jada_lynne's advice column

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Q: my underarm hairs grow really fast and i have to shave them like every day or they will be stubble and you can notice the hairs because they're dark. i really dont mind shaving them often to be honest. i'm just curious if this is normal. is it normal to shave your underarm area every day to keep it smooth and hairless or am i weird?

Yes, I agree. I shave my arm pits and legs every day. Perfectly normal, unfortunately!

Q: Okay, so my mom just saw me publicly swear in a comment of a picture I was tagged in and now she's all up in my grill because I said the f word on Facebook. Aside from this, it's really annoying how all my family members are friends with me on Facebook. I seriously don't know what to do. I feel like I'm choking. I'm thinking about making a new account and just add family members there, but that'd be too obvious. What's the right thing to do?? Please help! I'd appreciate it bigtime.:(

Because Facebook is a public site, I would suggest that you behave in there the same way you do anywhere else publicly. You never know who's watching!

My father always told me, 'If you don't want it seen, read, or repeated... don't write it down!' That's very old but very good advice in today's world where everything we say and do is recorded somewhere on the internet!

You should be able to converse with others without swearing...especially in print.

As much as you want that freedom, I suggest that you curb your behavior in public forums. Your family will thank you and someday, you'll be glad that you did. Everyone from college professors to future employers can view your FB...think about what you say on there BEFORE you say it!

Best regards,
Jada

Q: Ok well i had sex like monday and saturday and i wuz wondering if i wuz pregnant. My nipples and around my nipples are darker than they normally are and they have occasional hurting flashes. like it hurts for 3 seconds then doesnt hurt anymore. I wuz wonderingif it wuz normal for the boobs to switch color? Also if i could very well be pregnant.

Any time you have unprotected sex, you take the chance of being pregnant.

If you had sex on Monday, it's extremely unlikely that you would feel anything by Saturday.

Is this wishful thinking? Are you trying to get pregnant?

Q: If you give head to a guy at a party while your boyfriend is not there does that mean you cheated on your boyfriend? Yeah, the guy was really hot but it's not like we had sex or anything. I didn't even let him finger me! My boyfriend is really pissed and won't talk to me now but I really can't see his reasoning or point of view. I've done this a few times before but I haven't told him about it and regret telling him this time. Do you think giving a blow job is REALLY cheating? I mean, come on...it's like...kissing...sort of...I don't see a problem.

I hate to tell you this but oral sex is cheating. Were you raised by wolves? Seriously... you're just going around giving random blow jobs to random guys and you don't know why in the world your boyfriend is upset?

Come on now...sell that one to someone who's buying it, because I'm not!

There is a reason why you're behaving this way and the best thing you can do is try to find out what it is.

Any self-respecting female doesn't do that so I'm going to speculate here that you start there. What is it that you don't like about yourself? What are you trying to prove here?

Here's a tip for you... cheating doesn't even have to involve ANY physical contact. There is such a thing as emotional cheating.

I will advise you to work on your own self esteem. I think that is what is lacking here. Start with that, and then consider working on setting good boundaries.

If your boyfriend has any sense at all he'll step out of this relationship.

You don't need to be in a relationship with anyone until you can get to the bottom of your behavior.

Regards,
Jada

Q: i'm looking for some natural way to cure acne. i have sensitive skin, so the chemicals in the acne washes that i use kind of irriate it. i'm looking for ways that i can make at home that are really easy and that are GUARANTEED to work.

i'm 16, f. and i have pretty sensitive skin.

i've googled it, but i really cant find the answer to my question.
anyone have any ideas?

It would be best if you could see a dermatologist.

Try clearing it from the inside out. If you are not pregnant or aren't taking chances of becoming pregnant, take 20,000 IU vitamin A every other day and then skip two. So take it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and skip the weekend. Also, pick up B complex vitamins too.

It's important that you don't take vitamin A every day. Vitamin A that is not used up by the body is stored in the liver to be used when needed. If you take too much, excessive levels will be stored and can be toxic.

