foreplay before we were married and still is great foreplay.
Never be embarrassed by who you are or what you are. You are what you are, enjoy what you have. If a boy finds something disgusting about the freckle then he is not in love he is in lust. Put him back where you found him.
My grandma is on life support does that mean shes dead or she just unconscious or something? Does life support really help, can it help a person come back? When my aunt was on life a support for being in a coma they just took her off, was she already dead too? Why do doctors put people on life support and take them off a couple of days later?
The doctors might take my grandma off life support.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I’m not a Doctor and I cannot answer your question from a doctor’s point of view. I am a member of a county fire department rescue squad. One of the service’s we supply is advance life support ambulance service, which is part of the 911 service.
Many times we in the field start life support when we insert breathing tubes and start IV’s. We so this to give the patient every chance at life and to maintain life while we transport the patient to the hospital. I believe the doctors use life support to give the body time to heal. Life support machines take the work load of the body’s organs and give the body time to heal. Sometimes it is done to give the family time to come to grip with the reality of the situation as we maintain the body long after what we know as life has stopped.
Not knowing the situation with your grandma I cannot really say or speculate as to what is going on. If grandma’s brain is functioning, the doctors’ will tell you this, then life as we know it is still there. Talk to her, read to her, tell her how much you love her and urge her to come back to you. She may be in a coma but there is some science that suggests strongly that people in comas do hear us when we talk to them. Play her favorite music, fix her hair, hold her hand and let her know you are with her.
The best thing that will happen is the love and affection will help her come back to you. The worst thing will be she will die comfortably with the comfort of her loved ones near her.
I hope for the best outcome.
20F.
So before things start getting all hot and heavy with a guy, I'd thought I'd be nice and warn them that I'm a virgin. Well ..no guy ever believes me! They're all like ..yeah right your lying! I don't believe that one bit.
It's not like I come off as a slut, I carry myself well but I think it's because how I look. I'm a pretty girl, I know guys are interested in me which probably doesn't do me well. I don't know how to feel about this, should I be pissed that no guy believes I'm a virgin? I don't know what to do about the situation I guess.
You have to admit that a 20 year old virgin is rare these days. That is not to say there is anything wrong with your choice to remaining a virgin until you meet the right guy or until you marry. As for anyone who does not believe you it really depends on how they say it as to how you might want to respond; more on this in a moment.
To the guys who tell you are lying; I think you know where there interest lies and it is not with your intellect or any of your other abilities. Have them take you home immediately, or if they are at your home ask them to leave. These gentlemen, I use that word very loosely, are not interested in anything more than a quick bedroom romance. Once they have conquered they are ready to move on.
As for those gentleman who just find it hard to believe a 20 year old is still a virgin; you have several choices as to how to handle that situation. If the guy is respectful, you could be sincere and explain your reasons to him whatever they may be. If suspect that his questioning of you is insincere you can just say it is a choice you have made and leave it at that.
The reason for you remaining a virgin is really no one’s business then your own; unless of course it is one made out of fear. The fear of getting pregnant is not the fear I am thinking of. I’m thinking of irrational type fears that prevent you from having sex. You say you are pretty; you did not say you have a nice shape or great body. Could you fear having a guy see you naked? This would be an example of an unnatural fear. If you have an unnatural fear then I would suggest seeing a therapist to work through whatever this fear may be. Otherwise enjoy life and when you are ready, whenever your plan calls for you to have sex; follow your plan.
we already know kids / teens of all ages are having sex. but how do you know youre physically, emotionally, and mentally ready to have sex?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
Are you ready for sex? This question is asked a lot in many different ways on this website. The following link will take you to a website I found that will help you answer that question. http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.
Everyone matures at a different rate. While your body may be able to physically have sex you may or may not have the maturity needed to handle the physical aspects and possible outcomes of sexual intercourse. Also the longer you wait to have sexual intercourse the more enjoyable it will be for you. For the teenage boy sexual intercourse is 90 % hormonal release and 10% notching his gun belt.
When I was young we use to make out in the back seat of the old man’s Chevy. I later found out from my wife this was not much fun for the girls. Those girls that did did so because they were pressured by their boyfriend to put out as it was called. Speaking for the boy the sex was mostly for the 10% side. The 90% side could have been satisfied with a hand job.
What I am trying to say here is you will know when you are ready. Do not let some boy who is only interested in getting his hormones satisfied push you into doing something you are not ready for. When you are ready make sure you are on some form of birth control and the boy uses a condom.
My hope is that you will not have sex with until you are emotionally old enough to handle it. I would also hope, and this is a big one, that you would sit down with your mother and talk with her about boys and sex. Yea I know it’s hard to think about talking to your mom about this stuff. But remember mom was once your age and had to go through what you are now going through. I would suggest you say to mom that you really need to have a girl/girl talk and could the two of you go someplace together away from the house. Believe me when mom hears that you need a girl/girl talk she will know what you want to talk about and I’m sure she will make the time.
I'm a male and I have this problem its kinda weird. But when I go pee instead of one sream of urin its like two or three and it goes crocked so it like goes on the floor on the tolie seat and I have to clean it up everytime I use the restroom anyone know what the problem could be and my penis has a curveture also
You need to see a doctor, this could be a symptom of an enlarged prostrate or other prostrate problem.
im afraid to ask my love ones if im depressed... but i guess i am becuase well three years ago my mom died when i was 13...and i feel sad all the time and i miss her badly...my dad remarried four months after my mom died and omg! she is the worst step mother ever! she always trying to muniputlate me its terrible but i guess i learned to live with it...but shes not the problem i think...the last days of school my friends got mad at me becuase i couldnt go hang out with them one day so they treated me badly on the last days of school and now i feel alone and hurt...all summer i was dredding to go back to school becuase i think i would have to make new friends so my step mother was giving me a hard time about it and my dad is planning to divorce her after i graduate so that helps...but now i dont want to deal with anything anymore...at these times i wish my mom was here to comfort me and give me advice...so i have been missing her terribly and pretty sad about it all summer and now i dont wanna deal with highschool anymore and i feel like the only way out of all this is dieing...but i dont have the guts to do it thank god!but is all these things signs of depression? im 16 and a girl so maybe its emotional problems...but im pretty stressed out about all this..
