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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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This guy has been asking me for sex since Sophomore year. He's been asking me stuff like sex, and stuff related to that I see him a lot bc I'm a lacrosse manager and i became one in 10th grade and he plays. He asked me and I was like watch the game bc he was talking to me and this was during our junior year. And he was like is that a no. I didn't say anything. He asked me again and he was like are u in the middle like yes and no and i nodded my head. Also he snap chatted me after and was like i know you want to have sex with me, he's serious. I snap chatted him saying "ok ill admit it, I want too. happpppy?" and he didn't snap chat back. And then we planned on hooking up after one game but I sorta faked because we were going to his car or mine and Im very unsure about myself he's been bugging me since 10th grade. He showed interest too in 9th grade like its weird!
But all of that is over! We never did anything and he has a gf. So our summer started this year, he contacts me in the very beginning of summer and it was just a awkward but he still wanted to do stuff with me.
We are rising seniors now, do you think he's still trying to get my pants, once lacrosse season starts again or maybe during the school year? I want him so bad..
I snap chatted him saying "I guess.. you'll never f*ck me" and he didn't snap chat back, but he always views my stories all the time. What is he thinking now?? Maybe bc its summer? Please answer my question right here!
There is no 'maybe' or 'indecision' to having sex. Either a person has found someone they are attracted to visually and want them only only that grounds, but then it is really only lust...which is fulfilling ones bodys sexual urges. Not saying its wrong, as long as both are agreed thats all they are expecting.
However if having sex, which is a very personal thing and most females are strongly tied to anything they like by their emotions, then its most likely they will be expecting the sex act to bring about strong feelings of love in both partners for each other. The sex act can be just sex or it can be an outpouring of the committed love two people have for each other, where they show each other how much they desire and love each other...there is a chemistry, and usually the other is their best friend too and this is called Making Love..it's not just sex cus the person looks physically attractive and you are just flattered that someone feels that way about you. I am 55 and still have men that want me for sex regardless if they are 18 0r 80 and I dont not engage in sex with a man just because I am flattered they see me that way. I am married, but I have no desire to even fool around outside the marriage because once i tasted what that strong bond spiritual forces and other that I feel when we are togehter, whether making love or not, anything else would pale in comparison.
So ask yourself what you are really wanting here, just to experience sex, or to experience making love.
Hey there.. I write here today seeking answers. My boyfriend and I had a bit of a scuffle. I had an issue with a certain friend of his whom he had taken for lunch. I personally hate to be the one to find out things,and then the fact that he was taking a friend out to lunch also got me abit jealous. We talked over the phone and he assured me it was just friendly,and she was going through a rough patch in her life.
Hours later,it was Saturday evening and we usually talk about sleepovers or night outs. When I called,his phone was off and it remained like that all night.
Sunday morning,he said he had put it off specifically for me because he knew I would call about that issue. He made it seem like my reaction had not gone well with him,which is fine. I like to talk about our issues. He wasn't hearing it,and he started saying things like he is busy and we will talk later..basically just avoiding talking. He has been quiet for the rest of Sunday now,and I don't know how this week will go.
It's hurtful when I'm consumed inside but I don't have him to talk to. What do I do now? He is not taking my calls and isn't talking to me. Would I be wrong to assume it's over between us?
I'm open to your advice.
Since I wasn't there to witness the actual words, tone of voice, body language, facial expressions or even the invisible vibes that many of us are able to pick up from others, I can't say if anything about your reaction or questioning him about the female friend was causing him to feel cautious with you. Most young guys have had previous experiences themselves or witnessed their male friends dealing with overly emotional female friends, dating ones or not. And it just confuses them, they have no idea how to treat the situation, how to act, whether to reassure and if so , with what words or actions. Often, its inexperience too at how to handle the situation and males will simply withdraw from the situation or even attempt to avoid any perceived possible later similar situations cropping up because they don't know how to handle it. Sometimes, seeing a gal start crying makes them feel scared and helpless, hearing an edge in her voice, or actual anger or even a friendly tone but questions asked rapid-fire, intensely like they are being grilled will make a guy feel uncomfortable, lose interest in a girl at the worst case scenerio and of course avoid her for a while or for good depending on how severe he perceived the situation to be.
If you have a guy who isn't willing to face you, talk about it, then you will get no where with him and just be wasting your time trying to get him to talk. The harder you try, the more desperate you sound to have a boyfriend and it sends a distasteful feeling to guys where they will make excuses and avoid a girl because they are afraid to tell her the truth of how they feel. They dont tell the truth for good reasons, either its a guy who was just a player and not really interested, or if the guy genuinely had interest in the girl, they are afraid of being themself, sharing how they feel because there is no high level of trust in the girl yet, due to length of relationship or things they've witnessed her do with them or others where it seems she doesnt have control over her emotions and may fly off the handle, accuse, or whatever.
If you are one of the minority of gals who are self confident and control of herself emotionally then he has nothing to fear from you and if he still avoids you, he's not worth the time to discover why he's avoiding you. Just another note, men who feel a woman lacks self confidence by relying too much on him, leaning on, acting needy or desperate, will lose interest or never develop it to begin with and begin to avoid females like that. Give yourself a good inward look. Are you even remotely coming off that way, even if thats not how you are? It would be good to know, and the only way might be to ask some of your friends. Good luck dear.
