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Dealing with depression and a boyfriend
I've dealt with depression, self-injury, and eating disorders for a very long time now. I've kept the last two hidden since my mother completely dismissed any ideas of me having depression twice when I was not even 13. Since then I've "trained" myself to never let anyone know that I have any depressive thoughts nor have I ever let anyone "in" to my life.
Well, I met and have been together with this guy for 8 months now and I really do love him. I'm happier than I have ever been in years when I'm with him and he really appreciates me. He knows that the cuts on my legs are self-inflicted, but I've been careful to not let him know I still do cut occasionally and he knows nothing about how I hate my body and my past eating issues. I thought I had been doing a good job concealing my depression from him, but he is extremely introspective.
He has been out of town for the past week and we were talking on the phone tonight and said that I need to get out of this "recession" and that we would do it together or I could do it by myself if I needed to. And that he's been through a lot and he'd like to to help me. And that just freaked me out.
I've never had anyone so close to me in my life, nonetheless someone that's cared enough to notice this. I'd like to talk to him because it's not fair to him for me to bottle this up and have it affect our relationship. At the same time, I'm really afraid that he'll realize he can't handle me and leave me. I'm afraid he'll judge me and reject me. I don't know what to do. Help?
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you are very lucky to have someone that allows you to open up. You should speak to him and tell him. He said that he has been through a lot too and I don't think he will just leave you because of what you have been through. When you start to open up to someone, you will see that things will get better. He wants to help you. Give him the chance
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I believe you have found someone who really cares for you and wants to help you; you should let him. You should also seek counseling. Together with his help I foresee a brighter future for you.
We can't cut ourselves off from the world without hurting ourselves. From what you have written I believe you are seeing this. I also see a beautiful person, the same beautiful person your boyfriend sees.
You on the other hand are only seeing a reflection of yourself. One that is not a true reflection as you have a perception of what you think your reflection is. So what if you don't have a models body, most girls don't. Your boyfriend has seen past the book cover and found the real you. The one you don't see in the mirror. The one I see in your writing.
You have a great guy there, don't chase him away.
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He seems like he really cares about you... talk to him let him in... let him know everything that pains you... talking can be very helpful I know I have been there... I was in the same place you are in not long ago... When my husband and I first got together I was a cutter... He didnt know... One night he was working and I was staying at his house so I decided to fall asleep in his bed... when he came in his room in the morning he noticed I had blood on my sweater... he rolled up my sleeves and saw my cuts... I woke up to kim kissing my arm and crying... he loved me so much and it hurt him to see the pain I was in... I have not cut myself since then because I know how bad I hurt him by hurting myslef... finally I had seen someone cared for me... and the same goes for you... you dont need the cutting you doing this is hurting him... he cares for you and does not want to see you hurting... if you talk to him you will feel better... and please stop this before its too late I lost a friend to cutting.. she said it was her coping method and she never intended to kill herself... that could happen to you... dont let it good luck best wishes
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