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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

So my husband and I have an age difference of 22 years, and he will turn 50 soon. I am a soldier and on the tail end of a deployment. This is the first time that we have been apart for longer than a week, and I was really scared at first. Not because I didn't think I could handle it, but because I didn't know what he would do. Early on in our relationship I now realize he was very controlling. Would go through my phone and emails, and interrogate all of my contacts with other men. He always says he needs to feel needed, but it always feels so forced. He quit caring about how he looked, acted, what he wore when I left. He has also gotten lazy and overweight. He gets angry with me because he doesn't think I prioritize him anymore. He refuses to make friends or join a support network while I am away and clings to me for everything. I was first attracted to him because of his strength and independence but now it seems that he is weak and clingy. When I was home on mid tour leave I cherished the moments I wasn't around him because he was suffocating. On top of all of this he is always negative. Always in crisis. Negativity is my huge pet peeve. I talked to him about it 3 times over 9 months then finally gave him a warning shot that it had damaged my ability to care for him bc I couldn't handle it anymore. I cringe to think about going home. Is there a way I can move through this or should I just start preparing myself for the dissolution?

I was wondering too if I should just continue to hang in there or get divorced.

Here's what I asked myself that helped me leave a very terrible 1st marriage just 7 years ago after hanging in there for 30.....

Can you handle more of the same old same old for another month? Sure...easy...I ve done it for 30 yrs. Can you handle it for another year? I hesitated answering myself, a whole year; 12 months, wow, thats tougher.I wont look forward to it, but if I have to, I can. I asked myself, can you remain with this guy for the next 5 years, no change for the better? Ouch I thought, thats hard, I really don't want to. And I began to feel an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Then I asked myself, Can you deal with the same old stuff for the next 10, 20 or 30 years of your life? Until you die? At that point, I couldn't reason an answer, I broke down crying to myself and starting to feel really depressed, hopeless, stuck. It was then I decided I had to pull myself up by the boot straps, put my big girl panties on and help myself out of this situation, cus no one was going to do it for me. My 1st answer to myself if I could handle it was if i have to, I can. I had to realize I don;t have to....no one is forcing me against my will to remain there. The reason I stayed in part I think is because I am not one to look for the easy way out, not a quitter, I like to stick with commitments I made and try every possible avenue to find a way to make something work. The only thing I was overlooking is that God has given every single one of us a free will. If one of us isnt make the best choices for ourselves, He wont stop us and force us against our own will to start making the right choices. If God wont and cant do it, then we can not do it either even with our partner. The only person you have control over is yourself and so you control all that happens in your future. You can not control what someone might say or do to hurt you somehow...but you can control how you respond to it and that mattes more than you may realize. You can remove yourself from situations and avoid contact with people that rob you of your peace, your joy, health and well being. Lifes to short to do otherwise. Good luck dear.

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I DELETED THE OTHER POST BECAUSE IT DID NOT MAKE SENSE SO REWROTE IT TO POST IT NOW AND THIS MAKES SENSE. I COULD NOT JUST ADD DETAILS ON THE PREVIOUS POST BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE SOUNDED LIKE GIBBERISH SO HERE IS THE NEW POST THAT MAKES SENSE.

Yesterday morning I (AGE 59) asked her did she remember what she said a week ago and she first said in a nasty way "No but whatever I said I meant" Then I said a couple of things which made her say "Whatever I say you twist and turn even if it is in your favor" and I asked her to clarify and she said "Well if I tell you that you look nice today then you would say 'why you dont think I looked good yesterday'". I walked away and then a few minutes later I came back and I asked her what do you mean in my favor and she said the same thing "If I tell you I like the way you look you take it to mean that I didnt yesterday" Then about in the car around 2PM today (I was driving because my car was in the spot that we pay for) I said to her "So what you are saying is that if you compliment me one day and you dont the next day I would get upset" and she said "I told you that a million times"

ORIGINAL STORY A WEEK AGO
I drove her to do some chores and I said to her 'Are you really putting down my clothes' and in a sarcastic way she said 'Yes I am'. Any way I dropped it and when we finished part of the chores she had one more chore to do so as I was driving her to that chore I decided to ask her again about my clothes and she replied "I would never even tell you if I liked something you were wearing because if I didn’t say I liked what you were wearing the next day you would get upset”. So I teased her about that answer. At the next chore after she finished she said to me in the car after I pestered her a little more "There are some days one looks better than others”, which got me upset and I asked her to clarify and she said "The hair can look better some days than others, one has no make up on”. We said a few other things which made her say "I would never tell you when you look great” (THIS WAS THE LINE THAT GOT ME REALLY ANGRY BECAUSE TO ME THIS IS IMPLYING I DON’T LOOK GOOD UNLESS SHE THINKS SO. Then three days later my mom and I were fighting and during the course of the fight she said "You used to dress nice, they were expensive". She claimed later on that day she only said it to get rid of me, but she wont admit it now. She also tells me she doesnt have to say what I tell her to say because I said to her "All you have to do is say 'I only said you used to dress nicely because I wanted to get rid of you, and when I said great I just meant that if I liked something and complimented you that day and not the next you would get mad". She

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW HOW I DRESS BEFORE YOU READ THE STORY: I WEAR VERY NICE PANTS, WITH A BLOUSE THAT IS SLEEVELESS WITH A LONG SLEEVE BLOUSE UNDERNEATH THE SLEEVELESS TOP, I DRESS CHIC AND ELEGANT. I DO NOT WEAR TANK TOPS, JEANS, OR SKIRTS OR DRESSES. BUT I DRESS VERY FEMININE. IN THE WINTER I ALSO WEAR SLEEVELESS SWEATERS WITH A LONG SLEEVE BLOUSE UNDERNEATH THE SWEATER OR A TURTLE NECK UNDER THE SWEATER



I'd have to say that one or the other of you likely has some issues going on or perhaps both of you. I am no professional doctor, but at her age, mom could possibly have some issues with her memory or some other such thing.

However, you did share in detail some conversations and your reactions and questions, and how your mom said your mind follows and interprets any spoken words. Just on the off chance that mom isn't making all this up and there may be a nugget of truth to it, wouldn't you want to know if some of the problem lies with you? That way you could learn to deal with it, do whatever it takes to improve yourself.

she said "Well if I tell you that you look nice today then you would say 'why you dont think I looked good yesterday'"

The normal response to "You look nice today" would be to respond with "Thank you, thanks for the compliment, thanks for noticing." It would not be a response of dissecting something a person says and assuming it to have a totally different meaning. From your descriptions it sounds like you get upset easily in conversations and that how you dress and look is the only thing really bothering you as far as what other people think. This is a common problem with middle school and high school girls so worried about how they appear to others and just wanted to be accepted, not stand out, not get teased or put down. I know nothing of how your parents raised you or other childhood experiences but if you are extrememly sensitive to the point you can't ignore something mom said or interpret her meaning wrong, then something is wrong because it sounds like a person with a self confidence issue.
OR....and this is a big one...it may be that you have gone your whole life without having a learning disability or some type of cognitive disability being discovered. To you, you would seem perfectly normal and you would be extremely frustrated if conversations with people didn't go smoothly ever. There is a possible chance that how you hear what is said and interpret it truly is the problem. That would make for issues of course not only with mom but any other people you interact with. If you do not work and hardly ever leave the house, then its possible you've not had a chance to see that this happens with other people too. I could be totaly wrong and barking up the wrong tree. But if there is just the slightest chance that you are the one having issues, it would be in your best interest to see a professional, have a psycologist work with you on retraining your mind how to come to proper conclusions in thinking. Much headway has been made with discovery of and treatment of many cognitive disorders since the time you were a child. Once adult hood was reached, people are beyond the age that drs and schools look for learning disorders or thought disorders in children and go their whole life without training how to learn way to deal with their disability. It doesnt make any of us less than a person. Just that we learn different ways to be able to do the same things others do naturally and easily.

If you can rule out that you have no disablilties, then it might be time to have a doctor look at mom. Perhaps there is something she needs help with from a doctor.

Just an aside: If your mom reacts in frustration with you and anger, it could be that she is very tired of trying to work with your way of reaching conclusions cus its been going on your whole life and doesnt fit the way most people think...thats if you really have a disorder. Go see a doctor hon and give them examples of the conversations you gave us here because they have been trained to spot any problems a person may have and how to help you treat it by educating you.

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Ok, so I pretty much can only drink water. I can drink juice too, but only small amounts at a time.
Anyways, I drink, on average, 36 ounces of water a day, but one a few random days I have to force myself to drink water...it's like I can't stand it and I feel water logged.
On the other hand I get random days where I drink probably double that, it's like I can't get enough, because it tastes so amazing!
Also, I have city water that is filtered using a Brita filter. And, I don't know if this pertains to it, but I'm a female in my 20's.
Any ideas as to why that happens sometimes?
Thanks!

I can't say why it happens. Perhaps humans are just so accustomed to flavorful foods and such that something with little or no flavor, we find hard to take, like bland foods or water. We can force ourselves but i would guess that our subconscious mind is the one who rebells at that.

I have to be extremely thirsty to just guzzle plain water down. So heres what I do that works great for me to get the amount of water I need per day.

