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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I am a guy and I wanna babysit to make money but everyone tells me thats a womans job. What should I do?

In today's' world there is no job that is exclusively a mans or women's job, with certain exceptions such as modeling.

At one time careers such as pilots, train operator, crane operator and other jobs such as these were exclusively men's jobs. Today you will find women doing them. Jobs such as nurses, child care providers and teachers were considered women's work. Today you find men doing these jobs as well.

Equality among the sexes has opened up a whole new world of opportunities to both sexes. If you have an opportunity to make some spending money, go for it. There is nothing unmanly about baby sitting.

ok i get u right, i am 16year of age, i am having a leisbain feeling for someone, i used to be a leisbain but i heard the gospel and give my life to christ, but sometime i always have sexual desire, but each time it comes i find no one to practise it with. i really want to be free for it, because i think leisbain is a spirit. please i need help

While I believe in god I don't belong to an organized religion so I am hard pressed to advise you by the religious aspects of your chosen faith. I would suggest that you will probably find the answer you are looking for within your faith. Ask your priest, pastor or elders if need be.

At your age I would not want to put a label on your sexuality. It is not unusual for people your age to experiment with their sexuality or even to mistake their feelings for someone. It is all part of the hormonal imbalance teenagers go through while going through puberty.

You may be confusing love and lust; just as you may have when you say you use to be a lesbian. It is possible that you could be bi. I have none quite a few women who were bi all through college, then became straight heterosexuals. The reasons for this were lesbian sex was more available and safer. This allowed for them to release the pent up sexual tension they were feeling. They never considered themselves bi, or lesbians. They felt themselves more like sexual adventures or opportunists.

At you age to label yourself one thing or another is wrong. It is causing you to worry about something that most likely will pass as explore your sexuality. As for this girl you feel you have sexual feelings for. Do nothing about them and do a check on your feelings to see if you are confusing lust with love.

how can one be free from the spirit of liesbainism

Before I answer your question I need to know more of what you mean by; "the spirit of lesbianism."
Your age and she would also be helpful.

Having you meaning for asking this question would be helpful in answering you. Examples: I am having lesbian feelings for some one, I think I'm gay, I have a gay friend. Information like this would be helpful in answering your question.

ok so my family dont like me because they think that i will turn out like my mother... who is really bad.... but anyways she aint in our lives... so i ended the emotional abuse b getting up and leaving and now that i just mind my own business the go and accuse me for things they lost and like i stole it... and i just would like to know how to tell them to just back off respectfully and not like them saying im not considered a part of their family no more! it hurts but i dont want them to get hurt with the things i could say!... what do i do and say???

I could give you a better answer if I knew how old you are. Your age does make a difference in how you approach the question you posed. As what and how you say something will be taken somewhat differently based on how old you are and who you are say it too.

In general what you want to say is: Please respect the fact that I am my own person and not my mother or anyone else. I find it hurtful when people compare me to my mother for I try very hard not to be her. If you love me please give me the benefit of the fact that I am me and not someone you think I could be. I am working hard to be my own person and your references to my mother are not helping me.

You need to put what I have said into your own words so that it sounds more like you then me. I believe that what I am saying is respectful; in that you are telling them you are not your mother. You are trying hard not to be her. You are asking for their help so that you do not become your mother. The fact that you end by asking for their help is what I believe makes this more respectful than hateful. As a people we all like to help one another. If you don't respect someone you don't ask for their help. By asking for their help you are showing your respect for them. Respect gains respect.

I hope this helps.

So my uncle has me watching the children for the week because they don't have to go to summer camp. Problem is he won't let me put them in front of the TV. All day so I need to know what to do with them. They were 8 and 6

Children at that age have short attention spans, generally less than an hour; so plan accordingly.

One thing is you do not want them outside during the highest heat of the day, between one and four in the afternoon. Most likely the six year old can still be put down for a nap at the time; not sure you can get the eight year old to nap.

