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Walked into a disturbing scene and now my cousin won't speak to me...
Yesterday I was at my cousins' dads' house. I am 14 years old and she just turned 13 a week ago. She has a boyfriend in the 11th grade about to turn 16. When she told me about him in the car, I thought he was a bit of a creep for being with a girl about to go to eighth grade, but I hate it when people are biased, and I didn't want to offend my cousin so I decided to shut my mouth. When I walked in her boyfriend was there and he seemed like a decent guy. For the rest of the day I got settled and took a shower. I thought her boyfriend had left a while ago. I was wearing a towel because i had left my clothes in her room. I heard screaming so I opened her door and said what's wrong? I saw them having sex and it was gross. He said "oh I didn't know your cousin wanted a threesome." I screamed at him and called him a pervert and grabbed him by the arm as he got dressed. He ran out of the house and I went back to my cousins room and she was crying screaming at me saying that she hates me. I grabbed my clothes and got dressed in the bathroom. I was mad and sad because I knew that my cousin wasn't this type of person. She kicked me out of her room and made me sleep in the couch. I wanted to ask her if he was using a condom but she has been silent and hasn't talked to until she said, "I am not breaking up with him and you should feel like crap for walking in on us." And then she slammed the door. What should I do to get her to talk to me. I don't want to tell my uncle about it because she would hate me even more. I love her we are best friends but now she won't talk to me. I have apologized even though I honestly don't believe that what happened was my fault, I mean how else was I supposed to react? So what should I do, I want to talk to her please help.
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You should tell an adult.
Maybe her father isn't the right adult for you to tell first, but you need to tell an adult, because her safety is more important than her liking you.
I know that sucks, but it's true, and the way you've described her reaction, and his behaviour, only makes it more clear that she needs an adult to step in and protect her.
You are right: It wasn't your fault that you walked in. You had no reason to suspect that she was having sex. You are also right that his reaction was totally not okay, and worth getting very angry about. It's further concerning, that instead of acting like your friend and talking to you about what is going on, she is shutting you out and refusing to answer even your questions about her physical safety (ie condoms).
You have your whole life to make it up to her, but what is important right now, is that she is physically safe. She is only thirteen, in many places a sixteen year old having sex with her is a crime. She's too young, legally, in many places to even consent to having sex with him. This needs to stop, for both of their sakes. Tell an adult.
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Your first instincts about her boyfriend were correct. The main reason boys his age seek out girls her age is for what you saw when you walked in on them. They find it much easier to take advantage of a young girls naivety in matters of sex and dating then in girls their own age.
Chronologically 3 years is not a long time. Three years difference in maturity at this age is a very long time. At 13 she is still in middle school or entering as a freshman in high school way too young to be dating someone his age or dating at all.
I don't think you should go directly to your Uncle, as he may not want to believe you. What I do think you should do is go to your parents. Tell them what you walked in on and what happened afterwards. Tell them the whole story including the boys age and name if you know it. Let them decide if your Uncle should be told.
In this way your conscious is clear. Yes your cousin will probably hate you but she already does. Frankly it is better she hate you then end up a teenage mother or worse. It has been known for teenage mothers to do something stupid when they find out they are pregnant especially a very young teenage mother. Is it not better she hate you then attend her funeral.
This boy is also a sexual predator in the making. If he can't date girls his own age now what is going to happen when he is older. Will he continue to date underage girls? Better to report him now then 5 years from now when he hurts a young girl.
My advice therefore is to tell your parents. It is the right thing to do.
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Try and reach an understanding with her tell her the truth that it is illegal and you only want what's right for her. Your cousin could do a mass amount of damage to her body by having sex at a young age tell her that she can still see him but no more sex.
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Frankly I find it kind of odd that she is deciding to have sex with her boyfriend when she knew you were in the house. Whether you knew he was still there or not, if I heard someone screaming and had no idea what had caused it, I'd have come running in too to see if something was wrong.
So she is unfair to hold that against you. As to what words were exchanged, thats another story. I won't know exactly what each of the 3 of you said but most likely there was embarassment, hurt feelings, awkwardness...no good feelings just negative ones. I know that if a person who is of age of consent to have sex) usually age 18 and over, and that person has sex with a minor, that is a crime and must be reported. It's a bit more difficult when it comes to two young teens below age of consent deciding to do sex. At this point it falls down to what the actual state law is if both are minors whether it needs to be reported or not, what the actual laws are. You can do a research on line and look that up. Age of consent for minors in -------- and put the state. That should bring something up. Depending on what you find, if this is considered a reportable crime, then go to your mom with the information. Leave it to her to deal with it and talk to her brother about what you shared regarding your cousin. She may be very angry with you and not talk to you for this but she's already not talking to you.
At the very most, if she'll listen to you, suggest she go to Planned parenthood and get on birth control and get a check up to make sure she didn't contract any diseases. She can do this without her parents knowing as there is a law of privacy for young people, the Hippa law.
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