I have two children. My husband walked out on us a year ago. He does not paid child support I did file. I work a full time job. Making okay money. My oldest has some disabilities. I have a boyfriend that I am not in love with. I was blessed to be able to live with family for a while. It was very crowded and pretty stressful for everyone involved. I moved out into a house close to my dad's. He takes me to work because I still haven't been able to afford a car. My kids have their own rooms now. We are walking distance from the school. I am absolutely miserable living with my boyfriend. I feel my attitude ttowards him comes off as hateful even though I don't mean to be. I don't like when he puts his arm around me and normally I love that He works he's very sarcastic I'm not judge mental on looks but I feel there has to be some kind of connection and it's just not there at all. We've talked about it I don't think I could afford to live here on my own and if I did it would be a very tight on bills. I'm just unsure of what I should do
One doesnt even have to be a single mom to not be able to make it on ones own. After leaving my ex, I found it extremely hard to afford a place on my own.
I was faced with either compromising on my goals, and settling for something less than ideal in relationships just to have the security of a place to live and less tight budget. The first time was an abusive ex, the second time was a male friend i shared an apt with and he had his own set of issues and staying with him would be settling for less in relationship. It was an important lesson for me to learn. It seemed I had learned with leaving the ex because my own wellbeing and mental and physical health was more important to me. What I did not realize until the 2nd situation is that we get tested in life to know whether we really learned our lesson the first time or whether it was a fluke. I broke up with the 2nd one and left facing no place to live, my kids all grown but with no place of own to take me in, but God does take care of you and a friend offered me a place to live until I could find a place I could afford.
If you know you can't afford a place on your own, why not find a relative who might share a place to rent together, large apt or a house. There's always the possibility of renting with a girlfriend, or advertising to find perhaps a college student who needs a room but cant afford their own place in full either.
Try that before settling for staying with someone that deep down, you are not attracted to or feel any chemistry with.
I just touched my penis above her vagina but i realeased no sperms at all.. I was all dry.. She was little wet so is there any chance that she will get pragnant. Plzzz advice me please
Since you are now really concerned, or scared, you really know how important this is to take all precautions ahead of time. It is so easy to get carried away. With having sex comes certain responsibilities. Some young teens may be mature enough to handle it, but i can assure you that the majority of teens write in being scared about pregnancy and never ever talked to each other instead of assuming, and did not take any precaution for her to get on birth control.
I understand that the first time happens sometimes without being planned so if this is the case for you, don't worry, if you were dry then there was no live sperm. They can't live outside of your body or hers for long and certainly not in dry conditions, they'd be dried up too, they need some kind of fluid to be contained in to be still alive.
If the draw and fascination of engaging in sex is even stronger, if it was your first time, then it's time for her to get on birth control if the two of you plan to continue a sexual relationship.
I don't like believe that teens at your age are well suited for handling all that comes with having sex, and it is best to wait but once you
have gone down this road, there's no going back. She might strongly consider going to Planned parenthood to get on birth control.
My girlfriend having urination after having sex.we used condum. So is there any pregnancy problem.plzz let us know fast.
what do you mean by pregnancy problem? Are you trying to avoid her becoming pregnant or actually trying for a child. I understand you used a condom but so many people today are having sex without knowing any basics, so I cant assume that you already know that using a condom is for two reasons, to prevent catching an STD and to prevent pregnancy.
As far as peeing after sex, whether a condom is used or not, it is a wise practice to continue doing so, in the case that any germs of any sort were forced into the urinary tract by the action of having sex. A female peeing before, after or during sex in no way affects ability to become pregnant or ability to avoid becoming pregnant. It is a separate function of the body, with the urethra's exit being close to the vagina, thats all.
If I didn't understand you correctly, then please rephrase your question.
Hi. I've been dating with that guy for two weeks and until now the things are going just fine.We are in a relationship although when we first met he told me that he never was a "relationships-guy".He keeps saying that he is feeling very differently with me and that this has never happened to him till now.But I can see that he doesn't know how to face some situations in the relationship because he doesn't know how to do it.I think he starts being really jealous. For example it was a night that I was sleeping alone at my house and when he called me I probably didn't talk to him as "sweet" as he probably wanted so he got mad and started thinking that I want to end our relationship for absolutely no reason.I told him to relax and not be afraid that I will leave him because I'm not.He got a little better after that. But how can I handle things to help him not go so crazy about things?
Sorry sweetie, but there is no way to help him. His insecurities and other relationship problems are something that come from deep inside him and are not things that outside influences can change.
Jealous tendencies and assuming the wrong thing and blaming others when its not true at all indicate that something deeper is wrong than a simple misunderstanding. I have an ex husband who was always assuming things, blaming me for things and publicly in front of strangers and family pointing the finger at me and accusing me of things. This is a subconscious tactic of a person who is trying to take the focus off their own character and get people to re-focus on others and it can become quite normal to do so even when no one else is focusing on them, just assuming the worst...negative thinking like that is an actually disorder and the refocusing attention and blaming a person, is also one part of mental disorders. I suggest you steer clear of this one.