Things to do with them would include, puzzles, finger painting, face painting or reading to them as indoor time. For out door things to do this would include trips to the local park, a nature walk where they look for things they can easily identify. Pool time is always good; no pool then let them run through the sprinkler if you can.

Ask you Uncle for permission to take them to places like the local zoo or petting farm. If you have a working far near by they may allow berry picking, kids generally love this activity.

Of course some of these activities depend on if your old enough to drive. If not use your imagination. You could do your Uncle a favor an teach them how to clean. You would be surprised what activities capture the interest of young children.

Long story short:

I'm an 18 year old Irish guy, my life has gone to hell in the past 5-6 months, I fathered a secret child with my now ex girlfriend in February, told absolutly nobody! The baby died the following day, still nobody knows. Our relationship hit rock bottom dramatically after that, things got violent (not physically though) and in April my girlfriend stole €700 from my mother so all hell broke loose and I was banned from anything got to do with her. She became ill soon after and said she could die until one day she just cut contact with me alltogether. I seriously thought she died but now 2 months later she contacted me to let me know she's pregnant again, my whole family are now involved and all believe she is a crazy bitch full of lies, her life has been destroyed by my cowardness and selfishness yet I don't have the balls to tell anybody as the lies have gone on so long that the consequences would be huge and terrible. She is kinda pyscho but i love and hate her yet I feel I've done her wrong big time and i think i am a very evil person but i don't mean to be. I just make bad choices. Now i want to kill myself just to escape the whole ordeal.

You have said it yourself; you have made some bad choices. Making bad choices is something we all do and is no reason to kill yourself.

Your carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders not all of it yours to carry or carry alone. I would be extremely surprise if all of what is happening here did not have some type of depressing effect on you.Still there is nothing here that can't be fixed with help of people who can help you see things more clearly.

I believe counseling from a qualified therapist will help you get through what is troubling you. The best way to get the help you need is to either go to the nearest hospital emergency room or if you feel like you may hurt your self dial 999 or 1q12 which ever is the correct number for where you live and the proper emergency service will be sent to help you. If you are not in danger you should do the following:

I'm guessing you live in Ireland. If so please click on the first link below for some phone numbers you can call for help. If you do not live in Ireland go to the second link and pick the country you do live in to find phone numbers for people to help you.

http://www.befrienders.org/helplines/helplines.asp?c2=Ireland

http://www.befrienders.org/

Please call for help. Things are not as bad as you think they may be. In your situation I see nothing that cannot be resolved. You are not a bad person. You are a young guy who made some bad choices.

I smell like ass even after I take a shower, why?

Ever hear the expression we are what we eat. I believe this expression by definition is probably the root cause of your problem. People whose cultural diet(s)are are heavy into spices, especially the heavy and exotic spices, have the type of problem you speak of.

I would suggest two things: Before you start changing your diet; you check with your doctor to make sure this is not a physical problem. Once the doctor has cleared you of any physical or allergic reactions. I would consult with a nutritionist on what type of foods you should be eating and what would be a healthy diet for you.

Keep track of what you eat and if possible how it is prepared (write them down if necessary). The nutritionist can then help you with a new dietary plan which will be a healthy balanced diet that is right for you.

There maybe quicker fixes offered as suggestions. Problem with quick fixes are they are not always the proper fix and in some instances do more harm than good. My suggestion has you under a doctor's supervision while you make what may be a severe change in what has been your long time diet. Whenever you do something like this it is always best to do so under a doctors supervision.