So what i do to increase my intake of water is to flavor it. I am not talking about Koolaid or flavoring drops for your water. What I do is when I have 100% natural juice whether bottled or frozen concentrate, I already add extra the amount of water to the juice. A gallon of apple juice thus becomes two gallons. Or I fill my glass to about 1/4 or 1/3 full of bottled juice and then add water. Instead of having my glass of juice separate or sugary sodas, I am getting some flavor to my water...very light but thats all it takes for me to be able to drink as much as it needed and healthy to take. Frozen concentrate is as sugary as soda's. So i will add twice the amount of recommended water to the concentrate. And then take whats now in the pitcher and treat it as bottled juice adding only about 1/3 of it to my glass and putting in the rest with water. Try that for a while. I'll bet if you tried to drink the concentrate with twice the amount of water, it would taste too sugary for you, even though its got extra water already.

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21/f

I've been on birth control for 2 years now. I am on microestrogin. The last week of pills are brown and contain iron and no hormones. I have not missed a pill so far and I needed to skip this months period since I am going on a trip. I heard that if you skipped the last week of birth control, I won't get my period. I did that, I did not get my period, the second week, I've been bleeding/spotting/and I'm on my period. It looks like old blood. I thought it was supposed to skip it? What do I do? Does it not work for this particular birth control? Is my body just getting used to it so that means I can only skip my next month period?

Birth control is supposed to be taken according to doctors and pharmecuetical instructions. So deviating from them can cause issues. Your body was getting used to this schedule so your uterus was building up a certain amount of the lining. Your particular prescription has a week of different pills. So unless you've been told by your doctor that your type of pill will shorten periods to only a few days or you wont have a period at all, then yours requires your body to have a weeks time for period flow. When you passed by the week of the non hormone pills, it means the body didnt have a chance to shed the current lining built up in your uterus. What you did wouldn't stop a period until the following month came along, it only delayed it. It doesn't mean your pill isnt working right or body needs to get used to...it simply means you are expecting one product to produce the results of another. I personally believe that confusing the body too much into thinking its pregnant and messing with the period cycle by shortening or stopping it altogether is a technology of today that is not in a womans best interest. Many getting off the pill later trying to start a family have difficulty getting pregnant cus their body is confused after so many years on the pill.

If there was a pill you could take that changes the color of your eyes from brown to blue, would you do it if there's a chance one in a thousand people become blind from taking it? I certainly wouldnt. My eyesight is a precious thing, just as my ability to have children is. I didnt want to mess with it so I used Paragard, the copper IUD...no hormones.

Some pills have shortened the time of rest for the body to expell any lining from a week to a few days. And some allow you to not have a period at all but those are totally different prescriptions. You cant take a prescription that has a week of placebo's (non hormonal pills) and expect it to act and respond the same as the others just because you varied the way you took them. Check with your doctor about what your particular pill will do. If you want to be on one that guarantees no period, its your choice to mess with your bodies natural processes that way, just ask if the Dr. can put you on it.

However, if I were you, I'd check into Paragard. One time insertion into uterus by Dr and it lasts for 7-10 years. No having to take something daily. No hormones to mess with your body which means your body will have its normal functions not messed with. You'll still release eggs, you'll still have your normal periods. The difference is that the copper of the IUD makes the lining too slippery or inhospitable for a fertilized egg to attach to and without it being able to attach, it can't grow into a baby, it dies and flushes out with your period blood. A woman is not pregnant until an egg attaches to the uterus lining.

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I'm a 14 year old girl and I'm overweight so I'm on a diet (a healthy one with exercise and all that) but I heard that staying up late can cause you to gain weight. Is this true? My eating habits don't change because I stay up late and I don't binge eat at night or anything. I go to bed at 3-5 AM but still get a full 8-10 hours (I'm on summer vacation and I don't have a job, I can sleep for as long as I want). So could this be affecting my weight loss?

I cant say it weight loss if affected by being awake during those hours. But I do know that all bodies have an internal clock during which certain organs do their functions, all necessary for us to be healthy. A person can not change the time schedule of their bodys organs. You can only change its ability to be effective or not if eating during the night hours or simply being up instead of sleeping. I suppose if a body wasn't functioning as well because the organs functions are being thwarted, by a persons schedule, that it could be part of what effects ability to be at optimum health and that would include weight problems. It's not a matter that you are still getting your 8 hrs of sleep but it's when you are getting it. Read to following link that explains your bodys internal clock.


http://voices.yahoo.com/the-bodys-internal-clock-human-body-sleep-1445209.html

I can verify by experience that my organs follow the schedule in the chart because at one time I was having problems with gall stones. The gall bladder works on the same schedule as our liver on the chart. Any fats taken in meals during the day, the body will need broken down to process.
Bile or Gall is a a bitter greenish to golden brown alkaline fluid secreted by the liver and stored in the gall bladder. The gall bladder acts as a pump to release bile as needed most of its work during during the hours listed in the chart. Stones will try to pass out with the bile and the size of them creates tremendous pain. I woke many times at those same hours having a pain attack from a stone passing. Eventually one stone did not pass, got stuck and I had to have the gall bladder removed. If you want information on how your awake vs sleep times may be affecting your weight, I'd check with the family doctor.

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21/f

I've been dating a guy for three months. We've also only known each other for three and a half months. I don't know anything about him "under the surface." I don't know how he generally is, personality wise. I only know about what he does for a living, what he likes to eat, etc. Nothing that I can actually really connect with. In other words, we don't have many deep conversations.

Since we've been dating, we have not discussed whether or not we were exclusive. We were both aware that we would not be happy if one of us were seeing other people other than each other. Here's the thing, we met online. Ever since I met him, I stopped going onto my profile but he was still on it. Recently, I noticed that he has been getting on it more frequently. Speaking about it has gotten us nowhere. He just mentioned that he has been chatting with a few people but he has not been seeing them.

I will admit that I have brought in some of my trust issues from my previous relationships just because they have turned out terribly due to trust. I have been doing what is called "mirroring", whatever he does, I do. If he texts me, I text him. If he calls, I call him. He went on his dating profile, I go on my dating profile. Whenever he finds out that someone has been chatting with me, his mood changes and he becomes quiet. I sometimes notice that he would glance at my phone whenever I'm on it next to him. I'll admit, I do the same thing sometimes.

Other than the fact that he's been getting on his dating profile more often, he has not given me any reason not to trust him. He has not lied, he has been completely honest with me, he talks to me everyday, and he tells me about what he did that day. What could be wrong?

I can't help but be insecure or suspicious of him seeing someone else. I think of the worst scenario and it drives me crazy. I'm worried when I shouldn't be worried. Help?

I am glad you mentioned that you didn't know anything about him 'under the surface' not the kind of things that really count and help to begin a trust with a person. Does he know about you enough things in depth, has he even asked? If he does know all about you but unwilling to share about himself....he could be a very shy quiet person but he also could be trying to hide something about himself. He may feel insecure as a man and feel threatened therefore if another guy simply talks to you. If he doesnt know anything about you and isn't asking, then he doesn't really care to have deep conversation to get to know you better.
Did you know that early dating, like the first month or two if seeing each other couple times a week and talking by phone frequently, is enough time for two people to discover enough about each other past the surface stuff to know if this is someone they want to continue dating or not. Early dating is not the time to become exclusive with a guy just because you are attracted to his looks.
You need to know first what it is you are looking for in a guy. Some of the Needs or 'must haves' in a guy will come from your own dating experiences with guys...things you liked about them and the things that bugged you or you won't tolerate. Make a list for yourself and keep it in a journal or on your computer and add to it as you figure out more. Right now, all I know is that you have a desire to find a guy to be exclusive with but expect that to happen when you first meet in person and start dating. This guy is doing what many who are single do, including myself at one point and I used dating sites too to meet my 2nd husband in my late 40's.
I made it clear up front that I was not going to be dating just him exclusively as I was in the shopping around - checking it out mode and if several promising male prospects came across my path at the same time, I would go out with them at the same time, as I was seriously looking for the right guy for me. This puts the male in the position of knowing that if he is serious about finding a great gal to love, then he better invest the time to find out enough about you to see if you might be the right one, and be an open book himself so that he knows he has at least a chance of winning you. There aren't enough females doing this and it would fare lots better for them if they did.

Many males will do the dating around thing. It seems to be fairly normal for them. Not all of them are conciously trying to get to know her and reveal themselves to her because they aren't serious about finding a gal to love and be in a long term relationship with yet. Or they just
don't have a clue how to go about it seriously. One of the problems is that men don't tend to disclose to a female upfront that they are dating around incase she is not okay with that. And females tend to think that when a guy starts chatting with her in person /on line and agrees to meet with her/go out with her, that he is somehow not going to meet any other girls or stop looking for prospects.
He may have no clue yet, usually common at this age, as to what he wants in a female companion. If he is only concerned with beauty skin deep and not concerned with getting to know your inner beauty then theres a chance that you are nothing more than someething like a new Christmas toy. Think back to when you were a kid. You saw something you wanted really bad and begged and begged the parents a nd then you got it for Christmas and played with it for maybe a week or so before it finally lost it's appeal and you became bored with it. That happens to guys who date who are not truly looking for a girlfriend...they like the 'something new' but without anything more than the surface level stuff, he can become bored with a girl easily and just stop seeing her.
You were already told by Razhie that 3 months was enough time to get to know each other...yes...as long as you didnt just meet twice a month. In my on line dating days, I had a list for the guys in my profile of what I absolutely must have, otherwise dont contact me. One was 'must be non smoker, and not into taking drugs f or fun...I spelled it out, every possibility covering as many areas as possible.