I am engaged to the most wonderful woman I could ever be blessed with. We are planning to get married in December. Now the problem is her mom. She's the youngest of three and she lives with her mom to help take care of her. Her mom is pretty stubborn and she needs to have canned Pepsi, cigarettes, and weed. My fiance pays for all of that despite the fact that she works part time for minimum wage. Her mom doesn't take that into consideration and will go thru her stuff so fast. Leaving my fiance with no money. I'm scared we won't be able to get our own place at this rate. Her mom will already make her feel guilty for moving out. I try to tell her to put her foot down so we can save money but she says there's no point. She's stressed and struggling and I hate seeing her this way. Especially since its her mom. I feel like it's putting a strain on our relationship. What should I do to save our love?
This statement: mom is pretty stubborn and she needs to have canned Pepsi, cigarettes, and weed.... doesnt tell me enough about Mom and whats really going on with her. Is she not working, or unable to work because she is handicapped in some way or too ill? I would think Pepsi, tobacco and weed to be the least of her needs. If a person has a roof over their heads, food in their stomach and clothes on their back then the basic needs are taken care of. If ill or disabled, there are government agencies set up to help people like her, unless a relative were licensed by the state to be paid by the state to be moms full time caregiver, there are places to go for help. She is just not wanting the last child to leave the nest. I'd want mom to get a mental check up to see if everythings okay in that area. If you are marrying into this, you cant avoid it cus it will become your concern too.
I'm a 14 year old girl. Whenever I stand up I get very dizzy and my vision blacks out for about give seconds. The other day, I blacked out for five whole minutes when I first got out of bed in the morning. I told my mom and she says make sure you're eating enough food (I get 1,200-1,400 calories a day and drink a lot of water. I have a pretty healthy diet). My mom also said that looking at my phone screen for extended periods of time could cause it too. I also black out a little when I stretch up. Like when you first wake up and you stretch a little to crack your joints, I blackout for a few seconds. Should I see a doctor or can this be easily fixed?
Honey, i have to agree with adviceman49, this is more likely to be something other than what your mom thinks. How would she feel if she kept brushing it off as something to ignore when it is serious and then something happens to land you in emergency or worse. Not trying to scare you but it is better getting checked out by a real doctor and knowing whats up. If you think Mom would still not take you serious by just talking to her saying you want to see a doctor, then show her our responses to you here on the advice column.
Good luck.
i am a female and i have a boyfriend. i'm almost 17 and he's 16. we've been together for 5 months now. i went to a guy's house, we did have a short fling, but it's over now and he ended up trying to pressure me into things, i continuously repeated i didn't want to cheat and even ended up crying over it in front of him, but that didn't stop him and he threatened to make me walk home, i was about 40 minutes from my house and had no clue where i was. so i got scared and allowed him to do some things to me..i never kissed him or touched him. then he got rather aggressive at one point and had me pinned against the wall, my back to him and arms behind my back held by his body, pulled my hair back hard and place his hand over my neck. at that point i was frightened if i didn't let him go farther he'd do it anyway and well i got him to agree to keep all clothes on and nothing goes inside of me. well the next day i told my boyfriend, he was quite pissed and yelled at me, telling me how stupid i was and that i cheated..i honestly have no clue what to do because i NEED to make it up to him and at the same time i feel like he should break up with me. also i want him to hold me and tell me it's okay and that i'm safe, yet i don't want to be touched ever again.....what do i do about everything?
What!? I can understand him being angry for you going out with someone else while dating him. But telling you that you were stupid? Even if he had a right to be hurt, he could have been.He got angry at you? He should have gotten angry at the guy for treating you that way if he really had feelings for you. So perhaps, the boyfriend doesn't care about you as much as you may think.
What is there that can 'make it up to him?'. Nothing really that is instant. All you can do is show yourself to be trustworthy and rebuilding trust after its broken can take much longer than it took the first time.
There is one thing though that I must say, if at the beginning of both of you entering this dating relationship, neither of you talked about ground rules between you for the relationship, establishing boundaries and rules and both agreeing to, then like most teens and college age dating couples, there was no verbal contract to be faithful to each other in the first place. It is a smart move to enter dating this way. You can ask him for another chance, apologize but if he is wanting to move on, theres not much you can do
I'm female-14, my boyfriend asked me to go to the beach with him tomorrow and I said I would go, but then I got my period, an I've never used a tampon. plus I've heard that you shouldn't go in the beach with a tampon, but i don't know. my mom said she would show me how to use one and to just wear shorts, but I'm not so sure...
There's no reason why one cant go into water while wearing a tampon if you really want to. Girls on swim teams have been using tampons cus periods don't always come at a convenient time and you can't just tell the swim coach that you can't swim for the next 5 days.
It takes a while getting the hang of it. I remember when me and sis were that age and used tampons the first couple of times, our biggest problem was not putting it in far enough, fearing we'd get it in too far and not get it back out. LOL The result was that part of it was at the outer part of the vagina and felt uncomfortable, felt like it was in the way every time we moved, sat. It also felt like it was about to fall right out. THe solution was getting it all the way in. It can't go any further than where it bumps against your cervix. Average length of a vagina is only a bit longer than the tampon. YOu'll note that tampons do not have different lengths, only difference in how thick. They have a sturdy string on them which when pulled will bring the tampon back out. Never in all my life did a string come unattached and leave a tampon still inside. Only other concerns I had as a teen was how it felt removing it. If the tampon is wet and full, the wetness acts as a lubricant and it removes easily. Just tug slowly. If its the end of period and it is mostly dry, it may not slide out as easily and you feel it drag against the skin but just go slow and it will still come out.