well, i go to a university but I am a commuter student. Right now, I am going into my junior year. I'm a psych major but I plan to get my masters in higher education administration, which is like to work in a university (advisor, counselor, admissions), and maybe pursue a doctorate to become a dean or even a professor. Right now, I go to a good, well respected school. a lot of my friends go to IV league schools and sometimes I feel kind of stupid. Even tho I go to a good school, I mean, it's a state school. But, I guess the reason why I feel a little bad is because I live at home still. I am trying to live the college experience to the fullest because I go to a real school. I'm joining a sorority and i"m in a bunch of other clubs as well. I want to do something called peer advising, which is like working in orientations and stuff like that. You help out freshman and transfer students. It also pertains to what I am doing. However, you cannot take classes over the summer if I decided to do it. If I take classes over the summer, I can graduate early. If I don't, I graduate on time. The only perk to graduating early would be that I'd finish my masters quicker. the downside is I'm actually enjoying myself and I don't want it to go away so fast. :)... I would just like to not live at home. I love my family, but I feel the need to spread my wings already. What I was thinking is that with the money I would get from peer advising (because they get paid... and very well)... I could move out. so i have three options:

1) don't do peer advising, graduate early
2) do peer advising, graduate on time, and enjoy myself (living at home)
3) do peer advising, graduate on time, and enjoy myself (moving out)

advice is appreciated. please and thank you.

Before I answer your question let me address the State VS Ivy League school issue you touched on.

While it is nice to go to an Ivy League school and have a Diploma with that schools name on it. They are paying a fortune in tuition for the same or even lesser education that is available through many State schools. Your friends will still be paying off their college loans long after you have started to enjoy the benefits of your education as you took advantage of the lower instate tuition offered by state colleges to residents.

Now as to your main question. It is great that you can accelerate you graduation date by taking summer courses. To do so at the expense of missing out on an opportunity to fully live the college experience????

You only have the opportunity to be an undergraduate once and I believe you should have the opportunity to experience what being an undergraduate fully is. If working as peer advisor will give you that opportunity I do it.

There is an old beer commercial that the tag line is; "You only go around once in life so go for the gusto." It appears the gusto for you is experiencing all that college life can be. If peer counseling will provide that opportunity for you, go for it.

what are you supposed to do when a married man wants you

Tell him to get lost. You can never trust a married man; after all he is cheating or trying to cheat on his wife and family with you, isn't he? Can you really trust someone like that?

As the saying goes: "There are more fish in the sea." Find someone who is honest and will love, honor and respect you. Sounds a little old fashion but this is what you really should be looking for in a life partner. Not a playboy who doesn't know which bed to sleep in.

anytime anything happens in our family, my sister and I get yelled at. Our parents are always telling us we are disrespectfull when all we EVER do is talk to them in respectfull tones and we NEVEr say anything rude! all they do is mimic us with rude tones or scream at us for no reason. Today i found out my dad smokes from my best friends father, when i ask him about it he yells at me saying to stay out of his f****ng life or im grounded, now im in myroom because my father smokes, he also had the decency to tell Me that my life is messed up. He constantly puts us down and tells us we are all basically crap and mean nothing to him, but then whenever anything comes down on him he calls us disrespectufl and threatens us. is this just the way all parents are? Do all parents scream and throw (yes i mean throw) you in your room? i am 15 almost 16 and i am grounded from going out of the house untill i get a job, its the middle of summer and i have applied everywhere in my town, even places that arent hiring. I look way younger than most people and I also have no experiance? i dont find this family fair at all! what am i supossed to do!??!!
(PS i am a girl and i am my fathers only child, my sister is my step sister and my step mother always lies about anything that happens in the house while he is at work)

I'm sorry your home life is the way you describe it. No one should have to live their lives in such a manner. You are being mentally and physically abused. The physical abuse comes from your saying,"yes i mean throw."

If there is no family member that you can trust or turn to for help then you have one other place you can turn to for help. I realize school is out for the summer; even so either the Principal or the Assistant Principal must be in the school. Go to the school and talk to one of them. Tell them what you have written to us. They will know what to do and by law they must take action to protect you.

As youngmommy said; not all families are this way. Most likely there are some problems between your dad and step-mom and they are taking them out on you and your step-sister. This is absolutely not right and their problems are not yours.