Try that for a couple of months to see if it helps. Be sure to drink 8 glasses of water daily. Once you begin to see improvements cut back the dosage to about 10,000 IU every other day.

Good luck,
Jada

Q: Okay I have decided That i want a STEADY advice buddy which means that i want to have one specific person (that actually LOVE giving advice) That i can write to wheneva i need advice. Im senseing that some of the advicee that is giving to me is not serious. I wont someone that will actually think the advice that they are about to give to me and not go off their own disappointments. Example: If I ask someone what should i do about my boyfriend I dont want the response to be...(FORGET HIM!!! HE'S NOT WORTH IT) Just because that person have had some problems in their relationship. I wont a person that I can send direct msgs to. I also want someone that wont take FOREVER to respond bacc because I really do need help on some situations. So please, if you feel as if you can be a great advice buddy then please respond. Thanks

I am new to this site but am a regular on another site and have been there for almost 3 years.

If the person you are looking for to help you needs to agree with you, I am not the one you're looking for.

One of my tag lines is... "If you don't want to know the answer...don't ask the question." I don't mean that in a smart way, but I am completely honest in my opinions and give advice in an honest and open manner. I figure that if people want to 'hear what they want to hear,' they can go to their friends and get stroked all day long. My assumption has always been that most people turn to the anonymity of the internet in search of the truth.

I'm not big on private messages but I do talk to people through my email on occasion.

ghost.of.jada@gmail.com

Good luck in your endeavor,
Jada

Q: I'm 18 and a girl. I've been having irritation 'down there' for about 2 weeks now. At first I thought I just didn't rinse the soap off good enough in the shower, but now since all this time has gone by and it's still irritated, I have no idea what it is. It hurts and itches down there, but it doesn't burn when I pee. I'm a virgin also. Could I have an infection? Is it just an irritation that will go away with time? Any ideas what it could be and/or what I should do about this? Should I be seeing a doctor or gynecologist? Thanks.

It sounds very much like a yeast infection but you really should make an appointment with your OB/GYN for a check up.

That takes all of the guesswork out of it and will relieve any concerns you have.

If it is a yeast infection, they can give you a one day pill to clear it up.

Good luck,
Jada

Q: My boyfriend REALLY wants to have anal sex with me and I told him he could next time we're alone but I'm so scared it will hurt. He said he heard it hurt a lot for girls to get anal their first time. My friend said butt sex is gross and so we don't talk about it and I can't ask for advice. How can I not be so scared of having anal sex? Will it REALLY hurt? And does it feel good? I don't know anything about it really except I can't get pregnant doing it.

To each his (or her) own, but I have to say....EXIT ONLY!

If you do decide to participate, make sure you use a condom and to not go from anal sex to vaginal sex without disposing of that condom and having your boyfriend wash well.

The anus is full of bacteria and you should not transfer anything from that area to the vagina. Having sex in the anus often results in anal tears, which allows bacteria to enter the body, increasing your risk of health problems.

Only you can decide this... but here's something for you to ponder on while making up your own mind.

Your boyfriend has heard that it hurts a lot for the receiving party in reference to having anal sex, and yet he still wants you to try it. What does that say about how he really feels about you?

I believe you should tell him this... here's the deal big boy. I'll pick up a nice vibrator and some lube and we'll try it on YOU first. If you love it... I'll try it.

My guess is...that'll shut him up lol...

You do what you want but ONLY if you are wanting to and are comfortable with it.

Just be very careful and safe about whatever you decide.

Best wishes,
Jada

Q: i am so use to sleeping when im high (off marijuana)
i usually smoke then watch my tv shows then fall asleep mid show.
i love it and look foward to it every night.

a) is that bad to begin with? is it bad that i love to smoke before i sleep

and im away for the weekend and just finished my stash and have no way of getting more.
i have to fall asleep sober and besides the fact that its scary for me, its als really hard.
i just keep watching tv and idk its just so different.

what u think?
do i have a problem? how do i sleep without weed! id it even bad that i liek to sleep with weed?