Some guys outright lied just to get to meet me thinking that I would like them once I met them even if they didn't meet half the criteria on my list. Other things I was looking for is a man who might tend to anger easily or be abusive in some way as that was my first husband. It took until a 3rd date to see that trait in one guy I met with. He truly sounded great the first two times out in public. 3rd date was dinner he cooked for me at his house. But the moment I arrived, he slipped up cus he was comfortable in his surroundings and let his real self show through, the moment I saw that, I never met him again. Basically he apologized for his place looking a mess ( wasnt messy) and began to say terrible things about his Asian maid he hired...racial slurs and other horrible verbal abuse type stuff. That was what I had before. So when I saw it in him, it was goodbye. The thing about dating is, when you find something like that you wont live with in a guy, you are not supposed to stay with him cus your heart developed strings of attachment, feelings....you are supposed to move on to the next guy to try to improve, never settle for the same and never settle for less than the best for you. Learn from your past relationships, and realize, you will have to meet a lot of frogs before you find your Mr. Right. I had to go thru tons of that, even though the on line profile helped narrow things down. But it was worth it in the end because I ended up with almost everything I wanted, just that he doesnt dance and i love it. But all my Needs/must haves he met.
Hope this all helps give you some things to think about and perhaps you will figure out now what you need to do. I'd start by letting him know what your hopes and expectations are...you date to get to know a guy much better because you are looking for your long term love relationship not for a current partner for entertainment purposes. So you need to know where he is at. What he is looking for. If he isn't looking for what you are, then thank him for his time and break it off. If he is looking for the same thing, then tell him there need to be some rules and guidelines if the two of you are going to date to determine if each of you is the right one. If anywhere along the way one of you decides the other is not who you want to end up long term with, then you will say so and part as friends. But one of your rules might be that he must make every effort to let you into his life, as far as knowing who he is, what makes him tick, his core values, his morals, beliefs, hopes fears dreams etc... If that is too hard for him or he doesnt want to...then you must decide if you're going to settle for less or move on.

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I usually don't ask questions, but well, this is important. So I am taking summer gym so I don't have to do it during the year and it's all the people from my grade from our district middle school and 3 students. I am friends with all 3 of them. One of them is a guy and we always run into each other everywhere and anywhere somehow. He and I talk a lot and whenever we walk together, we walk slower than usual. We talk a lot and we goof around together during class. Whenever were playing a game, were totally competitive and we try to out do each other. I really like him, but I have no idea if he likes me back. I love being around him and he makes my life so much more fun. Especially when he comes up to me and asks me if I'm hot and I respond yes, and he pours his water bottle all over my head!!! I laugh and yell in a joking way, "I'm going to kill you" while I'm still laughing and I chase him until we both can't breath anymore. I just can't ask him if he likes me...should I? And, when, how? Ugh! I'm confused! Someone help me! I'm love struck!

Everyone has already said to ask to hang out. That is good. I just want to cover the part of your question, should I ask him if he likes me?

That sort of question puts the guy on the spot and makes them feel uncomfortable. It also makes some guys wary and suspicious thinking that some girl is in love with him which feels to him like jumping ahead too fast for him when he may not be there yet. Most guys don't fall in love at first sight.

The word "like" is also problematic at times because the two sexes often have different meanings for that word. When a girl says she likes a guy, her feelings are often stronger than his. Sometimes she feels she loves him and acts accordingly with him trying to act as if they are a long dating couple who have made a commitment to each other when to guys, using the word, I like you is much more simple. It just means, he finds you attractive on the eyes and may have observed enough of your personality to know he likes how you act too, its also part of what makes you appealing. BUT...that does not mean the guy has deep feelings for you yet. He needs to spend time with you to get to know you even better and allow for time for those feelings to develop. Sometimes they don't, even though there was an initial attraction on both sides. That is normal and part of what happens in dating. But if you never take the chance to ask him to hang out, it doesnt have a chance.

If a guy asks you out, or you ask and he accepts, you can take that as a 'given' that he is attracted to you. Would you accept a date from a guy who looks unattractive to you and you don't like some of his mannerisms you've observed? Probably not, because you are not attracted to him or in other words, you don't like him. So rest easy if he accepts and have fun together.

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You replied to me this morning about the two questions and the online dating and what not. Well this evening I went to the cafe and that guy started really trying to talk to asking me whats new and stopping to say something every time he walked by then he finally said he would you ever want to go grab some coffee or something and I said ya sure. So he asked my number and he wrote it down and he said he would text me sometime cause he likes my style. Im not sure what that means exactly but I smiled and said ok.

There are a certain amount of things you can learn from observing a person interacting with others they are with. Try it sometime at the Mall. Just watch how people talk to each other. You can probably tell which person tends to not let others talk, interrupts a lot, talks in too loud or responds with disrepectful phrases toward their companions, or some one laughs a lot, seems to have good sense of humor, seems to be happy to be alive, someone looks like they are in pain or bitter or angry, holding their face that way.
He has been watching you lots. So he has picked up some things about your like parts of your personality and know he likes what he sees, likes your style is a way of saying that.

When a person is expecting someone to call such in two people just on the verge of getting together, it seems customary to wait about a week for the person to call and then make the next contact or approach just in case they misplaced your number or truly were busy. Its what happened after the 2nd attempt, if the person calls and the other is always busy or just doesn't answer that they know they're getting the brush off and that the other is not as genuinely interested in them as they may have thought. People seem to do that all the time. I have been more direct. Hated playing the waiting game or making others have to wait. If I liked the guy and he said to me, "Thanks for the number, I will text you sometime cus I like your style." I would immediately say something meant to either encourage him or compliment him and show I have a certain level of interest too. "Why thank your for noticing. To be honest, I couldn't help but notice you too every time I've been here. So you better text me." Said by shaking a finger at him like a warning with a flirty smile on my face and waiting a bit before adding, "Because I'll be really disappointed if you don't.

You of course can learn to do the same. It will come in time with experience and as you gain confidence in yourself as a female and knowing the impact and impression you can make on men. Attitude of confidence is going to be one of your biggest assets that brings you great results in the dating arena. You wont have to wonder or worry about other females
enticing your guy away because if he's the right guy, he'll be so into you that no other woman could turn his head or interest him.

So next time you have a chance to talk, be brave...take a deep breath dear and say something to him besides just Oh or Okay. A guy is really no different than a female when it comes to needing to hear compliments, be encouraged to proceed further, see some signs that there is mutual interest on your part. You will need to be saying certain things to give him hope to pursue. Some guys may pursue, totally oblivious to whether you really like him or have had enough and want to break up. But most guys are pretty observant as your cafe guy has already shown to be so he will be looking for some encouraging signs from you.

If all else fails and you feel too timid to say anything or your mind goes blank or you are afraid you might say the wrong thing or say something stupid....guess what!!! The answer is easier than you think, tell him a little of the truth cus the moment you do, all the fears in you will just disappear. I have used this tactic quite often. Example: Giggle and say..."Gee, I seem to not be able to think of a thing to say right now. My mind is totally empty. All I can do is just look at you. Did you put some kind of spell on me? " (thats some of the truth along with some humor...always a good move)
Or, "I know this may sound kinda silly, but I am feeling a bit concerned about what to say. Maybe it's because I have very little experience talking to guys, if you can believe that. But I am glad I'm here with you cus I have a feeling you'll be the most understanding and encouraging and willing to let me practice on you if I bat my eyes nicely for you, right?" Then exaggerate batting your eyes as you smile at him. ( in this one, you've not only revealed how you are feeling, you have complimented him already and asked for his help. Men love to be able to laugh with a girl and they all really have a desire to feel needed and helpful so if you give him something that sounds like he can help you with, even though its not a real help like a project, you will be making lots of 'brownie points' with him. So remember, instead of saying little, ease the tension by using some carefully worded honesty with a little humor and soon you'll be doing great. Good luck dear.

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There's this guy I've been sort of seeing, I've known him for 2 years. Before we ever hung out he would flirt with me whenever he seen me by putting his arms around my waist, touching my butt or joking around to make me laugh. He is 15 years older and has a kid but I don't mind cause I like kids and his is great. Anyhow in the last 3 weeks we've went for breakfast twice where he insisted on paying (I felt bad cause I like taking turns paying), we had sex a couple times which was amazing, we cuddled and watched movies together, he told me I could leave pjs at his house and he would even hold my hand while we drove around the city. The only problem is that he barely contacts me and I get mixed messages from him. He's very focused on his work but even so he never calls or texts. I can understand when he spends time with his kid or is working. I can even understand that he will be tired somedays. I'm just curious if I'm being led on considering we get along so well, then there's no interaction for a period of time and I feel as if I always have to take initiative at that point though I usually choose not to. FYI we both are single and I know he's not seeing anyone else. Think about this: we never talked for a week and then we ran into eachother while I was with a friend and he walked up, put his arm around my waist and genuinely smiled at me. Does this mean he's actually interested in pursuing something or what?