There are laws in place to protect you should you choose to ask fro help. Asking for help starts with a visit to you school.

My baby..well hes my nephew ( I proabably spelled that wronge) Is 18 months he should be talking full sentences right? He says a couple words: Cat, Ma ma, Da da, Ball, Rawr, Tickle, Boom, and Hello. There not so clear, but you know what hes saying. I try to teach him words and he just won't listen. So when do you think he should start speaking? He also ALL THE TIME SAYS ckkkdnfyw edbwh Like hes speaking spanish or smonething. Idk. HELP!

Every child develops at a different rate. Some development is also based on their environment. Speech is a learned ability from our environment. If your sister/brother and others talk baby talk to your Nephew then his speech development will be slower.

If you have concerns with your Nephews' development you should suggest to your sister/brother that she consult you Nephews' pediatrician. Their are standard milestones the doctors use to gauge a child's development. The doctor can tell your sister/brother in what your percentile bracket he is in and what if anything should be done or needs improvement.

im 18/f and my boyfriend is 19/m

My boyfriend took my virginity roughly 2 weeks ago, and since then we have been sharing whilst cuddling one night things we would like to try/different places we could go/ what turns us on. he mentioned that it would be a huge turn on for him for us to have sex with the lights on. Because it would be really romantic to be able to stare into each others eyes, and he would be able to see everything.

however im very very insecure with my body, and thats why i like having sex in the dark, because i dont have to worry about what i look like. Although he told me he's already seen my 'problem areas' he says i have nothing to worry about and that he loves my body. but im very well aware that im overweight. especially compared to his previous girlfriends. id love to be intimate with him with the lights on purely for the romance of it all... but im to caught up and worried about my body.
is there any tips or anything to help me 'hide' the flaws of my body in the light?
id really love to do this for him, even though im insecure

It sounds to me like your BF loves you not just the body you inhabit. Sounds a little strange doesn't it.

When I advise people who have questions similar to yours I talk about the two people we are. There is the person that reflects back at us in the mirror and the inner person. The outer beauty and the inner beauty.

We can't all have the outer beauty like the magazine models, which most of them don't have anyway. There pictures are greatly retouched. We can have and most of us do possess an inner beauty. It is this beauty that your boyfriend sees and is blinded by. I am certain he does not see your outer self because he sees and is in love with the beautiful person your are.

My advise is you stop thinking about your outer self for now and deal with your boyfriends feelings for you. If you feel you have to do something about your weight then maybe you can do something about it with his help. Just don't let your insecurities come between you.

Try starting with soft lighting and build up to bright lights. I believe you boyfriend will be most encouraging in helping you to accept who you are as that is the person he is in love with.

is it required by law to give a statement to the police if i was the victom of a dv? in colorado.

I am not a lawyer and neither am I a resident of the state of Colorado. So the answer to you question is I'm not really sure. I've never heard of a victim of a crime being compelled to make a police report. This does not mean that your state does not have such a law. You need to check with a lawyer.

I'm also not sure what "DV" stands for. If it stands for Drug Violence, the State of Colorado may have some unique laws concerning drug crimes. Again your best answer is to consult an attorney in Colorado.

Hi I'm traveling to a different country in from the USA and I'm going to stay with my friends that live in Britain and they were over here last time and I had a little trouble understanding them and now Im going over to her families and I'm afraid I'm not gonna understand them bc her parents have thick accents

Ah, Great Britain and the USA, two countries separated by a common language. My wife and I had the same problem. She could not understand the British and I could not understand the Scott's.

Fact was and probably still is that this was something they are quite use to and did there best not to get upset when we asked them to repeat something. We tried our best not to get upset when they asked us to repeat or explain something.

The funniest part for me was not the accents but the different meaning for some very common items. Take the word Napkin. To us it is something you put in your lap at meal time. To them it is a women's sanitary product. So be careful with some of your words and if someone looks shocked at what you say ask them what they heard as they may have heard something you did not mean to say.