If you find you are still uncomfortable using it as soon as tomorrow, then don't go in the water at all and tell him its not a convenient time for you to be able to do that. Maybe next time. If he likes your company, it really won't matter what you're doing, as long as you're hanging together.
Hi guys so I'm 18 years old and in a few days my bf will be 21. We've been dating for 2 and a half years but our first year was a little rough. But I would like to go out to a club and dance with my friends along with my older brother. My boyfriend is totally against it. He says only single girls have business being at a club. But when he turns 21 he plans on going out without me. I understand his point of not wanting me to get grabbed and such on the dance floor buy I know I can handle it. And if for some reason I couldn't my brother and girlfriends will be there. Im sick of doing the same thing of nothing, every night with my boyfriend and sometimes we need our space. Could someone please tell me I'm completely wrong for wanting to go out and dance? My boyfriend doesn't even dance! He's not much fun when it comes to these kinds of things. Please someone give me advice if I'm wrong or not for wanting a girls night out plus my brother. Thank you!
If there is no age limit for entering the club, then there should be no reason you can not go. It wouldn't be the wisest thing to go alone. Since you say you won't be alone, then go.
No one can tell you what to do where you must do it. We have have the right to make our own decisions. Some of us however give away the control of decisions regarding our self and our life to another person. Or another person presumes to attempt taking control of someones life with out it having been willingly given.
In this case, it's sounds to me like the boyfriend may be trying to decide for you by forbidding you to go, which is trying to control your life. If this is the only situation in which he makes decisions for you then it's not a big problem yet. If he does, and you don't want him deciding for you, call him out on that and tell him that he can make suggestions but under no circumstance will you tolerate him ever assuming to tell you what do to ever again. And if he does...dump him.
His statement that only single girls have business being at a club is merely His opinion. People around the world have all sorts of opinions. Just because they have these opinions doesnt make them true. His statement in any case doesnt hold any water. Why do I say that?
He considers you to not be single because you are dating him. If we go by his logic...then in reverse that means he also has no business going to the club cus he is not single...no matter what his age is. Do you see how unfair that is?. Its a case of "do as I say, not as I do".
I think your boyfriend may be seeing clubs as only a place to go and pick up someone, hook up, or at the very least, just flirt with some people.
Apparently he doesn't see clubs as a place to go with friends and enjoy yourself for the night.
More likely is that he has low self confidence and is afraid and thats where jealousy comes from. If he's so jealous at just the thought of you going there, then I'd have to say something is wrong.
Hopefully you aren't leaving out any pertinent information but in answer to the question, Is it wrong for wanting to go out and dance?
There's nothing wrong with going out dancing. I had an ex husband who didnt like to dance. If we went out to a place that would have dancing and went alone without others both male and female, then there was going to be little chance of me getting to dance unless I danced alone. If he doesn't like to dance, its not a big thing if he was okay with you accepting a dance offer if someone asked. I have done that, but didn't purposely go and ask guys to dance. But you already know its not going to be okay with him. So if he goes alone for his birthday and you go separately showing up with your friends and brother, there is going to be trouble, you know that. It might be a good thing, give you the opportunity to let him know if he starts trying to talk to you in controlling ways or grabbing you to take you out the door or do anything you don't like.
Personally, if I were you, I'd question why I am with someone who isn't any fun to be with.
The best relationships are ones where the male and female are best friends first and foremost...but what he's doing isn't treating you like a best friend. He is being selfish and controlling. Think on that and decide if you will stick with him or break up. If you break up, you can always tell him if he protests at your appearance at the club that he can't complain. According to his logic, you are now single and able to attend cus you broke up with him.
I asked a question about a guy who works in d same company as I do and who has a girlfriend and treated me badly after the 2nd date..... well since we got to work after the incident we haven't talked. we said hello the first day to act like nothing happened so that people don't know, but the following days we haven't said hi we dont greet each other but we don't say a word.my heart beats every time I bump into him, I don't want to keep malice with him bcos its not good but at the same time I don't want to talk to him so that he doesn't feel like I wanted to all this while . I am the front desk officer in my company and I always greet everyone when they come in, but since the incident I haven't had the courage to do that to him.. Is this being childish because he also hasn't made any efforts to talk to me or apologise over wat he did....what should I do
You said you always greet everyone when they come in. I understand that being important if it's non employees/visitors arriving at the front desk. But in your job description, were you told you were required to acknowledge in some way the appearance or passing by the front desk of every single employee. I worked in a large company and our front desk person was not required to greet each one of us as we left for lunch or came back, he was sometimes on the phone or chatting with one of the employees who stopped to visit, and sometimes he might nod, glance or smile whether busy or not.
If you are not told you have to greet everyone, then if it makes you uncomfortable to acknowledge him at all, then don't do so. In my mind, he doesn't deserve such common courtesy from you, when he is the @-hole that he is, he certainly hasn't earned it. He won't make efforts to talk or apologize...I've known people like that. So likely you don;t need to smile nod or say hi even.
I figure that likely just the glimpse of him is enough to bring back bad memories and your experience is still fresh in the memory.