It is bad...here's why. First of all, anything that you do on a regular basis becomes a habit. The fact that you use pot to relax or self medicate, (however you want to look at it) and the fact that you do it regularly isn't good.

Regardless of what people use to help them sleep, if you do it every night, it's habit forming.

Some use over the counter medications, some use alcohol, some weed. Your body becomes accustomed to (pick one) and then if you don't have it, you become stressed and can't sleep.

I would advise you to give up this habit and learn how to relax without the drug.

Best wishes,
Jada

Q: Ok well here's the problem first I don't have any friends I don't hang out and my dog is my best friend .and you are probably thinking what the hell .but I think I am antisocial .I don't have nothing in comon with people .actualy people eritate me its like what people do doesn't make any since. So I just keep to myself I can't say that I'm happy but its just the way that I am so does this make me antisocial ? No clue !!

I don't think you're necessarily antisocial...particular maybe. I think once you have a 'better' variety of people to select from, you may feel differently.

It sounds like most of the people you currently know simply don't have the same interests as you.

It would be great if you could meet some people who do share your interests. If you have certain hobbies, entertain the idea of meeting up with others who share that interest.

You don't say your age. I'm assuming that you are young and just haven't had many opportunities with like-minded people.

There's a whole big world out here. I hope you find your niche. We all need friends sooner or later.

Take care and best wishes,
Jada

Q: Okay well they have that prank dial thing on the internet where you can prank call someone for free and leave a funny message, well i have sent a few out to my ex just to play around, but can i get in trouble if i send to many?

Okay... here's my best advice. STOP IT. You're going to end up looking like a fool. Is that what you want?

Let it go. It was fun but it's time to stop now.

Keep your dignity and stop before he figures out what you're doing. I assure you you're going to feel really foolish if that happens.

Best wishes,
Jada

Q: So i am 18 years old i liked this guy i worked with since the first time i saw him. We flirted a lot and he made it known he was in to me. I soon found out he was married and had two kids. He took it to the next level and gave me his number but was casual about it. I knew where it was going. We texted a lot and he told me everything a girl would want to hear. he seemed so sincere. I truly believed him. He wont respond to my text or calls. What do i do? I think i love him. I told him once that i didnt want to talk anymore but then told him i didnt mean that. do you think he may be sincerly hurt by the things i said or does he just care? Please give me advice.

Oh good God... of all the available men out there, you're going to latch on to a married one...and with kids to boot?

You texted a lot... you think you love him?

Girl...come on and get a grip here. Leave this guy alone. He has a wife and two small children to take care of.

Find a guy who is AVAILABLE. I don't want to hear how wonderful he is or how much you think you love him. Move on. He isn't available to you or anyone else.

Jada

Q: i am 5'1, thin but not anoreic, but i have 32-DD, sometimes there E's it depends on the bra.
unlike most women i dont like having big breast.
i have no back pain but they just dont fit me. i cant wear tankt ops and i am so embaressed to wear a bikini. there oversized and i dont know where to get the confidence to floant them and ultimetly wear a bikini.
i know people pay for my breast but im just so uncomfortable in them and they make me feel so top heavy.

and i hate BRA bikinis there so grandma like and not me at all. i dotn know how to even shop for my breast/figure.

Go figure that guys would show up to answer this question lol. They see the word 'breasts' and think they are experts! It's okay guys...we get it.

Here are a couple of links for bras in your size. I think the problem right now is that you need to start with clothes that fit you well in order for you to gain confidence. And 32DDD or E has to be next to impossible to find!

See if you can find anything here that you like and then try them one at a time.

Personally, I think you'll relax once you get into the right bra/ swimwear for you.

http://www.biggerbras.com/by-size/32ddd-bra-size.cfm
http://www.bravissimo.com/default.aspx
https://www.undiebox.com/index.php?
http://www.figleaves.com/us/home.asp?dept=Womenswear&cm_re=topnav-_-col1-_-women

Start there and I hope that helps.