All I know is he's 15 years older than you, not your or his age. Not that the age difference matters. Its just that after a certain point in age, some guys simply only want really young females. It's termed mid-age crisis. They may be hating getting older, fear it too and the one thing that makes them feel younger is having a young female to hang out with, be friends with benefits with, boyfriend or married to. I suppose its possible that if mid age crisis is what caused him to start seeking a younger woman who wouldnt be put off by his age...that somewhere along the line, that man could truly fall in love with the young female. Keep in mind that that main reason for seeking out the female to begin with is born out of trying to take care of their own needs which in itself is not wrong. We all would be wise to take care of what ever needs we have. However it many cases the seeker is not thinking of the other person as having feelings and needs of their own as they are absorbed with only their own needs. Now some may be unaware that they are doing this and others are fully aware and simply using the female in question to fulfill their wants and desires.

During your example week of not talking, did you ever try to call him? Did he not answer or say he was busy each time. You can't put all the responsibility on him. If you are now officially dating but have just known each other casually before, it would be only now that counts, not the far past. If you truly want to get to know him better, spend time with him, then contact him, phone calls, text, messages online. Make the first move.

I can only make some guesses based on what you've written. 'Sort of seeing' leaves a big question as to what you mean by that.

Your words say he doesnt contact you at all or initiate any dates. If you didn't do so, you probably wouldnt get together. If two people are truly equally attracted to and interested in each other, then both of them would not hold back from contacting each other, actually looking forward to it. The way he is behaving is not one of a man who is interested in you for a committed dating relationship.
Remember, you did write in for advice. So I must share my next impression or I'd be doing you a disservice leaving it out. You did write that before you began hanging out, that he flirted with you by putting his arm around your waist and touching your butt. The butt part is going a little beyond what nice guys would do to let a girl know they have interest in her to date. Guys will find reasons to touch a female, removing a leaf from her hair, patting her on the shoulder, holding hands and arm around the shoulder but usually the touching of breasts and butt dont happen unless the guy has no respect for females, see's them only as sex objects or is in lust with them, not in love with them.
There are for sure some signs a guy likes you that are exactly the same whether it's generated by feelings of lust or feelings of love. Since he was touching you in this way Before going out with you, I get the impression he may be more motivated by lust than love.
I don't know how often you get together or how many dates you hung out before having sex the two times you mention. If he isn't after you that often, it could be he has a low sex drive which means he's a person who doesn't need sex often to be satisfied, one a month or once every other month may be enough for him. For others, once a week is a must and yet others prefer it daily. Its quite normal for all people to vary quite greatly. So even if you dont have sex often, it doesn't mean that his attraction to you was anything other than lust.
These are some things for you to keep in mind as you spend more time with him. Look for signs that he has a genuine interest in you, in asking questions to learn more about you like your personality and traits, your hopes, wishes and dreams, shows interest in wanting to talk to you, and see you, treats you with respect, etc.
If its for the most part lacking, then you'll have to decided how much interaction you want with a man and whether you'd prefer to make yourself available to only be a friend or whether you are looking for something more like a long term love relationship. Just because a man smiles at you and seems happy to see you is not enough to base a relationship on. I have many men smile at me in very friendly fashion in my time, but non were truly interested in pursuing a relationship with me.
oF course, I know nothing about the man in question so it would be impossible to get into his head and know what he's thinking...if putting an arm around the waist to him is a way of showing he wants a loving relationship with you.

Just keep this one thing in mind...Make sure that in continueing to spend your time pursuing him, that you are not settling for less than the very best for yourself.

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Dont you think doctors (eye) etc look for things that were there forever

Dont you think doctors (eye, etc) look for things that were there forever
A month ago I went to my eye doctor (a new one in the same group - but closer to my home). Besides the usual eye examine she took an X-ray of the inside of my eye and showed me two white dots on my eye, but told me to come back in a year.

I have a feeling I have had those two white dots forever. So do you think the doctors overreact to certain things


No, you cant just 'have a feeling' that you had two white dots before. Either you have actually looked into a mirror and seen this before or Either a past eye doctor informed you of it and told you what it might be and told you what symptoms to be on the alert for and to call if they occured or come back for another appt at such and such time.
What exactly did the 2nd dr. say? only that you have 2 white dots. Sight is a precious thing. I wouldn't want to rely on a Dr. who has no idea on what it is incase it may end be developing into something serious that would cause me to lose my vision. I wear glasses and contacts. I see eye doctors regularly and they all explain everything in detail that they are doing, why, and what they see going on with my eyes. I'd check back with the eye doctor and ask what it could be and whether it was something that could develope into something that may threaten my vision. If they cant give you an answer, go see another doctor for a second opinion.

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When I was 15 years old I dated a 16 year old boy for about only 6 months. He was very controling, had anger issues with many people, was a rebel, fighter, robber, and "wannabe" gang member. He was always nice to me though. Did a lot for me, but also made me do many things I did not want to do as a highschool freshman like sneak from home at night and turn into a rebel also. After those few months I started to have many problems with my family and people I did not know. (Many school fights and school discipline also). So I decided to end the relationship. This boy did not want our relationship to end even though he had another girlfriend which I didn't know about until after. He started to follow me EVERYWHERE... Would not leave me alone and I started to get scared. Many he would not leave my personal space and would grab me, causing me to fight back and leading fights into bloody fights. My best friend has witnessed many and I went to court, got a restraining oder against this boy, but I feel like not much was done because we were both minors.

Now I am 18 years old and 7 months pregnant. He is about 19 or 20. Unfortunately we live in the same area but different neighborhoods. Basically like 10 minutes away I'm car and he knows where I live. The very last time we saw each other at the mall and he gave me a very strong uncomfortable look, but did not say anything and I left (with my boyfriend) immediately to avoid problems from my ex. I have him blocked on the social network, Facebook, but he made a new account to look at my page and send me a message with strong language calling me a "b*tch" and to "shut the f*ck up" and mind my own business. I honestly have not spoken to anyone about him except for his ex girlfriend or current girlfriend (I don't know) because she blocked me after she asked me for help because she also had an abusive relationship with him and thought I would understand her situation. I did not find out what happened at the end of their courts, she even showed me the paper work, but it must of been something minor since he still harrased me on Facebook. She also told me he always threatened me and still had plans for having me and my family pay for what we did, which was only report him to the police when he hit me. I don't understand why she asked for my help and then blocked me, or why he made another Facebook to keep looking at my profile. I wonder

I am scared because I am holding my child and I am sure he is aware of it since we know many of the same people. But I don't think the police will say much because he did not directly threaten me, What should I do? Leave things alone and worry about my pregnancy? Or go and maybe even have to face him I'm court again and have him be even more mad after nothing is done about him? I feel like it will be a risk.:(

Doesnt sound like you have anything to report and besides no reason that you have shared yet as to why you feel you may have to face him in court again, is there a court date coming up? For what?

You hang out with the same friends and live in the same neighborhood. If it were me, and I feared for my life, I certainly would not hang out anywhere that I might run into him.
I know it may be expensive to relocate but to me that makes most sense, as it will give you some piece of mind. You must not see any old friends because they can inadvertantly share your new address and contacts with him. Its a toss up between your safety and that of your child or seeing friends. I would think that a mothers instincts to protect her young would be stronger.

As for the facebook profile, I know someone who had the same problem. Since he can keep changing and making new profiles to keep in touch with you, treat this as a spam problem. When someone's facebook acct has been compromised, you shut it down and create a new one. BUT the new one must not have your real name otherwise its too easy for him to search and find it again. Use something made up like Luna Moonwalker. I am sure you can come up with something better. Send friend requests to any friends who dont know both you and him. Otherwise he can just go onto their friends list and keep trying until he finds you under the made up name cus of course there'll be your photos in there. If you dont follow these precautions, he will find you online and continue to harass you there.
Hope this helps a bit.

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So, I think my boyfriend is cheating on me. I have a bit of proof. The girl I think he's cheating with has done this to me before. I was sitting right next to her and I looked over and saw she had a conversation with my ex boyfriend (boyfriend at the time) and it was extremely dirty, talking about how what they would do to each other once they saw each other later. My boyfriend now, talks to her until 5 in the morning sometimes. He ignores me and texts her. He once told me he has cheated before, on a ex girlfriend. I just want to know what I should do about it. I've been cheated on before, but I honestly love this guy and I'm confused on how to confront him, or if I should. Do I have enough proof?

Hon, dating is a two level process. At the first level, there is no commitment to each other and you are only dating which I call hanging out with the person enough to discover what they are like 24/7 under all sorts of circumstances, their character, who they are at core, their beliefs, morals, hopes, dreams, and how they treat a woman, hopefully with respect.
Once the two have determined they both have alot in common and are beginning to have feelings for each other, they make a commitment to each other to be exclusive with each other.
At level one, two people may use this investigation time to check out only the one person at a time or date around several persons at the same time if there are several prospects and then make up your mind which of them you want to focus solely on. As long as a person is up front before accepting a date that they are also planning on dating a few others at the same time until you find someone that you really like. Guys have no problem with this, At least most dont, if he does, dont bother with him.