Any uncomfortable feelings you have are likely a gut reaction coming from your subconscious mind, where all our feelings and emotions are. Your subconscious mind also runs body functions while you sleep, does stuff for you that you don't have to think about like taking your next breath or where you place your next step. It also has great concern for your welfare and remembers any bad past experience and will react with feelings in a self defense mode. What you might try is talking to yourself (if you aren't already in that habit) and reassure your sub mind which I feel is also much like our inner child, that you will never get back together with that guy, and you will not ever knowingly put yourself in such a situation again. Tell yourself that the moment you recognize someone that have those same traits, you will protect yourself by not approaching them to begin with, or if with them, leaving at once. You will have to reassure your inner self several times. Speak this out loud to yourself before you arrive at work and under your breath as you catch a glimpse of his approach past the desk. Eventually you should find your inner self calming and trusting you. And the rapid heart beat from adrenaline (the fight or flight --self preservation instinct) should also go away.
Okay so i figured out my sexuality but i dont think there’s a name for it
For girls, same as always, sexually and romantically attracted always
But with guys, never sexually attracted, but only romantically attracted if i share a close bond with them (like demiromantic but only with guys)
Does anybody know what this could possibly be?
(14f btw)
I have heard of this description from females before of their sexuality.
I have also met older adult females who described themselves as bi sexual and found variations under that label.
Normally we'd think a female would have to like sex equally from women and men to be considered bi sexual. The majority of these women had a husband but he was the only male she was sexual with but had multiple female sex partners. Many said the husband provided the emotional/romantic needs she had and the sex was included, but she had no attraction to other men. However her main source of sexual satisfaction was from females.
So you can call it a variation of bi sexual, wanting only romance from guys which is the emotional support but in time may be open to full relationship with one male but have multiple female sex partners. A label is not really needed. Just explain to others if needed as you explained here. But romance evokes feelings and feelings c ome from our emotions so its emotional needs you go to males for.
Good lluck deare.
Recently my best guy friend had a falling out and now I kind of been in a depressed mood lately. As sweet as my guy friend is he is just a big pathological liar. He feels the need to lie to impress people. He also feels the need to shower me with unwanted information of his girlfriend. So we were talking on facebook a few weeks ago and he sent me a picture of her randomly saying shes pretty. She is supposedly Japanese so the picture was of this Japanese girl that looked to be a model and I had an eery feeling ive seen it on the internet before. So I told my sister and she went out of her way to search it up and found it on Japanese hairstyling websites and more then 700 results on google. So we confronted him about it and he got pissed off saying he wasn't lying to us and that he doesn't know how its on the internet (mind you he said the girl doesn't use the internet and doesn't have a phone or laptop). So he got angry and got one of his friends (that happen to be a girl) and added her to th group chat and she went off telling us that the girl is real and that he isn't lying and that we should get over it. The thing is....we didn't say the girl wasn't real we said the PICTURE was. So he went and told this girl something that we didn't even said and it just started a lot of drama. My friend has lied to me before and I have forgiven him a few times but he made a promise that he would never lie to me again and now im just done with him and done giving him second chances. The problem is that 1.he keeps messeging me saying he "needs someone to talk too" (we always talked to eachother about problems we were going through. That how close we were) 2. He hasn't owned up to what he did and is in a denial 3. I am a very forgiving type of person and holding a grudge against someone literally drives me crazy because I fee; guilty and angry at the person. I just don't know what to do anymore.....
You will have to decide for yourself if it's acceptable for anyone to lie to you. If people should not lie to each other, then it's even more serious if the person lying to you is a friend, not a stranger.
I understand where you are at, being a forgiving person and probably loyal too, through thick and thin, same as me. That is what makes it hard to shut someone like this out of your life for a while or perhaps for good, really depends on them. WHat puts things into perspective for me is to put my own welfare first...no it's not being selfish to do so. In fact if looking at something Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself" most of us focus first on the love your neighbor part. However, theres that little word AS. As you are already loving yourself. Basically, we're being told that we need to be able to love ourselves first before we'll even have a clue how to love our neighbor. If being loving to yourself is removing yourself from the drama and he always brings drama, then it would seem that the best thing for now is to not talk to him, other than to tell him why you are choosing not to talk to him. You can be honest and tell him that you are tired of the drama and it's bring unwanted stress into your life. Don't close the door on him forever but make some boundaries, or requirements rather that he needs to meet before you will resume your friendship with him, otherwise it will be on hold. Then spell out what you expect from him. I can't tell you what it is you should say. But perhaps he tells so many lies cus he thinks his own life is boring or he's not interesting, maybe low self image...you may have a better idea if this is the case. If he has broken his promises to never lie to you again, then tell him that he needs to work on himself before approaching you for friendship and that one thing he needs to work on is to learn to keep his word. His promises are empty words right now, and he has killed your trust in him so that he now would need to start all over building trust in you. You said he hasnt owned up to what he does. Call him on that. Until he is ready to own up to the fact that he is a habitual liar and ready to stop doing that, you are not interested in hearing from him. It may be more than a bad habit, in which case he may not be able to improve here without the help of a licensed counselor. He may have deeper emotional issues that are causing him to do this that he may not even be aware of. If it's appropriate for the situation, you'd know whether to suggest professional help.
Good luck dear.
I have a relationship with a guy that seems to be ok.But for no reason there are sometimes that i feel afraid of him.He hasn't done anything but he looks kind of rum.I don't know if I believe that he would never harm me.What should I do?