Good luck,
Jada

Q: Ok here's my embarising problem I'm a 39yr old male and I have reoccuring hemroids I checked on line and found out there is inner and outer and in my case its outer the swelling is bad at times like right now as I speak iv tried everything over the counter but its only temporary it will eventualy clear up on its own but takes weeks to do so then it will come back .I don't know what to do it robs me of daily activities where its so painful at times that sitting down is unbareable I don't want to see a doctor if I don't have to but its getting to that point so what other options do I have .can anybody give me some advice please .

No need to be embarrassed. Hemorrhoids (piles) are caused by continuous pressure on the small vein in the anus.

A hemorrhoid is an enlarged vein in the anus (it's also called a varicose vein). In a healthy person, the tissue around the anus fills with blood to regulate bowel movements. However, when there is constant pressure or other factors restricting blood flow, the veins become inflamed. Poor blood flow may cause a blood clot. That results in a painful, swollen, protruding hemorrhoid.

There are several potential causes:

Sitting or standing for long periods
Constipation or straining during bowel movements
Heavy lifting
Frequent diarrhea
Excess weight
Genetics

There are things you can do to relieve the discomfort.

Soak in a warm tub for 15 minutes.
Add fiber to your diet.
Apply cold pack to area to reduce swelling.

You should check out the health food store in your area to see if they have any suggestions.

Also, here is a link for herbal remedies:

http://www.hemorrhoid.net/medication.php

If home remedies don't work, you need to make an appointment with your physician.

Good luck,
Jada

Q: i need advice on what to say to my roommates about me moving out in december/january.

heres background info.

me and 2 people have an apartment together for college because the school doesnt have dorms. we were supposed to get a 4th roommate cause its hard to pay rent with just 3, but it never happened. i've hated it here from day 1. they both ditch me all the time, they are inconsiderate and selfish, and its almost impossible to make other friends because we are off campus. i'm 110% positive i want to leave, i just dont know how to tell them. they will hate me because theyre gonna have to find another roommate or pay extra money each month. please help!! im nervous and idk how to confront them about it :/

There is nothing you can do about how they will feel or treat you once you tell them that you're moving out.

What you do have control over is doing the right thing by telling them as soon as possible so they will have time to make other arrangements.

Tell them what you've told us here...(short version). Just say look, I'm not really happy living here and am going to make other arrangements. I will be moving out on _______(date). I am letting you know now so that you can find another roommate. I don't want to make this hard on you two. Also, I would like for all of us to act like adults about this and treat each other with respect during this time.

Once you do that...the ball is in their court. They will behave like adults, or not. Either way, you'll know that you did the right thing.

Good luck,
Jada

Q: how do i right click to make a flag on a mac? i tried control click, function click, command click, it just won't work ):

Which mouse do you have?

Q: Girls Out There, Do you all notice when a guy is staring at your boobs or butt? How do you feel about that,do you just want to smack him on the side of the head or do you care at all?If u don't care would you show them off on sometimes just to get a guys attention?I just want to know how girls think

If you're asking if it's okay to stare at our breasts or out back side, the answer is no.

You can check out women and show that you are interested without being an ogre.

Try being a gentleman. You can be assertive and polite all at the same time...believe it or not!

Of course women will flaunt their stuff if they are interested in you. The trick for you guys is to figure out how to pay attention and not seem crass all at the same time. It takes some practice and finese. The other thing you need to figure out is that the women worth catching... are going to play the game differently, and will note the way you play. You will alienate many good ones with bad behavior without ever even realizing it.