As for the accent problem; I would not be worried about that. We two countrymen are close enough that accents should not come between us and is something we can even laugh about. If your there long enough the accent problem will start to melt away. Have a great trip.

can I lose 20 pounds by August 25th by drinking water eating right and exercising a lot?
I'm 5'5" and 145 pounds

I am one of those who believe when you want to lose more than a few pounds, any amount under 10 pounds. You diet under a doctors supervision. Proper dieting says a person should loose no more than 1 to 3 pounds a week. If we use the extreme of 3 pounds a week, we are in the window of the 20 pounds you are looking to loose.

Before starting any diet a visit to your doctor is in order. Let your doctor advise you on a proper diet technique and what a good weight for your height and skeletal frame should be.

Based on this information and with a schedule of visits for supervision your next stop is with a nutritionist. Many heath food or vitamin stores have nutritionists on staff. The nutritionist can help you with meal plans and set up a proper diet plan as well as offer advice on any vitamin supplements you might need.

Your last stop would be to your gym if you use one. Schedule a visit with the gyms personal trainer to set up a proper workout schedule and routine.

With the plan I have set out you may or may not hit your goal by August 25th. What is more likely is whatever weight you do loose will say off where as with quick loss diets the weight comes back as quickly as you loose it. They key to success in this plan is doing thing properly and supervision by your doctor.

I'm M/16, its really hot out. The past day & a half I've been getting cuts on my pointer & middle finger on my right hand. The first one bled, I noticed is after scratching my leg & feeling a sting (Like a paper cut) The second one was almost identical, I woke up with it on my middle finger, it did not bleed. Through out the day I guess it grew down the finger, its longer. Then just now I noticed on above each. So its 2 cuts on each finger. I haven't touched anything sharp. Can it be a health or skin problem?

It could be a lot of things just what it could be is hard to say without being a doctor and without seeing them. Since none of us are doctors and even if we were it would not be proper to make a diagnoses over the web.

The first thing I would suggest is showing these cuts to your mom and see what she thinks. Put some antibiotic ointment on them so they do not become infected. I would leave them open to the air unless you plan on doing some activities that would get them dirty.

In this hot weather it is important to stay well hydrated. If you have been playing a lot of sports these past two days and not drinking enough, water not soda, then you may have become somewhat dehydrated.

I have always found the best defense against dehydration and sun related illnesses are: Sunglasses, a hat and you rarely see me without a bottle of water in my hands. Water is the best way to stay hydrated.

how can one be free from the spirit of leisbainisn? i really do need help/advice. "
i am from nigeria."

Some more information would be helpful in answering your question:

1. How old are you?

2. Do you feel you are a lesbian, is this what you mean by "SPIRT of Lesbianism?

3. If so a little of why you feel that way?

I've dealt with depression, self-injury, and eating disorders for a very long time now. I've kept the last two hidden since my mother completely dismissed any ideas of me having depression twice when I was not even 13. Since then I've "trained" myself to never let anyone know that I have any depressive thoughts nor have I ever let anyone "in" to my life.

Well, I met and have been together with this guy for 8 months now and I really do love him. I'm happier than I have ever been in years when I'm with him and he really appreciates me. He knows that the cuts on my legs are self-inflicted, but I've been careful to not let him know I still do cut occasionally and he knows nothing about how I hate my body and my past eating issues. I thought I had been doing a good job concealing my depression from him, but he is extremely introspective.

He has been out of town for the past week and we were talking on the phone tonight and said that I need to get out of this "recession" and that we would do it together or I could do it by myself if I needed to. And that he's been through a lot and he'd like to to help me. And that just freaked me out.

I've never had anyone so close to me in my life, nonetheless someone that's cared enough to notice this. I'd like to talk to him because it's not fair to him for me to bottle this up and have it affect our relationship. At the same time, I'm really afraid that he'll realize he can't handle me and leave me. I'm afraid he'll judge me and reject me. I don't know what to do. Help?

