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is this cheating?
My husband left his facebook logged in and i looked at the messages. He sent messages to some woman he plays poker with. the first two were innocent. She said yeah I made my bed i have to lie in it. My husband responded with. "next time you make your bed and lie in it..invite me over". I yelled at him, told him i would leave. He plays poker with her on mondays and said he doesnt like her "that way" and was just flirting.. REALLY? he is very apologetic and sweet to me. We have been married 8 months. I am very attractive and this woman is the exact opposite of me . What the hell is going on!! where do I go from here. By the wasy he is a wonderful husband otherwise. Thanks..Kim
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Well, what's he supposed to say. That he wants to have sex with her. Did you expect him to tell you the truth? I've been married for 9 years. We've had our share of problems. Remember, your husband was the half of your couple that started the mistrust. Now, only he can fix this. Talk is cheap and anyone can say I'm sorry. He will have to change something in his relationship with the other woman in order to gain your trust. He has given you reason to question him and he has given you reason to make demands of him. The longevity of your marriage depends on how much each person is willing to sacrifice. If one of you isn't willing to sacrifice EVERYONE else in the world for the other, then chances are that a marriage won't last. Good Luck
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I hate to disagree with the other advice you have received here but I do. Your husband has no business talking to any other women that way on or off line. It's disrespectful to you and to your marriage.
Before I answered this question, I put myself in the position of the woman he was talking to and asked how I would have felt if that comment was made to me. I can tell you, I would take it as an open door.
Emotional infidelity is not acceptable as others would have you believe and when married, privacy is out the window. In my opinion, you have the right to view anything he does and he has the right to view anything you do. If memory serves me, part of your vows were that two are now joined as one. As long as no one is doing anything that needs to be hidden... no problem.
This may not be the most popular answer but it is the most honest one that I can give you. More than one marriage has gone awry over stupid crap that begins over the internet.
The bottom line here though is what you are willing to put up with. I for one, feel that I deserve better than that. I feel that you do to and most people will push the envelope to see just what they can and can't get away with.
My advice? Tell your husband in a respectful way that this type of behavior bothers you and is unacceptable. Let him know that you will respect him as your husband and you would appreciate the same from him. If the two of you can communicate about this issue and come to an understanding, with any luck at all you will enjoy a long and happy marriage, and not just one where you have 'learned' to put up with each other.
Best of luck to you,
Jada
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I agree with the other two advisors that have replied before me. I would not even call the remark your husband made flirting; I would call it being witty given the open forum of facebook.
My wife and I will be married for 40 years come next July. She told me the day we got married I could look at the menu all I want but I could not reorder or she would cut off something very near and dear to me. This has stood us well for 39 plus years. I have used similar remarks as what your husband has written and in the presents of my wife with full knowledge that my wife understands I am just teasing, joking or being witty.
My advice to you is: Sit down and talk to your husband, apologize for invading his private space. Yes, every marriage has private space. You might want to set some ground rules such as my wife gave me. I enjoy looking at women, women of all ages, sizes and shapes, not once in our 39 years of marriage I have ever considered reordering. Neither one of us reads each other’s mail without asking first. We both have facebook pages and are friended on each other’s pages so we see what we each writes. If I were to find her facebook page open and we were not friended to each other I would close it for her, the same goes for her email account. The secret to being married as long as we have been, and trust me here I have not been the easiest person to live with, is not just love or sex; it is trust.
If you are prying into each other’s personal space then you have not developed the trust required of a long lasting marriage. This is something you need to work on.
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I almost stopped reading after you said you read his Facebook. Serious breach of privacy. It's not cheating, its harmless flirting, people do it all the time. Where you go from here is you forget about it, and don't read his private messages any more.
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It was innocent flirting and you blew it out of proportion. Flirtatious sarcastic replies are standard fare for interacting with women for a large number of men. It means nothing, it's just how they act.
Your husband was trying to be witty and you blew up about it. You kinda owe him an apology, honestly.
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