You didnt share much so it's hard to give you any real helpful advice. Dont know how long you've been in the relationship but feeling comfortable and trusting someone is not an instant benefit that appears the moment you start to date. It is something that happens over time, through experiences whereby you know what he is like 24/7 in all circumstances, how does he handle stress, crisis, unexpected things, What irritates him, is he easy to anger, or is he laid back and easy going and patient? What's he act like when sick, sad, upset, etc...and how does he treat you during all those situations. If you have a guy who treats you well and doesnt use you as his outlet for stress by dumping on you, then he's doing pretty good. Not many people can do that, and even less teens are able to.
I do not know what you mean by looking rum. But I have lived long enough to have on many occasions discovered I could not assume something was up or that a person didn't like me by the look on their face if that happens to be one of their normal relaxed facial looks. When I am relaxed, I tend to look very intense, almost like I am frowning but inside,however I am cheerful, just really focused mentally on what I am doing, like when I am concentrating on my answers for advice.
Hubby has asked on many an occasion if I was okay. LOL
One of the best ways to know what is up is to do just as my husband does and ask in a friendly tone. "You have a strange look on your face, is everything okay?" and if not okay, then "Oh sorry to hear. Is it something you like to talk about to get off your chest?" You dont have to provide solutions, just be a listening ear.
Try having more in depth talks, not the surface level sharing of gossip about others, facts about favorite music, bands, movies, occurances at school, the weather, etc.... all those things do nothing to let you know more about each other like hobbies, goals, beliefs, wishes, dreams, what most embarrassing moments were, how you handled it, what you wnat to improve about yourself...that sort of stuff.
If the first thing you think of going into a relationship is fearing the worst, personal harm, every time you start dating, then there may be another issue going in within you. Hopefully you didn't come from a dysfunctioal and abusive home as that could influence how you are feeling.
If I am totally off the mark and you have more information that could help us all better, then please rewrite your question or write to me giving additional info.
i am 17 years old n im dating this guy from the past 8 months. i have had sex with him many times ,it was alright and going well before 1 month but from the past 1 month he keeps ignoring me n when i ask him why he gives pointless reasons he says that hes busy because of college work ,we don't speak for days sometimes .is it because he has lost interest in me or something i love him a lot and don't want to loose him please give some advice what should i do to get him back the same way he was before.
I know it's not the same kind of love but if you have close girlfriends, BFFs, and you love them, You and they don't make excuses to not see each other and totally ignore the other when one is trying to make contact....or do you? This just isn't the way that someone who cares about you will act.
If indeed something has come up that is a perfect logical reason for not having the time, then it is common courtesy to let any person know why you can't meet with them, especially if its someone you are dating. And he is not doing that. So either he has no good manners, lacks relationship skills, or is hiding something, done with you and not forthcoming with the information.
I'll probably be the umpteenth person to say this to you, but guys this age are very much driven by their sexual urges and a good many of them are looking more for someone to fulfill their lustful sexual urges rather than trying to find someone whom they admire and care deeply about and then the sex is just a physical way to show that love.
People your age are usually not thinking too far into their future let alone are aware of what they are dating for or what might make the best long term future partner for them. Now is the time to start learning what you want in a guy..and compare that list to the guy you are with. You are not with a guy if he has walked away from you. There is no magic formula to make him grow up in a hurry and mature, or to fall in love again with you if he ever was in love.
Likely he has no idea what he wants in a girl either or for now, the latest visual attention grabber for sex is good enough. Whats going on here if he has lost interest in you so quickly is actually quite common in people. Young children have been doing this for quite a while. Remember the toy you absolutely had to have as a kid,you dreamt of it day and night and begged the parents and Santa for it. It held your attention like nothing else as long as you did not have it. Then you got it. You found it held your attention not forever as you thought it might, but only a week before it was ignored as the rest of your toys you no longer cared about. Basically that happens alot in relationships, more often than one might think, especially if one or both of the people just gut react when they see someone pretty/handsome and think..."I want that" just like the toy deal I mentioned. There's no thought towards what the two have in common, what their personality is, common goals, ideas, beliefs, likes, dislikes...etc and so there is nothing beyond the initial surface reaction of liking what one saw to hold a person to having interest in a person, slowly developing deeper feelings and eventually falling in love.
You can try to have a heart to heart talk with your guy. If no ground rules or boundaries were set in the beginning with the relationship, then perhaps let him know now what you expect and see if he will agree to them. If you want him to be honest with you, no matter if what he shares you dont end up liking, then ask for honesty. If you want him to communicate better, if he truly is busy you want to know what is going on and you will give him the needed time and space. If he has lost interest in you, as much as it will hurt, you want to know if thats so, and also why he believes he has lost interest. Let him know you'd rather have the truth than go blissfully on unaware and always hoping that there is some chance to continue the relationship. If you'd remain remain unaware of where you really stand, then you don't have to talk and ask a thing. And I don't believe there is anything else that can be done.
In my family my dad got in an injury and can't work, so my dad does what men feel the mother should do and my mom works. We have food on the table, clothes on our back, clean water to drink, a roof over our head, we splurge every now and then, have plenty of cool stuff, and me and my siblings are completely fine and healthy children. So why do men think this? The fact is, men and women both need each other to have children and keep the population going.
You are a very intelligent and observant young person to notice these things. Often young people are totally oblivious to the world around them, only the few things that catch their attention.