I believe you have found someone who really cares for you and wants to help you; you should let him. You should also seek counseling. Together with his help I foresee a brighter future for you.

We can't cut ourselves off from the world without hurting ourselves. From what you have written I believe you are seeing this. I also see a beautiful person, the same beautiful person your boyfriend sees.

You on the other hand are only seeing a reflection of yourself. One that is not a true reflection as you have a perception of what you think your reflection is. So what if you don't have a models body, most girls don't. Your boyfriend has seen past the book cover and found the real you. The one you don't see in the mirror. The one I see in your writing.

You have a great guy there, don't chase him away.

Ok ima 14 year old girl gone semi wrong. I haven't killed anyone or robbed a fricken bank at gun point, but iv befriended a 33 year old pedifile (dudes that rape kids), a rapest, and have gone onto sites I sooooooo shouldn't have been on!!! Iv got these voices in my head telling me to kill myself and in all honesty I hate my family, or at least a good portion of them. I'm planning on getting a dragon tatoo on my neck and acquire a taste for strong liquor. All im asking is how the hell am I supposed to get my act together? My grades have plummeted and so has everything else and informing out like my uncle and my dad that left befor i was born. Can anyone tell me how to straighten out???? Ppplllzzzz???

If your hearing voices in your head telling you to kill yourself these have to be dealt with first. IF your parents won't help you or if you haven't or can't speak to them about this. Then pick up the phone and call 911 or the emergency number for where you live.

By calling 911 the proper help will be sent to you and you will be transported to the proper doctor to treat you. Once you deal with the voices in your head the other things you speak of can be dealt with.

You are not a bad girl, you are a troubled girl; there is a difference. Your trouble is that you are not feeling well at the moment. You realize this which is the biggest step. Now take the next step and call for help.

You'll have to trust me for now for what I'm going to say. Once you get those voices out of your head everything else in your life will come back on track.

Ok, well this is kida a long story but I'll make it quick. 14 years ago my biological father screwed my mom and made her pregnant with me. he called when I was two to make sure he wouldn't have to pay child support (which btw kinda stings a little) so I just wanna know how a 14 year old girl can find her dad when all she knows is: he lived somewhere in Indiana around 1996 1995, he has curly brown hair, he got his license taken away at 17 for driving under the influence, and his name is Michael Spalding? My mom doesn't want me to even think about his let alone try and find him, so I'm doing it secretly and I have no money so I need a very cheap way. No one in my family had ever seen my dad and didn't know my mom was dating him until she got pregnant. So there no big help. Can anyone help????

There are ways to do some record checks via the computer if the County where your records and the State of Indiana have computerized them. I have done some records checking over the computer but not the type of records that you are looking for. If you wish to do this type of search I suggest you find someone who is knowledgeable in doing record searches over the computer. Perhaps a friend at school may have the ability and knowledge to do this with/for you.

There have been several stories in the news of late where children have found their biological parents by using facebook. I believe there is even a page on facebook about this.

I understand the desire you have to find your biological father, I really do. I would be remiss as an adviser if I didn't point out that he may not want to be found and are you prepared for this possibility. As you have written, in all of your 14 years he has only had contact with you or your mother one time and strictly for his own monetary interests.

I would rather advise you to let sleeping dogs lie then see you build yourself up for something and end up being very hurt. While it is possible he will welcome you with open arms; the fact that he has not tried to contact you says this is a very remote possibility. He may have a family of his own now that know nothing of you or your mother. For you to suddenly appear in his life would be very complicating.

You don't mention if you have a step-dad. If you do and he has been what a father should be to you. Then even though he may not have planted the seeds, he is your dad, for he has been there to care for you and raise you with your mom.

Please consider this before you go searching for your biological father and possibly let yourself in for one of the biggest hurts of your life.

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