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husband drives me nuts!
So my husband and I have an age difference of 22 years, and he will turn 50 soon. I am a soldier and on the tail end of a deployment. This is the first time that we have been apart for longer than a week, and I was really scared at first. Not because I didn't think I could handle it, but because I didn't know what he would do. Early on in our relationship I now realize he was very controlling. Would go through my phone and emails, and interrogate all of my contacts with other men. He always says he needs to feel needed, but it always feels so forced. He quit caring about how he looked, acted, what he wore when I left. He has also gotten lazy and overweight. He gets angry with me because he doesn't think I prioritize him anymore. He refuses to make friends or join a support network while I am away and clings to me for everything. I was first attracted to him because of his strength and independence but now it seems that he is weak and clingy. When I was home on mid tour leave I cherished the moments I wasn't around him because he was suffocating. On top of all of this he is always negative. Always in crisis. Negativity is my huge pet peeve. I talked to him about it 3 times over 9 months then finally gave him a warning shot that it had damaged my ability to care for him bc I couldn't handle it anymore. I cringe to think about going home. Is there a way I can move through this or should I just start preparing myself for the dissolution?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
A situation like this has a lot of layers and is much too complex for a person that doesn't know you to examine with a simple paragraph. It is often the things that are left unsaid that are the most important and you can only provide one side. If you truly want an answer and you want the right answer, you need to speak to a professional. Find a marriage counselor in your area. What I can say is that this is definitely not a healthy relationship. If you want to try to make things work, you will need to see a counselor anyway. Find someone that both of you can agree on. If he is not interested and refuses to see a counselor, the decision is clear. I'm so sorry that this is happening for you and I wish you the best of luck.
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I was wondering too if I should just continue to hang in there or get divorced.
Here's what I asked myself that helped me leave a very terrible 1st marriage just 7 years ago after hanging in there for 30.....
Can you handle more of the same old same old for another month? Sure...easy...I ve done it for 30 yrs. Can you handle it for another year? I hesitated answering myself, a whole year; 12 months, wow, thats tougher.I wont look forward to it, but if I have to, I can. I asked myself, can you remain with this guy for the next 5 years, no change for the better? Ouch I thought, thats hard, I really don't want to. And I began to feel an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Then I asked myself, Can you deal with the same old stuff for the next 10, 20 or 30 years of your life? Until you die? At that point, I couldn't reason an answer, I broke down crying to myself and starting to feel really depressed, hopeless, stuck. It was then I decided I had to pull myself up by the boot straps, put my big girl panties on and help myself out of this situation, cus no one was going to do it for me. My 1st answer to myself if I could handle it was if i have to, I can. I had to realize I don;t have to....no one is forcing me against my will to remain there. The reason I stayed in part I think is because I am not one to look for the easy way out, not a quitter, I like to stick with commitments I made and try every possible avenue to find a way to make something work. The only thing I was overlooking is that God has given every single one of us a free will. If one of us isnt make the best choices for ourselves, He wont stop us and force us against our own will to start making the right choices. If God wont and cant do it, then we can not do it either even with our partner. The only person you have control over is yourself and so you control all that happens in your future. You can not control what someone might say or do to hurt you somehow...but you can control how you respond to it and that mattes more than you may realize. You can remove yourself from situations and avoid contact with people that rob you of your peace, your joy, health and well being. Lifes to short to do otherwise. Good luck dear.
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