|
Tinder - What's the big deal?
21/f
I'm dating a guy who still uses Tinder. I heard it could be quite addicting after using it for awhile. But I realized that he's been getting on it more after two months of dating. I've spoken to him about it but he told me that he's still getting to know me and just because he met me, he's not going to put "all of his eggs in one basket"? Whatever the hell that means.
We're only seeing each other in person but he has been chatting to a few people according to him. I've been talking to one other person other than him but he's still my first priority so I'm confused on why he's so into Tinder.
I downloaded it myself, I just think it's fun to see my matches. Talking to other people? I don't care too much about it. Is Tinder just for the ego boost, to see how many people like you, what is the point of it and what could possibly be the reason why he's still using it?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I feel like people have different uses for Tinder... My friends and I like to tinder at bars and find people to buy us drinks, and just have a good laugh at some of the weirdos! But than I also have friends who use it to have random sex. I think it's most important to find out how he's using it before making it an issue.. But if you're pretty exclusive, he shouldn't need tinder!
]
I had to research Tinder as I hadn't heard of it.
I will list a link to a review with pros and cons of Tinder. The one that stuck out at me is the following:
Low investment – if you only want to hook-up, very appealing platform. No money to spend and very accessible
I saw that there are no profiles filled out as in other dating websites. So I suppose the big question is why are you dating. What are you hoping to find? If it is just 'hook-ups', to me that doesnt sound like something that involves wanting to get to know someone in depth, more just surface level, and a way to find sex partners.
For people who want to find a long term partner to love and be loved back by with commitment, the less a guy has to do, the less he is serious about finding a female to fall in love with and have a commitment with just dating or some guy who is looking for a gal to marry. When I was using dating sites, I wanted the ones with guidelines for putting in your profile. The guys who didn't bother to fill it out always proved to be not serious about finding someone to love, they were bored and doing something new for fun, or wanting to find free sex. If you are diligent and street wise on how to use a dating site as a tool, you can find someone on a free site but the men who are serious are found in greater numbers on the paying dating sites like Match.com
I would say this male friend is just that...a male friend and doesnt consider himself your boyfriend. He wants to date to find someone that interests him, eluding to the fact by saying he wont put all eggs in one basket. THhat means he wants to keep all options open to talk to and date any girl he comes across that catches his eye. He is at least being upfront about it now if he wasnt before. There's actually nothing wrong with that if the person who wants to meet you knows that you will meet them but that you are not commiting to one relationship right now, that you are dating around to meet as many different people as possible until you find the one you click with best and want to be with long term.
I was doing that when I was dating to find a long term dating partner and I found a husband.
You have a point that tinder may give a person an ego boost to see how many people like you. Since theres no profile, and sometimes no pics, theres very little to like a person on so it in fact becomes meaningless. ...just as how many 'likes' someone gets on something they posted on facebook. It doesnt make a person more popular.
He may be more into the looks of a person than their character and personality traits because the app doesnt really allow for that. I do find it important to be attracted to a partners looks but if people are going for looks over personality, chances are they dont care about the personality.
My advice would be to figure out first exactly what it is you are looking for from a guy. Just someone to hang out with socially, expecting him to be exclusive with you, sex or not, until whatever time you both decide to part ways, or are you looking for someone to date long term?
If you want a man who is committed totally to you and you're all he wants, then theres a learning curve ahead of you.
You probably arent ready and at the point to date to commit to just one guy yet or expect it from him. You need to date around those who are your top choices but be open about that. Let the guys know you are dating to discover what you like and dont like about a person. You still need to figure out what qualities you admire, want and must have in a guy, and what things are a deal breaker, what traits you won't tolerate in a guy. The best way to learn this is by dating several different people and making comparisons.
This action puts the guys who are serious about finding a girlfriend to love, in a spot of having to prove themselves to you and on their best behavior and hoping that you will pick them. Most males are actually okay with this if they are aware up front beforehand. Before going out. Not during first date. Be clear on that. This way you are sitting around wondering about if the guy is thinking of you or checking out other girls because you are being pro-active and doing the research to find yourself the best guy for you. It puts them on the level of having to compete among each other to be the one to win you. I actually had one guy at the end of a coffee date say to me, "Please pick me Darla, please pick me!" I was so turned off by how desperate he sounded. Guys get turned off by desperate girls...the ones who drop all other dating prospects and wait around keeping their schedules open in hopes he will want to spend time with her. This guy may be actually serious about finding a girl. At 2 months of dates though, depending on how many dates and how in depth you both got to talk and discover things about each other, it is likely not enough to have much of a solid idea of who the other person is. So he may be a nice guy, but as long as he knows you're waitng around for him and not out dating other guys to find the Mr. Right, he won't have a chance to ever feel that he might lose you and get serious about a relationship. Dating others doesnt mean you might lose the best guy ever. You just may not have met the best guy ever yet. But you won't know if the current guy is it or not until you actual seriously consider dates with other guys and really put time into learning about them, what they are like which can only be learned by spending more time with a guy. This means when one guy calls like your 'Tinder' guy calls and wants to go out tomorrow night with you, you might have to say "Oh, I'm sorry, Im going out dancing with Jeff tomorrow. Maybe next weekend?" Dont make up a lie to fool him into thinking you are going out with someone though. If he finds another date and shows up at the same club or restaurant you're at, he will see that you are actually out with someone else. So he has to be honest as to what you mean to him, just a fling or something more. I hope this explains more about reasons for dating. I suggest you make up an actual list of what you are looking for in a guy. There should be two columns...and just add to them as the thought comes to you. One is labeled Needs and the other Wants.
A need is a must have. If the guy doesnt have this, its a deal breaker and you wont consider him at all. Example, a girl grew up with a verbally abusive father so anyone who loses their temper or raises their voice freaks her out easily. So she must have a guy who is always calm and never raises his voice to her. If he ever does, that ends the relationship and she breaks it off.
A want is something like the icing on a cake. It is something that would be nice but not necessary. Under this list I put down that I would like a guy who loved to sing, dance, had long hair. I got the long hair but he doesnt sing or dance. He has slight autism that interferes with his being able to do so without going nuts. But just because I can never go dancing with him, it didn't mean I would pass him over...thats something I could live without but be nice if I had.
Once you have a better picture of what you are looking for in a man, it'll be a bit easier to find Mr. Right. But even so, you'll still have to meet a lot of frogs.
]
More Questions: |