I will paraphrase something I read once in a book. It was covering the history of mankind as far as who had the control over who. The approach was to question how it is that men have their ideas of what jobs and roles are theirs and how men seem to have gotten control and rule over women.
Long long ago before there was any type of spiritual beliefs, early man took notice only of the things in his environment that were part of his life. He noticed the cycles of sun and moon, what type of clouds brought rain, different types of ground, rocky, sandy, loamy soil. And noticed that plants needed water, sun, good soil to live. When they got to the point of farming rather than being hunters and gatherers of what grew wild, they began to understand the power of Mother earth, when a seed was planted, that it brought forth a seedling, then a mature plant and finally the food to sustain them. In those times, the ones with more of the wild berries patches they claimed as theirs and more crops from farming would be able to feed his family through winter months and survive....it was all about survival back then. They also noticed that females had the same power as the earth as far as creating something with life. They may not yet have figured out how a woman became pregnant and therefore were in awe of her ability to create a living breathing human, a baby. Men were unable to do that. Having this special ability, gave males the idea that women were superior, not that they could be equals. They also in some cases feared females because of this magic, this power they wielded. They felt they were lacking in power until they figured that at least they had the strength of their muscles. And it was decided together that man would subdue women with their strength by force to control and rule them which never stopped babies from being born but made them feel a bit superior. Women began to be abused by rules, by a mans beating her if she didn't follow the rules. He told her what her role was, to cook food, clean house,in some cases create and build the house, raise kids, gather food, grow a garden, etc,,, and the only thing the man did was go hunting for meat and protect property from other groups of people who came to raid/steal from them.
Once we grew more civilized with towns and government, men could see from experience how well women could handle running a family, all those kids, and that extended to their tribe or village, she had better ideas than man could come up with, was more for avoiding war and conflict but resolving things. Males couldn't stand the fact that women could also run things better than they did. Not to say a man can't...just that he rather reacts to his testosterone than take time to carefully think and plan things out and accept counsel from women and come to a decision together that both the sexes are okay with.
Well, they feared again they would become unsuperior and used their strength to create laws and go for governing positions until women were pretty much locked out of leading governing roles other than just nurturing and raising the kids. After a few generations of male children seeing the males who lord it over the females, all they knew was to learn from example and assumed this was how it was supposed to be. Yet even so, there are still a few men sprinkled throughout the world, who instead of fearing womans ability to create life, as God created life, they actually rever her and look up to her, and at least in their hearts, worship her not like replacing God, but seeing her as one of Gods children that God gave a special ability and special traits that for the most part he did not have as a male, and knew darn well that if woman stopped giving birth not just to females but males too, then eventually the male population, not to mention all population would die out. Women hold the very existance of males in their ability to give birth. IF there was a way woman could be given power to choose the sex of her child, men may fear it entirely possible that females would no longer give birth to males, other than a few choice ones for sperm to keep the mostly female population going. I know it sounds a little far fetched but from studies done by historians, much of it they've been able to give good scientific evidence towards. In todays modern time where we have grocery stores with fresh food even in winter, we dont have to send our men out to 'bring home the bacon'....thats how the saying came about, men used to go hunting for animals to bring home the meat. Much of what we do for jobs involves nothing that directly involves a survival task. We used to have to make our own clothing from materials on the earth. Now clothes are made for us and we buy them. Since there is no survival issues, what we do is totally changes or sometimes reversed as to what the female vs the male does. It takes two very mature adults who can do this without having identity crisis or feeling one is more special than the other or fearing they have less importance now.
You are blessed to have parents who can do that.
How can things be equal again for the rest of population. Much of it depends on women, and it may take many dying to get the worlds view on woman to having equal ground with men as it should be. However, women fear retribution because of a males physical strength to beat her and force her to do something he wants. She also gives away control of her own life to a man to gain his attention and love. Pretty much selling herself short. YOung females start doing this at age 13, 14 in the dating field...prefering to stay with a terrible abusive boyfriend because they don't want to lose the status as girlfriend, their feelings of love and need and desire for that overule their clear thinking and they give their all to a guy allowing him to run her ragged, jumping to his every whim. YOung girls who dont dump such guys and demand better treatment help the imbalance of men seeing women as inferior to continue. I could go on and on.
So when a girlfriend who is being abused by her boyfriend laments to you, do your part to educate her to stand up to, demand better treatment or leave. We usually don't cus our nurturing tendencies make our heart get attached with feelings to a guy which they probably dont deserve and thats what complicates things.
I'm 13 and I have super heavy periods, they leak on my uniform, pjs, bed, towels, everything! Sometimes my friends and teachers at school see and it's embarrassing. Any advice?
Thanks!
My daughter had a friend that age with the same problem. Mother took the girl to a doctor who put her on birth control as a means to take care of the issue of heavier flow. Apparently something about the hormone therapy helps to normalize the flow.
As for leaking onto the bed, that happened to me no matter if it was a regular or heavy flow. Your pad is directly below the flow when you are awake, walking and sitting but next to the flow when asleep. That makes it easier to miss the pad and flow down to stain whatever is in its' path. It is a good idea to get a water resistant mattress cover for the mattress, like a large zippered pillow case that can be removed and washed if it gets stained. That is a hassle but worth it. When you do know you are flowing, fold an old towel in half under you in bed. If you don't move much in your sleep, there are disposable absorbant large squares to lay on top of at night, used most often for bed bound patients, elderly with incontinence, and works also for periods. However the plastic side to it can slip around under you as you move in your sleep. Buying extra long pads that cover not just under you but go up your backside a ways helped me, plus I positioned them starting a little further back at night. Have mom take you to see a Dr. about the heavier than normal flows.