It is evident from what you have written that you have not gotten over your mothers passing. You are still morning her death and that is okay, everyone morns differently and for different periods of time. Not helping matters is the fact your father married so soon after your mothers passing and you have not been able to build a relationship with your step mother.
You would probably do well to seek some grief counseling from a qualified therapist; your family doctor should be able to recommend someone and screen you for other forms of depression during your visit. Grief over the loss of a loved one is one form of depression. There are other types of depression which you should be screened for.
Teenaged depression is not uncommon so do not let yourself get worked up over this. In today’s world a teenager has a lot to handle, especially a girl. You have the physical and hormonal changes your body is going through. More and more is expected of you at home and in school as you mature in to adulthood, you have College entrance exams, new social structures and a host of other things to navigate that me and you parents and grandparent, I fall in to this category, did not have to face. So if you need a little help navigating these waters it is no big deal. You would be surprised how many others are getting help. Statistically one in three Americans suffer from some form of depression.
My advice: See your doctor; tell the doctor what is bothering. Ask for a referral to a Grief Counselor and to be screened for depression then follow the doctor’s advice.
I am sorry for your loss. You will eventually get over the hurt of losing her, though you will always miss your mother
in NYS, if something on a traffic ticket, even if it is something so small as checking something such as "driver is owner of vehicle", when you're not...and its invalid. can the ticket get dismissed? but only for that examplee
It really depends on the laws in the state where the citation was written. In general if a citation is improperly written in any manner it can be ruled invalid by the Judge. You must go to court and ask that the citation be ruled invalid based on the fact that it was written improperly.
Just like any other legal document such as a search warrant if the Judge feels the defect is material to the case the citation can be ruled invalid and the case dismissed.
Also if the Officer fails to appear in court; you can ask for a dismissal based on the Officers failure to appear.
I am a victim of long term sexual abuse. I won't go into details but I experience flashbacks on a daily basis I need help. I have gone to women aide but it was not helpful. Does anyone know of a counselor in the Plymouth Mass area who can help me cope and stop the flashbacks? Thank you in advance.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Please contact an organization called RAINN. RAINN is an Acronym for the Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. Their phone number is 1-800-656-HOPE. This is their 24/7 National crisis hotline staffed by trained counselors who well help you find people in your area to help you. Please call them NOW.
If you are in danger or in crisis dial 911 now. Tell the call taker you are in danger and what is happening or you are in crisis and why. The help needed will be dispatched and the call taker will stay on the phone with you until help arrives. The first to respond will most likely be the Police and the Fire Department. Like the fire department the Police are there to help you and make sure you are safe from harm, do not be afraid of them.
All the medical information you give to the call taker and first responders is held in the strictest of confidence and covered under the HIPA Laws. It cannot be divulged to anyone without your permission. The same is true when you call RAINN and with any doctor or therapists you see.
Please call RAINN now or dial 911 now. Calling 911 is the fastest way to get help and to remove you from danger. Do it now,
18/male
Lately I've been thinking alot about just killing myself. Also i have always been a very emotionally detached perosn and Im not depressed or anything. furthermore, I have asked some very trusted people who assured me I dont act or sound depressed. Even so, I keep getting that feeling of just saying fuck it and killing myself. lately I have been partying alot more than I used to and my life probably has never been better, but I just keep feeling like i should just end it. any reason after 18 and half years of little or no emotion, i might be feeling like this now?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Statically one in three people suffer from some form of Depression. I myself suffer from clinical depression. This is a form of depression where my body does not produce the hormone Serotonin. If you were to ask anyone who knows they could not say if I was suffering from depression and were shocked when I told them.
Suicidal Ideation in itself is a symptom of depression. You say life is never better, but, you still have these feelings. This too is a symptom of still another form of depression. It is unfortunate that many teenagers suffer from depression that goes undiagnosed. Some parents see these as symptoms of the hormones brought on by puberty; or they look at this as a phase you will grow out of.
I believe a reason for so much teenage depression today, not that it is just diagnosed more; it is the world that today’s teenager must exist in. Never before has so much been thrust upon the shoulders of our children, at home, in school and even in their social circles. Then just for good measure pile on the pressure of getting into a good College. If you are suffering from some form of depression you have every right to be.
My advice: If you are having suicidal thoughts pick up the phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker what is happening and what you are thinking. You will be asked to stay on the phone with them. Do as they ask. While you are on the phone the appropriate help will be dispatched to where ever you are. This help will be in the form of Fire Rescue service which would include the closest fire truck a Paramedic Ambulance and or a Basic Life Support Ambulance and probably the Police. The Police are dispatched to help you. They are not there to hurt you in any way. They are there to make sure everyone is safe and to secure any weapons you might have. How do I know this? I am one of the responders as I am part of a fire department Rescue Squad.
If you are not at this time feeling suicidal then call your doctor and arrange to be screened for depression. Do not have a family doctor then go to your local hospitals emergency room. Cannot afford to see a doctor do not worry about that. Your local emergency room will see you without charge.
The most important thing you must do is arrange to see a doctor. Talk to your parents if available. If not arrange to see a doctor ASAP either by appointment or calling 911.