Now ask your self why you are dating or what your end goal is. Is it to just look cool for your friends cus you have a boyfriend? Just a social thing? Are you trying to figure out what you like and don't like in a guy?
If a girl has parents who were abusive to each other, she may have no idea what is a proper way to treat another human in any kind of relationship, not just dating ones.
Based on what level one of dating is, the moment you find there are too many things you do not like about a guy, its time to dump him. Our hearts will always have feelings in a relationship and it will hurt when we choose to dump the guy. But deciding to stay could end up being a life long of hurt way worse than the short hurt of heart break when you break off with a guy who is a dud. I was married at 20 and discovered after that he was abusive verbally and emotionally. I put up with the hurt for years until I woke up and left him. Now I try to share some common sense I wish someone had tried harder to share with me.

Lets make a list of what it looks like to me that you are willing to accept in a guy.

You want a guy who never excercises any self control when it comes to other females who flirt and try to entice him. You want a guy who is dishonest, You want a guy who will cheat on you while dating you. You want a guy who prefers getting off by phone sex or computer sex instead of investing the time into masturbation or if you are willing, to pleasing you sexually. You want a guy who ignores you.

Hmmm that wouldnt be my choice for a guy but if you stay with him, basically what you are saying to yourself is that this is what you want or are willing to put up with.

Usually this is a sign that the girl either has no clue what she wants or little experience in relationships and dating and no idea of what to look for to find a good guy. Sometimes it also means that she lacks self confidence or has a low self image and doesnt think she deserves anyone better.

You don't have to decide if he is currently cheating or not, or have proof. You don't have to confront him about it. According to the list I made, if you don't like any of that, get rid of him and look for someone better. Just break up with him. If he asks why, you're looking for someone better suited to you. And please dear, don't ever settle for less no matter what age you are. Its a learning process but during thilearning process of dating, you don't have to put up with Jerk-boyfriends.

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I used to believe in love like fairytales and everything. I got screwed over a couple times since then, and so i tried to do the "I dont care ill just hangout with different guys" thing. Lets call this guy adam. adam is a friend of a friends and we would hangout a few times and i started to really like him then i told him and he kind of quit talking to me, and im pretty sure he liked me too, he said hes just really busy, well at the time he was, hes raising his daughter, going to college, and working. so i understood but he was kind of the last straw that made me the way i am with guys and love. then ive always had a little crush on a friend of my brothers (well call him sam) and i made out with him one night and he just went completely emotional and stuff saying he needed me and all this stuff, of course that turned me off real bad and seemed really quite needy and psycho to me. (im not a mean person its just how emotional and depressed he started talking like a little kid throwing a tantrum because i didnt want to hook up or kiss him anymore after that because i realized it was a mistake and i shouldnt have done that and i just wanted to be friends and not make anything uncomfortable or weird) well sam continues to go over cause my brother and we have a nice hey how are you here and there but its nothing like it was that night well at least hes not acting like that which i was relieved. then the other night i hung out with adam and i was way drunk, we went to his house and we fell asleep then we woke up and he started kissing on me and we kissed for a minute then we were like woah why did that happen like i dont even know what started that then we went and layed in a bed and just slept. then in the morning he dropped me back off at home. there was nothing more he didnt take advantage of me or try to go any further then he did and when we were cuddling and sleeping he wasnt rubbing up on me or touching me all crazy it was literally a nice innocent cuddling. then the next morning he was texting me and said he was going to miss me and stuff cause i moved away for a few months. and i just kind of went along with it and said well ill be back soon and stuff and there was no mention of the kiss. well now i keep overthinking that he is going to turn out like sam. and i keep trying to tell myself that hes not like that cause hes a few years older more grown up and he never mentioned anything or whatever like sam did. so my first question is how can i completely convince myself he wont be like that i think the whole sam thing just freaked me out from kissing guys or having any kind of physical contact with them.cause im almost positive he isnt like that its just this tiny little voice in the back of my head saying otherwise cause of my past experience. and my second question is actually something else but ties in. sorry this is so long. well while im living away from home for a while because im going to school. i go to this cafe and there is a really cool funny sweet cute guy that works there. my roomate and i have became regulars there he knows my name and says hi everytime i go in, he compliments me and im pretty sure he flirts with me, well at least from what everyone else says that has gone in with me. im usually oblivious to people flirting when its directed toward me. well i got my check one day and it had a paper to rate my overall experience. and i gave them 5 stars because they are amazing in there and next to server i wrote "cute:D" then i left. the next day i went back in there and i was sitting with my roomate and he came over to the table said hey asked how i was doing and what not, then as he was walking away he turned around and gave me his card. (hes an actor) and said "oh i meant to give this to you" my roomate said that was his way of basically telling me to call or email him. this was a week ago. i still havent contacted him because im scared of the fact that i dont know him and im paranoid because what if he turns out to be a creep or psycho or something. (im very paranoid) and because he reminds me of the first guy i ever was really or thought i was in love with. and i just dont want to go through all of that again. and i know im psyching myself out. i just dont know if i should risk it im only going to be here for a couple more months. and i was in the cafe today and he smiled alot and talked to me but he was talking to another girl too and said something about what time he gets off work tonight so im worried i may have lost my chance to talk to him. and im so confused because i feel like im ready to actually settle down with a nice guy and be in love, then my mind says no theres no such thing and just be free and have fun. i just know its because im paranoid and im scared to take chances. im sorry my second question is should i text him or just continue to see him when i see him when i go to the cafe? im sorry this was so long. thankyou so much for taking the time to read this!

Haha, Okay... I got lost and had to re-read to find question #1.

So to answer that ' how can i completely convince myself he wont be like that?'

I don't have a simple answer but to start, I'll use myself as an example. At 20 I married a Christian man and expected a Fairy tale life too. It turned out he was verbally and emotionally abusive. Without going into detail, I stayed 30 years before I left. Once I left, instead of worrying about possibly meeting the same kind of guy again, I decided I wanted at least a long term boyfriend. Wasn't sure I'd find another husband. God told me to make a list of what I was looking for in a guy...your shopping list if that makes sense. It's like if you were hiring someone to find exactly the right guy for you, and to get exactly what you want, you have to be very thorough and detailed. Take that attitude with your list. You'll want 2 columns. One is your 'needs' and the other your 'wants'. A Need is something that if he doesnt have it, thats a deal breaker and you won't even consider meeting him.
The Wants are things you have a preferance for but you are okay with it if Hee isn't meeting this one. Two of my examples: I wanted a guy who likes to dance and who had long hair. I got the long hair but he doesnt dance.

I tried the singles meet up activity groups. It's no different than how you have been meeting guys, like out in public. It was the worst way I could see to use my time in searching for a guy or investing the time in meeting with and talking to one enough to get to see if we had anything in common. For example, I long ago left my 'religious ' beginnings to walk a more open minded Spiritual path and that was important to me. After 1/3 hour of chatting with a guy at a singles event, I made a comment in answer to something he said, and he asked what i meant by it. So I proceeded to answer him and the topic was related to my Spirituality. He interrupted me with horror on his face, raising his voice to say to me, "Get away from me you heathen. I want nothing to do with you. Leave me alone!" I was surprised. He was the one who had approached me. LOL but that told me right there that I could spend the rest of eternity searching for the right partner using this method cus that was only one thing on my list he didn't meet. How long would it take of dating any guy to discover if he met all the rest? So I began to use dating sites. Your level of success will depend on what sites you use if you choose to try this. I liked it because i was able to give them lots of detail into who I am, my strengths, how I think, whats important to me in life...etc...
But also in a space meant for other things, I put my list of criteria for a guy the must haves and I put some of the things i'd like that would be nice but not necessary. I didn't want smokers.

I would suggest you give this a try. If you are serious about settlling down, getting married maybe and having kids...you need to be serious about how you go about it. A pay for dating site will eliminate a lot of the guys who are not serious, are liars, or just playing around for fun, hoping maybe they can convince someone to be their outlet for just sex. Match.com I believe is one of those sites. You've probably seen them on TV. It really is worth the money you put into it. If like I was, you are next to being broke, a pay for site is out of the question, then try OKCupid, or POF they shortened it to that from Plenty of Fish. I believe there are a few more out there, but Those 2 are what I used and got most responses on. Avoid the new app type sites like Tinder or whatever where there is no profile, just pics that you click on if you like or pass on ones that you dont like.

To me, thats so stupid and a waste of time. Of course a person is going to write to someone they find attractive in a photo but like the personality as well. The attraction to looks is a no brainer. I usually say, well Duh,, do you think a guy is going to write to a gal whose looks dont appeal to him? NO. hahaha

If you decide to use a dating site, and really know what you're doing and have some hints from me, as to what to do, not to do in writing yours, and what things to take as warning signs in a message of a guy who writes you. Let me know if I can help here.

Now question 2:should i text him or just continue to see him when i see him when i go to the cafe?

Well, seeing someone at a cafe and smiling at them does not constitute a relationship to me, nor does it get you anywhere close to one which I believe is your goal. So I would have to say, that texting or calling him, rather than doing nothing is the better of the two choices.