How can i convince my girlfriend to have sex with me
Hon, Its not about convincing a girl to have sex just because you are physically attracted to her and wanting to take care of your sexual urges. That can be taken care of by masturbating. Yes, I know...maybe not as good as having a partner to enjoy sex with but it is a helpful way to do so.
Just because one has a lust for someone sexually doesnt mean you HAVE TO have sex. Unless the girl is one who is into taking care of her sexual urges the same way as guys, you are not going to find a girl who wants to give sex without there being some real relationship and real feelings there that are mutual. Most females are not into sex for lust sake but as a natural outcome of a loving caring relationship.
You may as well learn this now for the future if you ever want a long term and satisfying relationship with a girl in the future or even a possible marriage. Yes, sex is one of the important foundations of a relationship, but must not be a taking from one for satisfying ones own needs. Instead if should be a sharing with each other with each persons goal to sexually satisfy the partner they are in love with, before seeking their own needs. When that attitude is taken, both will enjoy that part of the relationship and it strengthens the relationship. Also equally important is loving the person for theirself, their personality, character, everything about what makes them who they are. Its very few young men who have learned to be a girlfriends best friend first, excercise self control and wait until both of you develop deep feelings for each other, feelings other than sexual urges. Both are important but you want to culture and nurture the other first. Its not a matter of pretending to be her best friend for a couple weeks or months and then pressuring a girl for sex, that is not right at all and and some point the girl will realize this and leave and you'll gain the reputation of a user, a player and perhaps many other girls will begin to avoid you.
Be smart. Use your youth, to date to get to find a girl who makes a perfect companion for you, that you can love and respect and treat gently. You will find you are more popular among girls and have the respect of more of them if this is who you are at core.
Hi there. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for several months now, (8 to be exact.)
I'll get straight to the point. So basically, I am her second boyfriend, and she's absolutely crazy about me. As of recent, she calls me her "partner" and soulmate. I feel extremely uncomfortable, and I don't feel the same way when she expresses these things. We have had arguments here and there, and when I suggest the thought of breaking up/leaving her. She starts crying, getting all emotions and saying things such as: "I don't want to ever lose you, I'd be in pain for the rest of my life, etc etc. I can't handle this anymore, and quite frankly, it's annoying. I'm afraid that if I break up with her, her parents will possibly take revenge on me. (Paranoid I know.) Seeing as I have a good relationship with them. Also, seeing as my girlfriend has her grade HSC trials (Here in Australia.) I don't want to leave her in a position where she stops functioning, and going to school.
What should I do?
Even if you are older than adviceman49 guessed, by watching my own daughters age range from 21 to 29, I can see that even throughout the twenties, there still is very little relationship experiences for a person to have matured enough to have understanding what to do, how to go about it, whats the purpose for dating, and what is the perfect partner and have no idea what they're looking for or what their end goal is.
So either way, even if you're not high school age, I agree with what he said. The time of dating and relationships is to discover what you do and don't like in a partner, remember to look for the good things you liked in the last person and avoid the bad points in the next person. By now her parents as older adults should know this.
You did say you have a good relationship with her parents. If she is indeed a teen and not an adult yet, her parents still have the parenting role over her and would be the ones to work with her and help her to understand that not all relationships are meant to be. It may sound scary to do this, but before approaching her again to make a final break for good, you might ask her parents to meet you to talk privately without her knowing first. Let them know it's important.
Tell them that although she is a very nice gal and had many qualities that attracted you at first, that no matter how much time you hang in there, that you feel she is not the right person for you. Let them know that you have tried to break up before and were concerned by her reactions. That you still care about her as a person, as a friend, but not as more than a friend which she is wanting from you.
And since you care about her as a person that is why you wanted to talk to them.
Tell them what occurred with the last time you tried to break off the relationship and what extremes you believe she may be capable of going to in the time after the breakup. You want them as her parents to know so they can be there for her and let them know when you will be telling her whether its later the same day or tomorrow.
If they are really good people, they will see your approach to talk to them and be honest and open as a very caring and mature thing to do, not just some young persons whim of the moment to break up...but that you have given this some thought. And though it may hurt to see you move on and leave their daughter, they should understand and at least have some respect for you for having approached and talked to them.
Hopefully they won't intrude as to ask what it is about their daughter that makes you want to end dating her. Most adult may wonder but be polite enough to not ask. However if they do ask, you could say that as her parents, you feel uncomfortable sharing that cus you know they love her. If they still want to kknow cus they feel it would help them in handling things after you leave, then share the qualities you are looking for, that she doesnt have in positive words, it's much easier recieved but peoples subconscious minds.
So instead of saying she is too needy you could say you're looking for someone independant, instead of her being clingy, you are lookin for someone with self confidence, and instead of overly emotional, someone who is more calm and logical and mature in their thinking and actions.
I think that since you are so caring, that there is no other way for you to break up with her that wouldnt leave you worried for her, unless someone else knew and could step in to comfort her, like her parents.
Even if she is an adult and can make her own decisions, her parents may appreciate knowing so they can still at least comfort her. Good luck.