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i made a HUGE mistake and need advice how what to do
i am a female and i have a boyfriend. i'm almost 17 and he's 16. we've been together for 5 months now. i went to a guy's house, we did have a short fling, but it's over now and he ended up trying to pressure me into things, i continuously repeated i didn't want to cheat and even ended up crying over it in front of him, but that didn't stop him and he threatened to make me walk home, i was about 40 minutes from my house and had no clue where i was. so i got scared and allowed him to do some things to me..i never kissed him or touched him. then he got rather aggressive at one point and had me pinned against the wall, my back to him and arms behind my back held by his body, pulled my hair back hard and place his hand over my neck. at that point i was frightened if i didn't let him go farther he'd do it anyway and well i got him to agree to keep all clothes on and nothing goes inside of me. well the next day i told my boyfriend, he was quite pissed and yelled at me, telling me how stupid i was and that i cheated..i honestly have no clue what to do because i NEED to make it up to him and at the same time i feel like he should break up with me. also i want him to hold me and tell me it's okay and that i'm safe, yet i don't want to be touched ever again.....what do i do about everything?
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Firstly stop having these 'short fling's . Your boyfriend cannot be blamed as you cheated him. If he forgives you, that would be your good luck.
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He sexually assaulted you, and that is grounds for arrest. Threatening and doing anything physical without consent is absolutely a legitimate reason to file a police report. Don't think about your boyfriend, think about YOU and your safety. Think of it this way- if you don't act, this asshole can go around doing the same things, if not worse things, to other girls.
This guy threatened you, held you forcefully and assaulted you. You did NOT "allow him to do things," he simply got away with it because you were too afraid to do anything. Your boyfriend is not being supportive of you-- he's immature and well, 16 years old. He's hurt but he is not keeping your best interest at heart.
For now, tell a trusted adult what happened--it does not have to be a parent- you can tell a school counselor. Have them guide you through the process. They can help you get through this, just by being there to listen to you. If you feel comfortable telling your parents, it would be a good idea to talk to a therapist about this because what happened to you is serious. Remember, you can and should absolutely file a police report against him. Don't be afraid to do so. He has no right to mistreat you or any other girl, this is called SEXUAL ASSAULT and it's a serious offense.
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You were sexually assaulted... If your boyfriend can't help you through that, he's an asshole. You should reach out to a counselor to help guide you through this.
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Never ever talk to that guy again. I'm glad he didn't pressure you into sex but it seems like since he got aggressive something could have happened more. I'm so sorry that happened to you, I can imagine that would be very scary.
As far as your boyfriend goes, I can understand why he's mad. Ask him to talk and explain that you were frightened and if you mean it, tell him you won't put yourself in a situation where you are alone with an old fling. Also tell him that you really care about him (if you do) and that if he needs time to think, you'll give it to him.
This was very short, and I could be entirely wrong. Cause I obviously wasn't there. But I hope that you know no matter how angry a guy gets you can always say no. Get yourself out of the situation as fast as you can. I hope the agreeing to doing anything wasn't a people pleasing thing or lack of self worth. And I really don't think it is! But just know that you deserve to be happy and this kind of thing I hope never happens again to you! If you need anythinng else, feel free to message me!
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It's not clear from your question whether the short fling you had was while you were with your boyfriend or not, and you also didn't say why you were at his house to begin with. Think about it from your boyfriends point of view - it does look bad I'm afraid, like you're trying to cover up cheating by blaming this other guy for forcing you into something.
The best you can do is explain what happened to your boyfriend, tell him how it has affected you in terms of being touched etc, and make him completely certain that you will NEVER see this other guy again. The rest is going to be up to your boyfriend: he may want to stay with you or he may not but that is up to him. At least if you do break up you will know not to put yourself in that position again.
In the meantime you should phone a rape crisis line or contact voluntary counseling services such as the Samaritans who can help you work through what has happened to you. If you are still with your boyfriend then ask him to be patient with you while you deal with it.
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What!? I can understand him being angry for you going out with someone else while dating him. But telling you that you were stupid? Even if he had a right to be hurt, he could have been.He got angry at you? He should have gotten angry at the guy for treating you that way if he really had feelings for you. So perhaps, the boyfriend doesn't care about you as much as you may think.
What is there that can 'make it up to him?'. Nothing really that is instant. All you can do is show yourself to be trustworthy and rebuilding trust after its broken can take much longer than it took the first time.
There is one thing though that I must say, if at the beginning of both of you entering this dating relationship, neither of you talked about ground rules between you for the relationship, establishing boundaries and rules and both agreeing to, then like most teens and college age dating couples, there was no verbal contract to be faithful to each other in the first place. It is a smart move to enter dating this way. You can ask him for another chance, apologize but if he is wanting to move on, theres not much you can do
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This is sexual assault. It might even met the legal definition of rape. Consent isn't actually consent, when it's only given out of fear, in the face of threats to do worse. You didn't say "Yes" to anything with him, you said "Yes, if you promise not to hurt me even more."
When you only agree to have sexual contact with someone because they threaten you - that's rape. You didn't cheat, and you don't need to make it up to your boyfriend. You need to tell a trusted adult, like your parents, and then the police, because you were violently victimized by this guy.
You had EVERY RIGHT to assume that you could be in this guys presence, and not be raped. You were not stupid. You thought he was a decent human being - not a rapist - and he proved that he was completely willing to threaten you, and even rape you.
Nothing you could ever do, means you deserved to be terrified, threatened, and sexually assaulted. No matter how stupid a choice you might make, it is never your fault when someone else acts like an inhuman monster. What this guy did to you was not okay, not your fault, and almost definitely criminal.
What your boyfriend said to you was ignorant and hateful. He is 100% in the wrong. He's an immature idiot, and an ass. He should have known better - a lot of guys don't - but he still should have. You didn't cheat. You were assaulted and abused, possibly raped. You don't OWE your boyfriend anything. He OWES you respect, and he failed you completely.
Tell an adult. You need their support, and to speak to someone about the shame and fear you are experiencing now. You didn't consent to this, if your consent was forced out of you with threats to your safety or threats of further violence. This guy needs to be stopped. You'll be doing him, and every woman he ever encounters in his life, a favour if you clearly label his behaviour for what it was - assault. He needs to learn, and if he can't learn, then he just needs to be punished.
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