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My older brother is annoying
I have problem with my older brother. He is 18, lives at home, and goes to community college. "Steve" also has a part time job where he earns little money. My problem is that he is lazy, rude, selfish, and inconsiderate to name a few things. He does almost no chores, leaves messes everywhere, and uses and steals my things without my permission. He gets defensive when ever I or my parents mention these things. He won't even look for his own place or a better job. Is there anything I can do? He is getting on everyone's nerves and I would really appreciate some advice.
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Get a lock for your door. Try and avoid him as much as possible.
It's clear you brother has some problems, but it is not your responsibility to solve them. It's clear he is not happy with his life, and he's taking it out on the rest of you.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Everyone is entitled to their privacy, this includes younger siblings. Putting a lock on your door may or may not help as interior doors are easy to penetrate unless you use a hasp or deadbolt type lock.
The problem though as I see it, using some knee jerk psychology, is not so much invasion of privacy or that your brother is a lazy slob. The problem is your brother has a problem: They may be low self-esteem, teenage depression, some type of undiagnosed medical problem or even an undiagnosed learning disorder.
My advice is that you suggest to your parents that before everyone writes your brother off as just being a lazy slob, or that this is just a teenage phase he is going through that he will grow out of, that they take him to the family doctor. Have the family doctor give him a complete physical, screen him for depression and ADHD or refer him to a doctor or clinic to be screened. Have him tested for any learning disorder; the Community College can help with this.
Your brother may not be what he appears to be. Once you have him fully evaluated medically and screened for any learning disorders you will then know what you are dealing with. Your brother may be reacting to how he feels and not know how to tell your parents as he has probably felt this way for a long time.
To many time we parents write things off as phases children go through as children just being lazy when in fact it is actually something else that we can deal with and help them. Not every disorder manifests itself as we might think. It takes a trained professional to identify and then treat these problems.
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Install a lock on your door and give both of your parents copies of the key.
Seriously. Protect your shit, beyond that you need to talk to your parents, because it's their house and thus their mistake in enabling a leech. Maybe pointing out to them that he's getting everything he can out of them while giving as little back as possible will make them realize they need to kick him out for a year or two to survive on his own.
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