If you are too scared of dating sites, it's no scarier than meeting cafe guy whom you know nothing about either. For either way, the first time you meet, do so at a coffee place where you have the safety of plenty people around. Other people may choose meeting at a bar..but you dont want to overdrink cus you're nervous, end up tipsy or unable to clearly get a good run down of the guy. You want a clear mind. So Starbucks or some other coffee shop. 2nd safety tip whether you met on dating site or just happened into them out in public, when you arrange to meet somewhere or go somewhere with him, even the 2nd or 3rd date if you're not comfortable and have a good feeling as to if he's trust worthy, you drive your own car to meet him, even if he insists on picking you up, remain firm and say its your way or not at all. A good guy will not protest or said you're silly or fearful, he will admire you for being smart, and safe and understand and not take offense because of it. If a guy can't handle that, going in two cars, then call it off and say its not going to work. I am no longer interested in meeting you. I feel I may be leaving something else out thats important to share so that you won't end up feeling paranoid. So if you have any specific situation/scenerios you want tips on before hand, let me know, I'd be glad to help.
Let me know how this works for you





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I'm 16 years old & I'm a virgin. A week ago I was in bed with a guy & we we making out & he fingered me. This was my first time being fingered & his penis touched the outside of my vagina but we didn't have sex. The next day I had stomach cramps & got worse everyday. Now my breasts are kinda sore & I have really bad abdominal pain. PLEASE HELP ME! I need advice. I have no one to talk to about this. Should I worry that I might be pregnant ?? I'm really nervous!!

Your symptoms sound like your period is about to start soon.

If your boyfriend did not have a condom on when his penis touched the outside of your vagina, there's no way you can be pregnant. However, there are ways other than intercourse (penis in vagina sex) for pre cum or ejaculate that contains sperm, that a female can get pregnent by. All it takes is for pre cum or ejaculate that contains sperm to be deposited near the entrance to the vagina or transfered inside via fingers that have still wet precum from the male on the fingers. Its a slight possibility but a possibility non the less.

But as to whether you are pregnant, you can only be pregnant if you were ovulating and an egg was released and available for sperm to fertilize if they could make it that far.
Here's a link that explains what ovulation is vs. implantation of the egg. There is actually a time frame until implantation at which point a female is considered pregnant and a pregnancy test should be able to show a positive/negative result.


http://www.thepregnancyzone.com/ovulation/how-long-after-ovulation-does-implantation-occur/

So since the travel of a fertilized egg thru falopian tubes to uterus lining is 7-10 days, it's very unlikely that a female would have immediate pregnancy symptoms like breast tenderness or queasy stomach leading to vomiting. Severe stomach cramps are not likely immediately after having sex.
The only thing I know of that can cause terrible cramping immediately after sex (because I had this) is if I had lots of really strong orgasms because those often used to make my 'fibroids' cramp up since they are attached to the uterus wall which contracts during orgasms.I was told by Dr. that my fibroids would shrink as I entered menopause and no longer trouble me. Once kicked off, the cramping from my fibroids would last a couple of days before going away. If you didn't have any orgasms, but do have fibroids, then it is unlikely you had cramps due to this.
The only way to know if you have fibroids is to see a gynecologist and get a thorough exam. At the time, the medical community wasn't doing operations to remove fibroids. I heard rumors of use of lazer to sever the connection a fibroid has to the uterus lining and it will shrivel up and die without having to be removed. But it hadn't been approved yet and was expensive. It may be commonplace these days.

The only other case in which there may severe abdominal pain is if a fertilized egg never leaves the fallopian tube and attaches and grows there instead, although in this case the signs of severe Abdominal (belly) pain or pelvic pain, usually occur 6 to 8 weeks after a missed period.
So at this point, it's not that.

My advice is to wait a couple days and then take pregnancy test. It would also be a good idea to see a Dr. about the severe cramping directly after sex if you find it happening again in the next couple times you have sex. Also, insist on him wearing a condom even if not planning on intercourse. I would also suggest seeing someone about getting on birth control, even if you dont plan on doing more than you are doing for now.

The reason I refer to what you've engaged in as having sex is that it is sex. The term virgin has come to only mean not having had penis in vagina sex. But there are many other things that are parts of having sexual relations. There's foreplay, kissing, touching and massaging, giving orgasms through manipulation of your clitoris, your g or a spots, fingering or oral sex, blow jobs and hand jobs for him. So depending on how you are interpreting the word virgin 1. not having had intercourse 2. only having sexual contact including fingering and oral sex. etc then you may or may not be a virgin.

You do not need parents knowledge of anything regarding your reproductive organs. You can see a family dr or go to Planned Parenthood and due to a law called HIPPA, visit and any findings will not be revealed to the parents. You must however be honest with the Dr. There is no judgement over whether you've had sex or not. You need to share everything for him/her to be able to determine what may be going on if your pains continue.
Hope this helps calm you a bit and cause you to see a Dr. either way for a check up soon.

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Hello. I'm 20 and my bf is 22. We have been dating for a year now and some months. We are deeply in love and he's the best thing that's has ever happened to me. I love him will my all and he's also my best friend. We are very opened with each other's and he's the one I run to when something is bothering me or when I have a problem. He is so loving and supporting and caring. How do I show him that I truly appreciate him or what can I tell him to let him know that I appreciate and thankful that's he's part of my life? Any advise would really help.

Thank you so much in advance

There are many ways to show a person how special they are to you. Ways that are best repeated throughout the relationship rather than done just once or twice. All of them are good, but the ones that make the biggest impact upon the recieiver are the ways that are most meaningful to them. If a person never receives love shown in the way that is strongest in meaning to them but recieves attention other ways that are still good but not as meaningful, they can feel neglected or unimportant at times. What I am talking about is something called the Love Languages, written by Gary Chapman. You can get the book or read something about it on line. The 5 love languages are words of affirmation, quality time together, giving gifts, acts of service, physical touch.

We tend to communicate to our partner with the love languages that are most meaningful to us but may not be to them.
Here's a description of the different love languages. You may be able to figure out yours without any problem and perhaps also those of your boyfriend. However i am also adding a link to an on line question survey to help you figure out which one you are. I am happily married the second time around to a man who shows me all those love languages except the giving of gift s which is rare for him. Luckily gifts is not one of mine either.

http://www.ehow.com/facts_5533438_love-languages.html

My opinion is that this information will be the most helpful to you in coming up with ways to show your appreciation to your boyfriend. Once you've determined his primary and secondary love languages, if you still need ideas within those frameworks to come up with, let me know and i'd be glad to help.



http://www.the-relationship-coach.com/five-love-languages-quiz.html

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Okay, I am a 15 year old girl, I am somewhere around 5ft 6" tall and I weigh 120-130 pounds.

When I was in my mothers womb, I was very active, and ended up making a huge knot in my umbilical cord and wasn't getting enough nourishment.
And when I was born(by C-section) the umbilical cord was rapped around my neck and I was choking myself on it and almost died.

Because of this(My mom also told me that I have a low fat cell count), I have always been skinny. When I was younger, people would come up to my Mother asking if I ate enough. I was wearing clothes for years before I out grew them. My mom would let me eat milk shakes for breakfast everyday to try and get me to gain weight. (I also had bad stomach aches a few times a day from the ages of around 8 or 9 until a few years ago, we still don't know what caused them.)

But other than this, I was like any other normal child. I was extremely active(I mean, I would run laps for fun active, now I'm lazy...), liked to play outside, and though I was a picky eater, I ate normally too.

As I got older I remained thin, but in middle school I started eating a lot more(I mean, A LOT of food. I'd eat more than my older sister and her friend combined)and gained some weight, but I am still thin.

Recently(I will be a Junior after summer), I got a spacer in my mouth so I take longer to eat, and I also haven't been able to eat as much. But I do eat more than enough to be healthy(three meals a day and snacks in between, most high calorie junk food). I'll occasionally skip meals, but unintentionally because I'm not home much and I forget because I snack a lot.

I care little to nothing about my weight and do not think I'm fat, I don't look at calories and even eat junk food most of the time. As stated above.

But for the last few weeks, my friend who's been with me almost constantly has been calling me anorexic. And not just as a joke, or something like that. She actually thinks I am. She tells me almost everyday. It's really starting to bug me.

I've explained to her I'm not, but she says that I don't eat enough and I'm too thin. When I'm actually bigger than I used to be. I know I eat enough(most days at least) and I love food...

I don't know, basically what I'm asking is, how can I get my friend to stop thinking I'm anorexic? And can having a low fat cell count be the cause of me being so skinny? And any other comments you can give would be great.

Thank you

Some people are naturally thin no matter how much they eat due to having a high metabolism. But if you have never had a physical checkup for overall health to see if there may be something you're not aware of that could help, it's worth doing so.

I just checked on line for the scale of what is natural for weights for a female 5'6.
On the low end, 117 and all the way up to as much as 143 because besides metabolism, how fine or heavy the bone structure is makes a difference in the weight too.

http://www.ehow.com/decision_7240370_much-should-5_6__-female-weigh_.html

Show your friend this site and that should get her to stop.

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Good afternoon. I'm a 23 y/o female who lives with my mom and my grandparents. Just to give you some background, I have always lived here at home. My family did not want me to leave for college, and I respected those wishes. Now, it is my biggest and deepest regret. I really feel like if I would have left, they would not be such bullies. It has actually made me develop very negative feelings towards them. In college, I met a man and we started dating. He's only a year older than me and we have been dating for about three years. About 6 months into the relationship, my mom started to hate him because of something stupid. Basically, at the last minute, he advised me that a function we were going to was in the morning instead of at night. Since then, all I hear is her asking me when I'm going to break up with him. I have been dealing with this for two years already. Basically, I just let it slide and hoped that one day, it would just go away.

