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How do I tell a new guy about the abuse from my ex? I am ashamed.
I was in a slightly abusive relationship for about seven months. He was my first boyfriend, he was two years older than me (I was fourteen, fifteen now). He pressured me and physically forced me to be fingered/give a hand job/and blowjob. I was really screwed up at the time. Looking back, I regret everthing and I know the person I was then is NOT who I am now. I let him hurt me and use me and make me feel like shit. I have gotten so much stronger since the break up. It's hard to say he flat out abused me... Because at the time I felt like that was just how he showed he loved me. He would say horrible things though, and he never really hit me but he held me down and forced me to do things and he did smack me a few times. He always used his size as an advantage. He's pretty tall and strong for a guy and I'm pretty much just small... If he wanted something he'd have this way of towering over me or pressing me against something or squeezing my wrists. He was very controlling. It's been about six months since we broke up. And even though it was a really hard thing to get over, I am better. My friends were amazing for me and even though my family didn't know the whole story they supported me through the rough months after we broke up. It was hard to not go back to him... I am somewhat involved with this new guy but I have a hard time trusting him. Being alone together makes me nervous and he can tell... I told him I've had a difficult past but I'm not ready to tell him everything. It's hard to tell people what happened. It's really hard to admit that you were os weak and controlled... I'm just not ready to tell him. He's sweet and caring and respectful and I'm tired of not being able to get close to him. I know it's gonna take time but I know I'm huritng him when I jerk away from him trying to hold my hand or refuse to let his arms get around me. He says he understands that I've had a rough past even though he doesn't know what's happened. I know he undertands but I feel so guilty. I know it hurts him... What do I do?? (I'm fifteen sophomore and he's seventeen junior)
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You shouldd tell him everything that happened . . . Just so he knows and he's prepared . In case there's a blow with your ex . Example . He comes back psychotically trying to get you back . at least your new boyfriend will kno about it and be prepared . it happened to me . i didnt tell my boyfriend about my insane ex . one day in the street i saw my ex and he practically lik almost killed my boyfriend . Be careful hon . And plus . you need to talk to someone about it . And your new guy would be a great support if he is treating you right . Just trust him until you get the vibe that this new guy isnt good news either . Be VERY careful tho . Jus tryin to help . I hope i did . [:
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Let me just first say, I am very sorry about the relationship you were in. No girl, or person for that matter should have to live with that. I admire you for being so strong.
Anyways... You do not have to tell the new boy everything that happened, just tell him he was really controlling. You have the right to keep that a secret if you really wish to do so. As you spend more time with him, you will learn to trust him. I understand you might be 'scarred' and have trouble with future relationships, but you cannot be scared forever. Just see how it goes, and if you dont want to tell him, dont. Its the past and you have the right to forget about it.
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I don't think you need to tell him what happened in your last relationship.
You can be close to the new boyfriend without revealing the gory details. Just tell him that the last guy was really controlling and that you are stronger now and are working through your issues. Tell him that he was very intimadating to you when you were alone with him and your working on trust issues. Tell him you really appreciate his patience.
The best thing you can do is work on yourself. All guys aren't like the last one and it sounds like this guy is a good one.
Good luck to you,
Jada
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First of all what he did to you was not out of love he knew he could presure you into manipulation because he was bigger and stronger .to me he is a cowerd .and I'm sorry for what you have gone through .its not your fault and you have to remind yourself every day .sometimes people go back to the abusive relationship cause they think they can't do any better that its all they can get but its not you deserve way better and this new guy you are seeing needs to know if you want to be with him if he's understanding he will be ok with it. You don't have to go in full detail of wht happend just explain to him that you where abused emotionaly and physicaly by this guy .and that you are not quite over this and eventualy you will be but it takes time .you have been through a lot but don't let this ruin your life the abuse is over with and now you need to focus on you but don't be afraid to open up to people that's the part about healing be open to people and they will be open to you its time to start moving on with your life right here right now and good luck
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