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More Than Friends?
There's this guy I've been sort of seeing, I've known him for 2 years. Before we ever hung out he would flirt with me whenever he seen me by putting his arms around my waist, touching my butt or joking around to make me laugh. He is 15 years older and has a kid but I don't mind cause I like kids and his is great. Anyhow in the last 3 weeks we've went for breakfast twice where he insisted on paying (I felt bad cause I like taking turns paying), we had sex a couple times which was amazing, we cuddled and watched movies together, he told me I could leave pjs at his house and he would even hold my hand while we drove around the city. The only problem is that he barely contacts me and I get mixed messages from him. He's very focused on his work but even so he never calls or texts. I can understand when he spends time with his kid or is working. I can even understand that he will be tired somedays. I'm just curious if I'm being led on considering we get along so well, then there's no interaction for a period of time and I feel as if I always have to take initiative at that point though I usually choose not to. FYI we both are single and I know he's not seeing anyone else. Think about this: we never talked for a week and then we ran into eachother while I was with a friend and he walked up, put his arm around my waist and genuinely smiled at me. Does this mean he's actually interested in pursuing something or what?
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This is one of those questions that is hard to answer because you have to know the person to answer it. That being said this is what I see in what you wrote.
He is 15 years older than you and he is I assume divorced, though it is not said. The fact that he insisted on paying for breakfast says a lot about him and how he feels about you.
The 15 year age difference is or should not be a big deal but it could be; something you and he need to talk about and clear the air about. The fact that he has a kid is also something you have to discuss especially if you see any type of future together. He has to know your feelings towards his child and how you would feel about being a stepmother if things were to progress to that point.
Now his being divorced. This could be the biggest hurdle you have to overcome to get him to come out of his shell and be the person you would like him to be. When people go through a divorce it hurts them in many ways. He may be hesitant to get involved in any type of relationship for fear of being hurt again. This is a real fear for him as once hurt like this there are some who do not want to go through it again in any type of relationship that could lead to a break up.
If you see this man as someone you want to make a life with then you are going to have to make the first and even second and third moves. Yes you have had sex together but that in this day is not really the first move. You are going to have to tell him how you feel about him, how you feel about potentially being a stepmom and wanting to make a life with him. You will for sometime have to reassure him you will do your best not to hurt him. You will have to draw out of him what went wrong in his marriage to cause the divorce and assure him it won't happen with you.
As for him paying for breakfast and anything else he may pay for. This is to me a good sign. This is a sign of his respect for you as a lady which is a step I believe in the direction you wish your relationship with him to go.
Short answer to your question. Yes I think he does have some feelings for you. Those feelings may be held in check for fear of being hurt as he was by his divorce. These are real not imagined and will need a lot of TLC on your part towards him for him to overcome.
Communication between you two is going to be the key to a successful relationship. It won't happen overnight and he most likely won't initiate these conversations you will have to. Take it slow, make it pillow talk if need be; but try to draw him out of the protective shell I believe he has drawn around him.
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All I know is he's 15 years older than you, not your or his age. Not that the age difference matters. Its just that after a certain point in age, some guys simply only want really young females. It's termed mid-age crisis. They may be hating getting older, fear it too and the one thing that makes them feel younger is having a young female to hang out with, be friends with benefits with, boyfriend or married to. I suppose its possible that if mid age crisis is what caused him to start seeking a younger woman who wouldnt be put off by his age...that somewhere along the line, that man could truly fall in love with the young female. Keep in mind that that main reason for seeking out the female to begin with is born out of trying to take care of their own needs which in itself is not wrong. We all would be wise to take care of what ever needs we have. However it many cases the seeker is not thinking of the other person as having feelings and needs of their own as they are absorbed with only their own needs. Now some may be unaware that they are doing this and others are fully aware and simply using the female in question to fulfill their wants and desires.
During your example week of not talking, did you ever try to call him? Did he not answer or say he was busy each time. You can't put all the responsibility on him. If you are now officially dating but have just known each other casually before, it would be only now that counts, not the far past. If you truly want to get to know him better, spend time with him, then contact him, phone calls, text, messages online. Make the first move.
I can only make some guesses based on what you've written. 'Sort of seeing' leaves a big question as to what you mean by that.
Your words say he doesnt contact you at all or initiate any dates. If you didn't do so, you probably wouldnt get together. If two people are truly equally attracted to and interested in each other, then both of them would not hold back from contacting each other, actually looking forward to it. The way he is behaving is not one of a man who is interested in you for a committed dating relationship.
Remember, you did write in for advice. So I must share my next impression or I'd be doing you a disservice leaving it out. You did write that before you began hanging out, that he flirted with you by putting his arm around your waist and touching your butt. The butt part is going a little beyond what nice guys would do to let a girl know they have interest in her to date. Guys will find reasons to touch a female, removing a leaf from her hair, patting her on the shoulder, holding hands and arm around the shoulder but usually the touching of breasts and butt dont happen unless the guy has no respect for females, see's them only as sex objects or is in lust with them, not in love with them.
There are for sure some signs a guy likes you that are exactly the same whether it's generated by feelings of lust or feelings of love. Since he was touching you in this way Before going out with you, I get the impression he may be more motivated by lust than love.
I don't know how often you get together or how many dates you hung out before having sex the two times you mention. If he isn't after you that often, it could be he has a low sex drive which means he's a person who doesn't need sex often to be satisfied, one a month or once every other month may be enough for him. For others, once a week is a must and yet others prefer it daily. Its quite normal for all people to vary quite greatly. So even if you dont have sex often, it doesn't mean that his attraction to you was anything other than lust.
These are some things for you to keep in mind as you spend more time with him. Look for signs that he has a genuine interest in you, in asking questions to learn more about you like your personality and traits, your hopes, wishes and dreams, shows interest in wanting to talk to you, and see you, treats you with respect, etc.
If its for the most part lacking, then you'll have to decided how much interaction you want with a man and whether you'd prefer to make yourself available to only be a friend or whether you are looking for something more like a long term love relationship. Just because a man smiles at you and seems happy to see you is not enough to base a relationship on. I have many men smile at me in very friendly fashion in my time, but non were truly interested in pursuing a relationship with me.
oF course, I know nothing about the man in question so it would be impossible to get into his head and know what he's thinking...if putting an arm around the waist to him is a way of showing he wants a loving relationship with you.
Just keep this one thing in mind...Make sure that in continueing to spend your time pursuing him, that you are not settling for less than the very best for yourself.
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