Jada

Q: I was in a slightly abusive relationship for about seven months. He was my first boyfriend, he was two years older than me (I was fourteen, fifteen now). He pressured me and physically forced me to be fingered/give a hand job/and blowjob. I was really screwed up at the time. Looking back, I regret everthing and I know the person I was then is NOT who I am now. I let him hurt me and use me and make me feel like shit. I have gotten so much stronger since the break up. It's hard to say he flat out abused me... Because at the time I felt like that was just how he showed he loved me. He would say horrible things though, and he never really hit me but he held me down and forced me to do things and he did smack me a few times. He always used his size as an advantage. He's pretty tall and strong for a guy and I'm pretty much just small... If he wanted something he'd have this way of towering over me or pressing me against something or squeezing my wrists. He was very controlling. It's been about six months since we broke up. And even though it was a really hard thing to get over, I am better. My friends were amazing for me and even though my family didn't know the whole story they supported me through the rough months after we broke up. It was hard to not go back to him... I am somewhat involved with this new guy but I have a hard time trusting him. Being alone together makes me nervous and he can tell... I told him I've had a difficult past but I'm not ready to tell him everything. It's hard to tell people what happened. It's really hard to admit that you were os weak and controlled... I'm just not ready to tell him. He's sweet and caring and respectful and I'm tired of not being able to get close to him. I know it's gonna take time but I know I'm huritng him when I jerk away from him trying to hold my hand or refuse to let his arms get around me. He says he understands that I've had a rough past even though he doesn't know what's happened. I know he undertands but I feel so guilty. I know it hurts him... What do I do?? (I'm fifteen sophomore and he's seventeen junior)

I don't think you need to tell him what happened in your last relationship.

You can be close to the new boyfriend without revealing the gory details. Just tell him that the last guy was really controlling and that you are stronger now and are working through your issues. Tell him that he was very intimadating to you when you were alone with him and your working on trust issues. Tell him you really appreciate his patience.

The best thing you can do is work on yourself. All guys aren't like the last one and it sounds like this guy is a good one.

Good luck to you,
Jada

Q: I am a 26 year old black male and I've been married for almost 2 years. My wife has 3 kids. I love our children but I don't have any biological children and we can't have kids together because she has had an hysterectomy. I take care of my house hole, wife and kids. My wife is a stay home mom. She gets every thing she wants and need. All I want is a biological child. We can't afford a surrogate mother and last night she told me that I can sleep with another woman so I can have a child. What should I do and where can I find a woman just for that reason?

I have to say that I agree with Witty.

Look, if you want to figure out a way to screw up a good relationship with your wife, just continue along this path. You will find yourself down the road divorced, paying your EX-wife child support, and NOT seeing the children she currently has, and you haven't even given thought to the fact that your wife may well resent the child for this.

There's a lot more to being a man and a father than donating the sperm. You will lose your wife's respect and eventually the respect of the child if all of this goes south, the way I suspect it will. And somewhere in there, you will also lose self respect.

Play the hand you were dealt. You married your wife knowing that she couldn't have more children. THAT was the time to think about your wants and needs, BEFORE you got married. I understand that people change, but you are really being selfish.

I can assure you that your wife has offered this 'gift' to you because she feels guilty about not being able to provide you with a child of your very own. Don't take advantage of that.

If you really want a child of your own, wait until you can afford the surrogate. PERIOD. Anything else is wrong.