Throughout this past year, it has gotten worse. I just got my first full-time job, but they aren't paying me very much to start off. I'm still happy because it's more than I've ever made before. But... I can't move out with that salary. My family has decided that since I can't move out for financial reasons, they were going to build an efficiency in the back of the house for me to live and feel more private. With it's own kitchen, and bedroom, etc. That's all very nice. But, the catch is that I have to break up with the boyfriend. My mom has threatened to kick me out of the house and have me live on the streets if I don't break up with him. I entertained the idea for a while just because I wanted to have peace with my family. Now, I wonder if peace with them is worth it because they haven't exactly been that great to me. I've been a great daughter and honored their wishes for me to stay here. And now, they want to throw me to the streets just because of some guy? My mom has treated me horribly. At one point, while in college, she stole my identity to shop. I was in nearly $10,000 in debt, which I just finished paying off. And, I paid it off and didn't turn her in because I didn't want her to be behind bars.

As far as the boyfriend, I have seen some things that I don't like, which is completely unrelated to my mom. For instance, I am a woman of faith and he is not a man of faith. This could bring up issues in the future when raising our children. Whatever you believe, you want to find someone with those same values and morals. I want a big family. I grew up an only child and it was a very lonely. He wants a small family. He is obsessed with hard rock and metal. I hate it. He is extremely left-winged liberal, while I'm more on the conservative side. I believe in men treating a woman like a lady... whereas he believes that men and women aren't different at all and that a man shouldn't have to open doors, etc. We're just so different. He's been there for me through some difficult times. Severe conflict with my family. When my cousin passed away. In fact, that was when we started dating. My cousin and I were very close. We were best friends, confidantes! I really believe that grief clouded my judgement. There were tons of red flags in the beginning of the relationship that I should have picked up on. For one, we had to keep the relationship a secret for a few months, just because he didn't want drama from his friends. It was just stupid, especially at this age. We're not in middle school. After a lot of evaluating, I think that as much fun as we may have now, there really isn't much for us in the future. But, as I said, he has been there for me through some hard times. I don't hate him and I am so grateful that I had him in my life. But, I just don't see us moving forward as a couple. I really don't want to hurt him. I can imagine that when I tell him, he's gonna cry and that breaks my heart! I've been refraining from doing this just because I care about him and I don't want to hurt him. I think about what I'll miss the most...and it will be his hugs. I just feel like if we didn't have any physical affection, we would have nothing. We don't have enough in common and I for one, don't feel special as a woman when I'm around him.

Finally, regarding my family, I don't know what to do. Initially, I was doing this for me. Craving peace with us. Now, I still want peace. But, I need them to know that this isn't about them. I also need to reassure myself that this isn't about them. It just feels like I've wanted a good relationship with them for so long and I wanted peace while living here, in this house. And now, I'm asking myself if it's worth it. Just look at what they've done. I have to have some pride. Not, in the sense of never speaking to them again. Of course, I will forgive them. I just think that for as much as I want peace, my mom needs to know that identity theft is not okay and that threatening to throw me out on the streets is not okay just because you don't like someone over a time of a date.

Thank you for reading thus far. Please advice on!

Since theres too many differences with the guy, and to me faiths not being the worst, then you have no reason to continue to be with him if you really want to find someone to marry and have kids with one day. Its just coincidental that your mom doesnt like him and is giving you ultimatums trying to convince you to drop him.
If this your first serious boyfriend? You mentioned being an only child. Your mom may not ever want you to leave home because she can't handle the idea of you not there. Lets say she lives to 80, will you be in your fifties and still never married because mom would never have been in the frame of mind to approve of any guy, no matter how perfect he was.

You are an adult now. Your mom has some serious issues wrong with her if she stole your identity. I can understand not wanting to turn her in because she's blood relative but that also sets you up to continue to be controlled and treated in an abusive manner by her cus she never had to pay the consequences. A parent sets rule for a young child to abide by to teach them proper behavior. If when the child tests those rules and goes against them and the consequences are not carried through, the child becomes an uncontrollable little monster. Consequences for kids are go to bed early, sit in a corner, no dessert or tv...etc. If your mom never learned that as a kid, it could explain why shes as she is. But there's always a possibility she has some kind of mental disability thats never been diagnosed. It is unhealthy for you to stay with her any longer. So my advice would be to find a way to move out from moms and also to break up with the boyfriend.
You mentioned being involved in church. So go have a chat with your pastor. Let him know what the situation is at home...yes all of it. He need to know how bad it is and ask him to help find you a place to live. He needs to know you can't afford a place of your own, but perhaps with several roommates, other christian girls. Or maybe with a church family to live until you can afford to live on your own. Thats what the church should be for, the practical help like this for those who are part of the church family.
Good luck dear and may blessings come your way

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Yesterday I was at my cousins' dads' house. I am 14 years old and she just turned 13 a week ago. She has a boyfriend in the 11th grade about to turn 16. When she told me about him in the car, I thought he was a bit of a creep for being with a girl about to go to eighth grade, but I hate it when people are biased, and I didn't want to offend my cousin so I decided to shut my mouth. When I walked in her boyfriend was there and he seemed like a decent guy. For the rest of the day I got settled and took a shower. I thought her boyfriend had left a while ago. I was wearing a towel because i had left my clothes in her room. I heard screaming so I opened her door and said what's wrong? I saw them having sex and it was gross. He said "oh I didn't know your cousin wanted a threesome." I screamed at him and called him a pervert and grabbed him by the arm as he got dressed. He ran out of the house and I went back to my cousins room and she was crying screaming at me saying that she hates me. I grabbed my clothes and got dressed in the bathroom. I was mad and sad because I knew that my cousin wasn't this type of person. She kicked me out of her room and made me sleep in the couch. I wanted to ask her if he was using a condom but she has been silent and hasn't talked to until she said, "I am not breaking up with him and you should feel like crap for walking in on us." And then she slammed the door. What should I do to get her to talk to me. I don't want to tell my uncle about it because she would hate me even more. I love her we are best friends but now she won't talk to me. I have apologized even though I honestly don't believe that what happened was my fault, I mean how else was I supposed to react? So what should I do, I want to talk to her please help.

Frankly I find it kind of odd that she is deciding to have sex with her boyfriend when she knew you were in the house. Whether you knew he was still there or not, if I heard someone screaming and had no idea what had caused it, I'd have come running in too to see if something was wrong.
So she is unfair to hold that against you. As to what words were exchanged, thats another story. I won't know exactly what each of the 3 of you said but most likely there was embarassment, hurt feelings, awkwardness...no good feelings just negative ones. I know that if a person who is of age of consent to have sex) usually age 18 and over, and that person has sex with a minor, that is a crime and must be reported. It's a bit more difficult when it comes to two young teens below age of consent deciding to do sex. At this point it falls down to what the actual state law is if both are minors whether it needs to be reported or not, what the actual laws are. You can do a research on line and look that up. Age of consent for minors in -------- and put the state. That should bring something up. Depending on what you find, if this is considered a reportable crime, then go to your mom with the information. Leave it to her to deal with it and talk to her brother about what you shared regarding your cousin. She may be very angry with you and not talk to you for this but she's already not talking to you.

At the very most, if she'll listen to you, suggest she go to Planned parenthood and get on birth control and get a check up to make sure she didn't contract any diseases. She can do this without her parents knowing as there is a law of privacy for young people, the Hippa law.

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Hello, I'm 19 and female and my friend is 22 and male.

I met him through a mutual friend one day. She always talks about him and she put a picture of him and her on instagram one day, I thought he was cute and I told her so we were all planning to go to a party one night up at school and she told me to ask him to go. At the time, we were only following each other on twitter so I direct messaged him and asked him. It took a bit of convincing but he decided he wanted to go so we all met up and we all walked to the party. Nothing really happened so we all left and split up to go back to our own rooms. That night, I direct messaged him on twitter and said "here's my number, so we can be friends :)" and I obviously gave him my number. Not five minutes later, I got a text from him saying "don't worry, we are definitely friends :)"

About a week passed with us texting a little here and there. Our mutual friend was throwing a going away party for one of her friends at this guys apartment and she asked me to go. My guy friend said it was totally okay but I had to work so I went after work. It was pretty dead when I went so I basically only went to pick up my friends and drive them back to our dorm. He texted me and said he was mad I wasn't there so we couldn't talk and I told him I was but I didn't stay long so he said we'll take a raincheck.

About another week passed and he texted me that there was a party at his friends apartment and she said it was okay that I go. So, my roommate and I went and he didn't really talk to us much there but we did talk a little, his home friends were up visiting so he was spending most of his time with them. But, I told him I was leaving and he gave me a hug and said he'd text me later and he did. That was a Friday.

The next night, he texted me and asked if my roommate and I wanted to pick up him and his friends from the bar because they were all there for his best friend's 21st. So, he texted me at 2 when the bar closed and we went to get them and we took them back to his apartment and hung out with them for a little bit. Then he pulled me aside and said he didn't really want to sit and watch his apartment get ruined so he asked if he could stay with me in my dorm room and I told him yea, to let me know when he wants to go. He said he was ready then so we went back to my place and he made himself right at home in my bed. I took my time getting my pjs on and everything but when I was ready to get in my bed, he asked if I would be uncomfortable him laying there and I said no so he immediately opened his arms and we just cuddled and talked all night. He didn't try anything and I really liked that he didn't. We woke up the next morning, turned on the tv and watched movies all day until his roommate picked him up because he didn't have his car at my place. He left about five pm so he stayed with me most of the day.

