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My boyfriend, his ex, her son, and jail.
We'll start off with some history.. I met this guy back in Feburary or March, we met through my boyfriend at the time, and he lived right across the street from me. He was living there with his fiance and her child (her child w/ another man, he met her when she was pregnant and was there from them on). So, I started to hang out with them more and more. And as the time went on, he (we'll call him Tyler) started flirting with me, and telling me he thought I was hot and what not. We (me, him and his gf) went to the beach together, and while his gf (we'll call her Shannon), was on the beach, too cold to come in the water, we went. That's when he invited me to come to his dad's house where he's living at this point due to legal obligations, to stay for the night. I said yes. On the way home, we did something really stupid, and the police were looking for us, so I left, going back home, across the street. I ran back over to give them something I had of theirs I had in my purse, and they invited me in. At 9:30, Tyler said he had to go home for curfew (legal curfew), and I said I had to go home too. We walked out of the apartment, and in the stair well he asked me if I still wanted to come over. I said yes. We went to his house, and slept together. The next day, he got arrested. He went to jail for a week, and when he got out, I was there, because I was babysitting for Shannon while she was at his bail court. When he was leaving, he waited until Shannon was out of the room, and he kissed me. Then he came back for something, and we made out for a minute, he told me he missed me while he was in, and he left. From this point on, he was living in Barrie with him mom, because he was banned from our city. We were talking the whole time, over Facebook. Finally, Shannon took his phone, and found all the msgs back and forth. She snapped. They stayed together. He went back to jail, for 60 days this time. He got out on August 3rd, readded me to facebook, and we talked ever since. We're together now, and he went back to jail on August 11th. He's serving 3-6 months. Shannon and him aren't together anymore, she has a new boyfriend. She didn't even have the decentcy to tell him that it was over, he got out (when he was in for 60 days) thinking they were together, and she's in a relationship on facebook.When we talked while he was out, I found out a lot.. like, she's cheated on him with 6 diffrent guys through out the relationship, including the boyfriend I met them through, and she's extreamly abusive. She's also bi-polar and has a slight bit of skitzophrenia. Now, the point of this question... He's been having a really hard time dealing with the fact that she's not going to let him see "his" son anymore, and just the whole situation. Now that he's in jail again, it's really hard dealing with everything, and it's really hard to love someone who's just not there. I'd just like some advice on what I can say, to help him through everything, and how to deal with this myself. We write eachother all the time, and he's going to call me, so just keep in mind thats out means of communication. Anything is helpful.. please don't tell me I shouldn't be with him, because he's in jail. He's made mistakes, he's a good person.
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The first person to answer your question said you weren't going to like her answer. I'm here to tell you before you even start reading this that you'll like mine even less.
Where to start on this mess... first of all, none of you need to be in a relationship with anyone because there isn't one among the whole lot of you that knows anything about honor, truth, or boundaries yet.
Second, (so we can get all of this out of the way) you have more nerve than Hootie's got Blowfish. Who are you to attack the character of the other woman when you were 'pretending' to be her friend while making it with her man?
You boyfriend doesn't have a clue either. He draws you into a relationship while he's still with her.
Let's also not forget the fact that you think she didn't have the decency to tell the loser who cheated on her with you that she was moving on while he was in jail.
Seriously?
You want real advice? You need to get away from all of these people, focus on yourself and your education. Stop worrying about what 'Shannon' does. Stop worrying about the guy (sorry...your boyfriend).
If you spend half as much time figuring out what it is that you should do with your future that you do playing all these games with people's lives, you'll end up a rocket scientist! Let's not forget that when you chose to cheat with this guy, you didn't give any thought whatsoever to the child in this picture.
Guys will tell you (and so will girls), that the other person did this or that in the relationship. That's so that they feel better about what they did wrong. Hello? Are you listening yet?
Your boyfriend clearly expected to get out of jail and return to the other woman. (What was his plan for you? Someone to have sex with while he continued the relationship with 'Shannon'?)
Don't take what I'm saying the wrong way here. I could tell you what you want to hear, but that isn't going to solve your problem, is it? You need to hear the truth...
Get out of this deadend relationship. Figure out what you want to do with your life. Agree with yourself that you won't see ANY guy until you understand what a 'decent' man is. Trust me, there are plenty more JUST LIKE HIM all over the planet! Once you have a clear idea of a direction for your life, set a plan into action, and work everyday toward your goals. Later on, when you've matured a bit and understand what you want from a man, you can look for one then. He isn't a man... and isn't the one for you. He's a liar, a cheater, and he's in jail. Some future. (I know...he made a mistake.) Don't keep making him YOUR mistake.
You need to think more of yourself than this. You are worth more than that so you owe it to yourself to find someone who will honor and respect you and who you can honor and respect. Trust me, you'll know honor when you see it and this isn't even close.
You can't be someone's woman until you are your own woman. Work on THAT.
Good luck,
Jada
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I'm going to give you the advice, but you're not going to want to hear it. You should think of Tyler as a friend. Keep in contact with him, but tell him you're not thinking about having a relationship with him. You can even tell him that at one point you would love to be able to have a relationship with him, but right now you can tell he needs to spend some time thinking about himself.
As his "friend," you will be able to give him advice differently than you can as his girlfriend. Tyler is all over you because he is attracted to that giving part of you. This doesn't necessarily mean he's a taker, but it does mean that it's very easy to hop the fence into enabeling.
Tyler may be a good person, but he's just not ready for a relationship. You are not going to be able to save him, and he is obviously looking to have a child. It sounds like you would love that idea.
You know how Tyler's relationship is with his stepson, so you know if he really loves the boy, or if it's just an excuse to stay next to this girl. If he truly loves the child, stay out of it.
No matter what the future holds, this person could really use a good friend right now, and so could you. You should concentrate on being that to eachother, and if it's right the rest will come.
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