Best wishes,
Jada

Q: We'll start off with some history.. I met this guy back in Feburary or March, we met through my boyfriend at the time, and he lived right across the street from me. He was living there with his fiance and her child (her child w/ another man, he met her when she was pregnant and was there from them on). So, I started to hang out with them more and more. And as the time went on, he (we'll call him Tyler) started flirting with me, and telling me he thought I was hot and what not. We (me, him and his gf) went to the beach together, and while his gf (we'll call her Shannon), was on the beach, too cold to come in the water, we went. That's when he invited me to come to his dad's house where he's living at this point due to legal obligations, to stay for the night. I said yes. On the way home, we did something really stupid, and the police were looking for us, so I left, going back home, across the street. I ran back over to give them something I had of theirs I had in my purse, and they invited me in. At 9:30, Tyler said he had to go home for curfew (legal curfew), and I said I had to go home too. We walked out of the apartment, and in the stair well he asked me if I still wanted to come over. I said yes. We went to his house, and slept together. The next day, he got arrested. He went to jail for a week, and when he got out, I was there, because I was babysitting for Shannon while she was at his bail court. When he was leaving, he waited until Shannon was out of the room, and he kissed me. Then he came back for something, and we made out for a minute, he told me he missed me while he was in, and he left. From this point on, he was living in Barrie with him mom, because he was banned from our city. We were talking the whole time, over Facebook. Finally, Shannon took his phone, and found all the msgs back and forth. She snapped. They stayed together. He went back to jail, for 60 days this time. He got out on August 3rd, readded me to facebook, and we talked ever since. We're together now, and he went back to jail on August 11th. He's serving 3-6 months. Shannon and him aren't together anymore, she has a new boyfriend. She didn't even have the decentcy to tell him that it was over, he got out (when he was in for 60 days) thinking they were together, and she's in a relationship on facebook.When we talked while he was out, I found out a lot.. like, she's cheated on him with 6 diffrent guys through out the relationship, including the boyfriend I met them through, and she's extreamly abusive. She's also bi-polar and has a slight bit of skitzophrenia. Now, the point of this question... He's been having a really hard time dealing with the fact that she's not going to let him see "his" son anymore, and just the whole situation. Now that he's in jail again, it's really hard dealing with everything, and it's really hard to love someone who's just not there. I'd just like some advice on what I can say, to help him through everything, and how to deal with this myself. We write eachother all the time, and he's going to call me, so just keep in mind thats out means of communication. Anything is helpful.. please don't tell me I shouldn't be with him, because he's in jail. He's made mistakes, he's a good person.

The first person to answer your question said you weren't going to like her answer. I'm here to tell you before you even start reading this that you'll like mine even less.

Where to start on this mess... first of all, none of you need to be in a relationship with anyone because there isn't one among the whole lot of you that knows anything about honor, truth, or boundaries yet.

Second, (so we can get all of this out of the way) you have more nerve than Hootie's got Blowfish. Who are you to attack the character of the other woman when you were 'pretending' to be her friend while making it with her man?

You boyfriend doesn't have a clue either. He draws you into a relationship while he's still with her.

Let's also not forget the fact that you think she didn't have the decency to tell the loser who cheated on her with you that she was moving on while he was in jail.

Seriously?

You want real advice? You need to get away from all of these people, focus on yourself and your education. Stop worrying about what 'Shannon' does. Stop worrying about the guy (sorry...your boyfriend).

If you spend half as much time figuring out what it is that you should do with your future that you do playing all these games with people's lives, you'll end up a rocket scientist! Let's not forget that when you chose to cheat with this guy, you didn't give any thought whatsoever to the child in this picture.

Guys will tell you (and so will girls), that the other person did this or that in the relationship. That's so that they feel better about what they did wrong. Hello? Are you listening yet?

Your boyfriend clearly expected to get out of jail and return to the other woman. (What was his plan for you? Someone to have sex with while he continued the relationship with 'Shannon'?)

Don't take what I'm saying the wrong way here. I could tell you what you want to hear, but that isn't going to solve your problem, is it? You need to hear the truth...

Get out of this deadend relationship. Figure out what you want to do with your life. Agree with yourself that you won't see ANY guy until you understand what a 'decent' man is. Trust me, there are plenty more JUST LIKE HIM all over the planet! Once you have a clear idea of a direction for your life, set a plan into action, and work everyday toward your goals. Later on, when you've matured a bit and understand what you want from a man, you can look for one then. He isn't a man... and isn't the one for you. He's a liar, a cheater, and he's in jail. Some future. (I know...he made a mistake.) Don't keep making him YOUR mistake.

You need to think more of yourself than this. You are worth more than that so you owe it to yourself to find someone who will honor and respect you and who you can honor and respect. Trust me, you'll know honor when you see it and this isn't even close.

You can't be someone's woman until you are your own woman. Work on THAT.

Good luck,
Jada

bio

Southern girl...loves family, Rotties, beaches, mountains, and being outside!

If you don't like the answer...don't ask the question!

Girls like us don't come along often. Like us and you'll grow to love us. Hate us and you're just wasting your time. You can't beat us and you sure as hell can't join us...