The next weekend, he didn't want to party so him and his roommate were just watching sports and he asked if I wanted to come over and hang with them, I said I would love to and he said "would you love to sleep over as well?" So, I said yes. I went over and we watched some tv on the couch and just hung out. Then he said he was about ready for bed so we both went up and we cuddled in his bed and talked until about 3 when I fell asleep, I woke up the next morning and he wasn't there because he had a final, he left me a note telling me that and he said he'd be back within the hour. So, I went back to sleep and I woke back up again with him behind me, shirtless with his arm around me. We talked about his final and everything, went back to sleep for a little and we woke back up and we weren't really saying anything, so he grabbed my face and kissed me. He reached over to his bedside table to get a condom but he was out so we didn't do much of anything after that except talk with his arm still around me. I said I should go because I had to return some books to the book store and he said he'd walk with me because he does too. So, we walked there together to return our books and then he left to go have lunch with our mutual friend.

Now, the year is over and we are both home for the summer. We have texted every single day, he texts me during work, during parties at his friend's school, during movies with his friends, during vacations with his friends, during meals with his family but it's usually dumb stuff we talk about but I just like that we talk. Except, we haven't hung out since the morning we hooked up. We've talked about it a bit but he's usually the one to pass being too tired from work. However, my old roommate lives at school for a job she has so I go up there to hang out a lot and he said next time I go up to let him know but I told him the next time I was going up and he already had plans so I got bummed telling him I was hoping we could see each other tonight and he said he would back out of his plans but I told him I didn't want him to do that because that's rude and he agreed so we didn't hang out. He also did tell me (I'm commuting to school next semester to get more hours at work) that I can stay at his apartment whenever I want next semester with him so I know we're still friends it's just strange. My old roommate says he likes me, our mutual friend says he likes me, his best guy friend told my best guy friend that he thinks he likes me but I'm just not sure. If he does, why don't we hang out when we aren't at school?

I guess the moral is; what do you think? Does he like me? What should I do about it?

Thanks.

I'd say yes, sounds like he is interested in you and attracted to you, otherwise he wouldnt be inviting you to cuddle with him. If a guys interest was only skin deep, he'd have tried for sex the first time.
When in college and if there are jobs and commuting involved, scheduled can get very complicated. It doesnt mean he's not interested, it means he really has no time. That was the problem when I met my husband on a dating site. His boss was working him easy 12 hours a day plus Saturday mornings. He'd work 6 to 6 so only Saturday afternoon and all Sunday was available other than nights. He felt he had no business looking for a lady to date if he had so little time for her but he was lonely and wanted the social contact, as little as it might be.
It worked out for us and our schedule is now different and we have lots of time together.

Guys seem to learn how to juggle several priorities at the same time. There may be many things in life that require their full attention at times. School, work, friends, family, and girlfriend are the common ones. If he has you as one of his top 3, then you are very important. Some times women have a totally different idea of how much attention or how much they should hear from a guy if he likes her and often they want lots more than is reasonable. Next time you see him, ask him if he is happy with how much the two of you are able to hang out. Just talk about it, perhaps while the schedules are so hectic, you both might be creative and come up with a weekly time that always works the same day each week.
Good luck

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21/f

I'm dating a guy who still uses Tinder. I heard it could be quite addicting after using it for awhile. But I realized that he's been getting on it more after two months of dating. I've spoken to him about it but he told me that he's still getting to know me and just because he met me, he's not going to put "all of his eggs in one basket"? Whatever the hell that means.

We're only seeing each other in person but he has been chatting to a few people according to him. I've been talking to one other person other than him but he's still my first priority so I'm confused on why he's so into Tinder.

I downloaded it myself, I just think it's fun to see my matches. Talking to other people? I don't care too much about it. Is Tinder just for the ego boost, to see how many people like you, what is the point of it and what could possibly be the reason why he's still using it?

I had to research Tinder as I hadn't heard of it.
I will list a link to a review with pros and cons of Tinder. The one that stuck out at me is the following:
Low investment – if you only want to hook-up, very appealing platform. No money to spend and very accessible

I saw that there are no profiles filled out as in other dating websites. So I suppose the big question is why are you dating. What are you hoping to find? If it is just 'hook-ups', to me that doesnt sound like something that involves wanting to get to know someone in depth, more just surface level, and a way to find sex partners.

For people who want to find a long term partner to love and be loved back by with commitment, the less a guy has to do, the less he is serious about finding a female to fall in love with and have a commitment with just dating or some guy who is looking for a gal to marry. When I was using dating sites, I wanted the ones with guidelines for putting in your profile. The guys who didn't bother to fill it out always proved to be not serious about finding someone to love, they were bored and doing something new for fun, or wanting to find free sex. If you are diligent and street wise on how to use a dating site as a tool, you can find someone on a free site but the men who are serious are found in greater numbers on the paying dating sites like Match.com

I would say this male friend is just that...a male friend and doesnt consider himself your boyfriend. He wants to date to find someone that interests him, eluding to the fact by saying he wont put all eggs in one basket. THhat means he wants to keep all options open to talk to and date any girl he comes across that catches his eye. He is at least being upfront about it now if he wasnt before. There's actually nothing wrong with that if the person who wants to meet you knows that you will meet them but that you are not commiting to one relationship right now, that you are dating around to meet as many different people as possible until you find the one you click with best and want to be with long term.
I was doing that when I was dating to find a long term dating partner and I found a husband.

You have a point that tinder may give a person an ego boost to see how many people like you. Since theres no profile, and sometimes no pics, theres very little to like a person on so it in fact becomes meaningless. ...just as how many 'likes' someone gets on something they posted on facebook. It doesnt make a person more popular.
He may be more into the looks of a person than their character and personality traits because the app doesnt really allow for that. I do find it important to be attracted to a partners looks but if people are going for looks over personality, chances are they dont care about the personality.
My advice would be to figure out first exactly what it is you are looking for from a guy. Just someone to hang out with socially, expecting him to be exclusive with you, sex or not, until whatever time you both decide to part ways, or are you looking for someone to date long term?
If you want a man who is committed totally to you and you're all he wants, then theres a learning curve ahead of you.

You probably arent ready and at the point to date to commit to just one guy yet or expect it from him. You need to date around those who are your top choices but be open about that. Let the guys know you are dating to discover what you like and dont like about a person. You still need to figure out what qualities you admire, want and must have in a guy, and what things are a deal breaker, what traits you won't tolerate in a guy. The best way to learn this is by dating several different people and making comparisons.
This action puts the guys who are serious about finding a girlfriend to love, in a spot of having to prove themselves to you and on their best behavior and hoping that you will pick them. Most males are actually okay with this if they are aware up front beforehand. Before going out. Not during first date. Be clear on that. This way you are sitting around wondering about if the guy is thinking of you or checking out other girls because you are being pro-active and doing the research to find yourself the best guy for you. It puts them on the level of having to compete among each other to be the one to win you. I actually had one guy at the end of a coffee date say to me, "Please pick me Darla, please pick me!" I was so turned off by how desperate he sounded. Guys get turned off by desperate girls...the ones who drop all other dating prospects and wait around keeping their schedules open in hopes he will want to spend time with her. This guy may be actually serious about finding a girl. At 2 months of dates though, depending on how many dates and how in depth you both got to talk and discover things about each other, it is likely not enough to have much of a solid idea of who the other person is. So he may be a nice guy, but as long as he knows you're waitng around for him and not out dating other guys to find the Mr. Right, he won't have a chance to ever feel that he might lose you and get serious about a relationship. Dating others doesnt mean you might lose the best guy ever. You just may not have met the best guy ever yet. But you won't know if the current guy is it or not until you actual seriously consider dates with other guys and really put time into learning about them, what they are like which can only be learned by spending more time with a guy. This means when one guy calls like your 'Tinder' guy calls and wants to go out tomorrow night with you, you might have to say "Oh, I'm sorry, Im going out dancing with Jeff tomorrow. Maybe next weekend?" Dont make up a lie to fool him into thinking you are going out with someone though. If he finds another date and shows up at the same club or restaurant you're at, he will see that you are actually out with someone else. So he has to be honest as to what you mean to him, just a fling or something more. I hope this explains more about reasons for dating. I suggest you make up an actual list of what you are looking for in a guy. There should be two columns...and just add to them as the thought comes to you. One is labeled Needs and the other Wants.
A need is a must have. If the guy doesnt have this, its a deal breaker and you wont consider him at all. Example, a girl grew up with a verbally abusive father so anyone who loses their temper or raises their voice freaks her out easily. So she must have a guy who is always calm and never raises his voice to her. If he ever does, that ends the relationship and she breaks it off.
A want is something like the icing on a cake. It is something that would be nice but not necessary. Under this list I put down that I would like a guy who loved to sing, dance, had long hair. I got the long hair but he doesnt sing or dance. He has slight autism that interferes with his being able to do so without going nuts. But just because I can never go dancing with him, it didn't mean I would pass him over...thats something I could live without but be nice if I had.
Once you have a better picture of what you are looking for in a man, it'll be a bit easier to find Mr. Right. But even so, you'll still have to meet a lot of frogs.

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